Author's note :
Hello, little potato. How are you doing ?
Here is a one-shot I've been writing for two weeks. I began it between two chapters of Girls und Portals.
Next one to pass on is... Anchovie ? Darjeeling ? I don't know.
While writing it, I was listening to music... (mostly Exile Vilify - The National)
Enjoy this story.
TWILIGHT OF LIFE
Nonna continually remembered what Kalinka, one of her classmates, told her yesterday, looking straight into her eyes, at the end of the school day, on a chilly fall day:
"Tomorrow, at sunset, just when the night begins to fall, you will die. Enjoy the last day of your life, Nonna. Because after tomorrow, you'll be no more."
She was both shocked and speechless. She didn't know whether to believe her; after all, Kalinka described herself as a liar. She also wondered how a student could know the hour or even the day of someone's death. From what she knew, she wasn't a witch. Nonna didn't believe in magic either.
But she was suddenly less hesitant to believe the girl when she started feeling ill that day, around noon. She had a blackout earlier and she felt her strength declining hour by hour. She had no appetite. She felt strange continuously.
She wondered how Katyusha would react if she knew something about her impending death. No, no! She couldn't say anything to her. It would worry the little commander.
She wanted everything except that. Everything except worrying or hurting Katyusha. Yet, at one time or another, she would die. This would imply that she would have tell her. But she was afraid to hurt her or make her sad.
She thought the best thing to do was to avoid speaking of this to her or show weakness so she enjoys her last moments with her.
Nonna didn't like to show her feelings either, which explained her sometimes expressionless face. Inside her, she preferred to say the least to mean the most.
She knew now that in a few hours, her life would stop.
But she had to wonder about whether Katyusha would be affected by her death.
Because apart from carrying the blonde girl on her shoulders to appear taller, how important was the dark-haired for her after all? She often spoke to her badly or acted like a spoilt child. Although this was partly why she loved her, Nonna was not sure how she would take it. Lots of people had said that she was too nice, but she never intended to rebel. She liked to be with Katyusha no matter what.
She was sitting near the building where Katyusha lived. She hesitated to go to see her.
Tell her everything? No. But she wanted to spend her last moments with her. That was certain. She had no other wish.
The day was being short for her, that was for sure. The seconds passed, such as the sand of an hourglass, the moment when her heart would stop beating, where she would blow her last breath, where she would die alongside the little blonde, was inevitably getting closer and closer.
She was ready to go inside when she saw the commander going out.
"Katyusha?"
"Nonna! It's been two hours since I wait for my snack!" the short girl growled.
"Excuse me, I forgot... I'll get it right now, are you coming with me? And if you want, I'll carry you on my shoulders," Nonna murmured.
"At last!" Katyusha spat until the Vice-Commander took her on her shoulders.
"What would you like?" she asked, starting to walk.
"Vatrushka!"
Nonna knew Katyusha loved these typical Russian pastries. She was going to buy one, not feeling strong enough to do it herself and afraid that cooking takes too long.
She felt a little weak but was holding on. She had to. She had to not show anything in front of Katyusha. Nothing. Especially not to tell her how bad she felt.
She thought of Kalinka, this girl with long blond hair, deep, gray-blue eyes, with her light and expressive voice, which had announced her approaching death with an almost aggressive look, even though, to her knowledge, she didn't hate her. In fact, she was wrong in not believing what her classmate was saying. She was indeed dying slowly.
Under the tall girl's feet, leaves were crackling. Autumn was here. She would never see winter's snow. She would not even see the next summer. Her life would have ended before. Her soul would have gone God knows where, perhaps nowhere, perhaps in the afterlife, perhaps she would reincarnate.
No idea. She may never know.
She continued to advance, carrying little Katyusha on her shoulders. Katyusha who was so small and light, Katyusha who had this terrible inferiority complex, Katyusha who would possibly not really react to her death. Nonna almost felt sad. She couldn't guess her friend's thoughts.
The most important thing for her was to spend her last hours by her side. Even her family was no more important. It was Katyusha or Katyusha. It couldn't be nothing. She couldn't bear dying without the tyrannical little blonde girl.
She stopped at a bakery and bought a snack for the Commander, then gave her and sat with her while she ate.
Nonna thought of her approaching death. In fact, this idea was obsessing her. She had thought of it several times already. She could no longer take this idea off her head now. She felt a little weaker than before; the sun was going down, she could felt it in her body.
When her superior had finished snacking, Nonna took her on her shoulders again.
