The Light Between Us
Disclaimer - I don't own CSI.
A/N: Well, I know there's some other stuff I should be working on but I decided that I should get this idea out there first. An incredibly old idea I had whilst watching the episodes 19 Down and One To Go over a year ago. Sort of a what if scenario. What if Nick were to have been the one who turned up in the middle of the jungle and kissed Sara? A huge twist, right? Well, let's see…
There's too much light between us, I'm trying to mind the gap.
I'd do anything to fix us, not just paper up the cracks.
Sliding doors are closing; did I let you get away?
There's a light in this tunnel, and I think it's a train.
He was gone. Just like that. He left without even so much as a 'goodbye' or 'it's been great working with you'. Nick wasn't expecting an awful lot from his former supervisor, least of all the biggest of departures, but a goodbye would have been nice. He felt hurt, cheated, used even. Surely even Grissom could've stretched to one final farewell? Or was he taking a leaf out of Sara's book? Leaving. Just like that. At least he had had the courtesy to tell them all he was leaving before he actually bowed-out. It was more than she'd done.
Nick had actually been thinking about Sara a lot since she left. Way more than was normal. But it was almost in a bitter and twisted way. He didn't mean it but he couldn't help but resent her for leaving. He knew why and he totally understood. Everyone, especially her, told him to take time off after he was kidnapped just a few years before she was. But he couldn't even check up on her, keep an eye on her, make sure she was taking things easy, because of her shift change. He supposed she had Grissom for that. Another reason to resent her, and now Grissom too. Nick hated how just when Grissom actually grew a pair, actually woke up and saw what was right in front of him, he only went and screwed the whole thing up. He was the reason Sara had been abducted and nearly killed. It was all him. Now, Nick was normally a reasonable man who didn't like to pass judgement but on this occasion, he just couldn't help himself. In this instance, the fault could only be passed to Grissom. And yet, Sara seemed to forgive him, if she even blamed him at all. Nick knew that if he were to have ever been lucky enough to have even the slightest chance with Sara he would grab it with both hands, treasure what they had. Maybe it was the fact that he had been there and done that, had a brush with death, but he would have never had been so obvious in public, not if they were hiding their relationship. Nick knew life was too short. The bitter and twisted side of him allowed himself to entertain the thought that if he couldn't have Sara, then that was okay, because Grissom didn't have her either.
After Grissom's rather public announcement of his relationship with Sara, she was forced to switch shifts. Nick, once again, couldn't help but think that if she were with him then that would never have happened; there were no specific rules against co-workers dating, merely a supervisor dating a subordinate. He knew they wouldn't have kept it a secret anyway. They would have most likely happily announced the news to the people it effected directly. And the rest of their team would have been happy for them. If only it had been true.
Nick never was one for living in the past, thinking about what could have been, he held more of a 'shit happens' point of view. He was a glass is half full kinda guy. An optimist, if you will. But when it came to Sara and how she may or may not have felt, things were different.
Working the nightshift without her was different. Nick didn't like it. He missed her. He missed everything about her. He missed their banter, their flirting, their playfulness, their great team working skills, their friendship. Fundamentally it was their friendship and their flirting that had led to him wanting more than just that original friendship. Nick had tried to ignore it, tried to move on, but he never could. No one was ever as perfect as Sara Sidle.
But sadly he wasn't the only man who seemed to think that. And then Sara left, without even a goodbye or an indication she was even thinking about leaving. Nick wouldn't have minded so much had they not just worked a case together, a case that was very much linked to a case they worked on together a couple of years prior to that. It helped Nick remember how things used to be, before the Grissom and Sara thing, before Sara was taken by a serial killer. Before all of that they were happy, they were a team, a family. Ever the family man, that's what Nick missed most. The friendly faces, the cheery smiles when a case had been solved, the endless banter between them all. Things were different now. He didn't want to truly admit it, but now, he felt they were less of a family and more of group of broken people trying to fix themselves and make themselves feel better. Himself included.
Something's missing in my heart,
It's the bit where you are,
I need you back,
Please, please mind the gap.
He loved Sara. Typical how he only realised it once she'd gone. But what ate at him most was not knowing if she felt the same. Nick thought not but with all the flirting that went on between the two over the years he couldn't help but just wonder if she might have had some underlying, hidden feelings for him this whole time. He may have been punching above his weight, running before he could walk, but what harm was he doing in wondering?
