Thanks to my wonderful beta Demetra.
Strawberry candies. Sticky sugary flavor lingering in your mouth, where you've been you don't remember.
It was summer.
Bare feet on velvet green grass. Amazing blue sky and you sitting under a big tree, peeking sun and gentle breeze making leaves dance with a sensual rhythm.
Your mum singing along an old fading music and you were dreaming of a time where a knight would come and take you away.
No words able to describe what you were feeling, if not only the ones written in a book.
"Once upon a time, a black knight wore his shining armor and rode away to fight a dragon." Your favorite book, began.
Smooth black book with a familiar smell.
All you wanted. All you needed was written in that book.
Really, you could see him coming back after the battle, eyes piercing through yours and his big mantle being dragged behind him.
Unbeatable man with a heart made both of stone and glass. Dragging, entwined in his long mantle every adventure and war he fought.
You imagined this so many times that it became like an old movie for you to watch and watch again.
Sure and steady he would come and finally make you forget about him and what he did to you.
And others find really weird how you wear your emotions so close to the skin. Laughing at you but no one knew about a lost boy that one night disappeared into dark waters.
He ran down the beach and dove into the waves, disappearing, leaving no traces behind.
Like some old stories told by sailor men he let the sea took care of his memories and that body which he could not recognize anymore, stained by what he called love but was only lust.
Yet, no one knows that you are gonna burn completely until you leave no trace of what you were.
"Your lips." He said with his thumb pressed upon them. Searching eyes, burning needs to satisfy.
Was your fault that you reminded him of his lost times?
Damp summer night with no trace of wind. Wind, you wanted it to come and bring him away.
His kisses tasted of sourness and sin.
A dragon in your room and no knight to rescue you.
He spilled in you his black coiling desire and made sure that you would remember him.
So everything goes, everything spins, everything keeps you tied to that man.
Somewhere. Some time ago, you lost your book and your knight never came to rescue you.
On your stomach, lying between threads of grass, tickling your skin, you wondered how your knight would be.
Sometime you wonder if you would recognize him between the others. Sky blue eyes and an amused smile. Large hands and reassuring smell.
A tide swelling in your heart. Could he just come and take you away?
He smells of damp grass and fresh water. He smells of victory and love. He smells like no one.
Like a tide he comes and brings you down with him.
He's like summer rain, light and fine, wetting your skin and cleaning you.
Because sometimes words are very unnecessary and you could see him wearing his black shining armor and extending his arm toward you, inviting you to join him.
Yes, you waited also after he went away. After he just took his pleasure and stained you.
In your bed staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what his words were meaning to you.
Wondering what he found so particular in you and what your lips had to do with the way he whispered that your sin was residing in them.
Summer rain came and you stood under it for a whole night. It was the most closest sensation that could lead you to your knight.
Looking around with unblinking eyes, you thought to have heard rain whisper his name and wind bring his scent.
People stop at the very first layer of your skin, but with all that violence breaking the silence, no one could understand what was eating you alive.
You felt like you could set the world on fire if you would only be strong enough to understand your doubts and memories.
Unsaid words and filthy secrets, but you really believed in your knight. You really waited for him to come and take you away with him.
Black long mantle and fiery eyes, you could imagine the day he would stand in front of you and consign the head of the killed dragon.
Still today, sometimes, when it's night and outside it's raining you just dare to look outside your window and wish he would come, that you can see him finally for yourself.
Yes, you lost the book but still, it's written in your memory. Every little word is engraved in you like a tattoo. Invisible words which you, sometimes, let dance in front of your eyes.
What the knight did, what he won, it still shimmers in your eyes. Sometimes you would like to crown him with a golden bay laurel and ask him to stay with you. Forever.
"A victor between the victors, no man could whisper his name without gifting a child with a smile because in his name the word freedom was born and alive." The book told.
Tonight sitting on the couch thinking that maybe it was better to not have read that book. Better to not had have known the knight.
Because he was like a spreading liquid, drenching you and making crave for something that wasn't real, something that never was yours.
Hours go by and you stone yourself with what you have. What you can.
Alcohol is a silent friend, it comforts you with fakes promises and momentary happiness.
Empty bottles and you are like a sailor man lost in the ocean.
You are still waiting for him. Deny, denying as much as you want. As long as you try to act cool and strong like ready to set the entire world on fire.
Tearing apart the bay laurel crown you made for him, yelling that no he never existed and he was only a pure fantasy of your mind.
Calling, calling somewhere, through a wide ocean, between a forgotten forest with fog enveloping everything.
Silence looks at you and you wait for him to come out from the foggy forest. Trying to look away, casting your unblinking eyes somewhere but not on the forest.
Summer rain washing over you, telling you of old times and the knight that rode away to fight a dragon.
Oh winner knight if he would just come out from that forest.
Falling glass, too drunk and gone to just think and believe that he would ride and kill the dragon for you.
Lying on the couch you cry and think about stars and why they seem so far.
There's something locked inside you, you that crave for the knight to cover your little body.
It's not like you can't slam yourself everywhere, it's not like you can't sell yourself for a moment of happiness, it's not like going thoroughly what he did to you, will open your eyes and make you see that you can switch the light when you want.
How many nights you lost yourself in this way you don't remember although you kept a count, until a certain point, until your brain and conscience could say yes.
A labyrinth of words and thoughts, memories and fogs with someone whispering that it wasn't your fault.
Running somewhere, hiding between leaves and bushes, waiting for the knight to come.
