Hey, tflover2.0 here! This is an interesting idea that I got. So, spoilers for transformers 4 here, but I realized almost immediately when watching the movie ( and that scene) that he killed his first human ever (on screen) when he killed Attinger, at least outright kill him, purposefully and specifically. Yeah, there was the scene at the barn, and other various scenes where he probably managed to kill some humans, but still, he wasn't really aiming to kill them outright, like he did Attinger. I thought about it, and I was like, how is he not affected by that? He had always made a rule that there would be no harming of humans, innocent or not. So I decided to go further into that, being that there are very few fanfics that are friendship fics between Optimus and Cade. Enjoy!
This is an AU ending, where Optimus didn't fly off, 'cause WTF those wounds could (and in a way should!) have killed him, what the hell? And the Autobots hang out with the Yeager's until they all get settled down with the Autobots.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of transformers, or the fandom itself, nor should I ever, cause then I would probably make it explode with the amount of shit I make up.
Again, enjoy!
Realm of Regret
The cold breeze coming off from the coast caused for a great balance against the heat of the muggy summer night. It was an unusually quiet night, except for the continual sirens of ambulances and emergency vehicles, while everyone was still reeling from the recent battle that destroyed most of the city of Tokyo. The stars above the city twinkled brighter than usual. Scientifically, it was due to less lights being on, but Cade liked to think that it was because the souls of their ancestors were smiling down on them for saving everyone from what could have been. It was an interesting, and comforting, thought. Cade could see many constellations he recognized, such as the Orion's belt. He was no astronomer, he was an inventor, but he knew a bit more than the average person, being that his wife was an avid stargazer when they were young.
Cade sighed. He hated when he brought up memories of her, but he knew it was better to remember than to forget. He sat up to look at the city, which had far fewer painful memories than the stars, but he found himself in no less pain remembering the events of that day. It had been a week since the battle, most of which they spent sitting in a medical bay, being treated for wounds that looked far worse than they actually were and fussed over like babies. The Autobots didn't have it much better, being that they were injured more, and didn't even have a proper medic. Cade offered to help them out, being he knew mechanics, but they turned him down, telling him that he had done enough and needed to rest.
Optimus was particularly firm about that, and gave him a bit of a cold shoulder. The others told him he was just stressed, but he was doubtful. Bumblebee, seeing his distress, took him to the side at one point, and told him that Optimus always acted like that when one he considered a friend was put in danger. He had lost too many comrades, too many soldiers to risk any more. Cade understood that, but he still felt a bit glum from the treatment. Cade sighed, and looked out at the dark patch in the coastline, trying to see the damaged buildings from the battle with Lockdown.
He shivered. Lockdown still haunted his memories, turning up in vicious nightmares, that wound up with him screaming himself awake. No one had heard yet except for his daughter, Tessa, but she kept quiet, knowing that he didn't want to burden anyone. It had been chaotic lately for everyone, the government trying to fix their relations with the Autobots, local officials and others trying to rebuild the city, Joshua and his people trying to get them a house and passage back to the U.S., and medics scrambling around to help everyone who were injured during the whole thing. He couldn't burden anyone with his silly nightmares. He was an adult, for pities sake!
Though he wouldn't say it, the Autobots had been a huge support for them, even though they had no real obligation to them now. The battle was over, the Autobots won. Cemetery Wind had been shut down, and governments around the globe were finally opening up to the public about the whole thing, all the way back to the beginning when they were first discovered. The Autobots were wanted back in the U.S.; yet, they stayed with the Yeager's. Cade almost asked why, until he saw Bumblebee hanging out with his daughter and Shane, her boyfriend.
They were laughing over some joke Shane made, and Cade had felt immense joy seeing them so happy after all that occurred. Then he saw the others' reactions. They all felt the same as him; they all felt a sort of childish relief when seeing three young adults, different species aside, enjoying themselves with not a care in the world. It came as a bit of a shock to Cade when he realized that the Autobots weren't so different from humans, that they enjoyed friendships and close familial bonds with others as much as humans do. That's why they stay, Cade thought to himself, still enjoying the cool breeze outside.
The more time he spent with them, the more he saw what should have been obvious signs of his realization. They often volunteered, especially Bumblebee, to take them anywhere they needed to go, or just out for a drive in general. The Autobots, particularly Hound and Crosshairs, often asked questions about human habits and culture, and the Yeager's answered them to the best of their abilities. The bots often recharged close to one another and near to the human quarters as well. They always gathered in the evening to talk about their day, and to listen when one got stressed.
