Title: State of Denial
Author: Kouzuka Haruomi
Fandom: xxxHOLiC
Pairing: 104 Donuts – wut else?
Rating: It's so safe it should just be rated - T
Warnings: Shounen ai, emo (haha, is this okay for a genre?), flying goldfishes and most importantly, spastic youths.
Status: Complete
Disclaimer: The sand of cat litter finished! I buy one must go now! Landlady will say "YOU BOY! WHAT THAT SMELL SHIT OF CAT AVAILABLE? CLEAN IF NOT NOW, TOMORROW YOUR FRIEND ALSO BOTH GET OUT TO KICK OF THE LANDLADY!" Dust only come the wallet is out. Dakara… uttaenaide kudasai…ne?
A/N: Okay… English is not my native language… I'm also probably on crack if I can afford it… this piece is un-beta-ed… I can't afford a beta… heck, I cant afford anything… Please be nice… This is a bit too long too but I'm too lazy to split it up (more like I don't understand how chapter thing works…) so forgive me, people... it shall be in one chapter. CLAMP pwns all.
--
I argued with myself whether to put this up front or down under… but heck, I'll just put these up here for those interested so they can memorize it before getting on with the story. thank you.
gochisousama - "Thanks for a great meal"
ofuda - charm
omamori - amulet
Nori bento - seaweed and soysause on rice
tamago-yaki - fried eggroll
ikameshi - squid rice
-sempai - a suffix for upperclassmen
gokurou - "Thanks for the hard work"
hora - "Here you go!"
hajaya - evil crushing arrow
Doumo arigatou gozaimashita - polite thank you
ohagi - rice ball coated with aduki(sweetened red beans), kinako(soybean flour) or goma(sesame)
furoshiki - cloth wrapper
tell me if I miss anything ey? Now on with the story…
--
"…it was so weird I thought it was a dream. But then it should be okay right, Himawari-chan?" Watanuki Kimihiro smiled, looking for approval. Kunogi Himawari nodded with a charming smile. "I'm sure Yuuko-san wouldn't let anything bad happen to you," she assured the bespectacled boy.
"If anything, Doumeki-kun will be there to make sure it's all okay," she continued.
Watanuki blinked. It took him exactly 2.13 seconds to flip. "WHAT? HIM? I HAVE NO IDEA WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT HIMAWARI-CHAANN!" Watanuki wailed.
Doumeki Shizuka ignored both of his lunch companions. Food was great; company was acceptable, the conversations were as good as cicada sounds in the humid nights of summer when you just want to be cold and in peace.
"I have no idea why he should be here, Himawari-chan you and I, we could have a great lunch together just the both of us," Watanuki whined. His eyes glided over to the silent companion and snorted. "It's not like he talks anyway, might as well just go and leave us alone," he commented.
There was an awkward silence.
"Well, I'm sure because he likes your company, Watanuki-kun," the poor girl tried to lift the thick atmosphere.
"No, he doesn't. He just does it to spite me. He gloats in knowing I'm suffering because of his presence," Watanuki told the girl.
"Hehe… You're so full of energy, Watanuki-kun."
"That is because you are here with me eating lunch, Himawari-chan!" then he glanced to his left. "Something we could do without this jerk here." He jerked his thumb over to point at the other boy with a pout then he turned to the boy. "Hey Doumeki, don't you have any club practice, or some student council meeting to attend to? So you wouldn't need to be here? Actually it would be splendid if you have it EVERYDAY!" hahahaha!
Doumeki reached for the bento lid and covered his bento box. He handed it back to Watanuki uttering a soft "Gochisousama" and raised himself to leave. Watanuki sighed and reached for his notebook. It was customary that Doumeki would request something weird for tomorrow's lunch and Watanuki would be doomed if he forgot what it was. So, better to write it down. He does take pride in his cooking, be it for someone lovely like Himawari or a jerk like Doumeki. "What do you want for tomorrow?" he asked.
Doumeki kept his back towards the both of them.
"It's okay. I've got practice tomorrow," he replied and started to walk away.
"Great! So you don't have to be here! Do you want snacks then?" Watanuki rolled his eyes.
Doumeki waved a 'no' gesture and disappeared down the stairs. Watanuki blinked as he closed back his notebook.
"Do you think he was upset?" Himawari blinked, her gaze still fixed on the entrance to the rooftop where Doumeki had disappeared to.
Watanuki waved it off. "Nahh, that arrogant bastard is too full of himself to care about petty little things like that. Don't worry about it, Himawari-chan! Let's enjoy the rest of the lunch together," he beamed. Himawari nodded and continued her eating.
