It kills me, seeing you like this. You are so still, and if it wasn't for the heart monitor beside your head I would have suspected you to be dead; your chest hardly rises and falls with breath. Why are you so still? What happened out there? You should be sitting up and laughing and joking with me. Every time I see your eyelids twitch, I get excited. But you never wake.
It's been a week.
I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you really needed me. We have always needed each other, and we were both stupid to not realize this until it was too late. Especially after Sasuke left and we parted ways... Sakura left, too. She became just as strong as Tsunade, and she still amazes me with her strength. I realized I was truly afraid of her when we battled for the bells. It had been so long since I last saw her.
It had been a while since I saw you, too. You still awe me with the things you do.
You still awe me with how you can hold your head so high, even when you look ready to collapse.
We aren't so different, you and I. Sure, one of us looks like they belong in the sun and the other in the night, but we are still so similar. We were both blamed for things we had no control over, and both events had something to do with our fathers. I wish I could have been there to help you get through it, but... Circumstances kept me from doing so.
You remind me of someone I knew long ago. I remember your odd hair, and your mysterious eyes, and I remember that face looming over me, caring for me. It's a strange feeling, because I know that can't possibly be right. You weren't there when I was a child, protecting me as you oft times do in battle. I want to thank you again and again for that, but you are still comatose. Perhaps just sitting here with you day in and day out will make up for all the times I never said a simple "Thank you" or a truthful "Sorry".
But it's never that simple, is it?
The doctors brought in a cot for me so I can sleep beside you. I hardly use it because I am so afraid that you will slip away and join your family in the afterlife if I don't keep a close eye on you.
Please, open your eyes! You're scaring me!
I touch your celestial-like hair to make sure you are still there and to make sure this isn't just a haunted man's hallucination. Its color shines just as brightly as the orb hanging in the sky- the sky the same color as your wonderful, haunted eyes. Why won't you wake and show me your soul like you do every other day?
Why won't you wake and remove all your masks, just for me like you did before? Your Anbu mask is already off, sitting on that little bedside table that has cards and flowers and fruit, and I gently trail the scar under your left eye. I just want you to smile again, just for me so I know you are still alive, your heart still beating, your lungs still working. There is a tube down your throat so you can have air, but I do not look down past your closed eyes. The contraption is so grotesque, even if I have seen so much more squeamish things in my lifetime.
Ha, for a ninja to be sickened by some hose is laughable. Surely, you would laugh at me if you knew this. Well, maybe not. Perhaps you would be just as scared as me, because having something foreign in you- be it a measly tube or a shard of metal- is just terrifying.
I hold your lifeless hand in my own. I am so scared that you will leave me, just like the others. "Please, don't leave me," I hear myself whisper- plead- as I brush the light strands of hair from your face, carefully minding the contraption strapped to your face. Your hair is so soft, and it looks longer when it is not defying gravity like it usually does. I would almost say you look like a woman and I smile at the thought of your reaction. It's so fun teasing you, but even more fun when you are able to tease back. I stop smiling, though, because you cannot smile at me and lift my hopes.
When did you burry under my skin and worm your way into my heart? My chest tightens and I rub at it with the same hand that was just touching your hair. I am so afraid of losing you. What would I have left to live for? You helped me in more ways in one, and if you just left...
What would I have left to live for?
Sakura-chan has come by several times and told me to go home and rest, that she can watch over you and try to heal you more. But I can't. What if I leave and you die? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would take the next suicide mission and sacrifice myself, just like our hero did.
Funny how we had the same hero, huh?
It has been one week since you landed in the hospital, and you are still asleep. I am so worried, and so is Sakura-chan. She is afraid that you are in a coma for good. Have you ever slept this long?
I have entertained the idea that a 'true love's first kiss' would wake you. That's silly, but I've always thought foolish things at random moments. We aren't lovers, let alone do we have 'true love'. That's the way of the ninja, sadly. At the rate we are both going, the Hatake and Uzumaki/Namikaze lines will die out with the both of us.
It is so unnatural for both of us to be so still. One of use is supposed to be bouncing around, excited at one thing or another, while the other follows at an easy pace, but still moving. It is so strange, sitting beside you like this. But you look so peaceful at rest, like nothing can bother you. I am sure that if I called you an angel to your face you would stab me and leave me for dead, only to come running back after walking a few meters.
The people are worried for you, you know. Random people will just pop into the room and stand at the foot of your bed, watching, waiting. They only stay for a few minutes, though, and they leave quickly, whispering a get-well wish on their way out.
I secretly wish that when someone stops by you won't wake. I know it is selfish, but I want you to wake for me, and only me. Not for Sakura, or Sai, or Yamato, or Tsunade, or any of your other friends. It is a horrible thought, but they do not deserve to see you come out of your coma. I have been sitting here since you got out of surgery, I have been holding your hand, and I even washed you a few times. I even make sure your strong muscles don't atrophy.
Please, please wake up. I need you like you wouldn't believe.
I hate watching you just lie there. I hate how helpless I am. I hate myself for allowing this to happen to you. I hate you for doing this to me.
No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I don't hate you, and I never could.
Tsunade wants me to be the Hokage. She is really getting old, you know. Her genjutsu can only do so much. I told her I would think about taking the position, but I am hesitant to take her offer. You would make a much better Hokage than I ever could. I will wait until you wake, and then tell Tsunade to give you the position. I don't really deserve it, not like you. You work so hard, and you are so loyal to your friends and to the village. When I told Tsunade that, she said that I did the same thing. I told her to take a closer look at you, but she said that it was a close call.
I have never been this afraid before. I want you to open your eyes, pull the tube out, smile at me, tell me how stupid I am acting.
Your eyes flickered again, and my hopes rise. But, no, you don't wake. Of course you don't.
One of these days, you have to face the world again, and I will be here for you when you decide to join the living again. I will be here for you, and I will never leave your side. I will support you, no matter what you decide.
You open your eyes and my heart flutters in my chest in relief. You are finally awake, and I have never been happier.
A/N: I think I'll let you decide who's talking. ;)