sorrow of love Chapter 1: Fake smiles, a kuroshitsuji fanfic

Ch.1 Fake smiles

The soft glow from the laptop screen filled the dark room with shadows that lurked upon every corner. The boy blinked twice as the soft ringing buzz tempted him to sleep after the many hours of work. The sleep deprived Ciel blinked one last time before his eyes refused to open back up again. He rested his head on the desk as he was gently lolled asleep.

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"Ciel, we love you" His mother's words echoed throughout the darkness. "Mother" ciel whispered under his breath. "Where are you?" Ciel called out to the darkness.

"Ciel, we will always love you." His mother's voice echoed once again but it came from the opposite direction.

Ciel turned to face the voice, but instead he was greeted by grayish fluff falling from the dark sky. Ciel's eyes widened as he realized what was in front of him. Snow?…..no, it was ash. His eyes dropped down to his feet where he saw his bare feet on what looked like grass. That's when he started to hear a crackling sound, and then a warm glow raised up and showed that he was wearing a pair of pajama's with little bears on them.

Everything was so familiar. It can't be…. Ciel looked up to see what was in front of him. It was just as he expected….Fire. His throat tightened up when he noticed what was on fire. It was his house. The one he grew up in. The one where all of his childhood memories lay, and the one that his parents died in. Now, it was happening all over again.

"NO!" Ciel yelled out. "NOT AGAIN!" he started to choke on his sobs. "Please…I don't want to see them die again."

Ciel fell to the ground as his eyes became a blur. He wasn't crying. He had no intent to cry, because he promised to never cry again. Never.

Soon enough it changed. He was no longer at the scene of the fire. Instead he was looking at someone. It was a man, who had black hair and milky white skin. The person reached out his hand to Ciel, and it looked like his mouth worded something, but he couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Who are you?" Ciel asked while trying to concentrate on his face, but no matter how hard he tried all of it was a blur.

The man only tilted his head and smiled.

Ciel awoke abruptly and leaned back into his chair. His heart beat was beating as fast as it could. It was as if it was a clock ticking away. He looked down to his hands. They were shaking. He raised his shaking hand and touched his forehead. It was damp from cold sweat.

Ciel took in a couple of deep breaths while trying to clear his memory of his dream he just had. He closed his eyes and held them there for a second. Then he finally opened them to look at the laptop screen. On the top is said his name and date. Ciel Phantomhive 12-5-11.

He took his slightly shaking hand and clicked on the save button on the top left of the program. He had no need to proof read his history assignment, since he already knew he did a good enough job on it. He then quit out of the program and shut off the laptop leaving his room in complete darkness. Ciel sighed and hopped put of his chair and made his way to his bed. Not long after he got comfortable he drifted back to sleep, but this time he didn't have any dreams.

In the morning Ciel awoke from his alarm clock that couldn't decide between the radio stations that were available. He quickly got out of his small bed and turned off his alarm clock and got dressed in the few clothes he had.

He went downstairs and went into the kitchen and made himself a small bowl of cereal. As he sat down to eat he noticed the small note that was on the table. Ciel picked it up and read it.

"Ciel, I'll most likely be coming home late again tonight. If you need food I have a Five dollar bill in my room for tonight.

Love, Red"

"Red." Ciel thought to himself. "The name everyone called her."

Ciel understood that she was already working hard, but lately he's been worried she's been working too hard.

After Ciel finished up his breakfast he put on his back pack and tied on his shoes, then he left the house after locking it.

The cold gave Ciel spine shivers as he started to walk out on the frosted grass. Soon he'll have to find a jacket of some sort, especially since winter was coming nearer and nearer within each day.

After 15 minutes of walking he finally arrived at his middle school. As he was walking to his 8th grade hallway Alois ran up to him with his giddy smile of his.

"Heyy cieeel, how are you?"Alois said excitedly.

Ciel glared at Alois. Out of all of the people at this school he had to be friends with him. "Cold." Ciel replied sharply.

"Of course you're going to be cold. All you wear is a thin sweatshirt over your shirt, if you want I have a jacket you can use! But I'm warning you now. There's a bunch of purple butterflies on the design."

Ciel looked at him as if he was crazy, that is, if he wasn't already crazy. "I think I'm fine for now Alois. I don't need your….stuff"

Ciel walked over to his unlocked locker while Alois hovered over his shoulder. "0-5-0….got it!" Ciel gave another sharp look at Alois. "If you start invading my locker your going to regret it, Alois." But before Ciel could do anything Alois was already walking away.

"What was that Ciel? I couldn't hear you." Alois said while turning around and sticking out his tongue.

Ciel sighed. "Today is going to be a long day."

As the bell rung signifying that school was over, Ciel walked out of the classroom and walked to his locker. He grabbed his almost empty back pack and walked out of the school. Luckily, he almost never had to do homework because he finished it during the school day, and because he never needed to do his homework he read to pass time. That's when he was reminded that today he had to return the books in his backpack to the town's library.

