I wanted to try my hand at some funny stories involving Final Fantasy Tactics and some hysterical translation errors that took place during the game. My favorite was the mission objective, "defeat Dycedargs elder brother!" For some reason I found this incredibly funny. The other two great ones are the cougars being called cuars, and of course, the "bracelet" techniques that the dragons use instead of "breath" techniques. Unfortunately, someone had already come up with a joke involving the bracelet. Still, I could not resist making two very brief stories involving the other two great translation errors in the game. Enjoy!
The legacy of Dycedarg-
Balbanes was pacing back and forth in his mansion, more anxious and nervous then he had ever been in his life. His first child was expected soon, and he had been forced to wait outside (as was the normal tradition in Ivalice). Pacing was all the man could do to calm his nerves, but the technique did not prove very effective.
After a few minutes, one of the assistants of Balbanes wife came rushing out, an overjoyed expression on her face.
"Sir! It's a boy! A beautiful baby boy!"
Balbanes felt tears fighting to escape his dry eyes. He did not bother to hide his happiness from the assistant, as he allowed the droplets to escape after a moment or two. "I don't believe it.. I'm a father.."
The assistant smiled happily. "It will be but another moment, and then you can see your son. Have you decided on a name yet?"
"Yes, I thought Dycedarg was the perfect name for a boy. How long must I wait to see him?"
The assistant did not reply, for shouting was heard within the room. The assistant ran back into the room, leaving Balbanes feeling a high mixture of emotions.
The assistant ran back to Balbanes, a horrified look on her face. "Sir.. There is a second child.. It seems that twins will be delivered.."
Balbanes eyes widened in terror. "No..."
Twins were a very rare occasion within Ivalice, but were said to mark the death of both infants within a week of their births. It was said that the only way to prevent the curse was by adopting the younger of the infants to another family so that the twins would never see one another. The legend stated that should the twins come across one another at any point in life, they would immediately die. The legend seemed foolish, but few people dared disagree with it.
"I'm sorry sir.."
Balbanes sighed sadly. "I suppose we will have to separate them, I don't want to risk their lives.. I just hope that I can keep contact with both of them, even if they are destined not to ever see one another.."
"I do not think that will be a problem, I'm sure both of your children will understand perfectly. It's for the best, no doubt about that. Do you wish to name the second child now before you see them?"
Balbanes looked to the floor. "Yes, I think I will name him Dycedarg as well. I just pray that I am doing the right thing..."
Many years later, the older of the two Dycedargs became a bitter and evil man, bent on doing anything to attain power. He even killed his own father, for this reason alone. Two additional younger sons of Balbanes, Zalbag and Ramza, found out about this horrible crime. Zalbag was enraged, and attacked Dycedarg, while Ramza had no choice but to "defeat Dycedargs elder brother".
The discovery of the Cuar-
"Igor, why aren't you getting all this down?!"
The hardy adventurer, Blor, was getting tired of his companion refusing to write his words of wisdom down in their ever important log. The log was a plan to record the journey forever, yet Igor had time and time again refused to write down anything yet.
"But you haven't said anything important! We have yet to make a valuable discovery! Why would I bother writing down some ridiculous quotes that mean nothing?"
Blor was not happy with this comment. "Don't mean anything?! My quotes are fabulous!"
Igor shook his head. "Oh yes, the quote about the forest taking a bite of the soul was true gil."
"How dare you insult my work! I'll have you know that.. Wait! Do you hear that?"
Blor had stopped his companion, and was pointing towards a large bush. The bush had made a strange growling sound. A second later, a bluish gray creature resembling a panther shuffled out of the bush, growling at the two men menacingly.
"Oh my God! Look at that creature! I've never seen such a thing in my life! Do you think it's an undiscovered species?"
"Yes, there is no doubt about it! I have read many texts on the wild creatures of Ivalice, and nothing like this animal has been described! We'll be famous!"
Igor was incredibly happy. The search for fame had finally paid off! "What shall we name the thing?"
