As the rain danced outside of the window, Carly sat on her bed thinking about everything that had happened in the last couple of years. Since returning to Oakdale, her life has been a constant roller coaster ride. No one, not even Jack understood how she felt how hard it is to pretend that everything is okay. Everyone around her is able to feel things, able to be emotional; but not her. She always had to be in control, always had to be strong…For Carly; she could not risk being weak. Her kids expected her to always have things under control…She had to be super Mom. Carly reflected on all that had happened. The misdiagnosis, getting Jack back only to lose him again, the Kit and Sam drama, and now Jack is getting married…again. She doesn't understand how Jack can possibly be in love with another woman when said he loves her. She truly loves Jack with everything that she is, but she also knew she could not spend the rest of her life waiting on him to figure things out. If Janet is the woman he wants to be with then fine. Carly realized that she is tired. She is tired of people always putting their problems on her shoulders. She is tired of everyone blaming her for all the problems in the world. She is really tired of Jack treating her the way he does and constantly throwing her mistakes in her face. They expect the words to just roll off her shoulders. She is done pretending. No more will she take the constant abuse from people in her life. It is time for her to put herself first…after her kids that is.

Carly realize that she needs a plan. It is time for her to put Jack and all her mistakes behind her. She sighs…. Jack…She remembers the day she met Jack all those years ago. His handsome young face, intense eyes, and straight laced ways. They were different like night and day, but somehow they fit. The passion, the intensity, and the love…her true north, but he never truly accepted her. Sure, she made mistakes all the time, but so did he.

As much as she loves him, she knows she could never be with him again. Too much has happened, too many memories, too many mistakes, too many fights, lies, their relationship as it was-is no more. Sighing she stared out her bedroom window thinking that once again he will be marrying another woman that was not her. Not her… That is exactly what it boils down to. Knowing Jack as well as she does, every marriage has been for one reason and one reason only. He wanted to marry someone who was not her. The thought sadden her. Carly wondered why Jack insists on marrying women that were not her? Is there something wrong with her? Did the years that they spent together mean nothing to him? Of course it did. He said so himself. Why would Jack try to get back with her before he decided to marry Janet if he wanted to marry anyone who isn't her? Shaking the thoughts from her head she pondered away, random thoughts flowing erratically in her mind. The chiming of the doorbell brought her back to reality. She glanced at her bedside clock, eyes widening as she realized that it was a few hours until Jack and Janet say, "I do." She rushed to her door frantically, worried that something had happened to one of her kids. She opened the door and was shocked to see the last person she expected to see at her door.

"Jack? Is something wrong with the kids?" she frantically stated. He looked so worn out, she thought to herself. "Well, Jack? What's going on? Why are you here? Where are the kids?" Jack just stood there, outside the door, looking her up and down. "Jack?" She was starting to lose her patients because Jack had yet to tell her what is going on. "Damnit Jack? What the hell is going on?" Finally, he walked passed her, plopping down on her sofa. Their sofa. The sofa that they made love on so many nights. The sofa that carried all their memories. "Do you know how many times I kissed you? Right here on this sofa Carly? How many times we made a new memory together?"

"Jack, what are you doing here?"

"Have you ever wondered what our life would be like if I hadn't left that day?"

"Jack…"

"I never stopped loving you Carly..Never..Not once, not even when you left with Simon. I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you for choosing him over me." He paused. "Did you love him?"

"Jack, why are you here?"

"Answer the question. Did you love him?" He asked her as he stood, now facing her. Eyes looking straight into hers. "Jack, you need to leave." Walking to the door, she opened it, "now".

"Not until you answer my question. Did you LOVE him?" Realizing that she wasn't going to get rid of him that easy, she closed the door and faced him. Not looking him the in eyes, she said "yes." Nodding his head, he walked back over to the sofa and sat again. "I knew. I knew you loved him".

"Did you love him more than me?"

"Why does it matter Jack? That is the past."

"I need to know Carly?"

"Why Jack, why does it matter now? You're marrying Janet..or did you forget that?"

"Please Carly, just answer the question."

"I don't know, I loved him, yes, but it was different…" Pausing. Collecting her thoughts, she hesitated. "Simon, he loved me. I didn't have to pretend with him. I could be myself. He didn't try to change me, or judge me.."

"Like me?"

"Jack…"

"Admit it Carly."

"Yes, Jack like you. You criticize me. You always make me feel like I'm not good enough. And as much as I love you Jack, Simon gave me what I needed…"

"What's that?"

"He loved all of me."

"I see."

"No you don't see Jack. Do you know how you made me feel that day? Do you know how humiliated you made me feel? How cheap you made me feel? Do you Jack? Because I don't think you do. You sit on your high horse like you are better than everyone. You always make me feel like a..a..a sub human! I was the girl you just had to save! I was the one you thought you could mold into the image of some Stefford wife! But that isn't ME! Jack, I don't think you really know me at all!"

"How can you say that Carly. Of course I know you! I know you better than anyone, hell you know me better than anyone!!! Damnit Carly no one loves you the way I love you!" He said defensively.