Nick sighed. He was sat in the break room feeling sorry for himself. And actually missing Grissom. It had really surprised him when Grissom had announced he was leaving just over a week ago, for a couple of different reasons. One, he never even entertained the thought that Grissom would ever leave before he did. Two, he was a friend. Sort of. Grissom was his supervisor, his reason for coming to Vegas. Seemed like he was everyone's reason. He'd taught Nick everything he knew, taught Nick how to be the amazing CSI he was, the amazing man he was. Grissom had meant a lot to Nick, and he really was shaken by his exit. So now he sat in the break room, by himself, inside wishing he'd never even step foot in Las Vegas. Too much heartbreak and disappointment.
"Nicky!" Catherine exclaimed as she walked into the room. "I'm glad I found you. I need your help on a case. You'd think something this simple would be straight forward but it's had more twists and turns than I dare to count and every lead has run dry. So I was wondering... Hey, are you even listening to me?"
Nick shook his head back to reality. "Huh? I'm sorry, what?"Catherine sighed.
"I need your help on a case. You busy? I'm guessing not."
"You'd be guessing right. I just finished my case," Nick explained.
"So you're sitting here and mopping?" Catherine raised her eyebrows as she poured herself some coffee.
"No," Nick scoffed, as if it were a ridiculous thought.
"Well, what would you call it?" Catherine questioned.
"I'm just thinking," Nick shrugged.
"You know, you could always call Grissom, tell him he's on your mind," Catherine teased.
"I'm sure he's too busy with Sara," Nick insisted bitterly.
It was obvious to him, and possibly everyone else, that Grissom had most likely gone after Sara. Any man would, right? Go after the woman he loved, sweep her off her feet, fight for what they once had. It was right out of a fairytale. So very romantic and lovey-dovey; every girls dream. Nick knew that deep down inside that was what every woman wanted, even Sara. It broke his heart that he couldn't be that man to make her fairytale ending come true.
"No," Catherine shook her head, almost solemnly. "He said he thought about it but changed his mind in the end, decided she'd be better off without him."
Nick felt his whole face light up; a sudden sense of relief sweeping through his body as he spontaneously made a decision. "Cath, I think I'm going to have to take a few days leave."
"What? No, Nicky...," Catherine shook her head.
"Why can't I have time off?" Nick whined like a child who's mother had just told them no to a bar of chocolate.
"You can have all the time off you want, within reason but...," Catherine tried to explain.
"Good, thanks Cath," Nick smiled widely as he moved to stand up.
"No, Nick, what I was trying to say is you can have the time off but you can't go and see her," Catherine insisted.
"Why not?" Nick questions with sad eyes.
"What makes you think if she's better off without Gil that she isn't better off without you?" Catherine countered.
Nick opened his mouth a few times before words finally came out. "I, uh, I don't," he mumbled.
"I'm only thinking of you," Catherine insisted. "I mean, what if you get there and she doesn't feel the same way? What if she's just not ready for another relationship yet? Or worse, what if Grissom is there after all? It'll break your heart."
"Don't you think I know all this? It's all I've been thinking about," Nick sulked down into his seat again. "But I need to know. I need to know if she might just feel something, anything. I can't die without knowing."
"Whoa, okay, there's no need for that," Catherine raised her eyebrows.
"Why? It's true. I could die tomorrow, the day after. So could she. I know life's too short. And Sara knows it too. Surely you understand that?" Nick pleaded.
"Of course I do, Nicky, I just don't want you going to find her and being disappointed. What will you do if she's not interested?" Catherine asked.
"Well then, I'll force myself to move on, somehow," Nick insisted. "But I have to know. I have to know for sure. I'm done with guessing, or wondering. I need to know."
Catherine sighed. She was going to have to let him do this.
"Well, can I have the time off or what?" Nick asked impatiently.
Catherine nodded. "You've got a week."
"Thank you," Nick jumped out of his seat. "I could kiss you right now."
"Oh, I don't know what Sara would say about that," Catherine smirked.
Nick chuckled lightly. "I mean it though. Thank you."
"Don't mention it," she shrugged.
"I'm... I'm gonna go...," Nick started walking towards the door.
"Just give her our love. Although, I'm sure you'll be doing enough of that yourself," Catherine smirked.
Nick blushed as he quickly exited the room.