Blor was jumping up and down like a child, merry with joy at the discovery. "It's gorgeous! Look at that coat! It resembles a red panther, but its blue and gray. I say we call it a cou---ARRRR!!!"
The creature had taken this moment to leap on top of Blor. It was slashing at the adventurers face, roaring in anger.
Blor continued to scream, while Igor took the opportunity to throw a rock at the beasts head. The rock hit the creature in the head, and it howled in pain. Dazed from the blow, the beast began to stumble about. As soon as the beast had gotten off of Blor, he took the chance to run as quickly as he could, Igor chasing after him. The dazed creature walked back into the bush, still dazed and confused.
After Blor realized the creature was no longer following them, he stopped running and fell to the floor of the woods, panting heavily. Igor did the same (after looking behind his back to make sure the beast was not in pursuit).
"That was a bit too close for comfort, but we have made a discovery at last! Why don't we head to the nearest town and get some inhabitants back here to find it again?"
Igor nodded. "Sounds like the best course of action."
When Blor and Igor arrived at a small town nearby, they went straight to the fur shop.
"Mister! We have made a new discovery!"
The shop keeper glanced up at the two somewhat foolish looking men. He instantly wondered if it was some sort of trick. "Oh, and what would that be?"
Before Blor could say anything, it was Igor who shouted out, "we have discovered a new breed of animal! We call it a cuar! If you come with us, the creature may still be in the location we found it! It was only a few miles away from here!"
Blor looked angry at his companion. "You idiot, I was going to call it a cougar! The bloody beast bit me before I could finish saying the name!"
The shop keeper was now highly interested. "A new breed of creature? A cuar, you say? Well then gentlemen, lead the way. I only ask for credit in the discovery in exchange."
"Done deal!"
"It's a cougar, not a cuar!"
"No! Cuar sounds better!"
The shop keeper silenced both of them by whistling. "Who gives a damn what you decide to call it! Lets just find the cuar before it gets away!"
"IT'S A COUGAR!!!"
And that, my friends, was how the cuar was discovered. The name cuar stuck with the creature because both the shopkeeper and Igor preferred the name. Very few people know of the true story, but in instances such as this, sometimes the truth is better left unknown!
The legacy of Dycedarg-
Balbanes was pacing back and forth in his mansion, more anxious and nervous then he had ever been in his life. His first child was expected soon, and he had been forced to wait outside (as was the normal tradition in Ivalice). Pacing was all the man could do to calm his nerves, but the technique did not prove very effective.
After a few minutes, one of the assistants of Balbanes wife came rushing out, an overjoyed expression on her face.
"Sir! It's a boy! A beautiful baby boy!"
Balbanes felt tears fighting to escape his dry eyes. He did not bother to hide his happiness from the assistant, as he allowed the droplets to escape after a moment or two. "I don't believe it.. I'm a father.."
The assistant smiled happily. "It will be but another moment, and then you can see your son. Have you decided on a name yet?"
"Yes, I thought Dycedarg was the perfect name for a boy. How long must I wait to see him?"
The assistant did not reply, for shouting was heard within the room. The assistant ran back into the room, leaving Balbanes feeling a high mixture of emotions.
The assistant ran back to Balbanes, a horrified look on her face. "Sir.. There is a second child.. It seems that twins will be delivered.."
Balbanes eyes widened in terror. "No..."
Twins were a very rare occasion within Ivalice, but were said to mark the death of both infants within a week of their births. It was said that the only way to prevent the curse was by adopting the younger of the infants to another family so that the twins would never see one another. The legend stated that should the twins come across one another at any point in life, they would immediately die. The legend seemed foolish, but few people dared disagree with it.
"I'm sorry sir.."
Balbanes sighed sadly. "I suppose we will have to separate them, I don't want to risk their lives.. I just hope that I can keep contact with both of them, even if they are destined not to ever see one another.."
