If you could see me now would you be proud of me and the life I've carved out for myself? Would you pretend you didn't know who I was or hang your head in shame when you see the things I'm doing?
I always wondered what you thought of what I was doing dad because I'm now older than you were when you did it. You haven't been here physically guiding me since I was 14 and I've done everything I could to try and make you proud but whether I've achieved that or not is another thing. I used to think that I knew you very well and that I could judge your reactions to most situations but seeing that I didn't know you as well as I'd like to think I did, I'm not sure how you'd react to what I'm doing anymore.
Now mum, see I'm not forgetting you. You've not been gone long now and I know we weren't exactly close and didn't have the normal mother/daughter bond but then nothing about our family was ever normal. You never seemed to approve of anything I did but I wonder if it's different now. Maybe you can see now why I do the things that I do or that although it may not be the life you wanted for me, that I'm happy.
If you could both see me now would you be proud to have me as your daughter, of the daughter you raised or ashamed?