Yes, you always thought that when the knight would have come, if he would have finally come, you would have realized and recognized him.
He would be like a storm, like a thunder enlightening your life. Bringing peace and calm in your mind.
Washing away what he did and killing the dragon for you.
Yes, you thought always about that. About you, your smile in seeing and recognizing him.
Black armor and gentle smile.
Extending hand and … Ianto.
"Ianto." You barely have the strength to look up, too consumed by your memories. Too gone by your need to waste yourself with what you can. How you can, you console yourself.
Loneliness and the vague sense of falling.
What that old sailor man said?
Yes, someone said that no one is truly alone among all these people. They might be true.
Still, why do you feel like the last man on earth?
You cry out about something, someone and push him away.
One step closer.
Only one step closer to madness and he pulls you into his arms.
Jack.
From where he comes no one he knows.
A labyrinth of thoughts and emotions which everyone tries to understand.
In his eyes a legend is ready to be told.
He goes around light and fast although anchored to him many memories take the form of a long and wide mantle, which he drags around.
Intricate patterns and whispered words he's probably tied to somewhere but he doesn't know from which past he belongs.
"What have you done to yourself Ianto." He whispers hoisting you in his arms and carrying you away from that couch and from the half empty bottle of whiskey.
Swinging arm and limp body as he carries you through the dark alleys of the hub.
Owen stops for a moment and stares at Jack walking past him with you in his arms. Like a sailor man hoisting in his arms a mermaid, leading her back to the sea where she belongs.
With everyone staring at the lost mermaid with pale skin, red lips and a long blue shimmering tail.
The object of needs and desires for many, nothing more than flesh to satisfy human needs.
"Ianto." He calls your name like he needs to tie you to somewhere. To someone. To him.
"Jack please." Please what?
Please let me go. Please you can't understand what he did to me. Please bring me my knight. Please show me that there's more than this. Please take me one step closer to what I was dreaming.
Give me a place where to stay. Save me from this ocean. Bring me back at home. To that summer, lying on the grass reading a book and dreaming of a hero and its dragon.
A winner someone said will always remain a winner. Like in those shining and immortal fables, your knight is who stands upon everything and takes you with him.
"Look at me Ianto." Jack gently says, kissing your lips with reverence but your nails are digging into his skin.
Wide eyes and swallowing breath as he gently kisses your lips.
"Here … Ianto." Careful fingers entwining with yours, searching something to keep you there, with him.
Inside all the people there are black sparks and hiding secrets. Someone carries these in silence, someone wears them as a second skin.
You are physically lonely also among all these people.
Naked lying under him, he whispers in your ears of a man lost somewhere. Of an unbeatable hero that instead was afraid also of his shadow.
Smooth and soft sheets and his tanned body, covering your pale one.
"Ianto." He calls you like wanting to attract your attention, like wanting to keep you there with him.
Searching sky blue eyes and gentle smile … does he know what he means to you?
"For centuries no one ever knew or heard about the black knight and dust fell upon his legend. No one ever said his name. Forgotten among the others he rode away." The book told.
A long moment of silence goes on and you can hear the rain falling outside. Gentle summer rain dampening the fields, drenching the earth. Washing away everything.
Grassy and humid scent comes from outside, tells about a man and his story.
"Ianto." He calls you softly, warm skin sliding along yours.
What has he done to you?
"I love you." He whispers into your ear, warm breath and damp tears. "Why you do this to yourself, don't you know that for you I would set the entire world on fire?"
He's the only one making your story disappear, with you searching for the right words to let yourself go.
Your knight was wearing a black shining armor, somehow, somewhere along he came bare and defenseless ready to make your story disappear.
Tonight you are searching for the right words to let yourself go.
His eyes hold a legend, a time, a place where you think your knight comes.
Gentle breeze, humid scent of damp grass and rain gentle dancing against the window, you let him kill the dragon.
No, he doesn't wear any armor, he doesn't wear any golden bay laurel crown.
"Stay with me Ianto." He asks an inch away from your red lips.
Because you've been there all the time, as far as you know trying to do everything right, keeping your mind away from him but always, still waiting for the moment he would come through your door.
Yes, you've been there all the time but now you are not standing alone, waiting on your own for the legend to happen. For your knight to come. For something to fill the gaps inside.
Waiting the moment he will be yours. For all that loneliness to go away.
"One day he came back. The black knight came back from nowhere. To the king the dragon's head he served on a silver plate. Crowned and worshiped by the people he was. In his sky blue eyes only a wish was left." The book told.
Sunday morning and the black smooth book lying on your thighs, both hands under your chin and eyes locked on the pages.
Summer breeze tickling at your skin, making the opened shirt you are wearing dance. Too big for you. His scent lingering on it.
Jack sits beside you, kissing softly your nape.
Pecking through your shoulder he softly asks. "What was his wish?"
You smile and kiss him gently on the lips then passing the book on his thighs.
"I fought many battles, I stood beside you my king and made your word my law. Brought freedom where caged men were living and what I only ask is no more war my king, no more grief. The king accepted his wish and the knight with his black shining armor rode away again, although his scent and words still linger around the fields he crossed. His legend still immortal."
Closing the book he turns and you stare at your knight.
He doesn't wear any armor, he doesn't fight any dragon but in his eyes he holds a legend and a love which ties you to him, which gives you a reason to let the love envelope you again.
And finally on a summer day you see him coming. Your knight he doesn't wear any armor or big mantle but only a heart made both of stone and glass.