Watanuki reached for Doumeki's bento box to put it in the wrapping cloth when he felt that there was still some weight in it. He opened the lid and found out that there was still more than half of what he made for the boy to eat left in the container. He looked over to Himawari-chan.
"Ne, Himawari-chan?" The girl with the long ponytails looked up at him and raised her brows in a questioning gesture.
"Is the bento bad today?" he asked.
Himawari pointed to her share of the food that he had made for all of them today. "No, it's really good actually. Why did you ask?"
Watanuki closed back the lid and shook his head. "No, it's nothing."
Watanuki bit his lips. Doumeki NEVER left anything uneaten.
--
Doumeki grabbed his book-bag and walked out of his classroom. He walked pass Watanuki coming out of his own classroom and ignored the boy. Watanuki frowned. Was the boy troubled by something? He hadn't seen him for a week after their last lunch on the rooftop and here he was just passing by him as if he didn't exist.
Brushing it off Watanuki took out the note he wrote for things to buy for Yuuko-san's dinner. He would have to buy it first before going to work today.
Doumeki sighed and bit his lower lip. He hadn't spent any time with the other boy for a while now and he was supposed to feel a little better – keyword, supposed to. He had carefully avoided the boy, doing them both a favor.
But running into him suddenly just now almost made his heart stop. Thanks to his trained stoic face he was able to pull through without letting out his emotions show. He had always wondered why Watanuki hated him so much. It was not like he caused trouble for him. He had always made it top priority to keep him safe. Even if he couldn't convey his feelings for the boy properly wouldn't the boy get the hint that he cared a lot for him?
Was he that despicable to have around?
But the only reaction he got from the other boy were words of hatred and disgust. It hurt him deeply. And finally last week, he decided that as much as he wanted to be close to Watanuki as much as possible, he couldn't take anymore of his hatred.
He thought by avoiding Watanuki he could forget the boy, but they were in the same school after all. It was impossible to not run into him. Like just now.
He raised his right hand and bit hard on his knuckles. It hurt so much that the one person he would want to be friends with hated him with all his guts. He wished he could forget the boy and get on with his life.
"Konnichiwa, Doumeki-kun."
The boy stopped walking and looked up to the voice. There, leaning against her gate was Ichihara Yuuko, a gentle smile on her face. He was sure Watanuki would tell him that it was a lecherous smile, but to him it was a gentle one nonetheless. People can't help they way they look, right?
"Konnichiwa, Yuuko-san." He bowed slightly.
"That wish will cost you," she cast him a knowing smile.
Doumeki blinked. "Was I thinking out loud?" he inquired.
Yuuko shook her head. "No. I just… know." She pushed herself off the wall and walked closer to Doumeki. "Why do you wish so, if you don't mind me asking."
"It's hurting," he closed his eyes.
"It is painful," she nodded. She knew what was wrong she just wanted to hear it from the boy's mouth.
"Are you sure about this?" Her eyes danced in mild amusement.
Doumeki's eyes trailed an invisible pattern on the ground, teeth clenching tighter on his knuckles.
"It hurts too much. But if I really want it to be this way, would he be okay? I don't want him to suffer. He seems very uncomfortable around me. But I'm worried if I were not to be around he would be in danger."
Yuuko let out a light-hearted chuckle. "Good little Doumeki-kun." She patted his head. "You wouldn't know until you tried right?"
She reached out and took Doumeki's bleeding knuckle. The boy looked at it and narrowed his eyes, he didn't realize that he had bit it that hard. It was bleeding profusely now.
The time witch took a small piece of white cloth and put it against the wound. His red blood seeped onto the cloth dying it red with his blood. She then took out an ofuda(2) and wrapped it around the cloth folding it into a small triangle. She took out a small omamori(3) pack next and slid the ofuda in it, tying the string into a clover shape knot.
She showed him the amulet she made with his blood then kept it in some folds of her kimono. "That would be your payment for this wish. Since you will not be on jobs with Watanuki-kun anymore, your blood will keep away the spirits enough for him not to get into too much trouble. I will make you forget you feelings for him. He will now just be some random guy in your school. But whatever happens after that I will not take responsibility for, Hitsuzen is something very tricky when meddled with."
Doumeki nodded. "I understand."
Yuuko opened her left palm and a soft purple glow appeared. She reached out and ran her hand through Doumeki's black hair and closed his eyes with her right hand.
