A/N: This is written almost word for word from the book which I'm using as a guide in conjunction with the movie. Except of course where I've had to change it to suit the AU, still most of the dialogue is only slightly altered therefore big disclaimer ahead!
DISCLAIMER: Pride and Prejudice is the work of the brilliant Jane Austen, I'm just borrowing it for my own grotesque pleasure. The Hobbit belongs to J. R. Tolkien. I own nothing!
Written for the HBK prompt: Pride and Prejudice AU with Thorin (Elizabeth) and Thranduil (Darcy)
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single elf in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a spouse.
Though little is known of the nature and temperament of such an elf upon his first entry into the neighborhood, this truth is so well engraved in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is immediately claimed as the rightful property of someone or other of their children. Everyone knew that one could not hope to find themselves a better partner than an elf, for they were well acclaimed across Middle Earth for the perfect fusion of noble heritage, great wealth, exquisite beauty, and unmatched temperament.
"My dear Thráin," said Lís, "have you heard that Lórien is let at last?"
Thráin replied that he had not.
"But it is," she exclaimed, "for Dori has just been here, and he's told me all about it."
Thráin turned a page in his book.
"Do not you want to know who has taken it?" cried his wife, anxiously patting her apron.
"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it," muttered the dwarf, well versed in his wife's antics to know when she needed no further prompting.
"Why my dear, you must know, Dori says that Lórien is taken by an elven noble of a large fortune from the North." She bustled distractedly with a vase of roses. "That he came down yesterday's morn astride a white steed to see the place, and was so delighted with it that he settled with Tom Bombadil immediately!"
If Thráin was impressed he didn't show it.
"He is to take possession before Mahalmerag, and some of his servants are to be in the house before the moon halves."
At the sound of a drop in his wife's cheerful tone, Thráin knew it was time to express some interest.
"What is his name?" he asked, laying the heavy book on the table and resting his elbows atop of it.
"Rúmil Silvan-elf," she proclaimed, joyous at having finally captured her husband's interest.
"Is he married or single?"
"Oh! Single, my dear, to be sure! A single elf of a large fortune and noble blood. What a fine thing for our dwarflings!"
How so? How can it affect them?" Thráin asked with put-upon ignorance. Teasing his wife still remained one of his favorite pastimes.
My dear Thráin," replied his wife, "how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of him marrying one of them."
"Oh is that his design in settling here?" Thráin returned his attention to the text in order to hide a smile.
"Design! Nonsense, how can you talk so! But it is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes."
I see no occasion for that," argued the dwarf. "You and the lads may go, or you may send them by themselves, which perhaps will still be better," He grabbed Lís around the waist and bought her to his lap. "For as you are as handsome as them, Rúmil Silvan-elf might like you the best of the party." Thráin groped her playfully on the rear and relished in her indignant squeals.
"My love, you flatter me," she said in-between bouts of girlish giggles. "I certainly have had my share of beauty, but I do not pretend to be anything extraordinary now, at a hundred and one years." She sighed and patted his arm tenderly. "When a dwarrow has five grown up sons, she ought to give up thinking of her own beauty."
"In such cases, a maiden has not often much beauty to think of," consoled Thráin.
"But, my dear, you must indeed go and see Rúmil Silvan-elf, when he comes to the neighborhood."
"It is more than I engage for, I assure you," mumbled the tired dwarf.
"But consider your sons. Only think what an establishment it would be for one of them. Bungo and Belladonna Baggins are determined to go, merely on that account, for in general you know they visit no newcomers. Indeed you must go," she fretted and lifted herself from his lap, "for it will be improper for us to visit him, if you do not."
"You are over scrupulous surely. I dare say Rúmil Silvan-elf will be very glad to see you; and I will send a few lines by you to assure him of my hearty consent to him marrying which ever he chooses of the boys," assured the old miner, lazily stretching his tired hands in the air. "Though I must throw in a good word for my little Thorin."
"I desire you do no such thing!" exclaimed Lís. "Thorin is not a bit better than the others; and I am sure he is not half so handsome as Frerin, nor half so good humoured as Kíli. But you are always giving him the preference."
"They have none of them much to recommend them," replied Thráin, "they are all silly and ignorant like other boys, but Thorin has something more of a quickness than his brothers."
"Thráin, son of Thrór, how can you abuse your own children in such a way?!" screamed his wife. "You take delight in vexing me! You have no compassion on my poor nerves!"
"You mistake me, my dear, I have the utmost respect for your nerves. After all," said Thráin, "they've been my constant companions these many decades."
"Ah! You do not know what I suffer!"
"But I hope you will get over it, and live to see many elves of great fortune come into the neighborhood."
"It will be no use to us, if twenty such should come since you will not visit them!"
"Depend upon it, my dear," assured the dwarf, "that when there are twenty, I will visit them all."
Thrain was an odd fellow. A mixture of quick wit, sarcastic humor, reserve, and caprice that even the experience of five and seventy years was insufficient for his wife to understand him. However her mind was less difficult to translate. She was a dwarrow of kin understanding, little patience and fiery temper. When she was dissatisfied she fancied herself anxious. The business of her life, as it has been for many years, was to get her sons married off; its solace was visiting and gossip.
A/N: Please let me know if there's any interest for me to continue this!
R&R