Chapter one

A/n No I'm not dead! Just been working really hard in school so I haven't had time to write! I Apologize for being so lazy and…lazy. But I'm going to try to start updating my stories more often. So, hang in there!

August 31,

Today I had a really bad day, Karkat and his group of friends made fun of me all day today. I don't understand why they're so mean to me, I didn't do anything to them. I'm really starting to dislike them. Mom used to say that people that make other people sad, are only making them feel bad because they're sad.

I don't think he's sad though. I think him and his friends are just plain mean and angry. It makes me so angry because I don't understand, why is it only me? Why am I the only one they make fun of? It isn't right, it isn't fair!

I stared down at my diary entry that I wrote almost four years ago today. Cynical laughter escaped from between my lips as I continued to stare at the chicken scratch handwriting that marred the yellow page. I thought of how naïve I had been, I had been so innocent and stupid, oblivious to how the world actually worked. It wasn't until about three years ago that I finally grew up, learned that the world wasn't all unicorns and rainbows, that mom didn't actually make the monsters go away, that the good guy didn't always defeat the villain
That love conquered all…

No! I wouldn't think about that now, I had more important things to do today. I carefully placed my old journal under my bed and grabbed my backpack. I looked back at my alarm clock which told me that I had about ten minutes until the bus came to pick me up for school. I ran into my kitchen and made myself a peanut butter sandwich that I put in a small, brown, paper bag, before I grabbed a chocolate pop tart and rushed out towards the bus stop.

The air was really fucking cold this morning. Its only September it shouldn't be like freezing out here. I hoisted my backpack further up my shoulder until it was seated comfortably and ran into the Plexiglas shelter. There was only one other person waiting there this morning. I could plainly tell it was a troll. His long horns making a giant U on his head and his Mohawk-instead of giving him an intimidating appearance- made him look kind of cute and innocent. His smooth, gray skin contrasted sharply with the sharp points of his pearly fangs and the mixtures of red, orange, and yellow of his horns. He looked like an all around upbeat and overly cheery person.

Taking note of that I chose to sit as far away in the bus stop from him as I possibly could.

He looked over at me, and I could tell that he was thinking about starting a conversation with me. I sent him the best glare I could muster, hoping he'd catch the hint and back off… it didn't work.

"Hey, what's going on? My name's Tavros, what's yours?" I stared at him, trying to find the will to tell him that I honestly didn't care what his name was. But when I saw his small smile and that he was a disabled kid, I took pity on him.

"John." I decided not to answer his first question, hoping he'd take the initiative and stop talking to me…He didn't.

"Cool. I don't think I've seen you around the school. What year are you?"

I sighed, resigning myself to taking part in the conversation. "I'll be a junior this year."

He smiled, he did that a lot. "That's probably why then. I'll be a freshman this year. Oooh, the first year of high school is so exciting…hey, do you have any advice for me?" he looked at me with large, doe like eyes that I couldn't say no to.

"Sure. Stay the hell out of the way; try not to be noticed by anybody because if they even think you looked at them, they will torment you for the rest of your life." Best damn advice ever.

He looked shocked for a minute, and then he smiled again. Why the hell is he smiling? I just probably crushed his dream of having a terrific high school experience and he was grinning like someone had given him a puppy. "Oh. I don't think I'll have that problem. Most of the teachers at my middle school looked out for me, and my boyfriend goes to this high school. He's a junior this year too…"

My mind started to wander off, tuning out all of his excessive chatter. I didn't want to make him feel bad so I threw in a couple of nods and the occasion "hmph". That was until one name in particular immediately caught my attention.

"What about Gamzee?" I stared intensely at him again. He looked kind of nervous for a minute, his hands folded into his lap and he looked at the ground for a few seconds before looking at me again.

"Gamzee is my boyfriend. He's really amazing. He's so nice and thoughtful; he even spends more time with me than with Karkat, and Karkat's his Moirail."

At the mention of Karkat's name, I growled in the back of my throat. His head snapped up and his eyes went wide. He looked so pitiful right then it almost calmed me down…almost.

"Don't mention that fucker's name to me ever again. He, and I are not very good friends if you know what I mean. And I don't know you're completely stupid so I think you do."

He nodded his head so quickly for a second I thought it would give him whiplash. But then we settled into an awkward silence. Great, now I feel bad for upsetting him. I sighed and turned to face him. "Look, I'm sorry about yelling at you, it's just… Karkat and I don't get along very well, and by that I mean I hate his guts and wished he'd crawl back on his hands and knees to whatever slime hole he came out of and rot in it for the rest of eternity."

He nodded at me in understanding, "It's okay, it's a bad subject for you. I'm really sorry for bringing it up. I won't do it again." And then he smiled that smile again and my rage died away again. I don't know what it was but for some reason I couldn't stay mad at him. He was to nice, to…uncorrupted to stay angry at.

"It's okay. As long as you don't do it again I think there's a small chance we can get along."

He smiled even bigger and for a moment I could have sworn his smile would have eaten his face if it could. "A small chance is all I need. We're going to be the best of friends I can already tell."

I gave a grunt in response and turned back to where the bus was turning the corner. My body visibly tensed as I saw what else was coming around the corner.

"Sup motherfuckers?" There was only one creature, troll or human that I knew that could be so lewd as to greet others that way.

"Gamzee!" I heard Tavros shout as he wheeled himself over to him. He caught my apathetic expression and gave a small frown at it, before engaging in a conversation with Gamzee about things I don't care about. I was less than excited about seeing Gamzee here. Because where there was Gamzee…

"Hello John, it's been a long time hasn't it? How have you been? Not that I really care."

There was Karkat.