A dull grey cloud of emptiness. No colour, no shapes, not even a familiar face. That was all that came to mind when he thought back over his life. There were memories of course. The first time he rode a bike, that one time he hacked into the school's mainframe and deleted three weeks detention, but he was always alone. There was no pat on the back from a friend or a scolding from a parent.
Psi was utterly alone.
For a year and a half he had been left wandering, after making the brave, brave choice of keeping everyone he loved and cared about safe from harm. But he was alone. All Psi wanted was to go home, wherever that may be. God knows he had searched for a solution- some key or code to regaining what was lost, but there was nothing. And then this man, this amazing man with his self proclaiming attitude and monstrous eyebrows, came along and offered him the thing he wanted most in the universe and for only one thing in return- rob the most secure bank in the universe. He couldn't refuse the offer. What did he have to lose? No one would miss him if he died, whoever he had had probably finished mourning him a long time ago.
And here he was now; sitting in a time machine with a box of Chinese takeout. The Doctor insisted that Wong's Garden in 1980's Surrey was the finest in the world and he was right.
He didn't know what he was waiting for. This is what he wanted right? To find out who he was. But there was that little knot in his stomach, that pool of dread deep within him. What if he was a nobody? What if he was just one of those people that lived their lives on their own? With hands shaking a thousand times over the augmented human plunged the needle deep into his side and gasped in surprise. It was not as he expected. Everything didn't plop back into place with one big flash of information. No. Things started to trickle in slowly- names, dates, a girl, a woman with grey hair who kept her rollers in, a dog.
Everyone stared at him. Psi smiled, his whole face lighting up as he remembered.
"Di- did it work?", Clara asked cautiously, holding onto the Doctor's arm, praying that it was good news.
Psi turned to face them, he looked younger, more alive than they had ever seen him, "I'm a dad."
Psi warily stepped out of the TARDIS. He was done with it. No more travelling, no more hacking. All he wanted was his family and now he was back.
He stared at the house in front of him. It had changed over the past year and a bit. The ivy was overgrown and the door had changed from red to blue but it was home. The tire swing still hung from the old oak tree and the that stupid patch was burned into the grass from when the police grabbed him from his home and tackled him to the ground. He had ripped the modem off one of them before he was overcome. But that was all in the past now. He was home.
Psi barely heard the sound of the TARDIS leaving as he approached the door, the blood rushing in his ears, his palms becoming sweaty, his brain quickly scanning the familiar zone. He knocked on the door. He could hear people talking inside. She was talking to someone. Had she moved on? Psi slowly started to back away. It had been over a year, people got on with their lives.
The door slowly opened, it still creaked slightly. He had meant to fix that.
Standing there, hair pulled back into a messy, a mug of tea in her hands, was his wife. The mug shattered the moment she saw him, "P-psi"
"Ellie", he whispered reaching out slightly as she stood there frozen at the door.
"Oh god, you're alive", she bolted forward and his arms tightened around her, never wanting to let go. They just stayed there caught each other's embrace. Not moving as if the very thing would shatter the moment.
Ellie pulled back, her eyes red and puffy, "Where were you Psi? You were dead. You were gone for a year and a half."
He put his forehead to hers and gazed down, taking every little detail into account. He hated when she cried. "I know baby I know. They wanted information. Something to use against me. I- I couldn't let them get you. I couldn't let them hurt our kids", his throat hitched, "So I forgot it all. It was the only way to keep you safe. But I'm back now. I'm back for good."
"You were so alone Psi. So alone for so long and I wasn't there to help you." She brought her lips down so they could touch. That kiss; hard, but soft; fiery but cool; a split second but also forever. A life torn apart but rekindled like paper thrown into a dying fire. Psi was overcome, 20 minutes ago he was alone. He was willing to die, to leave the world behind and he tried, but he had landed on that bloody spaceship.
"The kids Psi. They miss you so much. Aaron always asks when Daddy's coming home and Lucy. Lucy doesn't really understand but she misses her stories and pictures projected onto the wall."
They walked into the house, Psi's hand never leaving his wife's. "They're both in bed". He nodded and quickly walked up the stairs covered in wires and books. There was light coming from the first door on the left. Aaron never could sleep in the dark. He pushed the door open. The six year old was lying face up in bed, his dark brown curls covering that innocent face. Psi made his way over to the bed and crouched down. He lightly shook his son, "Hey buddy."
Aaron squirmed with the loss of sleep and half opened one of his eyes, "Stop Mo- Daddy?!" The boy leapt up and looked his father in the eye. "Daddy you're home", he leapt into Psi's arms, the Augment scooping him up and swinging him around. Tears cascaded down both of their faces. "Aaron, daddy loves you so much, you know that? Daddy's back forever. I'm never going to leave again".
Psi didn't know how he had done it. How he allowed himself to forget all this, all that was good in his life. With his son in his arms, head snuggled into the crook of his neck, he walked into the room opposite Aaron's. Asleep in her pink fortress they called a room was his beautiful three year old daughter Lucy. She too clung onto her father like there was no tomorrow.
A year and a half. Five hundred and forty seven days. Thirteen thousand, one hundred and twenty eight hours. Thinking back on it Psi knew that that was the real torture. Being here, with his wife, with his kids. This was right. This was home. This was wanted the most in the universe and thanks to that mad man in the blue box he had gotten it back.