Hound, Bumblebee, and the Yeager's (plus Shane and Joshua) were the most regulars of these gatherings. Drift came as much as he could, but Optimus had him helping with negotiations often. Crosshairs either wasn't much of a talking type of bot, or he was having too much fun messing with the new recruits, pulling pranks with the more senior of the soldiers, but he came over once in a while. Optimus was, well, Optimus. He didn't have much time for anything personal.
Cade felt sorry for the big guy. He had so much weighing on his shoulders, and so much was expected of him. He could relate to him, in a way. They both have somewhat unreasonable expectations put on them, both had to look out and protect people under their care, they both have felt immense loss; it really wasn't much surprise to Cade that they got along so well. At least, most of the time they got along. As of right now, Cade couldn't say much of that.
Optimus was always doing something, and most times had some sort of excuse not to exchange more than a few words with any of them. He spoke pretty curtly to Cade, and in a bit of a condescending tone. Cade was pretty much fed up and discouraged with Optimus' attitude with him. It wasn't really his fault that he fought Lockdown, it was the only option. Optimus would have died if he hadn't taken on the huge bounty hunter. Cade knew what the risks were, and he took that chance. Though you didn't take in the possibility of mental trauma and nightmares, did you, a voice told him in the back of his head. He sighed.
Cade was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a familiar rumble of an engine. Speak of the devil, he thought, as he turned his torso to see Optimus rolling up in his alt mode. He watched as Optimus transformed, revelling in the show of the amazing technology that caused such a thing to occur. Optimus sat down next to him, and Cade had to hide the wince he made at the groans coming from the healing metal, and screeches of underused parts.
"Hey Optimus, what's up?"
"I would believe the answer is the sky, unless you are referring to how I am doing?" He answered, looking at him. Cade chuckled. Optimus had a sense of humour. That was surprising.
"I'm referring to how you are doing, and also wondering, why're you out here? I thought you had a lot of things left to work out with all those officials and liaisons back inside."
"Am I not allowed a small break once in a while?" Optimus countered back, "In answer to your question, I have finished most negotiations that are necessary as of now, and at the moment do not have any pressing issues to deal with." Cade was a little surprised at the sudden change of heart in Optimus, from being somewhat cold, to being friendly, but shrugged it off.
"Ah. I see. So, how are the negotiations working out? All I know is what I hear from Drift, which isn't much. I've heard you aren't being hunted officially anymore, though. That's great news!" Cade hoped to get some amount of info, as he was getting worried for them.
"The negotiations are... doing alright. Your governments are still a little skittish around my kind, but it is more than I could have hoped for at this point," Optimus said, looking away. Cade looked at him suspiciously, and then sighed. Another similarity between them, they both were horrible at hiding away what was bothering them.
"They aren't going so well really, are they?" Cade asked, one eyebrow raised. Optimus looked at him and nodded, but offered no more explanation. Cade grimaced, and massaged his forehead.
"That's just great. They still can't get past their fear of you. They're all idiots. I bet if they spent one day, one day, with any of you, they would realize how mistaken they are," Cade ranted, waving his hands around to emphasize. Optimus gave a small smile, nodding at Cade's statements.
"Although you may be right, Cade, I fear that it will be to no avail. After all that has happened, it may be too much to hope for," Optimus answered, studying the coastline. Cade watched him for a moment, looking for any sign of emotion on his face.
"It's a beautiful sight, isn't it?" Cade asked, motioning to the lights of the city.
"Indeed. This planet has much to behold, and as different it may be to my home planet, it holds its own type of beauty," Optimus said, and looked down to Cade, "Cade Yeager, I admit I did come out here for a purpose other than to relax. Bumblebee has brought to my attention that you were... distressed by my actions toward you and your family, and I came to apologize for that. I should not have released all my frustrations toward you, and I hope you can forgive me for that transgression."
"Bumblebee told you? He shouldn't have, it wasn't any big deal really. But it's alright, I forgive you. No harm done. Bumblebee said you get like that whenever your friends get in harm's way, I completely understand. I'd be worried too, if I were you," Cade told him, looking back up to Optimus, but his sight was elsewhere. Cade followed it toward the dark patch in the horizon, the place where Lockdown's body still lay under careful guard.
