Title: Statistic
Author: Courtaline
Rating: PG
Verse: Twilight
Characters/Pairings: Canon. Jasper/Alice. Emmett/Rosalie
Summary: Alice had a little too much fun fabricating evidence.
Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S. Meyer.
Table/Prompt: Un-Themed Five/Fall LJ's Mission_Insane
"So, who is going to push me down the stairs?" Alice asked her glance leaving the window at the foot of the stairs, and looking to her husband. "Jasper?"
Jasper looked at her aghast. "Alice, there is a better way to do this. I'm not pushing you down the stairs."
Alice sighed, "Jasper, its very important that we make this look right. Bella's father is the chief of police, it needs to look real."
"Fine, we can just smash the window out."
Alice frowned, that didn't sound fun at all. "It has to look official." She reminded him, looking to Emmett. "You'll do it won't you."
Personally, Emmett didn't see why Jasper was taking such offense to this. It wasn't like Alice would come through this any worse off, and they did promise Carlisle that they'd make sure everything would fit the statement he was giving to the police. However, that line of thought ended when Jasper's glare locked in on him.
"That would be a no." Emmett said brightly, "You could just sorta trip, you know, its what would happen to Bella."
Rosalie rolled her eyes. They were all acting like fools.
"I'll do it." Rosalie ignored the look that Jasper was shooting her.
Alice positioned herself at the top stair.
"I don't like this." Jasper said, something about watching someone fling his wife down a staircase and through a plate of glass did not sit well with him.
"Hey, you're the one who let her give you the slip." Emmett told him.
"Oh, and how would you have stopped her? Not allow her to go the restroom?" Jasper challenged.
Emmett shrugged. "Of course not, Edward would have been all over you if you did that. You'd never hear the end about how you tortured her….anyways, I would have just followed her."
"Into the women's restroom?" Jasper could not believe his brother's thought process sometimes.
Emmett nodded his head. "Edward would have done it."
"Edward is…Edward." Jasper replied, really sometimes he did wonder about Emmett.
Jasper was trying to make a great effort to not watch Alice's 'accident' but it was difficult. He couldn't look away either. An idea struck Jasper as Rosalie turned Alice slightly left.
"Rosalie, you're not throwing Alice down the stairs." Jasper told her, striding over quickly and detaching her hands from Alice. He moved Alice away from the stairs. "If it has to be done this way, I'll do it."
Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Fine. I'll give you a push."
Generally, she had no feelings of love toward Bella, but it wasn't everyday she was given the opportunity to push one of her siblings down a couple flights of stairs.
"That won't work." Alice frowned, "Jasper you're much, much too tall. It has to be me."
Jasper objected, "Do you really think height matters?"
"Very much so." Rosalie agreed with Alice. "Its on all the crime shows."
Jasper looked Rosalie over, "Well, if that's the case…I suppose it should be you Rose."
Rosalie looked, stunned, at her brother. "Excuse me?"
"You are closer in height to Bella than I am." Alice murmured, "I was looking so forward to this too…"
Emmett laughed, "They're right Rose, Alice is a pixie, you're closer to Bella's size."
Rosalie's expression was frigid. "I wasn't--"
"Be a sport, Rose." Emmett interjected, "C'mon, you owe Edward that much now."
Rosalie growled low, almost unnoticeably. "Fine. Whose pushing me?"
Alice grinned, "I will." She couldn't wait to tell Edward all about this, he would be beyond amused. It was a shame he had to miss it though, she was sure he could appreciate the sight of Rosalie hurtling through a window.
Oh well, he'd just have to settle for the secondhand accounts.
Vivid secondhand accounts.