"I do not think that will be a problem, I'm sure both of your children will understand perfectly. It's for the best, no doubt about that. Do you wish to name the second child now before you see them?"
Balbanes looked to the floor. "Yes, I think I will name him Dycedarg as well. I just pray that I am doing the right thing..."
Many years later, the older of the two Dycedargs became a bitter and evil man, bent on doing anything to attain power. He even killed his own father, for this reason alone. Two additional younger sons of Balbanes, Zalbag and Ramza, found out about this horrible crime. Zalbag was enraged, and attacked Dycedarg, while Ramza had no choice but to "defeat Dycedargs elder brother".
The discovery of the Cuar-
"Igor, why aren't you getting all this down?!"
The hardy adventurer, Blor, was getting tired of his companion refusing to write his words of wisdom down in their ever important log. The log was a plan to record the journey forever, yet Igor had time and time again refused to write down anything yet.
"But you haven't said anything important! We have yet to make a valuable discovery! Why would I bother writing down some ridiculous quotes that mean nothing?"
Blor was not happy with this comment. "Don't mean anything?! My quotes are fabulous!"
Igor shook his head. "Oh yes, the quote about the forest taking a bite of the soul was true gil."
"How dare you insult my work! I'll have you know that.. Wait! Do you hear that?"
Blor had stopped his companion, and was pointing towards a large bush. The bush had made a strange growling sound. A second later, a bluish gray creature resembling a panther shuffled out of the bush, growling at the two men menacingly.
"Oh my God! Look at that creature! I've never seen such a thing in my life! Do you think it's an undiscovered species?"
"Yes, there is no doubt about it! I have read many texts on the wild creatures of Ivalice, and nothing like this animal has been described! We'll be famous!"
Igor was incredibly happy. The search for fame had finally paid off! "What shall we name the thing?"
Blor was jumping up and down like a child, merry with joy at the discovery. "It's gorgeous! Look at that coat! It resembles a red panther, but its blue and gray. I say we call it a cou---ARRRR!!!"
The creature had taken this moment to leap on top of Blor. It was slashing at the adventurers face, roaring in anger.
Blor continued to scream, while Igor took the opportunity to throw a rock at the beasts head. The rock hit the creature in the head, and it howled in pain. Dazed from the blow, the beast began to stumble about. As soon as the beast had gotten off of Blor, he took the chance to run as quickly as he could, Igor chasing after him. The dazed creature walked back into the bush, still dazed and confused.
After Blor realized the creature was no longer following them, he stopped running and fell to the floor of the woods, panting heavily. Igor did the same (after looking behind his back to make sure the beast was not in pursuit).
"That was a bit too close for comfort, but we have made a discovery at last! Why don't we head to the nearest town and get some inhabitants back here to find it again?"
Igor nodded. "Sounds like the best course of action."
When Blor and Igor arrived at a small town nearby, they went straight to the fur shop.
"Mister! We have made a new discovery!"
The shop keeper glanced up at the two somewhat foolish looking men. He instantly wondered if it was some sort of trick. "Oh, and what would that be?"
Before Blor could say anything, it was Igor who shouted out, "we have discovered a new breed of animal! We call it a cuar! If you come with us, the creature may still be in the location we found it! It was only a few miles away from here!"
Blor looked angry at his companion. "You idiot, I was going to call it a cougar! The bloody beast bit me before I could finish saying the name!"
The shop keeper was now highly interested. "A new breed of creature? A cuar, you say? Well then gentlemen, lead the way. I only ask for credit in the discovery in exchange."
"Done deal!"
"It's a cougar, not a cuar!"
"No! Cuar sounds better!"
The shop keeper silenced both of them by whistling. "Who gives a damn what you decide to call it! Lets just find the cuar before it gets away!"
"IT'S A COUGAR!!!"
And that, my friends, was how the cuar was discovered. The name cuar stuck with the creature because both the shopkeeper and Igor preferred the name. Very few people know of the true story, but in instances such as this, sometimes the truth is better left unknown!