"Do you Jack? Do you really love me because I don't think you do? I think you just want me to sit around pinning after you like a good little girl. You love me when I'm doing what you want. You love me when I'm easily controlled, but as soon as I do something that is against your standards, you leave me. IF you truly loved me Jack, they why is it every time I make a mistake you leave me huh? Were you loving me when you were having sex with Julia, huh?" Anger boiling inside of her.

"Low blow Carly. I didn't remember you. I had no idea who I was at the time".

"Bull, Jack. That's bull and you know it. You slept with her AFTER you got your memory back, or are you suddenly having another relapse?" she questioned. "I didn't sleep with her, I stopped…" he said.

"It doesn't matter Jack, I want you to leave". Walking over to the door, but Jack grabbed her by the arm.

"No, Carly. We've been dancing around our issues for years. Say what you got to say Carly, I want to hear this. Why don't you believe I love you?" He asked her. His voice changing. If she didn't know any better she'd actually think he was hurt.

"Why? Jack you always treat me worse than you treat your women. Look at how you treated me when I came home? How many times have you threatened to take my kids away from me? How many times did you talk trash about me to your women? When have I ever spoken badly about you to anyone huh Jack? Never because I have more respect for you than that. I obviously have more respect for you than you have for me".

" I was angry Carly!"

"I've been angry at you many of times Jack, but I never threatened to take our kids away. I never disrespect you. I never talk bad about you to our kids. And for the life me of I cannot understand how you could do it to me. I love you more than that."

Tears stinging her eyes. Closing them tight, she tried to prevent them from falling, but it was too late. A single tear slid idly down her face. Taking Carly into his arms, Jack whispered into her ear, "I'm sorry Carly. I'm so sorry… I never wanted you to think I hated you. I could never hate you.." Pausing he cupped her face in the palm of his hands. Looking into her eyes, he continued, "I love you". And with that he kissed her. Carly resisted at first, but soon melted in his arms. Picking her up he carried her to their sofa.

****NC-17****

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As he laid her softly onto the sofa, she looked lovingly at him. "Are you sure about this?" Without speaking a single word, he kissed her. He trailed kisses down her neck, sliding his hands under her silk nightgown. She ripped his shirt off, kissing him, moving her hands over his chest. He moaned as our tongues slow danced, a fire burning within them. She felt his arousal pressing firmly against her as their tongues slow danced and hands roamed freely. Reacquainting themselves with each other. Ending the kiss, he smiled at her. "I've missed you, missed this…" He said kissing her some more. "What are we doing Jack?" Carly wondered.

"Do you want to stop? Let me know right now and I will?" Nibbling on her bottom lip, she sighed. Debating with herself if she should go through with it. Carly never could tell Jack no. It was the way he was in tuned with her body, the way he made her feel. The fire that he lit within her is something no one ever could.

"Make love to me Jack." And with that he did. He kissed her slowly down her neck, cupping her firm breast in his hands. Reaching under the hem of her nightgown he pulled it off of her. He stood up and unzipped his hands, stepping out of them one leg at a time. Carly eyed him with a silly grin on her face. He laughed.

"Like what you see?" She smiled, nibbled on her bottom lip once more and said, "What do you think?"

"Mmmm, I think you do Miss Tenney"

"Snyder…that's Carly Snyder"

"Well, excuse me Miss Snyder"

He laid himself between her legs. The warm heat of her breath tingled against his skin. He took each of her breasts into his mouth. Kissing, suckling them.

"Mmmm, Jack that feels so good." Moaning, she laced her fingers through his hair. He moved back up, kissing her slowly, sensually. "You are so beautiful!" he told her. Cupping her bare bottom in his hands he moved her further against him. Gasping as he moved his length inside of her. Her insides tightening around him as he moved slowly, sending an electrifying feeling throughout her body. "Mmmm" He moans into her mouth. "Ohhhh Jack, hmmm, oooooh…" His rhythm quickens. He tightens his grip on her. "Faster" she says. Placing his hand firm on her waist, he moves faster and faster, moving gracefully in and out of her hot core. The excitement builds, toes curl, "ooh oooooh Jack, oh my god, yes…" Carly's insides clutched his length; her legs tighten around him, pulling him deeper inside of her. "Oh God, oooooh God Carly…I love you." The declaration of his love sent her over the edge. Her body went into convulsions. "Jack…" Pausing. "ohh Jack..I love you too!" Pushing into her one final time, he filled her with his hot fluids collapsing on top of her. Minutes past. Their breathing under control. Placing a single kiss on her lips. "That was amazing.." Smiling she responded, "I know. Now sleep." And with that he pulled her firmly against his chest and kissed her good night.

The next morning Jack woke not knowing where he was. Looking down at the sleeping blonde laying firmly against his chest, a rush of memories of what occurred the night before filled his mind. He kissed her softly on her forehead and then disentangled himself away from her. He quickly dressed and went over to her desk. He took out a pad and a pencil, scribbled a note, giving her one last glance-Jack walked out the house, shutting the door softly behind him.

To Be Continued……