Ginger Snaps

One-shot

Disclaimer: Sadly, everything is owned by JK Rowling.

It's unbearable really. I know Harry's supposed to be my best mate and all and I'm trying, really I am, but can't they be a little more considerate? Malfoy is supposed to be Harry's soulmate (ack) and maybe the ferret has come a long way but Merlin, shouldn't they think of other people too? Other people's feelings? My feelings?

I tolerated (just about) when Harry started mooning over Malfoy back at Hogwarts. Don't let Hermione convince you that I was clueless. I knew. In fact, I knew more than she did because I'm a bloke and blokes just sense these things, you know. Blokes fancying other blokes. Even better than we sense girls fancying us and don't let Hermione start on how long it took me to ask her out because really, she was the one who couldn't make up her bloody mind over Kr-u-m. But I digress – ha, five points for me for using the word!

So, Hogwarts. Harry. Mooning over Malfoy. It was disgusting, really. We were Gryffindors and we fought ferociously with Slytherins, not tumble around in bed with them! I had kept my legendary temper in check. Harry's my best mate, you know and I do love that bloke even if his choices leave a lot to be desired. Now Ginny, well, if Harry had gotten together with Ginny I wouldn't have given a whit about it, well, unless they were snogging, or groping, or snogging and groping or worse…but I digress again!

Watching Harry had hurt. Literally, here, on the chest. It was like…like a bludger to the heart and the snitch captured in enemy hands. Malfoy's hands. So maybe I lost it a bit. Maybe I yelled and thrashed the common room but Harry's my best mate and I've said that thrice already. I'd do anything for him. Except make peace with the ferret. Oh we pretended to tolerate each other but that prick knew how to push buttons, you know. Pushed many of mine even until now. And Hermione, that traitor, actually thinks Malfoy isn't so bad anymore. Just because the git understand Magical theory doesn't mean he's likeable. What about all those insults? Those pranks that we've suffered through? Are we supposed to forget them?

I could never, but Harry and 'Mione are gone. They've been caught by that conniving little ferret but not me.

I gave their relationship a month, two at the most. I was certain that Malfoy would crack and hex Harry to next year and when he would, well, here I am, Ron Weasley, Harry's faithful second. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Bloody hell it never came! Oh they still argued and fought and traded insults but it was gone. That wonderful, blessed hatred was gone. Merlin. I wanted to die. My best mate. And Malfoy. It took me a while, it did, before finally accepting that the ferret was going to stick around longer than I'd anticipated.

But it didn't mean I had to like it.

But Hogwarts is over. Ancient history now, really. Stories ol' Binns should be telling but I'm sure he's still boring his students to death. I figured all of them should be ghosts by now too. 'Mione and I are still going strong, thank Merlin, and sharing a flat. Lots of wink, wink, nudge, nudge there but I'm an honest bloke. Maybe now and then we'd, uhhhhh, well Harry would sometimes complain about the noises we'd make. It's not my fault, really! I'm rubbish at charms and Hermione's a brilliant witch but even she forgets to cast the silencing spells. Yeah, Harry's living with us. Kind of strange, really, since I'd figured he'd decide to spend all of his time shacking up with Malfoy but I am happier that Harry's living with us, even if it does seem ridiculous when three best friends share the same place, two of them dating and the other one making constant Floo calls to certain snakes in Wiltshire. The downside is that Malfoy is usually over in our home, having lunch or dinner or, I shudder, breakfast.

It's not like the old days, though. Oh Malfoy still sticks his pointy nose in other people's business and makes snide comments. He particularly is fond of lashing out at my hair. What's with it, really? It's ginger-colored and kind of long and soft and 'Mione really likes it (even Lavender before but shhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't tell 'Mione that! I still have nightmares from 'Won-Won'). So it's not like Malfoy's which is pale and probably brushed through a thousand times, that conceited ponce. And from what I hear from Harry, he spends more time in the bathroom fixing himself than all of us combined! Ridiculous. And completely flaming.

Once I tried setting Harry up behind their backs. Come on, what was I supposed to do? There were really days when I believed Harry was better off without Malfoy. Have you seen how they fight? It's like bloody war between them when they do. Out for each other's blood and all that. Bruises and cuts. They're pretty violent and Harry sulks and is morose and generally in an awful mood. Everyone's learned to tiptoe around them on broken glass and eggshells when they're like that. Then they make up and it's…it's…pretty disgusting really. One of them capitulates, sends flowers, chocolates and other sickening gifts then they're at each other's faces again, sucking off and really that can be taken in so many ways it's frightening.

Well I was tired of it. Yeah, you heard me. Nothing's more important than my mate's happiness and it was clear it didn't belong with oily Malfoy junior. So I subtly threw girls in Harry's direction, hoping to attract him with boobs and arse but that didn't work. I was saving Ginny for later as my secret weapon. Then I tried another tactic. All right, blokes were fine for Harry as long as they didn't have the initials of Draco Malfoy. So I scouted for some good-looking ones, you know, tall, brawny, Quidditch buffs. And smart, smart for 'Mione. That failed. Without any options left, I decided to bring out Ginny when I realized that when I was being subtle, it was just about as subtle as a trumpeting elephant.

'Mione was furious, Harry was furious and Malfoy raging, spitting mad. So all right, maybe I'd miscalculated a bit. Intentionally breaking up a couple was bad but I was doing it for the right reasons. Theirs isn't a healthy relationship. It's too volatile, too needy, too intense. 'Mione and I aren't like that even when we do fight. She's a hellcat, that woman. With demon claws.

Even Ginny thought what I did was pretty stupid. Now this…this coming from the girl who's crushed over Harry for nearly a decade, whose heart broke into tiny pieces when Harry broke up with her and settled with Malfoy. I couldn't understand it. Everyone was fine with Harry and Malfoy. They were sworn enemies, Light and Dark, Dumbledore's Golden Boy and the Dark Lord's evil minion. Everyone accepted their relationship, saw what I couldn't see…

Then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks or a vicious slap across the face in 'Mione's case. The hurt, puppy-dog look Harry gave me wasn't any better. I was the only one who couldn't accept it. I tolerated their relationship but, but, but I'd always thought they'd break up. Expected it, even. I realized…I hadn't been such a good best mate to Harry after all. Looking back, I'd acknowledged that I'm not really the poster boy for best friends. I'd been suspicious with Harry for being a Parselmouth, stabbed his back during the TriWizard Tournament when he most needed a friend, been jealous of him, mad at him. And now when Harry's finally happy and content I had buggered it by being a selfish prick. If Harry had not approved of 'Mione and me, well, that would have hurt worse than kick in the shin.

It really did hit me then. Honest. It took a while but finally Harry forgave me. Malfoy, er, I really hadn't apologized to him until 'Mione had pointed it out that they came as a pair. It took Malfoy even longer to be all right with it. I stopped expecting them to break apart and truly accepted them as a couple. It wasn't easy. Malfoy didn't make it easy. He's still a ponce and a git and a bastard and a prick to me. Nothing'll change that but…

But…

BUT since he makes Harry happy I'm willing to clasp his hand when he comes over for lunch or dinner (or ACCKK breakfast) and try to get along with him. For Harry's sake.

Mine too, since 'Mione withholds certain things that are, er, beneficial to one's health when she's mad.

And so here we are. Present time, lovely 2005. V-Voldemort's gone. Death Eaters rounded up. 'Mione and I are getting along great. Malfoy and Harry together forever. Bugger to all.

END