Everything always happens on Tuesdays.
It was Tuesday and Elrond was scared. He knew that everything happened on Tuesdays. The entire lord of the rings was a Tuesday that just seemed a lot longer.
Last Tuesday he had had the flu, and the Tuesday before that it had been elfbrunt, a very weird disease where said elf craves pleasures from all around, and usually gets them.
Celebrian had not been pleased when she had stumbled on Elrond and Arwen in the shower doing 'stuff'. Well anyway, back to the real story, Elrond was supposed to be going to Lothlorien today and he knew today was definitely going to be one of those Tuesdays that seemed to last years.
He had been to the undying lands, but it was only a bunch of high elves prancing about, a bit like Rvendell really.
He was only going to Lothlorien because Haldir had requested his presence there for no apparent reason. But Haldir was a GOD.
And you never say no to that sort of god. Elrond knoew that there was a forbidden part of the forest that Haldir was trying to tame since he was given the lead of Lothlorien. Galadriel had left yonks ago with Celeborn and, sadly for Haldir, Legolas.
Elrond knew the sort of thing that may entail from this excursion to the woods; Haldir was honorary lord of Esgaroth (the gay capital of middle earth).
However, Elrond was not bothered, he'd always been bi and Celebrian was the biggest slut their side of the misty mountains, and probably the other side too! So as it was, Elrond decided that his evil Tuesday this week would be cheating on his wife, which is nowhere near as bad as the flu.
Elrond already had a horse waiting, which was odd because he definitely didn't request one. It was a pale glowing pink and for some reason had his name tattooed all over it with little red hearts. Elrond decided that Celebrian had left him a gift, but little did he know that Celebrian was actually off screwing Elladan in the forest.
Anyhow, Elrond got on his horse and rode off to Lothlorien. He was riding through the opening parts of the woods when he heard a rustling behind him. He immediately knew that Haldir lay in wait and leapt off the horse into the tree nearby, but banged his head on a branch and fell onto the floor and broke his leg. Haldir burst out laughing and jumped out of the trees into Elrond's lap.
"God you're funny when you injure yourself Elly baby!"
"Elly baby? And why is it funny when I break my leg?"
"Elly baby sounds cool and its funny when your leg breaks because in the matrix reloaded it snapped off of one of yo ur clones!"
"I have clones?
"You should stop living in a dream world, you should know this is all just the twisted imagination of a weirdo who watched too much movies and reads too much books, and is probably bi"
"What's that got to do with clones?"
"Movies!"
"Oh, I think I'm beginning to understand, and I'm gonna sue for stealing my body image!"
"But everyone wants your body!"
"Hmmmmm, well take it, its yours"
"Here?"
"Where else?"
"The forbidden woods, where no-one will be!"
"Good point, lets go"
So it was that Elrond and Haldir headed off towards the forbidden woods, home of the oddly shaped handcuff tree and the whip flower. It was obvious to passers by what was going to happen, especially as Elrond had his hand in Haldir's pocket, and everyone knew about the hole in his pocket.
When they entered the forest, all was dark and gloomy, except for well... everything! It was all pink and fluffy, and for some reason there was nude posters of Elrond everywhere.
"Elly baby..."
"Yes, my dearest Hally?
"I've been waiting a long time for this..."
"For what?"
"This!" and with that Haldir pounced on Elrond and Elrond began to wonder exactly what was so bad about this Tuesday, after all so far it had just been a bunch of stuff that wasn't going to be expanded on and some nice sex with a sex god, but then, completely out of the blue, a meteor hit middle earth, completely obliterating everything.
Elrond's last thought was: 'that explains the evil of Tuesday' and died. Haldir also died, but he thought it was Wednesday so was rather shocked. Many others died, but for some reason, in the undying lands, all life forms lived on, seemingly not dying. Elrond decided it was just his luck to have lived in the area where people die when he had the choice, but that's just Elrond. Poor him.
