"Walk Away"
[Author's Note: This takes place during the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts. The song that frames this tale is "Walk Away" by Bree Sharp. If you've not heard her music, I very highly recommend it. Her music sounds a bit like Alanis Morsette with a bit more backbeat. ~M]
---
The moon is pulling at me, the moon is pulling at you.
You swear to me it's the sun that's shining through.
It's hard to push for the truth when lies are easy to find.
I'm left with, I'm left with this trouble in mind.
***
Love lost, promises broken-this was all Romany Circe meant to him any more. Their love had been as heated as a fiery inferno of Hell, but nothing so wonderful could last. Remus Lupin berated himself for not learning that sooner. He had been so foolish, but she was so, so beautiful.
Now, stumbling across the rippling white sand of a beach on the shores of his beloved homeland, England, Remus tried futilely to wipe the memory of the girl from his mind. His attempts were in vain, not only because the very essence of Her had been eternally imprinted onto his soul, but because the young idol herself followed closely in his footsteps in a mad race across the sands.
Remus lurched falteringly over the uneven sand. His feet lost their hold at last, and he tumbled over into the soft embrace of the cool earth. Quickly he spun around, crouching tensely in preparation to meet his fate.
Romany caught up to him quickly. Her pale face, dazzling in the twilight reflected onto the streaks of tears, was twisted into an expression of pain, regret, and the unmistakable stifled tremble of fear.
"Stay back!" Remus demanded. "Stay back, I don't want to hurt you!"
"Remus, please-" Her voice shook with fatigue. With robes full of sand, feet bare, wispy hair scattered helter-skelter about her face, she was more beautiful than Remus had ever seen her. Remus felt tears pressing against the walls of his heart, longing to be set free. He took a deep breath and stopped her from speaking by holding up his hand.
"Romany," he spoke her name as if it were a prayer. "Why are you torturing me like this?"
"Torturing you, Remus??" Fresh tears poured down her cheeks at the thought. She sank to her knees, more under the weight of whatever hidden pain plagued her than from the indignity she felt at his words. "How could I dare… How could you even think such a thing?" There was a note of frantic panic in her voice. No other part of her body revealed the conflict that raged inside of her.
"I know what you came to say to me, Romany," Remus said with a slight timbre of anger at the fringes of his words. "I've heard it all before. I'm sorry…. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. Now go. Leave me before the moon rises! Please!" He clenched his fists, shoulders tense, as if this brute strength could hold back the floodgates of his tears.
Romany crossed her arms, bent nearly double on the sand. "Don't do this to me, my love," she pleaded. "You know I can forgive you! Why won't you let me?"
Remus looked away. Silence crept onto the beach in the guise of a howling wind. "You're in pain," he said after a moment. His gray eyes-eyes that still clung to some of the naïveté of youth-snapped back to her. "Why?"
"The moon pulls us both," she answered softly. "It brings me as much pain as it does you."
He dared to meet her eyes briefly, refusing to believe the understanding he had found in her. Yet somehow it remained. Never before had he met with such sincere sympathy for his plight, not even from the other three Marauders. Oh, they knew of his hurt-better than anybody. But they could never feel it.
"Go," he said again, tearing his eyes from her majestic figure once more.
"You still refuse to believe what your senses tell you is true," she sighed accusingly.
"The sun is setting," Remus whispered. "Please… let me go."
Romany pulled herself awkwardly to her feet. She shot him a venomous glare and walked down to the edge of the water.
***
I'm left to counting the days
While my life drifts away
'Cause you come and go again like the tide
While on the shoreline I stand washed of my pride
And the truth I keep pushing aside
Is that it's time to walk away.
***
Remus watched her. The waves pounding against the sand felt like mere distant echoes of the pounding despair in his heart.
"It'll pass," Romany said. "It always does. One night you will be away from me, that's all. I don't hate you for what you are." She turned slightly. Her face was silhouetted against the salmon-orange skyfire over the sea. "I thought you loved me…"
At last, he could resist no longer. Remus burst into tears. "I love you more than anything," he cried. "That's why… I can't risk hurting you!"
"I won't leave you, Remus. Not forever. You need someone…"
"I need nothing!" he snarled, suddenly filled with pride. "I have never needed anything or anybody! I have learned… to be alone…"
"Then you are a fool, Remus Lupin," Romany said, turning to face him. Her hands hovered over her abdomen, massaging it with a gentle touch. The last rays of the sun dripped from the ends of her hair as she spoke.
***
Big guns are pointed at me, big guns are pointed at you.
Everybody's waiting to see what we're gonna do.
