Warnings: Swearing and yar, there be yaoi bits
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki
Night Swimming
The sound of a door slamming shut broke into his dreams, jolting him awake. His sudden movement caused the book that had been lying across his lap to slip off on to the floor. He peered down at it, confused. Had he been asleep? He then looked up surprised at how dark the room had become. Sitting in the chair by the window, he had been reading by the late afternoon sun, and sometime must have dropped off. Now summer's twilight casted the room in deep shades of purple and blue and he squinted in the darkness. He turned from where he was sitting and looked towards the front door. A tall, thin shadow was standing by the entrance, one long arm reaching out to the wall for balance as he bent down to peel off first one boot, and then the other.
From where he was sitting, he could smell the alcohol and the cigarettes. As the shadow ambled towards him, another scent slipped through the air, one that carried a hint of flowers and of smooth, clean skin. Hakkai took another sniff. It had been a while since he had smelled perfume.
He saw Gojou sway a little as he walked, and he responded by getting up from the chair and gently taking the half-youkai's arm. Gojou made a weak attempt to shake him off. "I'm fine," he mumbled, running his hand through his hair.
"I know." Hakkai smiled, still softly guiding. Gojou dragged for another moment but then shrugged and collapsed backwards in the chair. His lolled his head from right to left until he finally just sat still, letting it sink into the cushion.
"Rough night?" Hakkai asked as he went to the sink in the kitchen. Grabbing a glass, he started to fill it with water.
"…Could have been rougher, I guess." Gojou clicked his lighter open, and lit the cigarette now hanging from his lips. He closed his eyes, and breathed in, letting the smoke fill his mouth before allowing it slip out.
"How were the games?" Hakkai passed him the glass.
"…same." Gojou took it and raised an eyebrow. "No beer?"
"You drank the last one this morning."
"…oh yeah." Gojou frowned and took a few gulps from the glass. He went to place it on the floor, but Hakkai reached out and took it from his hand, and placed it on the small table near the window.
"Are you hungry?" He started to walk back towards the kitchen. "I can make you a sandwich."
"Nah, I'm fine. I ate something at the pub." Gojou watched him from the chair. "Why's it so dark in here?"
"Oh. I fell asleep while reading. I just woke up when you came in." He nodded towards the lamp by Gojou. "You can turn that on if you want."
Gojou turned to peer blearily at the lamp. He started to reach out towards it, but then dropped his arm over the side of the chair instead. "…ah, that's too much work."
Hakkai raised his eyebrows a little and walked over, extending his arm out to turn on the lamp, but then found a hand on his wrist, stopping him. He looked down at Gojou questioningly.
"…It's too hot. Just keep it off." The half-youkai said in a low voice.
Hakkai nodded. "It is still warm out." Although it was evening and the windows had been open all day, the air in the room was still heavy and wet. Even the few breezes that slipped into the room felt hot.
Gojou brushed his hand though his hair again, slicking it back a little with the sweat that ran across his forehead. Hakkai had noticed this habit early on, but Gojou seemed to be doing it more as his hair got longer. A year ago when he started to live with him, it was shortly cropped, but not it dusted the top of his shoulders. He watched silently from where he stood as his roommate just sat in the chair, absently sliding his fingers through his hair over and over. "It's so fucking hot," he grimaced. "I thought I was going to die in the bar, and so I headed out, but it's the same here."
"Well, maybe a shower would help." Hakkai nodded towards the bathroom. "It might make you feel better before going to bed."
Gojou just shook his head. "…Nah, that's not gonna do it." He let his chin rest in his hand as he continued to run his fingers though his hair. He gazed about the room, which in the evening's low light, had grown even darker. Hakkai was now just a silhouette by the kitchen doorway. In the shadows, the youkai's clothes and features had all faded until there were no defining lines between his skin and the loose shirt and pants he was wearing. Maybe it was because he was drunk but Gojou found his eyes slowly following the few lines that did stand out against the low light that came through the kitchen window. They went from the tips of Hakkai's bangs to the curve in his neck to the line of his shoulders and then down to his arms. He gaze dropped further until he heard a cough and he looked up. "Huh?"
"Is something wrong?"
"…yeah, it's fucking hot. Thought I said that already."
"You did. You were just…just staring right now. I thought that maybe there was something…" Hakkai stopped for a moment and then shook his head. "Oh, it's nothing."
Gojou didn't respond, but kept staring, and kept running his fingers though his hair. The oils from his skin were separating the strands and they hung down the sides of his face in little clumps. He sighed and let out another long thin stream of smoke. "…so fucking hot." He turned and looked out the window. Outside he could hear the crickets chirping and through their songs, in the distance, he heard the low, deep call of a bullfrog. As he listened, an idea slipped into his mind like a much-needed cool breeze on a hot summer night.