And he just left, like Grissom and Sara had. But for a different reason, in a different way. He was leaving to find Sara, to know if she may have felt anything for him. Oh how he prayed she would, but for the next few days he would switch off his optimism and be a realist for a change. Realistically speaking, the likelihood of Sara feeling anything romantic for Nick was slim to nil, and it hurt to admit it. But with his own feelings bubbling and boiling to the point of over-spilling he needed an answer. Yes or no. It really wasn't hard. Sara just wasn't there to be asked. So he was going to go to her, somehow. He'd get his answer, hopefully the one that would lead to the end of his unrequited love, even if it took him the rest of his life. Nick could only pray that somehow Sara had just settled for second best in Grissom; he was sure he could be everything Sara wanted him to be. They could have their happily ever after yet. He'd take a bus, train, ferry, whatever it took to find her, whatever the cost. If only he knew where to start.
And I don't no where to start,
Never been this far apart,
I need you back,
Please, please mind the gap.
4 days later:
Nick had heard just after Sara had left that she'd gone to Peru to do some animal conservation work. Hear say. Or so he assumed. But not anymore, not as he navigated his way through thick jungle in the direction he could only hope was Sara's campsite. He'd never gone to this much trouble for a women. Ever. And never again did he hope he'd have to. He thought of the situation as somewhat romantic, the story they'd tell their children in years to come.
There he went again. Optimism. He really had to work on that. But Nick really couldn't help himself. With nothing else to do on his journey of possible success, what was he suppose to think about? Grissom? Though he sort of did, it was more of praying that when he found Sara she wasn't lying asleep next to Grissom. But most of his thoughts were of Sara, as you would expect. He'd gradually set out their whole life together. The things they'd do, the places they'd go, the chapel they'd get married in. It was all there in his head. Theoretically, it was perfect. Now it all rested on how Sara felt. That was the terrifying thing; what if she wasn't interested?
And then his heart nearly stopped. There she was. A mere 10 feet away stood Sara, looking as thoughtful and beautiful as ever. He'd found her, like he had when The Miniature Killer had taken her. At least that was something; he would have died had he never saw her again, never knew how she felt. Now he could know. Nick could finally let his own feelings be known.
She turned around at the sound of rusting in the trees as he set his rucksack down on the floor, looking straight at him. Shock and surprise registered on Sara's face, but perhaps some happiness was there too. Maybe she was happy to see him.
Nick kept staring at her, still not believing he'd down it, he'd tracked her down. The phrase 'You can run but you can't hide' came to mind.
"Nick?" Sara eventually said, perhaps more for confirmation that he was really there.
"He left," was all Nick could think to say.
Sara looked at him funny, confused.
"Grissom. Grissom left, the lab," he explained.
Sara raised her eyebrows. "Really?"
Nick nodded. "Yeah. Did he come here?"
Sara looked to the floor awkwardly. "No, this is the first I've heard of it."
"Good," Nick sighed. "Because there's something I need to tell you."
"Oh? Okay. Is it important?" Sara asked, already assuming it must have been but still kind of shocked.
"Yeah, it's important. I wouldn't have left Catherine a CSI down had it not been," Nick insisted. "There's something I have to tell you."
"Yeah?" Sara smiled slyly. "And what's that?"
"Have a guess," Nick smiled back.
"I'm not very good at guessing," Sara just shrugged, continuing her innocent act.
Determination flash in Nick's eyes as he walked over to Sara. She somehow didn't seem to mind when he cupped her cheeks with his hands and kissed her. Hard. The relief that swept through Nick's body was immense. He couldn't have been more happy; she'd said yes! Practically. Well, she would have had he actually asked her a question. But he just couldn't think of any words to say, not when he was way too distracted by her amazingly talented, soft lips. Had he died and gone to heaven?
When he eventually pulled away, the need for oxygen had become to great. But as he stared down into Sara's eyes, he knew he'd have thousands more times to savour the touch and the taste of her lips in the future. Nick winked at Sara as she smiled contently up at him.
"For the record, you were the one I wanted here, never Grissom," Sara whispered.
And the light between us
The light between us
The light between us grows and grows and grows
The light between us
The light between us
The light between us grows and grows and…
Thank you for reading. Yeah, I know it would probably take way more than 4 days for Nick, or Grissom for that matter, to find Sara but use your imagination. The title of this story and the song lyrics came from the song The Light Between Us by Scouting For Girls, and I think it fit. Review please.