You spin around and disappear under the floor where I stand.
I'm left with, I'm left with a bag in my hand.
***
The air throbbed with the intensity of their presence. Man, woman, both feeling the undeniable tug of fate. Remus refused to tolerate it.
"I WON'T see you hurt by my… disease!" he shouted, leaping to his feet. "If you won't leave me, Romany, then by Hell I will. As much as I wish I didn't have to, as much as I am torn in two by it, I won't see you hurt!" He turned and began marching determinedly down the beach.
"Remus…!" Romany called, but her voice went unheeded or unheard. Her insides twisted with pain, she was helpless to follow him. She felt her knees buckle beneath her. Black shadows crept around her eyes. "Remus…!" The call came out a whisper as she fell to the sand. The last thing she was before loosing consciousness was the purple sky, already shining with pinpricks of stars.
***
Night closes in, but I hear the water rush in.
To his song I'm a slave.
I start to sink where I stand, I become part of the sand.
He covers me like the sea, like a wave.
***
Romany didn't hear the anguished, half-human howl when the moon rose. She didn't feel the salty brine curl around her fragile body, mingling with the blood between her legs. She didn't feel when the powdery pillow against her cheek became wet with sea water. But in a dim dream of happiness, she felt the tide rise and engulf her. The edges of her lips tilted up in a soft smile as her minds eye felt Remus rocking her into a blissful oblivion. The sea drank her blood, swallowed her whole.
A wild, gray wolf emerged from the trees lining the beach just in time to see the young witch's body fall into the waves. He saw her face, the calm happiness that rested there at last, but felt barely a discomforting pang as his far-removed human heart broke.
***
The road is turning for me, the road is turning for you.
The light is red like a fire, but you drive on through.
I stay behind and hear you call,
"You should have known this from the start!"
I'm left with, I'm left with a piece of my heart.
Cause you come and go again like the tide
While on the shoreline I stand washed of my pride,
And the truth I keep pushing aside
Is that it's time to walk away.
***
When dawn came, it met with the haggard face of Remus Lupin. He clutched his cloak around his shoulders, his hands clasped as if holding his very life essence. He made no sound. No tears touched his chalk-gray cheeks. And no time touched his battered soul, his shattered heart.
The sun hovered well over the horizon by the time the forlorn wizard was discovered. A low, steady beat, like a muffled snare drum, announced the approach of a muggle vehicle-none other than a battered pickup truck belonging to Sirius Black. Inside the truck were the aforementioned wizard and James and Lily Potter. The same fate that had taken Romany Circe's life so cruelly had decided to spare her lover by leading Sirius to witness his hurried departure with Romany from the grounds of Hogwarts. It was James who first spotter Remus and pointed him out.
"There, Sirius! I see him!"
Sirius drove the truck close to Remus. As soon as it came to a halt, all three leaped out and hurried to his side.
"Remus?" James said. "What happened? Where's Romany?"
For a long time, Remus did not speak. Slowly, he registered their presence and turned slightly to look at them. All three were struck by the utter desolation in his eyes.
"Remus?" Lily said gently. "Remus, dear, what happened?"
Remus looked down at his feet. The bubbling surf just barely reached up to them. "It's time…" he whispered.
James and Sirius continued prodding, trying to get their friend to say something, but Lily followed his gaze to the water. Abruptly, she gasped and leaped into the surf like a startled cat.
"Lily?" James said. "What's…?"
Lily had lowered herself to her knees to scoop something out of the water. She returned holding it to her chest.
"Lily?" James put his hand on her shoulder. She lowered her hands to show them a broken shard of Romany's wand.
"Oh my god," Sirius murmured. "Oh Remus, she's…"
Remus bowed his head solemnly. Lily threw her arms around his trembling shoulders, sobbing quietly. James and Sirius stood rooted to the sand, too shocked to do anything.
"It's time…" Remus said again after a moment. His voice was rough and choked with salt.
"Time, Remus?" James drew the sleeve of his cloak across his face, wiping away the tears that lingered there.
"What's done is done. It's time… to walk away…" With that he turned and walked to Sirius's truck. The others followed hesitantly. With a weary countenance, Remus climbed into the back of the truck.
"Ride with him, Lily," James whispered. Lily nodded and joined him. Now, they knew, was not the time for talk. They would hear what of Remus's story he was willing to tell later. Now, what Remus needed was to be healed.
As the truck pulled away from the beach, Lily heard Remus whisper with determination as tears trickled down his cheeks: "The moon caught you, love. She won't get me. I'll survive…. For you, Romany.
"For you, I'll walk away."