"Hey, Hakkai…"
"Yes?"
"…You wanna go swimming?"
-----
They had to walk in the dark to reach the pond. Hakkai had started to go for a candle, but Gojou just gave his arm a pull and dragged him out of the house. "I can find it with my eyes closed, so let's just go," he said.
After twenty minutes of walking through the tall grass by the edge of town, he started to think twice about not bringing a candle. As he reached into his pocket for his lighter, Hakkai brushed passed him and moved further into the grass.
"Whaddya doing?" he asked, clicking it open and holding the flame up to the dark that surrounded him.
"Closing my eyes." The youkai called back. A second later, the sound of splashing was heard. Gojou swore underneath his breath and followed.
"Told you I could find it," he yelled out as he peeled off his shirt.
"I never doubted you." Hakkai said as he rolled his pant leg further up.
"What the hell ya doing?" Gojou was already out of his clothes and in the water.
"Well, I don't want to get wet."
"So, just take'em off already. Fuckin' A. They teach you at that orphanage to swim in your clothes?"
Hakkai looked at him for a moment and then shook his head. He stepped out from the edge of the pond and with his back to his roommate, slowly started to unbutton his shirt.
"It's been a long time," he said softly. "I guess I just forgot."
"Whatever," the voice behind him said. "Look, just get in here. It feels so fucking good." Hakkai turned his head to see Gojou's figure floating on top of the water. The light from the crescent moon made visible the tip of his chin and the lines on his chest as thin layers of water lapped up, washing over him.
Hakkai folded his clothes and placed them on the grass. He then removed his eye glass and set it on top of his shirt. He turned and walked slowly, step by step into the cool water. His feet sank into the soft mud, and he wriggled his toes, letting the dirt slip in between them. The water was up to his waste when he felt a hand reach out and pull his upper arm. Only a short yelp came out before he was under the surface completely.
A moment later, both their heads popped up. His was gasping for breath while the other was laughing loudly. Hakkai wiped his eyes with his hands and brushed back the hair that was plastered to his face. "I see you're feeling better."
"Abso-fuckin'-lutely." Gojou's teeth flashed in the moonlight. He brought his arms up out of the water and dropped them again, creating waves with their movement. "Told you this would be great."
Hakkai just smiled in response and leaned his own body back into the water. He breathed out slowly as he dipped his head back, letting the coolness wash up to his forehead. "…It's been a long time," he repeated softly.
"Heh, you and me both." Gojou said from somewhere behind him. "And I thought I had a sure thing tonight too."
"What do you mean?"
"Ah, nothing. Just a hook-up that didn't pan out. Got me all hot and bothered and then she ditches out for the bartender."
"Ah, I see." Hakkai closed his eyes. "That's too bad for you."
"Yeah, well. Her loss."
They lay there in silence for several minutes. Their only other company were the crickets in the grass and the few frogs that croaked out somewhere off in the marsh.
"…It's been like that a lot lately." Gojou moved his hand so he started to slowly spin in the water.
"What has?"
"Things not panning out. The chicks are there and all, and I am ON. Don't get me wrong. Gojou is ALWAYS on."
"I would never presume differently."
"Yeah, well…" He moved his hands in the opposite direction, and started to turn to the left. "But lately, it hasn't been panning out, like tonight. Like, I'm there, you know? I'm on. I'm so on, and she's so on top of me, right at the table. I could even taste her, she was so close. Her smell, just all flowery and nice and shit. It was so hot in there, and she was just on top me, with her smell, and my winnings, and the beer, it just felt right. But then…"
"…Then?" Hakkai turned his head to look at him. In the dark, he could just make out Gojou's face, his eyes looking up at the sky.
"Then she went off with the fucking bartender. Hells if I know what happened." The half-youkai suddenly kicked his legs up and then went under the water. Hakkai felt the waves that his movements caused lap up on his body, but he didn't move to follow. A moment later, Gojou's head was back up. Another quiet fell on them, and Hakkai listened as Gojou continued to dunk and pop up.
"…You ever miss it?" He asked after his head broke the surface for the fifth time.
"Miss what?" Hakkai asked back.
"You know, it. Fucking. Getting laid. I know you're not getting it. So do you miss it?"
Hakkai just lay in the water silent for a few moments. Gojou swam over and peered closely at him, but if the youkai was blushing, he couldn't tell in the dark. "…No, I don't." he answered finally.