--
When Yuuko took away her hands she smiled as Doumeki frowned. He looked into her eyes and blinked. After what seems like a long moment he was snapped out of his trance and shook his head slightly as if to clear it.
"I… uhm…"
"Hello, Doumeki-kun."
Doumeki looked at the time witch and thought hard about why he was in front of this person. Deciding he couldn't find a logical reason, he let it drop.
"I think I better get going. Thank you for…" he blinked. "… I'm not sure what but… take care," he bowed and walked away, all the while thinking who was that woman.
"I'll see you around too," she waved his way and turned around.
"Welcome back, Watanuki-kun!" Yuuko cheered.
Watanuki glowered. "What did that bastard want?" he pointed at Doumeki's retreating back. Yuuko's face fell a little. "Nothing, just some business," she uttered coldly and started walking back into her store.
Watanuki rolled his eyes before he ran into Yuuko's back. "What the hell did you suddenly stop for?" he bellowed, pushing back his glasses to its proper position.
Yuuko turned around and handed him an amulet. "Omamori? What ever for?" he asked. Yuuko slipped it into his pocket and sat down on her lounging chair. "Cold Sake and fish sounds like a great combination, doesn't it Mokona?" she changed the topic as usual.
"Sake sake!" the black Mokona danced around and sang together with Maru and Moro.
Watanuki sighed and got started on dinner.
--
"It has been two weeks since we had lunch together with Doumeki-kun," Himawari commented as she ate her lunch.
Watanuki nodded. He didn't want to admit it but he had missed the normality. "Does he still have archery practice every lunch time?" Watanuki pondered aloud. Himawari blinked. "I don't think so. I've seen him a few times eating bread in class alone though," she told the boy. She wanted to ask if Doumeki and Watanuki had a fight but decided against it.
"Owh…" Watanuki took a bite into his Nori bento(4). Since Doumeki hadn't asked him to make fancy lunches, he had been frequenting Nori bento and some tamago-yaki(5). He just didn't feel like making anymore fancy lunches.
"Do you see him in the student council room?" he asked the girl.
Himawari nodded. "He seemed normal though."
"Owh…" Watanuki poked at his rice.
"But you know, Watanuki-kun… I heard some of the boys talking. They said that Doumeki had a concussion and he seemed to have forgotten some things. I'm not sure but I haven't gotten the chance to talk to him about it yet," she told the boy.
"A concussion? How? When? How come I don't know about it?" Watanuki panicked.
Himawari sighed. "I don't know if I should say this, Watanuki-kun… but I think Doumeki-kun, he… he…" the girl paused and shook her head. "Never mind… I don't think it's any of my business," she looked up to Watanuki and smiled. "I guess he just needs sometime away from us."
This is where he was supposed to say 'Good for him! It seems that he has come to his senses and leave ME alone! Victory for the Great Watanuki! No more annoying Doumeki hovering around me! HAHAHAHA!'
But instead…
"Can you… uhm… can you say hello to him next time when you see him?" he gave her a weak smile.
Himawari nodded with a smile. "I will. Do you want me to invite him for lunches too?"
Watanuki nodded, his eyes following a stray ant on the floor.
Himawari sighed and put down her chopsticks. "I didn't want to say this, but I think he was upset about something we might have said," she mused.
Watanuki felt his heart clench. He knew it was him. Himawari never said anything bad about anything. But Doumeki never bothered about what he said all this while, why start now? Watanuki placed himself in Doumeki's shoes and frowned. If he was to hang out with someone for years and that other person does nothing but spill his hatred and blamed him for everything in the god damned world he would take the hint and leave too.
His grip on his chopstick tightened.
The bell rang and took Watanuki out of his little reverie.
Himawari closed her bento box and placed it inside her bento bag. "I'll talk to him, Watanuki-kun. Don't worry about it," she gave him a warm smile. Watanuki nodded and bowed a silent thank you.
He should be happy that Doumeki was not around anymore right? He should be happy that he doesn't come in between himself and Himawari-chan anymore right? He should be happy that the stupid face and attitude wasn't around to spite him anymore right?
…But why does it hurt?
--
"This concludes the meeting. Please hand your report to the vice-president for review."
Doumeki placed his class report on the table and turned to leave when someone tapped his shoulder.
"Doumeki-kun," Himawari called his attention.
"Kunogi-san," he bowed in acknowledgement.
"Watanuki-kun says hello. And we were wondering if you would want to join us for lunch tomorrow. It has been a while since we ate together," she smiled.
"Watanuki?" he echoed in puzzlement.
Himawari nodded.
"Who is he?"