...end...
[Author's Note: This takes place during the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts. The song that frames this tale is "Walk Away" by Bree Sharp. If you've not heard her music, I very highly recommend it. Her music sounds a bit like Alanis Morsette with a bit more backbeat. ~M]
---
The moon is pulling at me, the moon is pulling at you.
You swear to me it's the sun that's shining through.
It's hard to push for the truth when lies are easy to find.
I'm left with, I'm left with this trouble in mind.
***
Love lost, promises broken-this was all Romany Circe meant to him any more. Their love had been as heated as a fiery inferno of Hell, but nothing so wonderful could last. Remus Lupin berated himself for not learning that sooner. He had been so foolish, but she was so, so beautiful.
Now, stumbling across the rippling white sand of a beach on the shores of his beloved homeland, England, Remus tried futilely to wipe the memory of the girl from his mind. His attempts were in vain, not only because the very essence of Her had been eternally imprinted onto his soul, but because the young idol herself followed closely in his footsteps in a mad race across the sands.
Remus lurched falteringly over the uneven sand. His feet lost their hold at last, and he tumbled over into the soft embrace of the cool earth. Quickly he spun around, crouching tensely in preparation to meet his fate.
Romany caught up to him quickly. Her pale face, dazzling in the twilight reflected onto the streaks of tears, was twisted into an expression of pain, regret, and the unmistakable stifled tremble of fear.
"Stay back!" Remus demanded. "Stay back, I don't want to hurt you!"
"Remus, please-" Her voice shook with fatigue. With robes full of sand, feet bare, wispy hair scattered helter-skelter about her face, she was more beautiful than Remus had ever seen her. Remus felt tears pressing against the walls of his heart, longing to be set free. He took a deep breath and stopped her from speaking by holding up his hand.
"Romany," he spoke her name as if it were a prayer. "Why are you torturing me like this?"
"Torturing you, Remus??" Fresh tears poured down her cheeks at the thought. She sank to her knees, more under the weight of whatever hidden pain plagued her than from the indignity she felt at his words. "How could I dare… How could you even think such a thing?" There was a note of frantic panic in her voice. No other part of her body revealed the conflict that raged inside of her.
"I know what you came to say to me, Romany," Remus said with a slight timbre of anger at the fringes of his words. "I've heard it all before. I'm sorry…. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. Now go. Leave me before the moon rises! Please!" He clenched his fists, shoulders tense, as if this brute strength could hold back the floodgates of his tears.
Romany crossed her arms, bent nearly double on the sand. "Don't do this to me, my love," she pleaded. "You know I can forgive you! Why won't you let me?"
Remus looked away. Silence crept onto the beach in the guise of a howling wind. "You're in pain," he said after a moment. His gray eyes-eyes that still clung to some of the naïveté of youth-snapped back to her. "Why?"
"The moon pulls us both," she answered softly. "It brings me as much pain as it does you."
He dared to meet her eyes briefly, refusing to believe the understanding he had found in her. Yet somehow it remained. Never before had he met with such sincere sympathy for his plight, not even from the other three Marauders. Oh, they knew of his hurt-better than anybody. But they could never feel it.
"Go," he said again, tearing his eyes from her majestic figure once more.
"You still refuse to believe what your senses tell you is true," she sighed accusingly.
"The sun is setting," Remus whispered. "Please… let me go."
Romany pulled herself awkwardly to her feet. She shot him a venomous glare and walked down to the edge of the water.
***
I'm left to counting the days
While my life drifts away
'Cause you come and go again like the tide
While on the shoreline I stand washed of my pride
And the truth I keep pushing aside
Is that it's time to walk away.
***
Remus watched her. The waves pounding against the sand felt like mere distant echoes of the pounding despair in his heart.
"It'll pass," Romany said. "It always does. One night you will be away from me, that's all. I don't hate you for what you are." She turned slightly. Her face was silhouetted against the salmon-orange skyfire over the sea. "I thought you loved me…"
At last, he could resist no longer. Remus burst into tears. "I love you more than anything," he cried. "That's why… I can't risk hurting you!"
"I won't leave you, Remus. Not forever. You need someone…"
"I need nothing!" he snarled, suddenly filled with pride. "I have never needed anything or anybody! I have learned… to be alone…"
"Then you are a fool, Remus Lupin," Romany said, turning to face him. Her hands hovered over her abdomen, massaging it with a gentle touch. The last rays of the sun dripped from the ends of her hair as she spoke.
***
Big guns are pointed at me, big guns are pointed at you.
Everybody's waiting to see what we're gonna do.
