This would be my probably pathetic attempt at humor. So please review because I don't think I'm good at humor, and could use to know how bad it is. That way I can avoid trying to futilely put in more humor than I can pull off and ruin the whole thing.
It's also not a genre I normally write, but I just realized that I don't remember seeing any of this wrapped up. If I'm wrong, please keep quiet about it and don't burst my happy little bubble.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Anyone who says differently is lying.
Read and review.
The whole Sensui fiasco was wrapped up, with all the bad guys involved either reformed or dead. Perhaps it'd been a bit much to have to go to the Makai to finish it, but that wasn't the point. The Reikai Tantei could resume lives as close to normal as possible given who they were, until it was time to thwart the next apocalypse.
"Do you guys get the feeling we're forgetting something?" asked Kuwabara, rather dumbly, though only Yusuke and Kurama were paying enough attention to hear him.
"Eh you worry too much. I'm sure it's nothing or we would've remembered it, right?" Yusuke replied in a cocky, carefree manner. After all, he'd just defeated Sensui and was now an S-class half demon. And he was with Keiko, that was probably part of the reason he didn't give it a second thought, but Yusuke was just plain reckless most of the time.
"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about Kuwabara, everything's wrapped up," Kurama assured him, though a bit distracted by some things, such as the many barely averted deaths, particularly those of his friends.
"If you're sure, but I still get the feeling we're forgetting something," Kuwabara replied, glancing back at the cave one last time before deciding his teammates were probably right.
Three Years Later
Yusuke picked up his ringing cell phone, really annoyed at the caller's timing. The reason he was taking the call anyway: he had nothing better to do.
"Moshi moshi, Yusuke here."
"Yusuke, it's Kurama. Are you still in touch with Koenma?" was the reply from the phone, startling Yusuke.
"Kurama? Why're you calling?" asked Yusuke, ignoring the question. He'd thought Kurama was on vacation with his family this week.
"I just got back from my trip. Can you get in touch with Koenma or not?"
"I suppose. Why?"
"There's trouble," Kurama replied, saying the last thing Yusuke wanted to hear.
"I don't want to hear it Kurama. I'm retired from being a Spirit Detective. No more preventing apocalypses."
"So you don't want to hear that the cave where I left elder Toguro suffering in agony for the rest of eternity is opening for tourism?"
"Oh shit."
"Yes, that's the reason I want to get in touch with Koenma. Toguro needs to be moved into Spirit World custody."
"When?"
"Wednesday," Kurama replied, making it even worse. They had two days.
Yusuke had not wanted to deal with this today. "I'll call Botan. Get over here in ten minutes."
"Thanks," Kurama replied before hanging up.
Yusuke walked away from the phone and yelled downstairs, "Oi Keiko, where's the thing you use to talk to Botan?"
Keiko waited for him to come downstairs before asking "Why do you need it?"
"More Spirit World disaster prevention," Yusuke said with an annoyed sigh.
"It's in the third drawer under the kitchen counter."
"Thanks," Yusuke said, running off to get it.
"I thought he was retired," Keiko complained to herself with a sigh.
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"Hey Botan, get Koenma on for me," instructed Yusuke as soon as Botan was on the screen, much to her annoyance.
"What is it Yusuke, I thought you were retired," complained the talking baby that came on screen.
"Kurama says the cave where we left elder Toguro to suffer for the rest of eternity is going to open to tourists in two days," Yusuke replied bluntly.
"Nani!?" Koenma demanded like he was starting to panic.
"You heard me. We need to get that tree thing out so you can take Toguro into custody or whatever."
"Why didn't you tell me this sooner!?"
"'Cause I didn't know sooner!" Yusuke exasperatedly replied to Koenma's demand. "Sounds like Kurama got here; I'll let you yell at him."
Kurama came up and picked up the compact thingy only to answer to a shouting baby prince.
"Kurama! What's the meaning of this?!"
"Apparently some company decided they could make money if they opened Demon's Door Cave for tourism. Seeing as the chamber where the portal was is the biggest in the network, I'd assume it'll be included on the tour. I think we'd all rather not have anyone find Toguro caught in my Sinning Tree, or worse, released from it with a chain saw or something."