Himawari blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Who is this Watanuki? And since when do I have lunches with you guys?" he asked.
"Doumeki-kun…" Himawari was in shock. So Doumeki did have an accident that caused him to have forgotten some things…
The taller boy shifted in his shoes and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry but I have to go now. I'll see you around," he turned and left the student council room. Himawari looked at the retreating back and thought about how to break the news to Watanuki-kun.
She walked out to the school gate and saw Watanuki waving at her. He must have waited for her to finish the student rep meeting so that they could walk back together.
"Himawari-chaan!" he waved enthusiastically. She quickened her steps and bowed at him. "I'm sorry I was late," she apologized. "Aww, its okay!" he waved it off as usual and started walking. She followed suit and walked beside him. "Let's go to Duklyon for some burgers?" he suggested. Himawari nodded agreeing to the idea.
Watanuki wanted to ask if she talked to Doumeki, but he didn't want to seem too eager so he waited. Himawari seemed way too quiet too and he fidgeted, finding a away around his question for it seem casual. "So, how was the meeting?"
Himawari looked up and smiled. "It was okay. We were discussing about the upcoming festival," she told him. Watanuki nodded. "So… uhm… was he there?" he asked. Himawari's eyes widened a fraction and tightened her hold on her book-bag and nodded at the question.
They reached the said hamburger place and Watanuki held the door open for the girl to enter. "You grab a seat I'll go get the food," he told her. She nodded and went to their usual spot. Once she sat she looked out the window and sighed. She knew he was trying to ask her about Doumeki. But how could she tell him that the other boy seemed to have forgotten about him?
Watanuki came back a short while later and set their food on the table. They started to eat in silence when Watanuki cleared his throat. He didn't care if he sounded too eager now, the suspense was killing him. "Did you invite him for lunch tomorrow? Did he ask anything stupid to be made? Cause if he did I would have to stop by the store to get the ingredients," he started his nervous drabble.
"Watanuki-kun…" Himawari started.
Watanuki looked at her and smiled, encouraging her to continue.
"Doumeki-kun… he… he seemed like… he seemed like he had… uhm… forgotten about you," she looked away.
Watanuki blinked.
Forgotten?
"Forgotten…?" he echoed slowly.
How?
Suddenly his eyes narrowed, he had a rough idea how this could happen. "I'm sorry Himawari-chan. I gotta go," he stood up and grabbed his bag fleeing out of the restaurant, food left forgotten.
--
"Yuuko-san! Yuuko-san!"
The time witch looked up from her book and sighed. She knew this day would come sooner or later. Better deal with it now then.
"Yes, Watanuki-kun?"
"That day! The business you said you had with Doumeki! Was it a wish!" he asked.
Yuuko nodded.
"What wish was it?" he demanded, walking closer to the tall witch. His breath hitching as he got closer.
"A wish to forget you."
Watanuki's eyes widened into saucers.
"His payment was the ofuda I gave you. It was made with his blood so spirits wont come near you since he wouldn't be by your side now." Her voice was calm.
"But why…"
Yuuko turned back to her book. "You know as well as I do why he chooses that. It is just a consequence to actions," she said nonchalantly.
His heart clenched tightly.
"Well you hated him anyway. Isn't it all good now?"
Watanuki stared hard at the floor.
"I'll…"
He bit his lips.
The boy turned to walk into the kitchen. "I'll start dinner now," he uttered softly.
Good?
Watanuki was miserable.
Fine, Doumeki was mad at him. He could just go ahead and avoid him, right? He doesn't need to go as far as forgetting him altogether now, does he?
'What a jerk! I hate him!' Watanuki bit his lips.
Forgotten?
Well if he was only forgotten, he could make the boy remember right?
--
"Hi."
Doumeki looked up from his book and blinked.
Watanuki grabbed a chair and sat next to him in the empty classroom. He placed a bento box on the table and flashed the taller boy a smile.
Doumeki put down his bread and looked at the black bento box.
"I thought you would like to eat some teriyaki chicken that I, the Great Watanuki had made for you," Watanuki boasted.
Doumeki's glance traveled from the big bento box to the person who brought it.
After about 4 seconds he opened his mouth.
"Who are you?" Doumeki finally asked, closing his book eyeing the boy.
"I'm…" Watanuki paused. He already knew the boy didn't remember him, but why did it feel so painful? And he had said he was Watanuki-sama, didn't he?
"Watanuki Kimihiro."
"Oh, Watanuki…" Doumeki echoed.