"Really? I don't know how you do it." Gojou puffed out his cheeks and looked up. "I miss it after I just finish it. I don't know how you live without it. There's no way I could live by my hand alone."
"…The longer you don't have something, the less you miss it, I guess." Hakkai murmured. His hand had come up from the water and his fingers moved lightly back and forth beneath his right eye.
Gojou looked over at him. "Is that it?"
"Maybe with time, you'd miss it less too."
"That's bullshit. You have it once. You want it again, and again, and again. Don't matter how long it takes in between, you want it. 'Nuf said."
"Even if what you want brings others pain? Do you still want it?" Hakkai stood up and looked at him. "When something's been ripped from you, do you want to feel that again and again and again?"
Gojou shivered a little after that. Maybe it was the night air, or maybe it was the intensity of the youkai's gaze on him. Even in the dark, and even with him squinting, something he always did when he wasn't wearing his eye glass, Hakkai's eyes held a cool sadness that ran across Gojou's spine. He looked down and brought his hands up to the surface, letting the water slide down them. He found his fingers again moving through his wet hair as he thought of a response back.
"Well, yeah," he finally answered. "It ain't worth it if don't hurt a little. Sex especially. You gotta feel it, you know? You gotta feel it all over, let it take over you. So, yeah, I want it again. Even if I couldn't walk for days after, I'd want it again."
"…I guess we're just different then." Hakkai said softly and he began to sink into the water. His head was about to slip under when a hand grabbed him from below.
"Gojou, what are you-" he started to stand up, but the hand was joined by another, holding him in place.
"I don't think we're that different." Gojou's voice, a low sound in his ear, whispered.
Hakkai was quiet as the water around them began to move. He raised his head up so their eyes met. Gojou's were half-lidded, but still shone clear in the moonlight.
"We are." He gently pushed the half-youkai away. "And it's been too long. I don't think I can feel that way again."
Gojou stopped for a moment, but then he brought his hand up to Hakkai's face and softly ran his finger down the side of his jaw. "Then close your eyes," he said hoarsely.
"Gojou, I don't think that will-"
"Close your eyes," he repeated and he brushed his nose against Hakkai's. In the dark, he could smell the pond water, and his own smoky breath off the youkai's skin. "Just close them," he said, "and you'll find how to get there. I know." He brought his other hand up and slid it through the wet strands on Hakkai's head. "I know, 'cause I've been there before."
Hakkai opened his mouth and then shut it as Gojou trailed his hand down from his head to his neck to his back and then to below the water. He sucked in his breath.
Another minute passed and small waves began to lap around them more. "Do you miss it yet?" Gojou asked, his mouth moving from the youkai's neck to his chin to right above his eyes. "Or do you want me to stop here, and you go back to sitting at home in the dark, not gettin' hurt?"
Hakkai, his eyes still closed, lifted his hands up and brought them to Gojou's face. He could feel a slight stubble of hair at his chin, but the pond water made the rest of his skin slick to the touch. He rubbed his thumb softly across Gojou's lips and moved his face closer until he felt his forehead brush up and lean against the other's. "…I don't know. It's been a long time." He breathed out slowly and wondered if Gojou could see his smile. "I might want to keep my options open, That bartender does have a way with his hands."
He tried not to laugh as the half-youkai responded to his teasing with a short "erk" noise. But then the next moment he found himself completely submerged, the hot air, and moonlight lost in the swirl of the water.
-----
They came out in almost total darkness, a patch of clouds that had moved in front of the moon blocked out what glow it'd had. They fumbled for their clothes and started to trek back towards home, the songs of the crickets wishing them farewell.
Silence rested between them as they walked, only broken by the sounds of the grass beneath their feet. After one false step, Hakkai stumbled forward, his knee to the ground. The next second he felt Gojou's hand under his arm, pulling him up. The half-youkai clicked open his lighter and shone the flame over the ground where they were standing.
"Fucking groundhogs!" he cursed, kicking at the hole that Hakkai had stumbled over. "You okay? Not hurt, are you?"
Hakkai brushed himself off and looked back at him. From the low glow of the lighter, he could just make out Gojou's squinting look of what was probably his roommate's version of worry. He smiled in response. "Only a little, but I'll be fine."
Gojou looked from the hole and then to him. "…Oh….well…that's good."
"Yes." He nodded. "It is." Without another word, he took Gojou's hand and started to lead through the grass.
Even though the air was still thick and heavy, and sweat soon started to bud on their skin, making their palms sticky and hot, neither pulled away from their grip as they continued to make their way back home.
Owari ^^