"Fine. Go get your tree and we'll open a portal in the cave," Koenma ordered grudgingly.
"Well, you see, it's not as easy as that. Once a Sinning Tree has taken root and gotten a victim, it's very hard to move them at all. While I could as a plant manipulator, I'm afraid there's a high chance that Toguro would be released if I tried," Kurama admitted.
"You just love making things harder for His Royal Shortness, don't you Kurama?" Yusuke asked with an amused smirk.
"Don't forget Yusuke, you're probably going to have to deal with this too," Kurama replied, making Yusuke's smirk instantly vanish with a groan. This made Kurama don an amused look.
Yusuke groaned, "You have got to be kidding me."
"How long do we have to figure something out?" interrupted Koenma.
"Two days."
Koenma growled in frustration before barking to George the ogre, "Go get Ayame and tell her I need her at once to find some files for me!"
George ran off at once to avoid getting yelled at further.
-------
"What does Koenma need me for?" Ayame asked George reasonably, considering he'd been rather panicked.
"He needs you to find some files. Something about moving some guy that was left to suffer for the rest of eternity before he's opened as a tourist attraction."
Ayame looked at him weirdly and ran off to get her job from Koenma, while around the corner was Hinageshi, who overheard the message.
-------
"Ayame, I need you to find all available files on the Sinning Tree," Koenma ordered, getting a look from Kurama that went unnoticed.
She ran off to get the files from the giant Reikai archives, and just after she left George came back, not having bothered to come as quickly as Ayame did, thinking he could claim he was in the bathroom or something.
"Er Koenma, should we tell your father about this? I mean, it could lead to the Ningenkai discovering demons, so I think he'd want to know about it. ." asked George.
Koenma glared at him before retorting "No you idiot! Remember what happened last time something happened that involved my father? I was exiled and he tried to kill Yusuke, and since this involves several of the old Reikai Tantei, that'd be a bad idea!"
"Sorry sir, just asking."
"Well don't. It was a stupid question."
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"It's true! I heard the old Spirit Detectives are being called in to stop some humans that are somehow being sustained in eternal torment in Makai before they're put on as a tourist attraction," Hinageshi announced to three other Shinigami.
"Then the demons have some invention that can maintain a state of suspended frozen animation with homosapians?" asked the second, clearly either the smart one or trying to show off.
"Uh, yeah, sure, let's go with that."
"Unbelievable," said the second again.
"Yeah, a bit too much. You're just lying to get attention," accused the first.
"No, I swear it's true! I heard it when George was telling Ayame what Koenma needed her to find files on!"
"Whether it's true or not, it is interesting," the third commented.
"Why doesn't Koenma just have his new Spirit Detectives take care of it? I know the mission is in Makai, but surely they can handle it fine. Especially if they get some new Detective Gadgets or whatever those things are called."
Hinageshi thought for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe it's related to one of their old cases. Or maybe the criminal is some A class demon!"
"Somehow I doubt that," said the first one again before walking away.
"Anyway, we gotta go. You're lucky you don't have to ferry souls much since you're still a trainee," said the third as the two walked away.
---------------
"Hey Hana, did you hear? All of the old Spirit Detectives got called back so they could prevent an A class demon from opening an experiment to the public of Makai. Apparently one of the demons found a way to freeze human time. They're just gonna suspend life for the humans but leave them conscious, and then torture them for the rest of eternity! And if he isn't stopped, this technology could be used by the demons to take over Ningenkai!" proclaimed another ferry girl to the assistant of the current Spirit Detectives.
She'd heard the message from Ayumi, who was told about it by Karin, who got it from Mizui, who overheard the second shinigami Hinageshi was talking to tell Chihiro about it.
----------------------
"Ok Kurama, do you have a plan on how to get your damn tree out before they open the caves?" Yusuke asked.
"Of course. As well as several back-up plans, though I don't know the probability that any of them will work. Anyway, we'll have to go try them in about an hour."
"Fine. I called Kuwabara over. When I told him what was going on he shouted that he'd told us so, but anyway. He'll meet us there; I figured his sword might come in handy."
