Getting Caught in Cupid's Crossfire

"C'mon Ichigo! If we men band together during this time of the year, there's no way we can fail!"

Ichigo quirked an eyebrow at his…how would he classify his relationship with Shinji? In some ways, he would say Shinji had been something of a mentor to him what with his assistance and guidance in training Ichigo to control the Hollow inside him. On the other hand, Ichigo just couldn't bring himself to respect the guy as a mentor because of all the stupid stuff that would spew out of his mouth from time to time, like Shinji claiming that Orihime was his first love and things like that. Obviously, he was more than an acquaintance but he was definitely not quite a friend. So, while there were so many words that could somewhat describe his connection to Shinji…well, he was getting side-tracked.

Right now, Ichigo was trying to come up with an excuse not to go along with Shinji and his hair-brained scheme this Saturday night, which also happened to be March 13. The excuse didn't have to be great, it didn't even have to be good. He just needed something that would work.

In reply to Shinji's statement, Ichigo posed the query, "You're making this whole 'group date' idea of yours sound like some sort of battle strategy. It's only the day before White Day, so what's so important about it?"

Shinji's enormous, toothy grin went south into a disappointed frown as he said, "You are an idiot."

As per usual, this definitely got Ichigo going and he growled, "Say that again, you…you…"

Folding his arms, Shinji said coolly, "Let me rephrase that statement. You are a heartless, unimaginative, stuttering idiot."

Before Ichigo could even begin to respond to these highly insulting and completely untrue statements, Shinji nodded to his friend Hachi, who rather reluctantly set up a barrier around their formidable former pupil. The rest of the male Vizards were in attendance at this meeting as well and none of them looked the least bit interested in helping Ichigo out of his newfound predicament.

Folding his hands behind his back, Shinji said in a long-suffering tone, "However, despite the fact that you seem to be hopelessly lacking in knowledge about the female emotions and how to win their hearts, let it never be said that Shinji anything other than willing to take a new, budding student under his wing."

Pacing back and forth as if he were a teacher in front of a classroom, Shinji went on imperiously, "Valentine's Day is a holiday where the female population is given an opportunity to confess their deep feelings of love and devotion to the male of their choice without fear of repercussion. Or they could simply pass out homemade chocolates to all of their friends who are guys, but that is far less romantic."

Ceasing his pacing, Shinji turned to glare as the trapped Ichigo and continued in an almost irritated tone, "However, on White Day, the male population is left to merely respond in gratitude for the girl's generosity. It is a matter of course where he can either thank the girl for her gift and maybe will let the girl know that he also returns her affections."

Crossing his arms as he replied irritably, Ichigo retorted, "And what's the problem with that? I still don't see what you're all up in arms about."

Throwing up his hands in despair over Ichigo's thick skull and slow wits, Shinji said slowly, "Isn't it obvious? The holidays are set up in such a way that the male can only RESPOND to the female."

Resuming his furious pacing, Shinji said quickly, "We, the males, who have been made and designed to go out and conquer obstacles, hardships and chase after the female of our dreams only AFTER she has already given us chocolate on Valentine's before we can reciprocate her affections on White Day! It's an outrage!"

Ichigo's jaw dropped in surprise and absolute bewilderment as he managed to respond with, "If you're that upset about the whole affair, why don't you just confess your feelings BEFORE Valentine's? Just because they are the 'Holidays of Love'," Ichigo made the air quotes with his fingers, "doesn't mean that they are the absolute only times a boy or girl can confess their feelings."

Now it was Shinji's turn to look dumbfounded at Ichigo's logic, before he smacked his forehead and said disdainfully, "Of course someone could confess their feelings at another time, but it's just not the same! The atmosphere is completely different! Love isn't being advertised on every corner and the girl is just not expecting it!"

Blinking in surprise, Ichigo scoffed and asked, "Wouldn't it be better to surprise the girl? Wouldn't that mean more to her than just some sappy White Day confession or something?"

Shinji threw his hands up again and shouted to the heavens, "Can the guy be any more dense?" before turning back to Ichigo and said slowly, "If you knew anything about girls, you'd know that the female sex absolutely THRIVES on sappy, mushy, gushy, lovey-dovey, sickly sweet and commercialized expressions of love! They watch all those dramatic movies with the heart-wrenching love stories that make them cry all over the boxes of chocolates, bowls of ice cream and popcorn, bags of chips and glasses of hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows on top that they label as being 'comfort food' while they then dream of some handsome hunk like the one on the screen somehow coming in, sweeping them off their feet and carrying them off into the sunset on horseback!"

There was a long pause before Ichigo turned slowly to address Kensei and asked quietly, "How does that make any sense?"

Returning Ichigo's incredulous look, Kensei said gruffly, "Keep in mind, we are talking about girls here. There are some things about those creatures that completely defy a guy's sense of how someone should logically behave in a situation."

Shaking his head, Ichigo said, "No, I get that there are some things about girls that guys just don't get, but do they seriously want someone like that one actor…oh whatshisname…the guy who was in that movie 'Pride and Prejudice'…"

Shinji supplied, "Colin Farrell."

Shaking his head, Hachi said slowly, "No, I think his name is Colin Morgan."

Holding up a finger, Love said, "Actually, I think it's Colin Ford."

Throwing his hair over his shoulder, Rose said, "No, the actor's name is actually Laurence Olivier."

Everyone paused in surprise before Kensei scoffed and said, "At least the others were close all their different 'Colins', but you're not even close."

Rose looked irritated as he retorted, "Laurence Olivier didn't just do Shakespeare! He was in the very first Pride and Prejudice movie ever filmed playing the role of the handsome and dashing Mr. Darcy."

Rolling his eyes, Kensei replied, "Be that as it may," turning his gaze back to Ichigo, Kensei said, "the guy you're thinking of is Colin Firth."

Nodding in agreement, Ichigo said, "As I was saying, I'm surprised girls would want to ride off into the sunset with someone like him. I mean, one good punch and that guy would drop like a ton of bricks."

Everyone looked at Shinji in expectation for a moment before he crossed his arms, once again taking on the persona of a teacher redirecting a wayward student, and said, "That's not the point. Girls swoon when they hear him talk of his love for Elizabeth and how much he wrestled with his feelings before finally confessing them to her. They find him dreamy."

Smirking, Ichigo said, "I still say he's a wimp. Just because the guy is 'dreamy'," once again he made those sarcastic hand gestures, "doesn't mean he can wrestle with anything stronger than his emotions and expect to come out on top. Looks like he even lost that wrestling match."

The others stared at Ichigo in astonishment before Kensei snickered and said with a smirk, "Kid's got a point there," to which Ichigo crossed his arms and looked satisfied with his own victory.

Massaging his temples, Shinji muttered to himself, "This might be harder than I thought…"

Author's Note:

So this is a prize story requested by RomaniaBlack on deviantart I think all the way back in November...I am so terrible and thank you so much for your patience sweetie! Hope you like it! Part 2 coming out REALLY soon...I hope...

Also, even though I am poking fun, just like with my story 'Tragic Debate' I am poking fun at things that I do as a girl. I sigh, cry (not very often but every once in a while), eat comfort food, dream about one of those handsome guys coming and knocking at my door in order to confess undying love and all the things that most girls do. We can be really silly in that regard and that's fine every once in a while. It's how we were designed and created. And also, it's just loads of fun.