To Ciel, the books at the school are to boring, so he read the books at the public library.

As Ciel walked outside a gust of wind came blowing in his direction. The cold air drifted into his clothes causing goosebumps to rise and prickle against his shirt. At that moment Ciel thought about Alois's offer, but was quickly reminded that it's most likely a girls jacket.

As he kept on walking he almost reached the library, but he quickly stopped when he looked up at the sky. It was snowing. It wasn't just any type of snow. It was the big fat snowflakes that never melted away when it touched the ground. Now he'll REALLY need a jacket for this winter.

Ciel quickened up his pace and began to walk again to the library. As he opened the doors to go inside he was warmly greeted by the heat. Some people at nearby tables looked at Ciel angerly because he let in the cold. Honestly, if they didn't like it they could just move. As he made his way to the library assistant desk the girl behind the counter smiled at Ciel.

"It's nice to know that people your age still come to this library." The girl said after taking Ciel's books.

"I just do it to pass time." Ciel said while fakely smiling. He then walked away to find a book to read.

"Fake smiles." Ciel thought to himself. "One thing I'm best at. Who knows when was the last time I truly smiled." He walked over to the fiction section and randomly picked up a book and walked over to the tables that were next to the windows. As he glanced outside he saw that the snow was getting heavier and starting to build up on the ground.

He sat down and started to read. It wasn't an interesting book, but anything will do as long as it makes time go by.

After time, he was already a quarter done with the book. The book hasn't caught his interest yet, so he was going to put it back. Just as he glanced up he saw the man that was in the table in front of him stand up and put away his papers then walk away. The tall man with black hair was oblivious to the fact that he forgot his notebook on the table.

Ciel stood up and was about to say something to him, but that means he would disrupt the other people reading. He walked over to the notebook and opened it up to find a name. On the top of the inside cover it said. "Sebastian Michaelis ... college notes"

"So, he goes to college?" Ciel thought to himself. Ciel walked over to the window to see if the man went outside. A few seconds later the man walked out of the building and was heading to the parking lot.

"Fast walker." He thought to himself.

Ciel then took his bag and quickly ran down the steps of the library and out the door to catch up with the man. It was now dark and the thick snow started to became a nuisance especially while Ciel ran. The man unlocked his car door and was about to get in, but stopped and looked over at the running boy.

"E-excuse me!" Ciel said while slowing down his pace to catch his breath. Luckily he grabbed the man's attention so he didn't need to run the rest of the way. As he walked up to the man Ciel stopped to catch his breath. "Yes?" The man said smoothly.

"You…forgot…this." Ciel said while huffing and grasping his knees. He seriously needed to get more exercise. Ciel then looked up to the man and handed him the notebook.

"Oh, ...I...Thank you. I didn't realize I left the notebook there. Thank you for returning it." The man said happily. Ciel's teeth started to chatter from the cold. How long was he reading? The snow was already ankle deep.

"N-no p-problem." Ciel said while warming his arms with his hand.

"Well, you better hurry up and go back inside before you freeze to death." The man said concernedly, but didn't appear to be concerned.

"T-there's n-no need. I already h-have everything with me, and I was just about to leave a-anyway." Ciel stuttered while rubbing his hands together to make friction with his hands.

"Didn't you leave your coat in the library?" The man answered quickly, almost as if he was trying to make the conversation end.

"There was something about him." Ciel thought. "Something familiar about him….." Ciel quickly pushed away his thoughts and replied to the man. "No…I don't have a c-coat. A-anyway…I-I'll just be l-leaving now." Ciel smiled another of his "fake smiles" and started to walk away from the man and on to the sidewalk.

Ciel crossed the street and started to make his way home. As he was walking, a car pulled up next to him and the window rolled down showing the man he returned the notebook to.

"Hey, why don't I drive you home. It's the least I can do." The man said from the car.

Ciel thought about the offer. A warm car…WARM car. How can he pass on an offer like that? Ciel walked up to the car and opened the passenger door. "Thanks." He said while sitting down and closing the door.

In a time like this, maybe he can make an exception for "stranger danger".

"No problem, you really did help me. I have a test tomorrow for college, and without these notes I'm going to be in trouble….I'm Sebastian by the way." Ciel nodded and replied. "I'm Ciel..."

Sebastian turned up the heat knob and heat blasted out of the vents. Nothing has ever felt better. "Just tell me where you live and I'll take you there." He said after adjusting the heat to his liking.

Ciel buckled on the seatbelt and answered Sebastian "I live on Excalibur road."

Sebastian face was a little shocked. "Excalibur….Isn't that all the way across town? If I wasn't driving you home you would have gotten a cold. Maybe even hypothermia."

Ciel chose not to answer and looked away. Honestly, he was use to the cold, but his shaking body begged to differ

Sebastian changed the stick from park to drive and started to drive.