Kurama raised an eyebrow, "What does he mean, 'he told us so'?"
"Oh, you remember when we were leaving that cave and he looked back and said he was sure that we were forgetting something, he said that's what he was talking about," Yusuke replied lazily.
"Figures he'd remember something like that. If only we'd listened to him then though, we would've realized he was right."
"Yeah, well, too late for that, so whatever. Still, I really wish we didn't have to go to all this trouble."
"I know Yusuke. You've been complaining about it since I got here."
"Yeah, well, I'm still mad."
"Let's just go," said Kurama as he headed out to the car. In the past three years he'd stayed with his mother in Ningenkai, he'd gotten a driver's license and a car. He'd insisted on paying for it himself, but his mother wouldn't let him, with college funds already mostly coming out of his pocket and all.
"Since when do you have a car Kurama?"
"I got it two years ago so I could be at more liberty to travel between my university and home. I ended up going to a university over five hours from here, so I have to board."
"You mean you actually left your mom? No offence Kurama, but you're one the biggest mama's boy I've ever met. Which is kinda weird, since you're nineteen now. And a demon"
Kurama glared at him for that. If there was one thing the fox could be called, it was loyal to his mother. Just because Kurama was proud of that fact didn't mean he appreciated being teased about it though. "I'm impressed Yusuke, I hadn't realized you knew what the word 'offence' meant." Kurama gave rebuttal as they started driving.
"Hey, you know Keiko insisted I finish high school. Still don't think I need it, but whatever."
"If you don't like it, then please refrain from commenting on my relationship with my mother, I happen to care about her greatly. Anyway, we'll be at the cave within an hour."
----------
"Koenma, here's the data you requested on the Sinning Tree. I'm afraid this is all I could find," Ayame said, approaching Koenma's desk and giving him the files on Kurama's plant.
Koenma sighed. He really wished that Kurama had used something easier to move. A plant with more data on it too would be nice.
The Spirit World archives were as big as downtown Tokyo, and all the data there on the Sinning Tree was currently on Koenma's desk. A book with a small section on it, and two rather small articles. Three small files. Great. At least it wouldn't take him forever to read through them all.
----------------------
"How're you guys doing?" called Kuwabara as they got out of the car. He'd somehow managed to get there before them. Not that that was surprising, on the way over, Yusuke and Kurama had run into some incidents.
Namely, running into Kurama's fan girls, who swarmed them for an hour. Eventually they got away, after some delay, loss of pride, and some sleep-inducing pollen from some flower or another that Kurama had stowed in his hair.
After that they'd hit a huge traffic jam. Yes, despite all the power of the human incarnation of Youko Kurama and an S-class demon lord, they were still restricted by traffic made by lots of mere ningens.
"Fine. Shall we get going then?" Kurama stated as he started walking towards the large, ominous opening in the ground.
"Hey, how're we going to find our way down there?" asked Kuwabara.
"Yeah, that's a good question. You got a plan for that too Kurama?"
"Of course. I got a map of the caves from the internet. It was made before we went in there, but we shouldn't have any trouble. It's not like this area gets earthquakes."
"Why didn't you mention that sooner? You had me all worried for nothing!"
"Really Kuwabara, I thought you could just use your sixth sense to find your way to where Toguro is. I didn't realize you were that useless, have you been slacking off while I was gone?"
"What was that Urameshi?! Just say that again, and I'll pound you into the ground!"
"Yeah right, you've never been able to beat me. And think about it, do you really want to take on an S class demon?" Yusuke asked, his smirk showing a hint of fang. Kuwabara looked like he wanted to take back the challenge, except that would mean he was afraid. And he, the mighty Kuwabara, couldn't show that he was afraid of Urameshi!
"Calm down you two. I don't have the intention of having to babysit you this whole time."
"Sorry Kurama," Kuwabara said, looking a bit shamed at the reprimand.
Yusuke on the other hand, carelessly said, "Yeah, yeah Kurama. Whatever."
"Good. I'm glad we all agree. By the way, we're supposed to turn right here. You're going the wrong way." Neither Yusuke nor Kuwabara had seen Kurama pull out that map. It seemed as if he pulled it out of nowhere. Or possibly his pocket, but that's not as interesting a conclusion.
