Katsura woke feeling disoriented. It took him a moment to realize where he was and another moment to realize he was naked. Yet another moment and he remembered why he was naked. He pulled the bed covers up high to his chin.
A door across the room opened. He felt nauseated suddenly. Out of the bathroom stepped Katsura's worst nightmare. Oh no. Not him, Katsura thought in panic. It was just as he'd feared.
"Um, hey…," said the hulking slab of traitorous gorilla meat otherwise known as Kondou Isao, Commander of the Shinsengumi.
"…." Katsura blinked up at him having momentarily gone rigid with horror.
"The bathroom's free if you want to wash up," continued Kondou, stepping away from the doorway. Thankfully he was fully clothed in his usual Shinsengumi uniform sans the officer's coat and cravat. The additional trauma of seeing Kondou walk out naked might have finished Katsura.
"Turn around," said the young jouishishi.
"What?"
"I said turn around." Katsura made sure his tone was evocative of the deeply unpleasant emotion he was experiencing. He knew it was already too late for modesty, and they were men – men who had seen each other in the nude plenty of times in the past under different circumstances. However, now it all felt so very indecent.
"Um, okay," said Kondou, looking at Katsura like he thought the jouishishi was nuts before obliging him.
Katsura made a dash for the bathroom, throwing the sheet to the floor and grabbing what he hoped were his clothes from the ground on the way. He slammed the door shut behind him. He set his clothes down on the counter and stared himself down in the small mirror provided on the wall.
How could this happen? How could I let this happen?
The things he'd let Kondou do to him last night… he wanted to cry. He also felt like hurling, but he wasn't sure if it was from disgust or his hangover coming into play.
He looked awful, his face a little drawn with bags under his eyes from dehydration and alcohol. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop his eyes from seeking out the dark pinkish purple bruises on his neck and shoulder and chest and… he didn't care to explore any further than that.
While Katsura was busy mourning his recently departed innocence, the door opened and Kondou walked in.
Katsura quickly grabbed his clothes and held them in front of him, turning around to face the other man, his back to the counter.
"What are you doing!" he said in outrage.
"I just wanted to check on you. You weren't making any noise so I got worried." Kondou's voice was calm as he held out a hand in front of him.
"It's none of your concern. Get out!" said Katsura. What's up with this guy, wondered the jouishishi. Just because they'd slept together once, he thought he could nose into Katsura's business?
"It's alright. I know what this is. You're panicking," said Kondou. He didn't leave but, rather, took a step closer, moving slowly like he was approaching a wounded wildcat.
Katsura tried to retreat further, but the counter's edge was already digging into the small of his back.
"I've seen this before. It's going to be okay…," Kondou continued gently. Now both hands were out in front of him in what Katsura assumed was supposed to be a quelling gesture.
"Like hell," said Katsura. What did the Gorilla mean he'd 'seen this before'? Some of Katsura's trauma faded to annoyance. So, what? He was just another in a long line of victims? Exactly how many people had woken up to find this drunken mistake waiting for them?
"Everyone panics a little in the beginning," said Kondou. "But it'll get better, I promise…."
"I'm not panicking!" said Katsura. Maybe he had been, but now he was just pissed off. With Kondou and with himself. What had he been thinking? It wasn't like he'd even been drunk enough not to remember it. But apparently he'd been drunk enough to get into bed with this gorilla. And what was the Gorilla doing, taking advantage of him like that? Wasn't he supposed to be some kind of police officer?
"I can't believe you!" said Katsura, deciding to run with the idea. "I can't believe you did those things to me, and you don't feel guilty at all!" The newfound indignation was burning him up inside, further fueling his rage.
"Can you please stop acting like I forced you?" said Kondou sounding much too reasonable.
"You might as well have... taking advantage of a drunk person, humph!"
"I was drunk too! And you were the one who dragged me to this room. I definitely did not take advantage. I wasn't even the one who decided who was gonna fuck who!"
Katsura's face flushed. "Liar! I did not!" he said despite the feeling that Kondou's account sounded depressingly familiar.
"We had a good time; you don't have to be so horrified."
"I do have to!" said Katsura. "There's no way I wouldn't be!"
"At least you're not denying you enjoyed it," sighed Kondou.
"That… was already implied!" said Katsura defensively. "I don't have to deny it!"