Watanuki nodded. Then his eyes widened. Before he could ask if Doumeki had remembered who he was, he was cut by a curt-
"Kunogi-san's friend, right? She mentioned you yesterday."
Watanuki's face fell. "Uhn," he murmured.
Doumeki looked back at the bento on his table. "Thank you for your bento but I'm already eating lunch," he stated as a matter-of-factly looking at his half eaten bread, the expression on his face was cold.
"It's okay. You can have it for your snack after your archery practice then. It's rather good I must say," he offered a smile.
"Someone already made that for me," Doumeki reached down and took out a fancy bento box, showing the other boy. A fancy bento in a pink bento bag.
If only it was within Watanuki's powers to grab that annoying pink lunch box and smash it to the ground without Doumeki knowing it was him who did it, he would.
"Owh… Okay." Watanuki kept his smile and stood up. "I'll see you around then." He took his bento box and walked out of the classroom, heart shattered beyond repair. Doumeki watched the boy as he exited his class and opened back his book to resume his reading.
Watanuki held the bento against his chest as he walked towards the stairs. His pace quickened and his hold on the package in his arms tightened as he slipped under the stairway and sat in the tight space.
Away from everyone, he closed his eyes and started crying.
Why did his heart feel so tight?
It hurts…
--
Yuuko watched as the boy dusted and tidied things around her place. He then went out to get the washes from under the sun.
"Watanuki is troubled," she uttered. Mokona nodded and sighed. They languidly sipped their sake and watched as the boy came back in with the washes. Then he went around and about doing his work. His face was set into a permanent poignant expression.
"You were mean to him to chase him away. Why are you in such a gloomy mood now that you have succeeded?" Yuuko merely voiced her thoughts.
Watanuki's busy hand stopped and looked at the floor.
"I'd leave the minute someone express their hatred towards me. How Doumeki-kun managed to endure it for years is beyond me," she added.
"He must have really liked you a lot to ignore all those crappy comments you throw at him. Also he seemed to gladly throw his life away to make sure you are safe and sound. You seem to have a soft spot for everything else be it good or bad. Why you dedicate your life in blaming everything at him and hating him is something I'd like to ponder, though I must say he was smart enough to come to terms with the fact that you really hated him and let go."
A soft sniffle made Yuuko stop her ranting.
"Watanuki?"
The boy in question dropped to his knees and started crying.
"It hurts, Yuuko-san. Please stop."
"Why should I?" she challenged.
"I… I was in denial. I knew I was falling for him. I was scared so I tried to hide it by being mean. I tried to like Himawari-chan that way but I can't. So I could only deny it by throwing bad remarks towards him. If anyone knew they would think I'm weird. If Doumeki knew he would think I'm crazy."
"Is it that bad?"
"Huh?"
"The feeling of being in love with someone?"
Watanuki shook his head. "I was just… ashamed of it, I guess."
"He loved you a lot."
Watanuki looked up at her.
"When I dwelled into his mind, it was occupied mostly by you. His emotions were so strong that I had to remove all of you from it. His request was just to forget his feelings for you. But I thought if I did only that it would be useless. His memories of you were so strong that the feelings will surface right back up. You meant a lot to him and it was a hard decision. It was eating him from inside. To him, he loved a person who hated him with all his might and it hurts."
Watanuki turned back his gaze to the floor.
"Well Watanuki-kun. I only made him forgot about you. I didn't block his feelings. If you really want to, you could work on getting his heart back. It would be a little harder than before but if you put your heart into it, I'm sure he will return your feelings."
Watanuki bit his lips.
"So, as a payment for that piece of advice I'd like to have squid rice."
"Yo! ikameshi(6) ikameshi!" Mokona chimed.
--
Now, how do you get close to a stoic boy like that?
Watanuki watched as the archer hit his last arrow. It hit dead center and everyone clapped. Doumeki gave a slight bow as he retreated into the back.
Watanuki bit his lower lips and stood up. As the audiences cleared the seats he sneaked out into the back.
He waited patiently until everyone left the compound. Doumeki will be the last to leave considering that he had to make sure the area was in order before leaving. Watanuki heard the shuffles of Doumeki's bags and light footsteps slowly growing in volume signaling his approach.
"Hello!"
Doumeki stopped in his tracks. Barely two feet away from him was the 4 eyed boy he met a few days ago. He stared at him.
Before Watanuki could open his mouth again, someone walked up to Doumeki and passed him a set of keys. "Doumeki-sempai(7), the keys." It was his archery club junior.
"Gokurou(8)," Doumeki nodded and pocketed the keys. "Oi." The boy halted and turned around. "Hora(9)," Doumeki tossed his winning arrow to the boy.