--------------------------
"Guess what, the old Reikai Tantei are coming out of retirement for another eighty years because they all got together and attempted some crime against Spirit World! They were going to try to help some demon that was going to publicly display humans somehow suspended in eternal torment to the public in Makai! Since they're too powerful to defeat, Koenma's making them do community service till then!" ranted Izimina to one of the ogres that was off duty for a couple hours.
-------------------
"Okay, so what's the first plan?"
"Well, first you need to call Botan and have her open a portal to Spirit World. I can't do anything useful if there's no one here to take Toguro into custody Yusuke."
"Fine," Yusuke agreed, taking out the compact communicator. Even after all these years, he still resented it for its feminity.
"Hey, why not just let me do that with my sword? Like that time in the portal?"
"Kuwabara, a psychic barrier and the natural barriers between worlds aren't the same thing. I doubt it is in your power to do that. Besides, what use is moving the tree if there's no one there to take Toguro into custody?"
"Oh. Right."
Suddenly, a portal opened behind Kuwabara, making him jump in surprise and small into Yusuke. For barely a second they were laying in a rather suggestive position, before Yusuke threw Kuwabara off and jumped to his feet, glaring at Kurama to dare him to comment.
Kurama refrained from saying anything, the hint of a smile the only sign he'd seen it at all.
"So boys, you got any ideas on how we're going to do this?" asked a girl's voice with a slight accent.
"Hi Botan. We're just waiting for Kurama to try something," Yusuke replied over the screams of the elder Toguro that had been sounding for the last three years.
Or maybe he wasn't making any sound because there was no one there to hear him. Oh well.
"Yes Yusuke, I'm getting to it. I'd appreciate it if you three would move over there so there aren't any accidents," Kurama said, and the all moved rather promptly.
-------------------
"You'd never believe it, but the old Spirit Detectives are being forced into community service for the next hundred eighty years for teaming up with an A class demon who's attempting to take over Ningenkai using some sort of device that can use ki to suspend humans in eternal agony so they're forced into servitude. If it wasn't for one of their teachers finding out, they would've already gone ahead with the plan! Ningenkai would probably have been taken over by now!"
-----------------------
Forty-five minutes and quite a good amount of youki later, Kurama was on plan H for what Kuwabara had dubbed "Move the insane demon guy you put in eternal pain into custody before the tourists find out".
Needless to say, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Botan were bored, and Kurama wasn't having much luck.
"You should be glad that Kaito guy isn't here, he'd make some comment about how you're supposed to be a genius, but can't even manage this."
"Yusuke, I don't think Kaito would be stupid enough to comment on the use of youki, which he knows nothing about. Please be quiet so I can concentrate."
"Sure. Whatever. Hurry up though; I'm bored out of my skull."
"Be careful to stay in your head Yusuke, we can't have you dying on us again. Keiko would throw a fit," joked Botan.
"Botan, not now. I don't think me dying again is much of a joke."
"Well I can't think of anything else to do besides annoy you two."
"Well don't."
"Guys, will you please stop arguing. After plan C when Toguro almost got loose, I'd rather not have any trouble concentrating."
"Yeah guys, Kurama needs to concentrate," Kuwabara reiterated.
"Oh shut up Kuwabara. Go on Kurama, let's see this plan. . . what was it, plan R? No, that's not right. Plan L maybe? No it was earlier than that. Oh yeah, you were on plan H, right?"
"Yes Yusuke. I'm on plan H. Would you please not rub it in, I'm rather annoyed at my lack of success as well. Besides, I need your help for this one."
"Really? What for?"
Kurama suppressed a smirk as he said, "Well you see, I need someone to sacrifice to the Sinning Tree's roots. In consuming their life force, it will become distracted enough for me to move it. Your ki would be sufficient for me to get Toguro and the tree all the way into his cell without having to worry whatsoever."
"What?! Sacrifice?! Kurama, what the hell are you talking about?!"
At that point, Kurama gave up and started chuckling. "It was a joke to get you back for distracting me. Now if you don't mind, be quiet. That is actually a way to get this to work, so don't make me resort to that plan."
