Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara or the songs from which the chapter titles came from. I do, however, own all OC's.
Pairings: One-sided Kairi/OC, Kairi/ Amu
OC information: A girl named Maru Nikaidou. She is Yuu Nikaidou's little sister and Kairi's best friend. She is unofficially a Guardian as she hangs around the male ones so much. She doesn't really like hanging around with girls as she thinks they are bitchy and annoying.
Other OC's: Chikako Amakawa (Tsukasa Amakawa's daughter) and Misaki Mashiro (Rima's twin sister)
Time period: When Kairi confesses to Amu.
((I'm back, guys! And in case you haven't noticed, I've been working on my writing style. Shivaun18's been helping me. Hopefully I've gotten better. Just, you know…a little…))
Kairi's confession still hangs heavily in the air. He loves his beautiful Guardian girl. He loves her now. He always will. Until the end of time. And when he comes back, he's going to be a man worthy of her love. If I wasn't paying attention to who he was looking at, or the name he mentioned, I would have thought he was talking to me. His Guardian girl. But unfortunately, I was.
And I'm not the girl he loves.
"Oops, I broke it," I can imagine him saying monotonously, staring at the broken remains of my heart. "Oh well. It was useless anyway."
Amu looks adorably shocked. Even from here, I can tell her shock is making him fall even deeper in love with her. She opens and closes her mouth several times, but nothing comes out except a few stutters.
"Um – I – that is-"
Kairi is still drinking her up with his eyes. She's beautiful, anyone could tell you that. But there's one thing that flaws her in my eyes.
"Look at this girl," I imagine him saying, smirking at me in that familiar smirk that makes my heart twist painfully. "Take note of how she's not you."
She's the one who has his heart. And I'm not.
Thankfully, instinct kicks in for me and it's like a wall is slid over my face. Every emotion is drained from my face, leaving it as blank as a new white board. I've never been so grateful for my instincts, because if it didn't…Kairi would be able to tell how he destroyed me. How every word he spoke was like a dagger in my heart.
I imagine him staring incredulously at the small pile of dust he's reduced my heart to. "Wow. I didn't know I could do that. Interesting. I wonder what else I can do?"
Kairi gives Amu a smile filled with love. She returns it for a split second – maybe automatically – and I see his smile widen.
I imagine him whipping out a microscope to look at the dust as it crumbles even further.
Maybe it's my fault that he fell in love with Amu. Amu and I are similar. More so than I care to admit. There are only two main differences. The first being how much purer she is than me.
The second is that Amu believed Kairi could become good.
I never thought that Kairi would be able to change his views. His views that Yukari-nee-san is always right and anyone who opposes her is wrong, wrong, WRONG. He'd need to grow a backbone, for one. For another, he loves her more than I love my Nii-san. He'd never cross her, just like I'd never cross Nii-san. But maybe…maybe all he needed was someone to believe that he could change. That he could live up to his would-be self and protect all those who need to be protected. Maybe that was all it took.
Maybe…if I had believed in him…it would be me he'd be saying those words to.
I imagine Kairi sit back in wonder, still viewing the microscope in pure scientific interest. "I never knew it was possible to destroy something so badly it would cease to exist."
"Maru-chan!" I hear Tadase gasp. He sounds so concerned, but all I can think is 'why can't Kairi-kun be that concerned over me?'.
Oh god. It even hurts to think his name. Strangely enough in my knees. What…
Oh. No wonder everyone looks so concerned. I'm on the floor. On my hands and knees to be exact. How did I get here?
I try to say 'I'm okay, Tadase-kun,' but the lie only forms in my mouth and stays on my tongue.
"Maru-chan, are you okay?" Kairi asks. Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. Kairi. Please don't talk to me. I don't want you to see how every word you speak is like twisting a knife in my heart. How can something hurt so much when it's been destroyed completely?
My stomach churns uncomfortably from the stress. I press a hand to my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut so hard that I can see little dots dance behind my eyelids.
"I don't feel so well…" comes out without me meaning to. Stop it, Maru! You're not supposed to let him see how he's destroyed you!
Suddenly, I feel hands encircle my upper arms. One is small and doll-like. The other is slender, with long tapering fingers.
"She's going to throw up," I hear Chikako (she must be the one with the slender hand) announce as if I'm dying. I try to say no I'm not, I'm fine; but the words don't form in my mouth. Even as I'm being pulled to my feet by her and the owner of the other hand, I hear her continue. "We'll take her to the bathroom."
Suddenly, with more force than I ever knew could come from that sappy, love-sick girl that is Chikako (not to mention the owner of the delicate hand on my other arm), I'm being dragged somewhere. My eyes are still squeezed shut so I don't know where. I'm dragged around for what seems like ages, until something slams into the back of my knees. I buckle a little (the hands keep me upright) and all the unspoken thoughts I had tumble out without me meaning to. They're not fully coherent and all my thoughts slur together.
"Oh god, Kairi-kun – Amu-chan's not me – why, Kairi-kun, why – all my fault – I'm sorry – don't talk to me – hurts so much-"
"I know, Maru-chan," I hear a voice murmur. It's Misaki's voice. Rima's sister. The one who declined a place on the Guardians. Why is that stuck-up brat talking to me like she cares about my feelings? "Just a little longer. We're almost there."
