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Nate's P.O.V after Serena has left for boarding school

She ran. I can't believe she ran. Images of that night keep running through my head. I wish I could say I regretted it, but no…I loved it. Every second I just want her again. To kiss her again, to hold her again.

Should I tell Blair? How could I? It would hurt her so much. And she was already devastated by learning her dad was gay, and by her best friend leaving. I still care for Blair and I don't want to hurt her. And she has run away.

Yet my feelings for her. They are so intense. Not like how I feel for Blair, but so much more. Like I could never get enough of her. I…I need to see her again, smell her, touch her again. She is like a goddess. Her beauty, her intelligence, her vivacity. She isn't like Blair. Blair is bitchy, she holds a grudge, she's always in control. She doesn't. She's the total opposite. She can really let go. Something Blair is afraid of doing. I will go after her. Tell her how I feel. She would feel the same way. She had to. Because that night was not just me. If it had been she wouldn't have run. I hated to hurt Blair, but I have to go to her. To stay with Blair wasn't fair on any of us. But she ran.

I need to find her, to grab her and pull her into my arms right now. I dial her phone number only to hear that it has been disconnected. She really is trying to sever all ties, but not matter what, she can't run forever. She still has family here and Blair will know where she is.

But how do I break up with Blair and then ask her for a way to contact her? That is just too cruel and whatever I am I am not cruel. I sigh, wanting her to know how much I love her. Is she thinking about me as well?

That night will be etched into my mind forever. The night that I touched heaven. It was as if at that moment there was nothing but her and me moving simultaneously in our slow dance of love and desire. It had just felt so right.

I know she feels guilty because she is a good person, but I can't. I am sorry to hurt Blair, but I can't regret that night because I was happier then than I had ever been. But it was over all too soon. And she ran.

I had had a splitting headache the next morning and she had disappeared. She avoided me from then on. But I know she was just upset at hurting Blair. It couldn't be that she regrets it, because she must have felt the same as me. But she had run.

I try to relive the sensation of having her in my arms, but I can't.

She had run away.

I had cheated on Blair Waldorf, queen of New York society.

I love her best friend.

Her best friend had run away to boarding school.

And because of that I have to stay with Blair.

I have to stay even though I am in love with Serena van der Woodsen.