Posted 12/25/2008

Time: 0600

Christmas,

A time of giving, A time of sharing.

A time to spend with family and friends.

Young and Old, Loved and lost.

Ever since I was a kid I always looked forward to Christmas.

There was just something magical about it.

Thinking of how good old Santa Claus could get down our chimney stack with such a big belly, or how the reindeers could stay on the roof without falling off.

But it was much more than wondering, it was about all the decorations and feeling of the season came about.

Seeing all the decorations out in Olde Town and the farms and houses, seeing the fairy light twinkle in the night on the trees and roofs.

There was something truly magical about that when I was a kid but nowadays, Christmas seems more like a holiday that has become to commercial and not so magical as such.

I think that has only come around as it seems that I have a really destructive year. I seem to try to help people or at least make them right, but in the same process hurt the people I love and need to the most.

I just wish I can relive the happiness I that I had back then, before my world turned upside down and inside out.

I guess I really do need Mr Perfect right now here with me, but I know if I wish or ask it might not come true as I know how he feels about me to a certain degree, although we had made up and trying to get to know one another again and work things out, I don't want to rush back into things and make matters worse than what they already have been.

Why do I do this to myself?

Oh well, I suppose there is nothing I can really do about but just hope…somehow.

Noah sits and reads Luke's blog on his Myspace page, trying to work out why Luke would post such a mind boggling yet saddening blog on his page.

Of course he knew what Luke was talking about, as he to also made mistakes through the year and well maybe he shouldn't have really done what he did to Luke.

But at the same time he did look to Luke, looked to him for guidance, for trust and for honesty, which he broke.

Once again Noah placed those walls up, trying to hide his true feelings while yet being able to show them and truly vent his frustration and anger at Luke, the one he truly loved.

"Why is it that love is so god damn complicated?" Noah asked himself, saying out loud and to nobody, trying to understand all these sudden emotions he was reading and feeling. He had always grown up never being able to show or even understand his feelings but here he was, alone, hurt, angry, upset, anything and everything you could ever think or imagine. Emotions running wild and high reeking havoc through his body and mind.

He stared at the screen reading the entry over and over, still trying to work it all out and how to at least make things right, make Luke feel happy and magical again for the season but how - that was the harder thought.

"Why is it so hard to make a mends to what has been done? Why is this so hard …..GOD" Noah said out of frustration as he got up out of his desk chair and walked over to the window and looked out to the world outside passing by.

Suddenly a thought struck his mind. He knew what he would do to make at least a mends and regain Luke's love and trust again. He wanted to make Luke happy again, as he, no as they deserved to be.

Noah walked over to his cell phone and started to dial Holden's number as he smiled to himself. Ever so proud of his plan he was now placing into action.

After a few rings Holden pick up his phone "Hello" Holden answers, unsure of who exactly is calling his mobile and sounding busy as ever.

"Hi Holden its Noah, how are you?" Noah answers back unsure and hoping Luke was nowhere near Holden at this stage. "Hi Noah, I am good thank you and Merry Christmas. How are you?" Holden said being polite while looking at Luke who was now looking at his father waving his hands and mouthing "I am not here".

"Good thanks Holden. Um look I am sorry to bother you at this stage but I need your help with something, but first off I need to know is Luke right next to you. To let me know just cough once for no and twice for yes" Noah asked, hoping that Holden would only cough once.

"That's good to hear know um Cough Cough, sorry I think I am coming down with the flu or something" Holden said knowing that Luke was looking at him weirdly and Noah sighing.

"Ok um, thanks Holden, look I really, really need your help, but I don't need Luke to listen in. um would you be able to meet at maybe Al's in about 20mins? Its just I really need to do something special for Luke and I don't want him finding out right at this moment" Noah said hoping Holden didn't have his phone up loud or on speaker phone.

"Sure that's fine. See you then. Take care" Holden replied as he hung up with Noah instantly as he turned to finish washing the dishes as Luke glared towards Holden.

"What did Noah want?" Luke asked, trying to gather why Noah would call his father and not him.

"He just wanted to wish us a Merry Christmas and apologise he couldn't come out to the farm tomorrow for Christmas Lunch. He also wanted to know if I could pick up some presents he has for us as he is busy with, um, oh what did he say, one of his papers or something" Holden said knowing he was lying and well being a bad lair at the same time.

"Yeah right dad, you a bad lair so go one, tell me. I won't get angry I promise" Luke said trying to act innocently and playfully with his father

"Seriously Luke that's what Noah called about. Why won't you believe that hmm?" Holden asked Luke as he folded his arms and leaned against the kitchen island bench.

"Because dad, you're a bad lair and I know your lying. You both are up to something. I can feel it. Noah wouldn't ring you unless its something he didn't want me to know or hide from me." Luke said with a bit of anger in his voice.

"Well son, maybe you should listen to what I am saying. I am telling the truth, why don't you ring Noah and find out" Holden said as he started to get his jacket on and head outside the kitchen door towards his truck. "Anyway I don't have time for this. I have to go into town and help your Grandmother with the final shopping and what not that needs to get done and pick up something myself. I won't be gone long ok" Holden said as he walked out the kitchen door without letting Luke reply as Luke looked at him existing out of the farm house.

"Fine if you won't tell me then I will find out for myself" Luke said to himself as he grabbed his cell out of his picket and dialled Noah's number.

"Hey Luke. How are you?" Noah answered as he saw Luke ringing him. Hoping Holden hadn't said anything or that Luke overheard Noah asking for Holden's help

"hey Noah, how did you know it was me anyway?" Luke asked, baffled as to how Noah knew it was him ringing

"Um Luke, I have your number stored in my phone and have caller ID showing up. that's how silly" Noah replied as he gave a small giggle.

"Yeah sorry. I am having a blonde moment. Um listen I was wondering if your not doing anything tomorrow, would you like to come to the farm house for Christmas?" Luke said biting his tongue hoping Noah would say yes and that what his father said wasn't true

"Well I would love to, but I am busy with um, well um one of my papers. I need to get it handed in between Christmas and New year and I really don't need distractions right now." Noah said knowing that he was lying to Luke and that he was a terrible liar but hoping Luke would get it and believe it "Anyway I rang our father and asked if he could come over and pick up some presents I have here for your family and to apologise for my absence tomorrow" Noah continued knowing Luke would not be happy with what he said.

"What, are you saying I am a distraction now. Am I getting in your way? Is that it Noah hmm" Luke replied in anger, his voice rising as he was almost ready to explode.

"No, no that's not what I mean Luke. I mean I am busy that's all. I just need to get this paper finished that's all. I thought you would understand?" Noah said in a soft calm voice, trying to defuse Luke but failing.

"Understand…..UNDERSTAND. Oh I understand alright. Luke is just too much of a distraction. Sorry I bothered you. Merry Christmas or whatever Noah" Luke said as he disconnected the call suddenly, leaving Noah dazed and confused.

"SHIT, shit shit shit! Great that's all I needed to do was to make it worse. Shit crap. Why can't he just take a hint and not take things the wrong way. Bloody hell!" Noah said as he threw his cell on to his bed and walked back over to the window, running his hands through his hair.

After a coupe of minutes Noah had clamed down and was sitting on his bed writing down some ideas on to his note pad when he looked up at his clock and saw he had five minutes to get to Al's.

"Shit" he said as he jumped up off his bed, packed his note pad and pen into his already full backpack, placed his jacket one headed out the door to meet Holden at Al's…..