Emotions
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the RK characters, or Evanescence's song Going Under. But I do wish I did! -sighs-
Chapter One: Going Under/Misao's Anger
Brief Summary of Chapter: Misao, after Aoshi leaves her, finds herself filled with rage on a stormy night. Much sadness and anger in this chapter.
Warning: Slight room violence from Misao. Slight Profanity.
Remember to read the note at the bottom, incase you get confused about the contents. Review!
*** *** ***
(((Now I will tell you what I've done for you.
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you.
And you still won't hear me.)))
Makamachi Misao sniffed as she lay on her futon, a tear rolling down her cheek. Outside, rain pounded on the roof, a pitter-patter so steady it was like the beating of a drum.
She was sad. So sad.
Aoshi didn't love her after all. He left her. He didn't care if she lived or died. He didn't care.
So many years of hero worship and a crush that had blossomed into a deep love for Shinomori Aoshi. He was supposed to love her back, but he didn't. He just DIDN'T!
They were supposed to fall in love, and become married. He would be her knight in shining armor. She would be a loving, spunky wife who he could tell how much he loved her without a thought.
It should have happened THAT WAY!
With an enraged scream, she threw the pillow she had been clutching. It bounced harmlessly off the wall. Sobs came in torrents like the fierce rain, wails like the wind. The cover of storm stopped the other members of the household from hearing her wild cries.
It was then it hit her. She wasn't sad. She was angry.
That bastard had left what could have worked! He was the cause of all her pain!
For a moment, her love for him stopped, and flickered, then faded.
She didn't want him. She would never want him! He wouldn't hurt her again.
(((Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once.
Not tormented daily defeated by you.
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,
I'm dying again)))
She was a small girl by birth, but this didn't stop her as she pounded against he wall with her fists. She could feel the sturdy material cracking under her punches.
Misao felt Aoshi streaming through her blood, killing her, drowning her with her every memory of him.
"He's going to kill me!" She yelled into the wall, and felt a warm liquid trickle down her wrists. Red.
Snarling, she slammed her bare foot onto a low-slung wooden table. It creaked and snapped in half.
Aoshi's face was a constant picture in her mind. She couldn't get him to leave.
"Leave me the fuck alone!" She howled, grabbing her hair and pulling on it.
(((I'm going under.
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever.
I've got to break through.
I'm going under.)))
He had left her standing there, alone and cold, with her grandfather's half dead body lying behind her. Cold, icy eyes. Absorbing her soul. Taking away her strength, like a vampire sucking away at a person's blood.
She could feel her mind echoing her words, "Lord Aoshi..."
Then, his spite like venom.
Struggling, she slammed against her wall blindly, grabbing a piece of the broken table wood to keep herself from crashing. A painting hanging on the wall fell to the ground as she ran like a wounded animal around the room.
Misao didn't know where she was, WHO she was. What was the truth and what was the lies. Had Aoshi ever told her lies? Was everything he ever said a lie? Was everything he ever said the truth? What was the truth? She didn't know anymore.
Didn't know anything.
(((Blurring and stirring, the truth and the lies.
So I don't know what's real and what's not.
Always confusing, the thoughts in my head,
So I can't trust myself anymore.
I'm dying again.)))
She could feel herself falling, tripping, stumbling, till eventually her body met the floor.
Curling into a fetal position, she cursed the leader to Hell, wishing for him to never return to her. She never wanted to see him again, because he never wanted to see her again. And that would be fine. She didn't care. She never really cared. Misao had always just been a little girl, with a little girl's crush. She didn't need him. She could live without him.
But...
(((I'm going under.
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever.
I've got to break through.)))
Who would be there to save her from herself?
Her sobs came heavier as she stared blankly ahead, rocking back and forth a little as Aoshi stared at her through her thoughts.
"Lord Aoshi...why did you leave me here?" Came a choked whisper as the girl shivered.
There was no way he could ever love her. But even if he could, would she love him back, after he turned his back on her like she was worthless?
(((So go on and scream.
Scream at me I'm so far away.
I won't be broken again.
I've got to breathe.)))
"I will wait." She concluded softly, lowering her head, thick black bangs covering her eyes. A single tear dropped down onto the floor, the last one of the night.
"I will wait for you, Aoshi. Come back to me."
(((I can't keep going under.)))
*** *** ***
A/N: This isn't my best story, and it's angsty and kind of OC, but you know, I really want to portray my emotions that I feel through characters. This takes place right after Aoshi ditches Misao and hurts her grandfather, and she's seriously sad, but sadness turns to anger, and a pissed off Misao is having some issues with thinking clearly, and feels the need to take out her rage on the poor wall and table. In the end, it becomes sadness again, as she realizes through her rage, she still loves Aoshi, and although they may never become what she had dreamed about, she will wait for him.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the RK characters, or Evanescence's song Going Under. But I do wish I did! -sighs-
Chapter One: Going Under/Misao's Anger
Brief Summary of Chapter: Misao, after Aoshi leaves her, finds herself filled with rage on a stormy night. Much sadness and anger in this chapter.