"Commander Katyusha, I want to take you somewhere tonight... I want us to go out together, do you want to go with me?"
"If it can afford to make me taller, I want to stay on your shoulders during all my life! Come on, we will do that, it will prepare us for tomorrow!"
Nonna was tempted to tell her "But tomorrow, I'm gone", which was what she thought.But she remained silent. She kept quiet. She couldn't say anything. Nothing.
"Yes, we'll feel good tomorrow," she muttered, uncomfortable. She didn't like to lie, especially to Katyusha.
But there, she had to.
Even about her health or her state of fatigue, she wasn't speaking. She held on as much as she could. She didn't want to repeat this mistake she had made in the beginning, hurting Katyusha with her words as she did earlier. Since then, she had always paid attention to what she said.
Her heart throbbed in her chest and she was sweating. It wasn't because she was with Katyusha; she had already had it several times too, and once just before she blacked out in the early afternoon.
She had a strange feeling too, as if she suddenly lost her strength; she hoped that all this would have faded when the blonde had finished her meal.
Her death approched.
Soon, the Fates would cut her thread.
"Take me where you want to bring me," the blonde girl ordered.
The dark-haired, obedient, did what she was told to do, even if she was feeling weak.
Nonna felt her arteries throbbing again. The sun was setting in about an hour and a half. The sunset was near.
She began to walk; she hoped it wouldn't take too much time. She had about thirty minutes from where she was to where she wanted to go; but would she make it? Would her legs bear her? Would she faint again?
She walked calmly, quietly, saving her strength to spend as much time as possible with Katyusha before her death. Her weight could weigh on her more and more, she remained strong, combative, determined.
Some thirty minutes later, she arrived where she wanted.
Wonderful, located not far from the carrier's border, overlooking the sea, great and wide, ornate, surrounded by trees, this park was Katyusha's favourite.
Some benches scattered throughout the landscape added a touch of civilization. Dead leaves formed in places a nuanced brown blanket of golden coppery colour, blending as paint.
Nonna sat on the ground, near a tree stump, then let Katyusha go down her shoulders.
"It's beautiful here... After a good snack, it's perfect!"
"This is where I wanted to get you, Commander..."
Nonna's voice was weaker than earlier. She felt that she wouldn't last long if she stood more. Her limbs were increasingly difficult to move. She had at most now only an hour to live. She would pass away besides Katyusha, as expected.
Exhaustion took over her. She wanted to sleep, but she knew she would never come out of it.
She wanted to tell her how she loved her all this time despite this spoiled and tyrannical personality the blonde had. But the words couldn't come out.
"Ah, if we win the next tankery tournament, I'll feel all better for it," the short girl said.
"I hope Pravda will win, yes. It will make us even more popular and we can hope to beat Kuromorimine."
"And I'll be in the spotlight, do you realize who's going to be famous? Me! Katyusha of the Swirling Snow!"
"Don't be too ambitious, it may need a little time to make you that famous..."
Nonna suddenly felt very dizzy and lowered it until it faded.
Katyusha didn't even seem to care and continued to boast about a possible future.
"But you won't even be popular! You'll just be my stooge. That's a good deal. I get the celebrity and you'll be my minion", the short girl continued.
"Popular or not, you will remain my superior, I don't need to be popular, I'm not the Commander, I'm just the Vice-Commander, Katyusha. I wish you become famous, you know," Nonna murmured without departing from her usual calm despite the anxiety preceding her death and the terrible sensation she felt in her body.
"Except that you'll never see 'Nonna the Blizzard' on the head of a newspaper, it may just appear in the article, you will be nothing compared to me! I'll be standing above everyone, even you!"
Katyusha didn't seem to measure her words. She couldn't even imagine that she could be hurting the brown-haired girl, she didn't even know her subordinate was going to die soon and she would pass away after hearing degrading and belittling things.
But Nonna was used to this. She had always been treated like that, anyway. Words weren't touching her anymore. Was she unhappy or sad? No. But as Katyusha was almost insulting her, she loved her even more.
She tried to remember the good times. She remembered the battle against Ooarai when she sang a lullaby to her. Singing, she liked it. Especially if it was for her little protégée. She was like a mother to her, which made her even more sad about realizing that she was going to die. What would Katyusha do without her? Would the one that would replace her would take care of her as well as she did?
Nonna didn't speak. She was exhausted and was keeping her strength for the moment she would say what she had to say since so long.
The minutes passed. The sun was beginning to set.