"Thank you, Cade. May, I ask you something?" Optimus asked.
"Sure, go ahead and shoot." Optimus looked at him confusedly for a moment, then continued.
"Who was the human? The one who threatened you during my fight with Lockdown." Cade was surprised for a moment. Why would he want to know?
"His name was Harold Attinger. He was the one in charge of Cemetery Wind. It's kind of a good thing you killed him, unfortunately, I think it's probably why it's so easy right now for the U.S. to accept working with you right now. There isn't any real opposition. Why do you want to know?" Optimus stayed quiet, and a few minutes passed before Cade thought that he wasn't going to get an answer.
"Have you ever killed another human being, Cade Yeager?" Cade's eyes shot over at Optimus, even more surprised than before.
"Ummm, not really. I… guess pushing Savoy, Attinger's right hand man, off the building to his death would be technically killing him, but that wasn't really my fault, being he sort of fell through. Otherwise, I've never really gotten into anything that would be... deadly, you know. There were a couple times where I was seriously worried for my daughter's life, when my machines malfunctioned, but other than that, no. I've never killed a person," he answered, and seeing the look on his face, went on, "I think, though, that if I ever did, I probably would never forget their face. To kill someone, that's pretty big. I still remember Savoy's face. If it was for the right reason, I would never regret it though. I wouldn't hesitate if someone was truly threatening or hurting my daughter and I could do something about it. But I would never forget." Optimus looked at him sharply.
"But what if you swore never to hurt another being? What if you broke the one thing that made you the most different from those who are truly evil?" Optimus countered, glaring at him sadly.
"I would still do it. If it a one-time thing, and it was for the right reasons, it doesn't make you any worse than others. If anything, it makes you even better, because you had to make the hard choice of doing a bad thing for good reasons. There are some things that can't be helped, and a choice like that is pretty limited. Even if made in the spur of the moment, even if it was done while the person wasn't clear headed. It was the right decision, Optimus, even if you think it wasn't."
Optimus gave out what sounded like a sigh, and continued to stare at the dark area.
"Optimus? You ok?" Cade asked, a little concerned for the Prime. Optimus nodded, and shut his optics (or turned them off, Cade didn't know what they did).
"That man was the first human I have ever killed. I had vowed, when I came to this planet, that I would never harm a human. I would never harm an innocent being. But I failed. How can I expect the liaisons to trust me and my word, when I broke it myself?" Optimus asked, his hand clenching in anger at himself.
"One, Attinger was not an innocent person, he has killed a lot of your bots, Decepticons, and humans. Second, it was a decision that was necessary, I'm sure every official and liaison there understands the need to make the hard decisions. Third, well..." Cade chuckled and scratched the back of his head, "well, it's a little selfish of me, but if you hadn't killed him, I wouldn't really be here, you basically saved me, so that's another reason I'm glad for."
Optimus turned his optics back down to Cade. Cade gave him a small smile, and continued to look out over the view. Cade could feel Optimus' optics still studying him, but he let the bot take his time. If he wanted to say something about it, he would. Unbeknownst to him, Optimus' processor was reeling.
"...if you hadn't killed him, I wouldn't really be here...". His words ran through Optimus' mind, truly realizing the danger that situation had. Cade had risked his life, trying to aid him. Yet again, a human could have died helping him. First it was Sam, then Lennox, Epps, and the rest of Nest, now Cade and his family. It was almost a continuous cycle, where humans were put in danger due to their war, his war. Why? Especially with Cade. He had lost almost all trust in humans after the government's betrayal, so why did Cade Yeager, a simple mechanic living a simple life, see fit to risk his life for a being that he had no obligations to?
"While that is a reasonable statement, I still killed the human. And you would not have been in danger if you had not joined my fight against Lockdown," Optimus saw Cade stiffen significantly, and put it away for later discussion, "and while it was an admirable action, I do not agree with it. You should not need to put yourself in danger again, and I would ask you to never take that course again. Ever."
"Optimus, things happen. There was no way I was leaving you to that fight. We Texans have a rule in our state that no one messes with people from Texas. And messing with Texan's families is included." Optimus raised an optic brow ( again, Cade had no clue what to call it and just connected it to its closest human counterpart).
"You would consider us your... family? Even though we are an entirely different species?" Optimus asked, staring intently at him.
