Professional Courtesies
by aishuu
An XXXholic/The Little Mermaid Crossover
Note: Yes, this is crack. I blame acexkekkei and genx88 for having the bad taste to encourage me. No, I accept no responsibility.

She always found visiting Ursula a trial, but professional courtesies had to be maintained. There were so few witches still in the business, and it paid to have colleagues who could offer different perspectives. That didn't mean she had to like her, though.

"More hanpen, dear?" Ursula asked, holding out a platter.

"No, I'm full," Yuuko refused with a satisfied sigh. Despite her shortcomings, Ursula's culinary designs were above reproach.

Ursula nodded as she set the tray down, her bright red lips pulled back from her white teeth in what was meant to be taken as a smile. Yuuko knew better. "I suppose we should get down to business."

"We should," Yuuko agreed, tilting her head back, causing her hair to sway with the sea currents. Yuuko loved how dramatic her hair appeared underwater, twisting around her head like tiny black snakes. Brushing it out afterward was always a trial, but that's what she had Moro and Maru for. Much better, she thought with a look of slight condescension, than those eels Ursula insisted on. They didn't even have hands, so how could they help with the essentials? "I'm here to advise you, as a concerned colleague, that you should reconsider your pricing policy."

Ursula pressed her fat fingers to an equally obese bosom in a parody of innocence. "My prices?" she asked. "I only sell at the most competitive rates, deary."

Their codes were strange and intricate, but Ursula always danced the line between servant and dictator too carelessly. "We don't sell things on credit," Yuuko pointed out sharply. "All sales are final."

Ursula shrugged. "So what if I'm inclined to be generous? A fair price gets paid, one way or another."

"I would debate that," Yuuko replied. The air was starting to get a bit thin, and she knew she was almost out of time. "If you're not careful, it may come back to haunt you."

Ursula snorted. "Hardly. All I do is sell wishes."

Yuuko glanced at the garden of tortured merfolks. "And if you happen to add new specimens to your garden, all the better?" she asked.

"There's nothing wrong with indulging in a hobby," Ursula said. "I find gardening very empowering."

Yuuko would just bet Ursula did. "I would debate this further, but I'm afraid I'll have to be going soon. The gillyweed is about to wear off," she said, raising a hand to display her magically webbed fingers. They shined just a bit in the dank light of Ursula's layer.

"Pity," Ursula replied. "Do feel free to stop by anytime," she continued in a sugary-sweet voice that dripped with sarcasm.

Yuuko agreed, smiling as she rose to lead. She'd done her duty, now Ursula would have to suffer the consequences of her actions. If the Sea Witch had possessed any clairvoyant abilities, she would have known she was shaping her own doom. Sadly, she'd always been more concerned about gathering power than selling wishes.

Six months later, Yuuko munched on the caramel popcorn Watanuki had made for her as she stared into the mirror, watching events happening several worlds away like she'd watch her favorite drama. As Ursula got stabbed in the stomach, Yuuko mentally wiped her hands of the whole matter. Ursula had never been a good witch.