"Kurama! That wasn't funny! Just get Toguro moved so I can get the hell out of here and go home."
"Very well. Let's proceed to plan H then."
---------------------------
"Koenma, there's a message from Botan that Kurama succeeded in making the plant-thingy mobile. Yusuke says to get whoever's in charge of transferring Toguro into the cell over there."
"Okay, send a team of five combat shinigami in."
-------------
"Botan, guess what I heard!" called one of the ferry girls as she was assisting the group getting Toguro into his cell. She'd just started her current job and was in a completely different section than Botan, but they'd met before.
"I heard that the three demonic former Spirit Detectives are being imprisoned for the next fifty years, and then put on probation for one hundred eighty years after that for teaming up with an S class demon to take over Ningenkai using some kind of new device that can suspend humans in eternal torment and agony, so they have to submit! If it wasn't for the fact that one of them was using the captive demon girlfriend of the human one for sex against her will, he wouldn't have found out and the three detectives and the other demon would rule Ningenkai by now! And the illiginamate child of the other two was going to be trained to kill Koenma!
"But you probably already knew all that since you were their old assistant and all. Um, Botan, why are you looking at me funny like that?"
"What the hell was that about?!"
"I'd like to know that as well. If there are. . . less than polite rumors being spread about me, I think it'd be better to know what they are."
"Gah! What the hell?! One of you is using my precious snow bunny Yukina for sex against her will?! How could you?!"
"Kuwabara, none of us did that. And shouldn't you be more worried about the 'take over Ningenkai' part of that rumor? Which is false, by the way."
"I bet it's Hiei, I've seen him staring at her! And god knows the shrimp is too much of an antisocial creep to get some action for himself!"
Yusuke was torn between being angry at Kuwabara believing something so idiotic, and bursting out laughing at the hilariousness and irony of Kuwabara's comments.
"Kuwabara! Shut the hell up! We didn't do any of that stuff, not the take over Ningenkai stuff, not the eternal torment of humans stuff, not the kid being trained to kill Koenma, and not the thing with Yukina! Calm down already!"
"Hey Botan, who are those guys and what are they arguing about?" asked the girl, who'd been rather oblivious up till now.
"Well, I think they're angry about the rumor you just said about them, which is by the way completely false, so you go back to Spirit World right now and tell everyone who's heard that rumor that it's completely and totally untrue!"
"What?" the ferry girl squealed.
"You heard me! Now hop to it!"
"But, there were over a hundred people who heard!"
"Then you'd better get started, and apologize to the boys!"
The girl turned to face the three boys before looking horribly embarrassed and frightened and saying, "I'm sorry about the rumor." She then quickly flew off, not even sure if they'd heard her. Personally, she didn't care.
"You hear that Kuwabara? Now stop it, that's just some stupid, false rumor!"
"Oh. Right."
"Now that that's settled, let's get Toguro into custody."
"Wait, why should I believe that none of that's true?!"
"Kuwabara, shut up you idiot," Yusuke said as he promptly hit his friend on the head for his stupidity.
One Week Later
"Moshi Moshi, Minamino-Hatakana residence, Minamino Shuichi speaking."
"Oh is it, I thought your name was Kurama," was the muffled reply, startling Kurama for a second until he realized who it was.
"Yusuke, don't do that. For one thing, my stepbrother is also named Shuichi. It wouldn't be good for him to hear something like that, would it?"
Yusuke laughed. "Alright Kurama, fine. Have you looked at the Tourism section of the newspaper though? On page 7?"
"No," Kurama said as he went to look at the aforementioned newspaper and see what Yusuke was talking about. Once he'd open to the page and seen what Yusuke was referring to, he said in a very tight, unamused voice, "You mean we did all that for no reason whatsoever?"
"That's what I said! Only with some cuss words. Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it?"
"Yusuke, no one ever said life was fair."
There on the page was a large color ad that said, "DUE TO TECHINICAL ISSUES, DEMON'S DOOR CAVE WILL NOT BE OPENED FOR TOURISM. WE'RE VERY SORRY, MUSHIYORI CITY TOURISM."