The End
It was Tuesday and Elrond was scared. He knew that everything happened on Tuesdays. The entire lord of the rings was a Tuesday that just seemed a lot longer.
Last Tuesday he had had the flu, and the Tuesday before that it had been elfbrunt, a very weird disease where said elf craves pleasures from all around, and usually gets them.
Celebrian had not been pleased when she had stumbled on Elrond and Arwen in the shower doing 'stuff'. Well anyway, back to the real story, Elrond was supposed to be going to Lothlorien today and he knew today was definitely going to be one of those Tuesdays that seemed to last years.
He had been to the undying lands, but it was only a bunch of high elves prancing about, a bit like Rvendell really.
He was only going to Lothlorien because Haldir had requested his presence there for no apparent reason. But Haldir was a GOD.
And you never say no to that sort of god. Elrond knoew that there was a forbidden part of the forest that Haldir was trying to tame since he was given the lead of Lothlorien. Galadriel had left yonks ago with Celeborn and, sadly for Haldir, Legolas.
Elrond knew the sort of thing that may entail from this excursion to the woods; Haldir was honorary lord of Esgaroth (the gay capital of middle earth).
However, Elrond was not bothered, he'd always been bi and Celebrian was the biggest slut their side of the misty mountains, and probably the other side too! So as it was, Elrond decided that his evil Tuesday this week would be cheating on his wife, which is nowhere near as bad as the flu.
Elrond already had a horse waiting, which was odd because he definitely didn't request one. It was a pale glowing pink and for some reason had his name tattooed all over it with little red hearts. Elrond decided that Celebrian had left him a gift, but little did he know that Celebrian was actually off screwing Elladan in the forest.
Anyhow, Elrond got on his horse and rode off to Lothlorien. He was riding through the opening parts of the woods when he heard a rustling behind him. He immediately knew that Haldir lay in wait and leapt off the horse into the tree nearby, but banged his head on a branch and fell onto the floor and broke his leg. Haldir burst out laughing and jumped out of the trees into Elrond's lap.
"God you're funny when you injure yourself Elly baby!"
"Elly baby? And why is it funny when I break my leg?"
"Elly baby sounds cool and its funny when your leg breaks because in the matrix reloaded it snapped off of one of yo ur clones!"
"I have clones?
"You should stop living in a dream world, you should know this is all just the twisted imagination of a weirdo who watched too much movies and reads too much books, and is probably bi"
"What's that got to do with clones?"
"Movies!"
"Oh, I think I'm beginning to understand, and I'm gonna sue for stealing my body image!"
"But everyone wants your body!"
"Hmmmmm, well take it, its yours"
"Here?"
"Where else?"
"The forbidden woods, where no-one will be!"
"Good point, lets go"
So it was that Elrond and Haldir headed off towards the forbidden woods, home of the oddly shaped handcuff tree and the whip flower. It was obvious to passers by what was going to happen, especially as Elrond had his hand in Haldir's pocket, and everyone knew about the hole in his pocket.
When they entered the forest, all was dark and gloomy, except for well... everything! It was all pink and fluffy, and for some reason there was nude posters of Elrond everywhere.
"Elly baby..."
"Yes, my dearest Hally?
"I've been waiting a long time for this..."
"For what?"
"This!" and with that Haldir pounced on Elrond and Elrond began to wonder exactly what was so bad about this Tuesday, after all so far it had just been a bunch of stuff that wasn't going to be expanded on and some nice sex with a sex god, but then, completely out of the blue, a meteor hit middle earth, completely obliterating everything.
Elrond's last thought was: 'that explains the evil of Tuesday' and died. Haldir also died, but he thought it was Wednesday so was rather shocked. Many others died, but for some reason, in the undying lands, all life forms lived on, seemingly not dying. Elrond decided it was just his luck to have lived in the area where people die when he had the choice, but that's just Elrond. Poor him.
The End