"Hajaya(10)? For me?" he asked.
Doumeki nodded in a nonchalant way.
"Doumo arigatou gozaimashita(11)!" The boy bowed again and went his merry way, grasping the lucky arrow.
Watanuki just eyed the scene. He bit his lips. Those arrows used to be for him. He used to hate getting it. He used to think it was rubbish.
But now he felt broken when those arrows weren't tossed his way anymore.
Doumeki looked back at the boy in front of him.
"If there's nothing I'm—"
Watanuki looked up. He almost forgot why he was here. He brought up the box he had been holding. "No! I mean, I made some ohagi(12). Would you like some?"
Doumeki looked at the boy carefully. Now that he looked closer, he noticed something. Like his own eyes, the bespectacled boy had a hazy right eye. The only difference was his was cool blue and his own was molten gold.
Watanuki felt his temper riled up. Doumeki that idiot. Did he hear or did he not hear what I asked? At least answer me! A yes? A no? Something!
Doumeki blinked. "Oi."
Watanuki exploded.
"My name is not 'OI'! It's Watanuki Kimihiro! Please!" he almost yelled.
"You!"
Watanuki turned around. It was the boy who was supposed to leave earlier.
"Me?" Watanuki pointed at himself.
"Yes, you!" the boy took steps closer to Watanuki. "I've had enough of you pushing Doumeki-senpai around like a rag-doll. If no one else is going to say this, I am!"
"Hey, wait…" Doumeki tried to come in between the two. He doesn't know what is going on, but he's not about to wait for the two of them to start fighting.
"Doumeki-senpai! Why are you still hanging around this idiot? The only thing he does is say bad things about you! And don't you remember? The way he tosses his food at you? It's worse than giving food to wild dogs!"
Doumeki's eyes rounded slightly. "Wha—"
"No… I…" Watanuki wanted to defend himself… but he couldn't find fault in the boy's words. It was… the truth…
"So you get out of here and don't bother our senpai anymore! Everytime you fuck him up, he ends up moody and can't do well in his cub activities…!"
Watanuki slumped to the ground, holding his box tightly until his shaking. "I'm sorry…" he uttered softly.
"Enough!" Doumeki insisted. He pulled his junior back and sighed. "Go home," he gave him a soft push.
"But!"
Doumeki knelt down in front of Watanuki, ignoring the other.
"GO!" Doumeki's face was set in a tight frown.
The boy gritted his teeth and ran away.
Doumeki looked at the shaking boy, he tentatively put a hand on his shoulder. If it was true what his junior had said, he should hate this boy by now. But why is it that his heart felt warm around him? Did he know him from somewhere before?
"Watanuki," he called.
The boy looked up with big glassy blue eyes. Doumeki let out a sigh. Such pretty features.
"Don't worry about him… he's a bit—"
"No… he's right…" Watanuki uttered.
Doumeki blinked.
"I was terrible… I want to… I… It's just weird… I don't want you to think that I'm weird…"
Doumeki frowned deeper. "What are you talking about?" he questioned.
"I…"
Doumeki saw the package in his hand. He remembered Watanuki wanted to give it to him. He thought maybe Watanuki needed a distraction.
"Hey, you brought the ohagi for me right?"
Watanuki looked at the box in his hand and then to Doumeki then back at the box. "Uh… yes!" he handed it out to Doumeki.
Doumeki sat down cross-legged and opened the box. He took the bamboo toothpick and poked one of the ohagi. Lifting it up to his mouth, he took a bite. It tasted wonderful. "Tasty," he commented.
Watanuki smiled. He seemed to have calmed down.
After Doumeki ate all the 4 ohagis that were in the box, he promptly closed it and wrapped it back in the furoshiki(13). All the while Watanuki's bright blue eyes were watching him tentatively.
"Would you like me to make you lunch for tomorrow?" Watanuki asked, receiving the wrapped container.
Doumeki shook his head. "I'm sorry. I mean, you don't have to."
"But I do! Please!"
Doumeki let out a sigh. "You see… I really have no recollection of you in my head. So I think I need to sort some things out for myself. And it won't be fair to you, if I receive your food and kept you hanging. I… don't want you to get your hopes up… in case… you know…"
Watanuki's eyes glasses over…
He bit his lips to stop himself from crying, but his tears welled up again.
Doumeki closed his eyes and stood up, turning his back towards Watanuki. He couldn't bring himself to look at the boy. He was afraid he would do something stupid.