I stumble along with my eyes still closed, Kairi's name escaping from my lips every so often. Usually a whimper follows after. Then suddenly, I feel a bench press up against my back. Judging by the spreading dampness on my back, it's wet. I can smell the unmistakable scent of the ladies toilets. Sure enough, when I open my eyes, I'm staring past Chikako and Misaki at some toilets. The place is deserted. Maybe everyone cleared out when they saw me. I open my mouth to ask something – why they care, where everyone went, why they're helping – but what tumbles out isn't a question in any shape or form.
"Oh god, it hurts so much!"
Tears spring from my eyes again and before I know it, I'm sobbing into the shoulder of Misaki. It's a little awkward because she's quite a bit shorter than me, but I don't really care. I'm so upset I don't even care that I'm crying in front of Chikako (boy-crazy, cousin-of-Tadase-and-therefore-spoilt Chikako) and Misaki (snobbish, sister-of-Rima-and-therefore-a-brat Misaki).
I feel a slender hand rest on my back and rub soothing circles. Chikako's sympathetic coos fill my ears. "It's okay, Maru-chan, just let it all out. We're here for you."
I want to snap at her that she doesn't understand what I'm going through, but I realise I would just embarrass myself. The girl's fallen in love so many times and had her heart broken each time that she must know. So she must also know why it feels like this.
"I knew he loved Amu-chan," I continue, still hiccupping slightly through my sobs. Unwillingly, my mind paints a picture of Amu playing the part of a blushing bride for Kairi. It just makes my sobs come out harder. "I knew it all this time. It was so obvious. So why does it hurt so much to hear him admit it?"
Surprisingly, it's not Chikako who answers.
"Because you didn't want to admit it," Misaki whispers. "Oh, Maru-chan, you knew you couldn't hide forever."
The sheer truthfulness of it makes me sob harder. Because it's so true and I hate it. As long as Kairi never told me, I could pretend that he didn't love Amu. That we had one slim chance together. Never mind the fact that I'm his best friend and I know him better than anyone else in the world. Maybe even himself. I could pretend that he didn't love her.
But now that he's confessed…there's no more pretending.
No more hiding.
No more pretending that the love-filled gazes he stares at Amu with were really intended for me.
No more coming to school extra early in hopes to beat Amu so I could spend a few more precious moments with him.
But most of all, no more ignoring the truth that's laid out before so plainly. The truths I had ignored in favour of lies that hurt so much less.
I'm sobbing for so long that it seems insane that no one has walked in and seen me crying. But I know that I can't hide in the bathroom forever. I have to go out there sooner or later and face Kairi and Amu. So I wipe my tears away, hold my head up high even though I'm hurting inside, and let Old Maru take over. Old Maru can face anything. But just in case, I take Misaki's and Chikako's hand when I walk out. I hate being so weak in front of people I barely know, but Old Maru can't do everything. They don't pull away like I half-expect but instead squeeze my hand reassuringly. They're with me and they're not going to let anything get to me. They'll help me.
This must be comfort. It's…kind of nice. Maybe having girl friends is…okay…
But my confident façade doesn't last forever. I see Kairi leaving and something inside me cracks. Old Maru's sense of self preservation is no match for New Maru's love for Kairi. Tears spill down my face and it's all I can do to not run after him and scream 'Wait, Kairi-kun! Don't leave! I love you! I can be Amu-chan for you!'
I stop and my hands go up to cover my eyes. Chikako and Misaki still don't let go of my hands.
"I can't do it!" I whisper heart-brokenly. "Oh god, I can't do it. I can't face him."
They're surprisingly supportive of my cowardice.
"We're not going to make you," Misaki tells me firmly. "Only time can make anything better."
'I don't want to face Amu-chan either,' I try to say, but it doesn't come out through my sobs. I'm startled when Misaki squeezes my hand again and says something that I don't expect.
"We're not going to make you face Amu-chan, either."
Misaki can understand me. She can understand what I can and can't do. We need more Misaki's in the world. Or maybe all girls are like this?
I hear the snap of a phone shutting. Chikako has just gotten off the phone with…who? My mental question is answered a moment later when I see Tadase close his phone too and look up. His eyes widen for a split second at the sight of me, but then soften as he hurries over.
"Are we leaving?" he asks softly. He raises a hand like he's going to put an arm around me, but stops when he sees Misaki and Chikako holding onto my hands with no signs of letting go. Chikako nods.
"Let's get to the car. We'll go back to my place. Mama's visiting some relatives, so she'll be out all day."
Tadase replies, but I'm not listening. I'm too busy staring at Kairi's back, walking further and further away from me and taking what's left of my heart with it. I'm still staring at his back even when it gets out of my sight. I'm still staring at his back as Chikako, Misaki and Tadase hurry me outside, where a car is waiting for them. And I'm still staring at his back when Rima looks up and catches my gaze.
Oh god.
Rima's sister is one thing. Rima is another. But she only smiles gently at me and mouths 'You are not alone' as I'm pulled into the car with Misaki, Chikako and Tadase. Then the door closes and the car screeches away.