Warning: Slight room violence from Misao. Slight Profanity.
Remember to read the note at the bottom, incase you get confused about the contents. Review!
*** *** ***
(((Now I will tell you what I've done for you.
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you.
And you still won't hear me.)))
Makamachi Misao sniffed as she lay on her futon, a tear rolling down her cheek. Outside, rain pounded on the roof, a pitter-patter so steady it was like the beating of a drum.
She was sad. So sad.
Aoshi didn't love her after all. He left her. He didn't care if she lived or died. He didn't care.
So many years of hero worship and a crush that had blossomed into a deep love for Shinomori Aoshi. He was supposed to love her back, but he didn't. He just DIDN'T!
They were supposed to fall in love, and become married. He would be her knight in shining armor. She would be a loving, spunky wife who he could tell how much he loved her without a thought.
It should have happened THAT WAY!
With an enraged scream, she threw the pillow she had been clutching. It bounced harmlessly off the wall. Sobs came in torrents like the fierce rain, wails like the wind. The cover of storm stopped the other members of the household from hearing her wild cries.
It was then it hit her. She wasn't sad. She was angry.
That bastard had left what could have worked! He was the cause of all her pain!
For a moment, her love for him stopped, and flickered, then faded.
She didn't want him. She would never want him! He wouldn't hurt her again.
(((Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once.
Not tormented daily defeated by you.
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,
I'm dying again)))
She was a small girl by birth, but this didn't stop her as she pounded against he wall with her fists. She could feel the sturdy material cracking under her punches.
Misao felt Aoshi streaming through her blood, killing her, drowning her with her every memory of him.
"He's going to kill me!" She yelled into the wall, and felt a warm liquid trickle down her wrists. Red.
Snarling, she slammed her bare foot onto a low-slung wooden table. It creaked and snapped in half.
Aoshi's face was a constant picture in her mind. She couldn't get him to leave.
"Leave me the fuck alone!" She howled, grabbing her hair and pulling on it.
(((I'm going under.
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever.
I've got to break through.
I'm going under.)))
He had left her standing there, alone and cold, with her grandfather's half dead body lying behind her. Cold, icy eyes. Absorbing her soul. Taking away her strength, like a vampire sucking away at a person's blood.
She could feel her mind echoing her words, "Lord Aoshi..."
Then, his spite like venom.
Struggling, she slammed against her wall blindly, grabbing a piece of the broken table wood to keep herself from crashing. A painting hanging on the wall fell to the ground as she ran like a wounded animal around the room.
Misao didn't know where she was, WHO she was. What was the truth and what was the lies. Had Aoshi ever told her lies? Was everything he ever said a lie? Was everything he ever said the truth? What was the truth? She didn't know anymore.
Didn't know anything.
(((Blurring and stirring, the truth and the lies.
So I don't know what's real and what's not.
Always confusing, the thoughts in my head,
So I can't trust myself anymore.
I'm dying again.)))
She could feel herself falling, tripping, stumbling, till eventually her body met the floor.
Curling into a fetal position, she cursed the leader to Hell, wishing for him to never return to her. She never wanted to see him again, because he never wanted to see her again. And that would be fine. She didn't care. She never really cared. Misao had always just been a little girl, with a little girl's crush. She didn't need him. She could live without him.
But...
(((I'm going under.
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever.
I've got to break through.)))
Who would be there to save her from herself?
Her sobs came heavier as she stared blankly ahead, rocking back and forth a little as Aoshi stared at her through her thoughts.
"Lord Aoshi...why did you leave me here?" Came a choked whisper as the girl shivered.
There was no way he could ever love her. But even if he could, would she love him back, after he turned his back on her like she was worthless?
(((So go on and scream.
Scream at me I'm so far away.
I won't be broken again.
I've got to breathe.)))
"I will wait." She concluded softly, lowering her head, thick black bangs covering her eyes. A single tear dropped down onto the floor, the last one of the night.
"I will wait for you, Aoshi. Come back to me."
(((I can't keep going under.)))
*** *** ***
A/N: This isn't my best story, and it's angsty and kind of OC, but you know, I really want to portray my emotions that I feel through characters. This takes place right after Aoshi ditches Misao and hurts her grandfather, and she's seriously sad, but sadness turns to anger, and a pissed off Misao is having some issues with thinking clearly, and feels the need to take out her rage on the poor wall and table. In the end, it becomes sadness again, as she realizes through her rage, she still loves Aoshi, and although they may never become what she had dreamed about, she will wait for him.