"Go home," he told Watanuki without looking at him and walked away.
"Doumeki…" Watanuki whispered towards the retreating back of Doumeki.
--
1 week.
That was how long it passed since Watanuki last talked to Doumeki. He would sometimes see him across the hall but the tall boy would purposely avoid him. Apparently he had gotten around to asking a few people about his relationship with Watanuki and they all gave him negative feedbacks.
Watanuki walked dejectedly out of the school after the last bell rang.
He went to work as usual, making himself useful around Yuuko's shop and said nothing.
Yuuko looked at her helper from the corner of her eyes and sighed.
"Watanuki…"
"Yes Yuuko-san?" he stopped his dusting and turned to face her.
"You're tired. Sleep here tonight."
"Hm? But I still—"
"It's okay. Just go to sleep now," she gestured towards the door.
"Hai…" Watanuki walked out of the room and padded his way to the guestroom that he always occupied whenever he sleeps over.
He felt so dejected.
He felt as if he had lost the will to live.
He crawled into the warm futon and took deep breaths.
"Doumeki…" he bit his lips and cried himself to sleep.
--
Watanuki realized he was crying.
His hands were touching something. It was smooth but firm. Slowly he opened his eyes. His head was cradled by something, someone. His hands were placed on someone's chest.
Slowly he angled his head so he could see the person's face.
"Doumeki?" he gasped.
"Watanuki…"
Watanuki automatically wrapped his arms around Doumeki.
"Doumeki! You remembered me?"
Doumeki shook his head slowly. "Not yet… give me more time… I will remember…"
Watanuki shook his head and hugged Doumeki tighter. "I can't stand this anymore… You don't talk to me in school… you avoid me… it hurts…"
Doumeki pushed Watanuki away from himself gently and tilted Watanuki so he looked into his golden eyes. "I'm trying to remember… I'm sorry if it hurts you…" Doumeki leans down and kissed Watanuki's forehead.
"Please wait for me…"
--
Watanuki jerked awake.
He looked around, his sleep derived eyes blinked and almost looked as if it was searching.
Tears start welling up his eyes and he bit his lips to stop it.
"He told you to be patient didn't he?"
Watanuki swerved around and spotted Yuuko by the door, smoking her pipe. He looked down on the futon and sighed. Then he nodded once.
"Do as he says then," she then walked away.
Watanuki wiped off his tears and slumped back into the futon drifting back to sleep.
--
Doumeki sat on the rooftop of his school after practice that Friday evening.
10 days had passed, since he last talked to Watanuki. And since then he had been avoiding him. Why? Because he was confused.
After eating those Watanuki made Ohagi's sometime last week he had started to have visions. Over the week he had seen a lot of people which he somehow felt familiar but have no recollection of who they were.
The woman from before…
There was someone who controls the rain, The Rain Sprite…
One who really likes Watanuki, a Vestal Sprite…
Fox spirits…
Some twins…
Ghosts…
Lots of other supernatural things…
Lots of Himawari…
And not forgetting
… lots of himself.
Himself being in the worst side of Watanuki, him being called various names, him being the receiving end of Watanuki's anger.
It all just doesn't make sense.
His question is, why would someone as popular as Watanuki, want to be acquainted with himself, who Watanuki hates so much?
And somehow, every time he sees the visions where Watanuki was being nice to the girls he feels this weird pang in his chest.
Doumeki's eyes widened.
Was this…
Was this another plot of Watanuki's? To make him fall for him all over again before crushing him and throwing away his feelings like un-recyclable garbage? To raise him so high just to throw him back down so he would hit the ground harder this time?
The young boy sighed and got up. Wutever it is, he has the weekend to figure it out. He wouldn't have to deal with Watanuki till Monday anyways.
--
"Good morning."
Doumeki stopped his sweeping for 2 seconds before replying a short "'hayo" and continued his sweeping without turning around.
Watanuki stepped closer. It was a Sunday morning and he had made some wagashi(14) as an offering to the temple and its occupants.
"I came to give the temple some offerings," Watanuki explained.
"The priest in charge is somewhere in the temple, you should have no problem looking for him," Doumeki told the boy without even looking at him.
"Aa," Watanuki nodded and went about his business.
15 minutes later Doumeki's shoulder was tapped.
The boy needn't turn around to see who it was.
"I made one especially for you," Watanuki took Doumeki's hand and placed the single wagashi in it.
As soon as the wagashi was in his hand Doumeki had another vision.