"Look, I just came to see if you're alright."
"Of course I'm not alright, you idiot!" said Katsura. "Who would be! After doing such things with a gorilla. It's practically bestiality."
"You sound alright to me," muttered Kondou, frowning. "You're certainly not cowering in a corner, crying, are you."
Katsura grit his teeth. "Who do you think I am? A Leader of the Joui rebellion wouldn't let his enemy see him in such a state."
"I don't know…," said Kondou. "I'm pretty sure I saw a few tears last night."
"You…," hissed Katsura before hurling the clothes in his hand at Kondou's head, too angry to care that his actions left him completely exposed. It didn't have the effect Katsura desired – namely decapitation – leaving him even angrier. Time for an assassination, he decided, his hands clenching into fists at his side.
He dashed forward and before Kondou even knew what hit him, the Gorilla was on his back with Katsura sitting on his chest, Katsura's noble little hands wrapped tightly around Kondou's thick gorilla neck. They were getting tighter by the second.
"Gah," said Kondou.
"Just DIE!" said Katsura, his thumbs digging deeper into Kondou's throat and pressing against his trachea.
Kondou didn't seem to want to. He was being very uncooperative, writhing and pulling at Katsura's wrists. Finally, he grunted and rolled his large body to the side with all his effort. Katsura was thrown off, the sudden loss of balance causing him to let go of his target's neck.
He fell on his back on the bathroom floor and banged his head against the tiles. He could hear Kondou coughing somewhere. He groaned and pinched his eyes shut. When he opened them again, Kondou was kneeling over him, a look of concern on his stupid not-asphyxiated face. Katsura could see the circumferential bruise already forming on Kondou's throat. He left out a short derisive breath.
"Are you okay?" the Gorilla asked, his voice still a little hoarse.
"You… you bastard," Katsura groaned. "You could have killed me!"
"Uh, I was the one being killed."
"What if I have brain damage?!" Katsura continued.
"If anything I'm the one with brain damage. You were strangling me to death." Kondou offered Katsura his hand to help the jouishishi right himself.
"Your brain was damaged to start with! You can afford a little more," said Katsura seriously. He took Kondou's help and sat up. He rubbed at the back of his head where a small bump was forming. "But I can't! I actually use mine. A lot!"
Kondou sighed. "Here, let me see." He reached out a hand toward Katsura's head.
"Don't you touch me… you… you… pervert!" said Katsura, shrinking back from the other man, momentarily regaining some of his modesty now that he'd calmed down.
Kondou sighed again. "Fine. I'll go wait outside. Get dressed. I'll buy you breakfast."
"You think breakfast will make up for this? Do you buy off all your victims with breakfast?"
"Well, it usually helps," said Kondou, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
"I can't believe the level of corruption in this town. Oh how wonderfully we're prospering under the so called care of this unjust Shogunate. Even cops are bribing people in Edo now."
"It's not a bribe. It's breakfast," said Kondou, a hand going to his face. "It's not going to be the downfall of the country, I promise."
"The country can't fall any lower than it is now under the Amanto riddled Bakufu's tyranny," said Katsura.
"Okay, I get it, I get it. Bakufu bad. Joui good," said Kondou. "Breakfast?"
"Spoken like a true gorilla. I suppose it is the least you could do," muttered Katsura. He wasn't one to turn down a free meal, and by his account, this was only the beginning of what Kondou owed him. "It's only fitting that your stolen wages should come back around to citizens like me who are signing your paycheck so you can go on oppressing us in comfort."
"Oi, I'm not oppressing anyone," said Kondou. "You don't even pay taxes!"
"I would if I wasn't so oppressed and penniless at the hands of the Bakufu and their economic policies!" said Katsura. "You tax thieving rich folk can never understand the struggles of a patriot like me."
"…Can we just go to breakfast?" said Kondou, holding out Katsura's clothes.
Katsura narrowed his eyes at him and raised his chin in victory. "Fine." He snatched the garments from Kondou and glared at him until he was out the door.
A/N: Thanks for reading. If you know of any other story out there with this pairing (Kondou/Katsura, Kondou/Zurako), please let me know. It's like a desert out there for Kon/Kat lovers like me. I have to write my own if I want to read it, which is no fun because I suck at writing and am not creative. :( Reading a good Kondou/Katsura story is my only fanfiction wish.