Hola, friends, enemies, and everybody in between! I wish you a happy reading! (but if you're my enemy, I wish you to die in a hole.)
God, life was awful for her. You'd think that being head girl would change something.
But no, the Headmaster-who-lived-to-annoy-the-hell-out-of-Hermione-Granger was doing it again.
She had been shoved into the head's dormitory with none other than Draco Malfoy.
Oh, this was so perfect. Just so perfect.
He had so far "borrowed" her textbooks, notes, and even her N.E.W.T. practice tests. Not that he could turn those in. If there was one thing she knew about Malfoy, she knew that he did not dot his i's with hearts.
Oh, and she couldn't find her quills, so she was using a ballpoint pen.
He walked into the room and said, "Granger, what the hell is that?"
"A pen."
"What's a pen?"
"Call it a portable, self inking quill."
"Wizards have those, and they don't look that strange."
"You know what, Malfoy?"
"What?"
"Keep it."
And then she left the room, tossing it at him in frustration.
Later that week, she was curling her hair.
"Granger, what the hell is that?"
"A curling iron."
"Okay...so what the hell is it?"
"You use it to curl your hair, doofus."
"We have spells to do that. And I resent that comment!"
"No duh, Malfoy."
Then, he touched the iron.
"That HURT!"
"I haven't noticed."
"Why is it so warm anyway? It'll burn your hair, though it might be an improvement."
"Ha, ha, ha. Hilarious. Really."
"Well, why?"
"Because the ancient Egyptians, and a princess...You don't want to hear this, do you?"
"Not particularly."
She restrained herself from throwing this one at his head. As much as she loathed him, third-degree burns were something she'd rather not explain to Madam Pomfrey.
Because of his shock at her pen, she snatched her laptop out of her bag and began her essay.
"Granger, what the hell is th-"
"Shut up, Malfoy."
"No."
"Figures."
"So?"
"What?"
"What is it?"
"Google. Search engine. Contrary to popular belief, does not run on dreams."
"What abou-"
"Or magic."
"What does a search engine do?"
"You can find anything on the web in virtually a few seconds."
"Can I see that?"
"No, Malfoy, you may not type random crap into my laptop."
"Bugger."
Flash Forward
"Malfoy, what the hell is that?"
"You are even stupider than I thought."
"I know it's a ring, doofus, but I didn't know today was April fools. Last I checked, it was November."
"Muggle thing?"
"Yeah."
"My knees are cramping..."
"I say... YES!"
Flash Forward
"Granger, what the hell is that?"
"An ultrasound."
"Muggle thing?"
"It shows pictures of unborn children and how they're developing."
"Uh-huh. So, what the hell is that?"
"Well, Draco Malfoy, meet your child."
"I...WHAT?"
Flash Forward
"Daddy, what the hell is that?"
"Draco, have you been telling her the how-we-met story?"
"No, sweetheart."
"He was so, mommy!"
"You little sneak!"
"Daddy, stop! That tickles!"
Definitely a Malfoy.
Woohoo! I am proud of this one. I hope that you have all found it satisfactory.
I was answering the long-lost prayers of all my dear friends. Including Kiki, who is an amazing writer but can't spell. (you were acknowledged! *gasp*)
~MA