You spin around and disappear under the floor where I stand.
I'm left with, I'm left with a bag in my hand.
***
The air throbbed with the intensity of their presence. Man, woman, both feeling the undeniable tug of fate. Remus refused to tolerate it.
"I WON'T see you hurt by my… disease!" he shouted, leaping to his feet. "If you won't leave me, Romany, then by Hell I will. As much as I wish I didn't have to, as much as I am torn in two by it, I won't see you hurt!" He turned and began marching determinedly down the beach.
"Remus…!" Romany called, but her voice went unheeded or unheard. Her insides twisted with pain, she was helpless to follow him. She felt her knees buckle beneath her. Black shadows crept around her eyes. "Remus…!" The call came out a whisper as she fell to the sand. The last thing she was before loosing consciousness was the purple sky, already shining with pinpricks of stars.
***
Night closes in, but I hear the water rush in.
To his song I'm a slave.
I start to sink where I stand, I become part of the sand.
He covers me like the sea, like a wave.
***
Romany didn't hear the anguished, half-human howl when the moon rose. She didn't feel the salty brine curl around her fragile body, mingling with the blood between her legs. She didn't feel when the powdery pillow against her cheek became wet with sea water. But in a dim dream of happiness, she felt the tide rise and engulf her. The edges of her lips tilted up in a soft smile as her minds eye felt Remus rocking her into a blissful oblivion. The sea drank her blood, swallowed her whole.
A wild, gray wolf emerged from the trees lining the beach just in time to see the young witch's body fall into the waves. He saw her face, the calm happiness that rested there at last, but felt barely a discomforting pang as his far-removed human heart broke.
***
The road is turning for me, the road is turning for you.
The light is red like a fire, but you drive on through.
I stay behind and hear you call,
"You should have known this from the start!"
I'm left with, I'm left with a piece of my heart.
Cause you come and go again like the tide
While on the shoreline I stand washed of my pride,
And the truth I keep pushing aside
Is that it's time to walk away.
***
When dawn came, it met with the haggard face of Remus Lupin. He clutched his cloak around his shoulders, his hands clasped as if holding his very life essence. He made no sound. No tears touched his chalk-gray cheeks. And no time touched his battered soul, his shattered heart.
The sun hovered well over the horizon by the time the forlorn wizard was discovered. A low, steady beat, like a muffled snare drum, announced the approach of a muggle vehicle-none other than a battered pickup truck belonging to Sirius Black. Inside the truck were the aforementioned wizard and James and Lily Potter. The same fate that had taken Romany Circe's life so cruelly had decided to spare her lover by leading Sirius to witness his hurried departure with Romany from the grounds of Hogwarts. It was James who first spotter Remus and pointed him out.
"There, Sirius! I see him!"
Sirius drove the truck close to Remus. As soon as it came to a halt, all three leaped out and hurried to his side.
"Remus?" James said. "What happened? Where's Romany?"
For a long time, Remus did not speak. Slowly, he registered their presence and turned slightly to look at them. All three were struck by the utter desolation in his eyes.
"Remus?" Lily said gently. "Remus, dear, what happened?"
Remus looked down at his feet. The bubbling surf just barely reached up to them. "It's time…" he whispered.
James and Sirius continued prodding, trying to get their friend to say something, but Lily followed his gaze to the water. Abruptly, she gasped and leaped into the surf like a startled cat.
"Lily?" James said. "What's…?"
Lily had lowered herself to her knees to scoop something out of the water. She returned holding it to her chest.
"Lily?" James put his hand on her shoulder. She lowered her hands to show them a broken shard of Romany's wand.
"Oh my god," Sirius murmured. "Oh Remus, she's…"
Remus bowed his head solemnly. Lily threw her arms around his trembling shoulders, sobbing quietly. James and Sirius stood rooted to the sand, too shocked to do anything.
"It's time…" Remus said again after a moment. His voice was rough and choked with salt.
"Time, Remus?" James drew the sleeve of his cloak across his face, wiping away the tears that lingered there.
"What's done is done. It's time… to walk away…" With that he turned and walked to Sirius's truck. The others followed hesitantly. With a weary countenance, Remus climbed into the back of the truck.
"Ride with him, Lily," James whispered. Lily nodded and joined him. Now, they knew, was not the time for talk. They would hear what of Remus's story he was willing to tell later. Now, what Remus needed was to be healed.
As the truck pulled away from the beach, Lily heard Remus whisper with determination as tears trickled down his cheeks: "The moon caught you, love. She won't get me. I'll survive…. For you, Romany.
"For you, I'll walk away."
...end...