"Of course," Cade answered, somewhat confused, "it doesn't matter what species you are, or whether we aren't related at all. Heck, I bet most related families haven't been through even half as much as we have. And have you seen how Bumblebee, Tessa, and Shane get along? Why wouldn't we consider you guys' family?" Optimus seemed to mull that over for a moment, and then replied quietly:
"It seems you are right, Cade Yeager." They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the night and its stars.
"I still do not agree withyour actions on that day, and I humbly request that you never do something as reckless as that again." Optimus said quietly. Well, Optimus is a bit stubborn on this, Cade thought.
"Well, I can't promise anything, but I won't have to do something like that again if you don't get into similar situations again. So, deal? You don't get into life threatening situations, and I won't recklessly risk my own neck trying to take on ten ton robots trying to slice me in half. That sounds fair," Optimus chuckled lightly and shook his head, but voiced his agreement, "Besides, I knew what the consequences were when I helped you, and as I told myself then, I shall say now, I will deal with them." Optimus nodded
"It is thankful that no consequences were enacted, due to the timing of your daughter and Shane." Optimus watched as Cade jerked a little, and tried to cover it with a weakly made cough, avoiding eye contact. Optimus narrowed his optics at him, trying to figure out what made Cade react the way he did.
"Cade..." Optimus started softly, "what is wrong?" His suspicions only rose as Cade quickly (too quickly) tried to reassure him that he was ok.
"I'm fine Optimus, really! It, only really just hit that all that could have ended pretty badly, is all!"
"Were you hurt?" Optimus questioned.
"No! No... Well.. Yes, but that isn't what is bothering me. Not that there is! Anything, bothering me... ah shoot." Cade's shoulders slumped, realising his mistake in his rambling. He kept his gaze to the ground, not wanting to see the stern glare of his giant friend next to him.
"Cade, I have told you my troubles, something of which I rarely do, if ever. If I can share my thoughts to you, you may likewise share your thoughts to me. What is bothering you?"
"Ah, it's nothing much. Nothing physical. I, well, I keep remembering the fight with Lockdown. They're just some stupid nightmares, nothing to worry about. It's fine. I can handle it." Cade finally answered, wrapping his arms around his knees and resting his head upon them. Ah, Optimus thought. He knew what nightmares were. He found out what they were after asking Lennox when Bumblebee told him about Sam running out the house with a terrified look in his face one night to make sure Bee was still safe, and getting only a 'it was just a nightmare' from the tired boy.
"Cade, are your nightmares affecting you greatly?" Optimus asked. Cade shook his head, but hesitantly.
"Cade, please tell me the truth." Cade sighed, then nodded.
"I'm getting enough sleep, they just startle me really. Not the greatest feeling, to wake up screaming because you thought you were about to be slaughtered by Lockdown, with everyone else dead around you," he answered, smiling tiredly at Optimus' shocked face, "yeah, sometimes they're that bad. That's why I come out here once in a while, in the night. To get those images out of my head." Cade doesn't speak about the details of the nightmares, how it seems to be his fault that his daughter dies, that Optimus is killed trying to defend him, that everyone's eyes in death seem to accuse him, to blame him for their deaths. That Attinger and Savoy stand in the background dancing on the burning bodies. And that Lockdown, right before he gets "killed", always says "there is no one to save you now".
"While I cannot do much about your nightmares, Cade Yeager, I can promise you this: he can never hurt you again. He is gone, and shall never threaten any of us, ever again. You are safe." Cade smiled.
"I appreciate that, thanks. The nightmares probably won't go away anytime soon, but I really do appreciate it."
"Whether they go away soon, or do not, know that we are here, and my bots are always willing to help you and your family." Optimus' words comforted Cade, and he gave a big smile.
"Thank you Optimus. Thank you."
And if anyone ever noticed how much Cade seemed to perk up after that night, no one said. Neither did they say anything about how Optimus seemed to accompany Cade around more, and seem friendlier than ever before to the man. Nor did they speak about how Optimus recharged extra close to the humans, and when Cade would sneak out at night to star gaze, that Optimus would always awaken to join him, whether to talk or to enjoy companiable silence they did not know. No one said a thing, because all they cared about was that they were happier. They were healing.
Alrighty, here, sadly, is the end. I would appreciate any feedback in the forms of reviews and favourites! I would love to hear whether you agree with me or not. If you are following my other stories, sorry! I'm getting to it. Hopefully.
Until All Are One! (I love this line. ^*^)