The brunette felt gradually worse and worse. Her energy dwindled, her life began to leave.
She felt her heart slowing, her breathing too as she had a terrible dizzy spell and severe fatigue. Katyusha continued to talk, still not paying attention to her fellow.
Nonna had remained seated despite exhaustion. But she began to feel that she could no longer make it for long in that position. Her muscles ached, her heart ached, her chest ached, and after a few long minutes spent suffering, she fell on her right elbow.
She hadn't the strength to sit up; even her own body was weighing on her arm.
"Nonna, get up! You can't afford that! Can you imagine if someone sees you?" Katyusha growled, not understanding why the dark-haired was almost laying down.
"Commander... I'm tired, you know..."
The voice of the tall girl went lower than usual.
"But you don't usually let yourself down like that!" the small one continued, still without considering the other one's state.
"Listen, Commander... I... I have a lot of trouble holding on..."
The orange light of dusk began to illuminate the landscape.
"Get up!" the blonde thundered. "You have better things to do than lying down like that!"
Nonna didn't answer. She was dizzy again and almost fainted. She dropped her head in the leaves. She could no longer support its weight.
"Commander..." she said in a faint, weak, dying voice, the twilight seeming sucking all her energy. "You know... I've never told you... but you shouldn't treat your subordinates like that. Especially if they like you. I love you, Katyusha. My little, sweet Katyusha."
"Have you finished?" the other lose her temper.
"I feel passing on, Katyusha... I'm running out of time..." the brunette whispered. "I learned yesterday that I was going to die and I planned to spend my last moments with you..."
The blonde did not seem to believe.
"Are you going to stop shooting your mouth off? Get up and carry me! Now!"
Suddenly feeling very anxious, she tried to slap her subordinate, to lift her head, but Nonna had no more the strength to move.
"Oh, if you knew what I could endure with you... You have belittled me, you have humiliated me and made me look like a yes-woman, for your little dog, but I loved you so much. I never lost my love for you, Katyusha... you could stick me in great difficulty, I would have continued to give you all the love that came from my heart... "
The little girl responded no more.
Nonna wanted to talk; oh, she wanted so much to talk, but breath sorely lacked to her. She had so many things she hadn't told; would she have the time to reveal them? Maybe.
"Ah, that life wasn't easy for me, I admit it," she gasped, letting her stare go. "Living with a leader who makes you suffer is not something simple. But when we love, anything is possible. This is a wonderful feeling, Katyusha. Knowing that mothers forgive their children for everything. I had to do that with you. "
Katyusha no longer allowed herself to say any word. She felt her throat and her stomach aching.
"You know, when we first met... I was bullied because I was too nice, you came and you somewhat saved me... Then, when it's you who had been belittled for your height, it's me who took care of you... You'd be awful nice to me sometimes, I would never let you down, again because of my love for you. "
The commander had much trouble to stop the tears which began to fill her eyes. She had never paid attention to Nonna's pain, even when she was dying right before her.
She felt she was beginning to regret having shown herself terribly selfish and indifferent. And her closest friend had to be dying for making her realizing it.
She took her friend's hand, her hand which was cooling, her hand that had no more tone, her hand leaving an indelible memory in her mind, her hand which would soon be limp and still forever.
Dusk was beginning to disappear, giving up to the night.
Nonna didn't have any strength to even move her fingers, now. Her final moments left her barely time to utter her last words:
"Katyusha... as I said... it's a wonderful feeling to suffer for love for someone..."
She paused, then spoke again, her watery blue eyes staring at the blonde girl:
"And... and I have one thing to say, thank you... thank you for everything, Katyusha..."
"Nonna..." the blonde murmured, her eyes widening, her heart wrenching as she was trying to avoid herself crying.
"One more thing... no matter how much love you have for someone, you are fighting against the sunset in this race of life, but the sun always wins... the night always comes..."
In a last whisper, she ended:
"... and souls which were separated between two worlds... find themselves... again."
Katyusha couldn't say anything again. She was about to burst into tears.
Nonna closed her eyes. Her body got stiffer for a quick moment, then went limp, lifeless, while her life was leaving forever, her vital functions stopped and she let out a light, final breath.
She had left this world besides Katyusha, besides the leader she loved so much, her heart being merciful, peaceful, forgiving Katyusha for all these horrible injuries and all these acts, giving her an almost maternal love, an unconditional, without limitation, even if she had to suffer a lot.
Katyusha, before the lifeless, motionless body of her closest friend ever, cried, sobbing:
"NONNA!"