It was one of the valentines and Watanuki had made chocolates. Doumeki had eaten some of them, earning himself a hell of a cursing and Watanuki choking his throat shaking him like a rag doll. Screaming something about those chocolates were for his female admirers and Doumeki should rot in hell for eating them.
Those profanities still rang in his ears.
He blinked his eyes and pushed back the Wagashi into Watanuki's hands.
"You… don't want it?" Watanuki asked.
Doumeki turned around. "Just… give it to your… your female admirers. I… don't want to rot in hell," somehow his eyes were threatening to glass over. It hurts too much. What is this nasty feeling?
Watanuki blinked. Those words… where did he hear them before?
Before he could place a finger on the scenario, Doumeki had left the broom against a tree and hurried into his house.
Doumeki ran into his room and slid the door shut. He ran across to the other side, slid down to the floor and frowned. He bit his knuckles again. This pain, what does it mean?
"DOUMEKI!" Watanuki's voice brought Doumeki out of his stupor.
The boy knew his way around Doumeki's temple. And currently on this fine Sunday morning the occupants of Doumeki's main house are not in this area so he could maneuver himself around the place and head straight for Doumeki's room. Which he suspected was where the boy ran off to.
He pushed the door open and found the other boy, equally staring back at him.
"You remembered, don't you?" Watanuki asked, taking one step at a time towards Doumeki.
"You remembered who am I don't you?" Watanuki asked. He stopped, currently 3 feet away from the boy on the floor.
Doumeki looked away.
"So what if I do?" he replied.
"Because I'm waiting…" Watanuki answered, his voice was soft.
Doumeki let out an ironic laugh.
"You… are waiting? For what?" he inquired the boy with the dazzling blue eyes.
"For you…" Watanuki smiled.
Doumeki blinked, he hardened his face, tried to seal his emotions and blinked twice.
"What in the hell for? You just want me to remember all those feelings and add more to it so you can let me fall again and break me more than you have? Is that how it is? Why else would you do all this when you so obviously hate me? And why can't you just leave me alone? You have all those girls around you, be it human or not! Why are you still toying with me! Why did you make me remember?" both of Doumeki's hands were gripping his hair so tight that it is threatening to rip off his scalp.
Doumeki's eyes were of pure anger, those anger tinted cheeks made him look all the more vicious. But to Watanuki he looked like a desperate child looking for a lost favourite toy.
Watanuki cried too.
He crawled closer to Doumeki and sat facing him. He reached out a hand to touch the other boy's knee. "I was scared…" he started. "Everyone I loved went away… they all left me alone… so I thought… if I never acknowledged the love between us, you would stay… forever… but I was also frustrated at the same time… to fall for you but unable to do anything… its suffocating… so I threw it out at you… but when you started to forget about me altogether… I panicked…"
There was a heavy silence for a long while.
"You're just being a selfish brat," Doumeki uttered softly.
"I'm sorry…"
Doumeki stared at his tatami floor. Watanuki lost his parents when he was very young. All this while all the things important to him was harshly taken away from him; love, parents, compassion, bonds, relations, connections… all these years he had struggled by himself to stay alive… he tried his best to help everyone, be on everyone's good side… and after all that hard work… he did deserve to be a little selfish.
Doumeki raised his head from between his knees. Watanuki was crying, he was looking at him and crying. This hurt Doumeki more than anything. "Don't cry," he uttered and scooted closer to Watanuki.
Poor Watanuki, all alone…
All alone…
He pulled the boy towards himself and they fall back together towards the wall. Doumeki cradled Watanuki's head and ran his hands thru the boy's hair.
"Doumeki… I—"
"Shhh…" Doumeki hushed the other boy and kept running his hands thru those silky black strands.
Watanuki blinked and gingerly wrapped his hand around Doumeki's middle… His ear listening to the beat of Doumeki's heart.
'Doki…doki…doki…"
To the sound of the heartbeat, he grew weary and fell asleep.
Both in each other's arms…
For a long time…
Just the two of them…
--
Yuuko took a sip of her umeshuu and grinned.
"Why are you so happy, mistress?" chanted Maru.
"Why is mistress so happy?" chanted Moro.
Yuko turned to her two girls and grinned wider.
"I smell love in the air…"
-OWARI-
/ im not happy with this… not at all… I started this like AGES ago! Back when Doumeki saved Watanuki's ass from that weird lady ghost. But I kept getting distracted and it was getting tedious and long and I just HAD to finish it… but I got lost halfway. Until I dreamt about a crying Watanuki… shesh… scary… so yeah then I buckled up and finished it little by litte… still not happy… but sheesh.. at least its done. XD