The car ride was silent most of the way, but if it wasn't for the loud rattling car the energy would be ten times as awkward. He wanted to say something, but didn't know what. Ciel glanced at Sebastian from the corner of his eye. Something about him was so familiar... Ciel decided to break the silence.

"Have we met before? …you seem very familiar." Ciel said while he fiddled with his bag to prevent eye contact.

"I can't say we have, but if you come to the library often there's a chance you might have seen me. I study there a lot. "

Ciel nodded. "Yeah, that's probably it."

Within time Sebastian stopped the car and stopped at the designated house.

"Thank you for the ride." Ciel said while unbuckling the seatbelt.

Sebastian smiled slightly. "Yeah…listen. You said you didn't have a jacket. If you want you can keep mine. I have others I should be able to wear."

Sebastian then unbuckled and took off the jacket while empting out the contents. "Here." He said while giving it to Ciel. "Once you get a new one you can give it back. At the moment I work at a bookstore downtown, so if you need to return it I'll be there."

Ciel gladly took the jacket, and noticed it was a dark blue that was almost black. It was also soft and had fuzzy hood.

"Thank you." Mumbled Ciel. He then opened the door and stepped out. Once he started to walk up to his houses he heard the car drive away.

Ciel took out his key from his bag and unlocked the front door. As he walked inside he dusted off the snow on his shoes and quickly ran up the stairs. Slamming open his door; he threw his bag and new jacket down on the floor and flopped on his bed.

"Maybe today wasn't as bad as he thought it was."

He glanced at the lifeless room, but focused at the jacket. Finally he snatched it up and took a better look at it. It was big, but it looked warm, and…it smelled good. He brought the jacket closer to his face and smelled it again. "I wonder what laundry detergent he uses." Ciel thought. He then yawned and got up from the bed to brush his teeth. After doing so, he turned off the lights and crawled into his small beds and snuggled up with the jacket.

It was comfortable! No, it was beyond comfortable!

Ciel huddled and grasped his pillow. Soon after, he fell asleep with the jacket wrapped around him.

creeeeek

Ciel's fluttered open. Was his aunt back home? He sat up and looked at the time. It was 1am. Then he heard something from the hall. Crying? He held his breath and listened again. A nearby door opened and a few sniffles came with it.

Ciel crept out of the bed and pushed opened the door to see what was wrong. "Aunt Red?" Ciel whispered in the hallway. His aunt walked out of her room. "C-Ciel!" she said while her voice cracked. "You should go back to bed. You have school in the morning remember?" Her head hung low as if she was afraid to show him her face.

"Were you crying?" Ciel asked.

Her mouthed quivered as he said that, soon enough tears streamed down her face. "I'm sorry, Ciel…." She sobbed. She knelt down to Ciel and started to hug him. "What's wrong?" He asked while putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Today….I was fired." Aunt Red said. After a few seconds she went on. "And, we're already filed for foreclosure…"

Ciel's eyes widened. He knew they were poor, but not THAT poor.

"I thought that maybe if I stayed overtime for work I'd get more money, and then perhaps I could fix the mess I made. I guess I was wrong, instead my boss called me in his office to tell me I was not needed anymore." His aunt exhaled and took a deep breath.

Ciel stayed silent.

"Anytime this month….they're going to foreclose the house." She said while tightening her grip around Ciel.

"Just go back to bed. I'll try to figure this out. Ok?"

Ciel nodded his head and she released him from her grasp. As he started to walk back to his room Aunt Red murmured something under her breath. "I make a horrible parent."

The boy just stood by his bed and let everything seep in. Then an idea struck him. "Tomorrow...I'll find a job. Once he makes money he can finally help his aunt. "

Ciel lay awake watching his alarm clock, waiting for it to turn 6:59 to 7:00.

6:59...

7:00.

A static filled radio station started to play. Ciel arose from his bed and turned off his clock and started his morning routine. As he walked downstairs he was greeted by his aunt that was sitting at the table looking at a newspaper.

"Good morning." Aunt Red breathed out sleepily as she lifted a newspaper to her face. As he walked around her he could see the face she hid. Her eyes looked sad and she had dark circles. It was as if she didn't get a wink of sleep.

"Good morning." Ciel replied as he walked over to a cabinet and took out a box of Cheerios. He glanced her way and frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going job hunting today, and I wanted to get an early start. I can drive you to school if you want." She said while smiling at Ciel, but the smile wasn't real. It was saddening to see her in this state.

Ciel replied while getting out the milk.

"There's no need, I can just walk since it'll save you time and gas ."

After pouring it he sat down next to his aunt and started to eat.

"….good idea." She said while circling a job with a marker.

After he finished his cereal he walked over to the sink and washed and put it away. "I'll be leaving now." He spoke, but got no response. He then walked out the door with no questioning about how he got his jacket.