Part 1

Almost six weeks had passed since Jac's diagnosis of endometriosis and in that time the dull throbbing ache in her abdomen had become a familiar aspect of her day to day life though she was still caught unawares by the crippling, all-encompassing cramps which snuck up on her. However, a near constant nausea had started to plague her very existence.

She was standing at the admit desk on Darwin on what was looking to be a fairly calm day when she felt her stomach begin to churn in response to the smell of the patient's lunches being passed out by the wards auxiliaries. She pressed a shaking hand to her mouth trying to block her sense of smell but she knew it was futile and rushed as fast as she could manage in the direction of the ladies toilets.

Collapsing on to her knees on the cool floor, Jac retched in to the porcelain toilet bowl, feeling the contents of her stomach emptying. When she'd brought up everything, she rocked back against the wall, wrapping her quivering arms around her shaking body and tried to steady her breathing.

"Are you ok in there?" The voice was that of Mo Effanga and Jac grimaced slightly. She still hadn't quite gotten over Mo seeing her in a moment of weakness just after her diagnosis and she'd been trying to avoid her ever since. Jac steeled herself.

"I'm fine" she tried to sound as confident as she could muster but even she could tell it was a weak effort. Slowly she forced herself to stand and with a flush of the toilet, she stepped out and washed her hands before leaning to take a swig of water.

"You look terrible" Mo stated rather matter of factly, her hands rested lightly on her hips. Jac stole a glance at herself in the mirror and couldn't help but agree with Mo's assessment. Her pallor was deathly white and her eyes looked sunken against the dark bags beneath her eyes.

"Well thank you" Jac managed to muster as much bite as she could but her body was betraying her with a slight wobble that had her gripping the skin. Mo sighed. She'd been worried about Jac since she'd witnessed the pain she was in weeks ago but she hadn't managed to find the right moment to confront her. It didn't help that Jonny was being equally evasive – although she knew he was hurting.

"Seriously though, should you even be here?" Mo said, softening slightly. She wanted to help despite Jac's ice queen personality, she was certain there was a nice – or at least human – individual beneath the surface because Jonny had to have seen something in her.

"I'm fine" Jac stated but she knew it wasn't convincing "I just need to have something to drink" she started to leave the toilets and to make her way towards her office knowing full well that Mo was a few steps behind her and seemed intent on following her. Jac tried to keep her gait steady and confident but she was aware of the shaking in her legs and how unsteady she felt. Making it to the sanctuary of her office, she sank down in to her desk chair and sighed, barely even looking up as Mo entered.

"You are not fine" Mo sat down opposite Jac without waiting for an invitation and studied her colleague more closely. Jac was always slim but she was looking even more fragile and waif-like than normal.

"It's nothing" Jac responded. A pain shot across her lower abdomen causing her to whimper and double over. She pressed a hand against her abdomen praying for the pain to abate a little. Mo leant forward on the desk worried.

"Jac?!" Her voice was mixture of concern and worry, the red headed doctor looked up at her colleague and shook her head slightly before taking a few deep breaths in the hope of steadying herself enough to talk.

"Painkillers, bag" Jac managed to sputter the words as another pain gripping her and she pressed her hand more tightly against her. Mo nodded and walked around to Jac's bag which was on the floor against her desk. Mo pulled out the painkillers and pushed a few free of the package and placed them in to Jac's clammy hand. Jac took them hoping that they would take effect quickly.

"What's all this about Jac?" Mo asked, settling herself back in to chair. She watched as Jac massaged her abdomen and a thought nestled itself in Mo's mind "Your not pregnant are you?" Jac's head shot up and for a moment a look of pain flashed through her eyes.

"No, definitely not" Jac whispered softly and she felt her heart twist a little as Jonny's words wound their way in to her head. Beyond work stuff, she had barely spoken to him since that day outside of theatre and it nearly destroyed her seeing him every day acting normal.

"This pain, it's definitely not normal" Mo stated, wondering if the look of regret she'd seen flash across Jac's face had really been there or if it had been a figment of her imagination. Jac sighed, rubbing her abdomen with her finger and thumb trying to push the pain away.

"I have endometriosis" She said finally admitting it out loud for almost the first time. The words hung heavy in the air and seemed to engulf her. She felt tears prick in her eyes "so no I'm not pregnant and I probably never will be – happy now?" she added bitterly trying to bat the tears away without being obvious. Mo sank back in the chair – the weight of Jac's words hanging heavily on her.

"Oh Jac" She said at last, unsure of what to say or how to respond – all she knew was that something have changed between them.