Oh, dig my shallow grave
It's not me you'll save
'Cause I'm a lost cause
I'm a lost cause, a lost, lost cause
~Imagine Dragons, "Lost Cause"
It's been a long time since Harvey Bullock has really trusted anyone. A very long time. He trusts Jim Gordon, though.
At first, he thinks he thinks that maybe that's why he's developed this embarrassing infatuation with his partner. That his head is just confusing these emotions that he hasn't felt in so long.
He tells himself that long after he realizes it's not the case.
It's been a very long time since Harvey Bullock has been in love. A very, very long time. However, it's not something you ever forget, and he recognizes it.
v v v v
Jim goes through a breakup with Barbara. It was an amicable one, nothing catastrophic. Just two people that love each other coming to terms with the fact that they're not meant to stay together in that type of relationship. It's still hard on Jim, especially when Barbara reveals that she's thinking about moving to France. To try to cheer his partner up a bit, Harvey takes him out.
The place isn't much to look at, but they've got great food and good drinks. The alcohol, as Harvey might have suspected, does not cheer Gordon up, but it doesn't make him sad either. It leaves him in a sort of gloomily philosophical mood that Harvey would have laughed at under different circumstances.
For some reason that Harvey can't quite remember, Gordon ends up sitting with him on his side of the booth. At some point he leans over into Harvey's space to make a point and just never bothers to leave, so he's leaning on Harvey's side when he starts to critically stare at Harvey's head.
"You need a haircut," he says seriously. And then he giggles. Harvey's fairly certain he's never heard Jim Gordon giggle before today. It makes him laugh along. It also makes him want to kiss him.
Even drunk, he's not stupid enough to try that, though.
For the moment, he'll settle for the feel of Jim pressed carelessly against his side.
v v v v
Harvey swears he's never met anyone that gets into life-threatening situations quite as often as Jim Gordon does. The idiot nearly gets himself killed every other day. This time, though, it was closer than usual. Much closer than usual. Gordon just has to play the Hero, and Harvey is the one that gets stuck with the job of trying to talk the psycho who is currently holding a gun to Gordon's head down.
It doesn't work. The fucker pulls the trigger and Harvey can swear he can feel his heart pulling itself out of his chest. What none of the three of them saw coming, though, was the fact that the gun was out of bullets. (Because Gordon may get into life-threatening situations way too often, but he also seems to have a ridiculous amount of good luck on his side.)
As soon as he realizes the gun isn't going to do its job properly, Mr. Psycho-Criminal-of-the-Week slams the butt of it down on the base of Gordon's skull and turns tail to run. Luckily, there's nowhere for him to go—what with the building being surrounded by the GCPD—because Harvey is too busy checking on his unconscious partner to feel like giving chase.
The paramedics give Gordon a clean bill of health besides a lump on the back of his head and a nasty headache. Harvey always knew he was hard-headed.
The two of them are alone in the locker room when Harvey's anger and belated fear are finally allowed to boil over. "What were you thinking?" he bursts out, rounding on him. Jim stands his ground and glares at him, eyes dark.
"I was thinking that we could save that girl!" he snaps.
"And get yourself killed in the process? She would have been fine for five more minutes until back up arrived!"
"You don't know that!"
"You always have to be a hero, don't you? All it's going to do is get you killed."
"Yeah, well, at least I won't end up like you." Harvey flinches, but does his best to hide it. Something in Jim's eye tells him he didn't do a very good job of it. He starts to say something, but Harvey talks over him before he gets the chance.
"Fine. Have it your way," he mutters before turning to leave the room.