"Drop us off at Chikako-chan's house, please," Tadase tells the driver politely. He only grunts and nods. Misaki and Chikako are still holding my hands. The Old Maru would be annoyed by it. By now…now it just serves as a reminder that I don't always have to face things alone.
When we get to Chikako's house, I more than a little shocked by it. I expected something grand from someone so closely related to Tadase. Tadase's rich father married his rich mother. His rich mother had a rich brother, who is Chikako's rich father. So I expected a mansion at the very least. Instead, I'm staring at a shop with 'MIDNIGHT STAR BRIDAL AND FORMAL' plastered on a sign across it. It's one of those types of shops that have a small apartment above it. Fit for maybe one or two people to live in.
We must be at the wrong place. But no, Chikako takes a bundle of keys attached to a key ring from her pocket. The key ring is one of those cute, goofy yellow happy faces that squeak when you squeeze them. She unlocks the door to the bridal shop and we all step in as the car speeds off. She closes it and I don't hide my awe at the many poofy white dresses lining the walls.
No wonder Chikako holds love in such high regard.
"You looked shocked." Chikako's voice breaks me out of my daydream. She looks amused. "Expecting a castle?"
I return my gaze to a particularly beautiful dress on the wall. It's blue, so it must be a formal dress. "Of some kind."
Chikako laughs. "Well, you shouldn't have. I know everyone thinks I'm rich because I'm Tadase's cousin. But…I'm an illegitimate child. A bastard child. The shame of the Amakawa family. They didn't even want me to have their last name, but mama had to get one last dig in at them for insulting me."
There's a lot of things I don't know about the girls in the Guardians, apparently. Maybe I say it out loud by accident, because Misaki laughs. It's a cute laugh and it lights up her face.
"Oh, that's the understatement of the century." She leans in, eyes twinkling cheerfully. "For the record, Maru, I know you think I'm a brat just because I'm Rima's sister. But I'm not. I didn't join the Guardians because that would mean spending time with my sister outside of home. Oh, and my sister isn't a brat either. Not anymore."
"Yeah, I noticed," I mutter weakly as Chikako unlocks another door and we climb a set of stairs. The stairs lead to another door that Chikako has to unlock; and once she does, I'm greeted by a humble apartment with the barest necessities in it. Apart from a couch, a dining table, some chairs, a TV and a bookshelf, there isn't much in the room. There's a small kitchenette tucked away to the side, but that's it. My eyes fall upon a photo on the bookshelf featuring all the Guardians. When I find Kairi and Amu in it (it still hurts), my eyes start prickling.
"Maru-chan, you know you're not alone," Misaki whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder. I give a choked sob. Do they even realise how similar they are?
"That's what your sister told me too."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but she's right," Misaki answers, looking surprised. God forbid she and her sister agree on something. "We all care for you, Maru-chan." She pauses and looks at Chikako. "Well, Rima and I do. I'm not sure about the other girls."
"Yeah, Yaya-chan, Amu-chan and I do," Chikako replies with a smile. I let out a half-surprised, half-disbelieving scoff. It sounds so nice to be cared for by everyone and I want to believe it so badly but…
"None of you know me. Properly, anyway."
"I don't think you understand, Maru-chan," Tadase laughs. "They might not know you extremely well because of the distance you keep between you and other girls, but they do know you. They've seen you around school. They've seen you around the Guardians. They've seen you enough times to know that you're bright, and funny, and charming. And they've seen you enough times to know that they care about you."
Maybe I'm the only one who has difficulty letting people close. Maybe it's easier for other people to care for people that aren't their best friends. But there's still something tugging at my mind.
"Then why would Amu-chan do that?" I ask softly, looking down and letting my hair fall in my face. "Why would she let Kairi-kun fall in love with her?"
There's a pained pause from Tadase and I nearly apologize – I know how Tadase feels about Amu – but my need for an answer, any answer, stops her. I'm sorry, Tadase, but…I need this pain to stop.
"Amu-chan is…" Chikako hesitates. In my heart broken state, I can think of plenty of words to finish the sentence. Stupid. A whore. Someone who needs to die. But it's none of the above. "A little bit oblivious. Believe it or not, she really never knew that Chairman was falling in love with her!"
"I know, it's weird," Misaki mutters. "No idea what Rima sees in her."
Chikako ignores her and tilts my head up, brushing my hair out of my face. The small gesture is so personal that I try to shrink back from it.
"But, Maru-chan…you are not alone. There are people who care for you. So just…let these people help you. Because we know losing Kairi is tough, but it's going to be tougher if you don't have any friends to help you through it."
I look from Tadase to Chikako to Misaki. All wear different expressions (Tadase looks pleading, Chikako looks sympathetic, Misaki looks concerned) and all are as different as dawn, day and dusk…but all are trying to help me. So I take a deep breath, still my shaking hands and try to think of something to say. But all I can say is, "It hurts…"
It's obvious, I know, but it's all I can think of. And it works, because as I feel three different pairs of arms wrap around me as I start sobbing. When I'm done, I can finally finish the sentence.
"But it'll heal if I have you guys."