A Cup of Coffee

Summary: It's the summer of '76. Remus Lupin is a young man, belonging to man he doesn't want to belong to. Then along comes Sirius.. A guy that makes him feel wanted. A guy that shows him what love can truly be like. But nothing is what it seems to be. Or is it..?

Warning: Not your average fanfic! Non-magic, AU and probably not what you'd expect. Rated M for several reasons.

Disclaimer: I own no characters whatsoever.

Introduction

'Coffee?'
'I don't like coffee.'
'Shut up. Everyone likes coffee.'
'I don't. Makes me puke.'
'Insane.'
'And paprika. And tomato soup.'
'Everyone likes tomato soup!'
'Nope.'
Silence as he stared at with me with mocking suspicion. Waiting for new oddities from my endless supply.
'Mushrooms.' I said. I knew it was what he wanted to hear. And he reacted how I wanted him to.
'Everyone likes mushrooms!' Two arms thrown in the air in a dramatic gesture.
'Nope. Dirty slippery things.'
Two pairs of shoes next to each other at the edge of the table. Sun shining through the window, blinding us with the white edges of our sneakers. White dots on my retina. Same brand, same model. Different colour. Sneakers were casual and that's how I wanted us to be too.

It was burning hot and even sneakers felt like too much. Yet he was wearing jeans. Who was the idiot?
'What do you do in the morning?' He asked.
'What do I do in the morning?' Distracted by his jeans.
'Without coffee.'
'I do tea.'
He stares at me, too long, then shakes his head as his gaze redirects to our blinding sneakers. Both a little blinded.

It started small. Tiny and innocent. You take another look and brown eyes turn out to be blue. Brown hair turns out to be blonde. Skinny. No, not at all. A person and a feeling growing in your head and you get used to it. You don't see how the silhouette turns into a person with a voice, a sound. It is innocent. At least. It felt that way.
'Tea, then?'
His voice pulled me back from the daydream. The sound of it told me it wasn't the first time he ask. Too late I noticed, while turning my head towards him, that he used my mental absence to stand up. I wasn't looking at his familiar face but at his not-so familiar crotch. Quickly I relocated my gaze and nodded.
'Nice.'
An ambiguous answer after an odd moment but he was kind enough to pretend he didn't notice. Because this was Sirius. And Sirius was great.

It's all about thoughts, growing. It's with me. At first every now and then. Then every moment of every day. It didn't feel strange to me because I got used to it. The constant presence. The need to suck up every tiny detail like an insatiable human sponge. Wanting to get to know every stripe and every piece of history. Habits, sense of humor. Loving coffee.

My eyes followed his frame as it walked towards the kitchen. I wondered how old he was. Somehow that always felt like a question one shouldn't ask.
'What kind of tea do you prefer?'
'Surprise me.'
So he had a collection of tea. He wasn't from the age where there was nothing but English blend. At least I assumed there'd been an age like that. And he wasn't from it. But it was just nice to think about what someone had experienced in their life time. Had we ever attended the same book publications of watched the same things on television. Did we play outside with the same kind of toys?

Age was never an obvious thing. Looks were, though. Those gorgeous black curls and piercing grey eyes were pure perfection. Even his head was shaped nicely. Not a ball, not an egg and not a brick. Just a good head in which one could find pleasure looking at it. And he even pleased my odd obsession with noses. A bit too long but straight as an arrow. Exactly the kind I liked. The kind you wanted to rub your nose against in a childish yet cute gesture. Concluding, he was handsome. Handsome enough to take another look at him and realise you saw it alright. A sweet, soft man with broad shoulders.
'There you go.' A cup in front of me, held by hands with long, slender fingers. That's it, I quit. Promise.
'Thank you.' As he handed it over to me. There should be talking but I wasn't sure what to say. An odd contrast. My feet at the edge of his table seemed to say we were close. The somewhat uncomfortable silences told we just met. I took a sip to distract myself and burned my tongue. Sirius laughed. As he should.

'I always add cold water.' I muttered. I wasn't really mad but it suited the situation.
'I'll keep that in mind.' He promised. 'Do you like the flavour, though? You seem like a cinnamon kind of guy.'
'Definitely a cinnamon kind of guy.' I agreed between blowing cold air into my cup. Sirius had a cup of coffee. The burning smell tickled my nose and made my mouth feel dry.
'Does it bother you?'
'What?' As I turned to face him.
He lifted his cup as an answer. Ah. The smell of his coffee.
'Oh, no.' I answered. 'I love the smell. Just hate the taste.'
He grinned and took a sip of his coffee. Of course he didn't burn his tongue and I could sense that he wanted to tell me how insane I was, once again.

When do you cross a line? When is something I see as normal, strange in a stranger's eyes? When will I realise that what I'm doing isn't the right thing to do? Or even better. When would I realise that I had to quit this. Right now. Because of course I damn well knew this wasn't right. That it slowly tightened around my neck like a noose I could never escape from. But no matter how hard I tried, I knew it was useless. I tied the knot myself. I put that noose around my own neck and it was me who pulled it tight. Now, when I no longer wanted this, I found it was too late. I started it and I could never get away from it again.

We drank in silence for a while before I glanced at my watch. Time to go home. I quickly finished the cup, cooled off by now, and jumped up.
'It was great, but I have to go.'
'Oh, okay.' Said Sirius. I'm not sure whether it was just because I wanted it to be but he seemed to be a little disappointed. Still, he walked me to the door and game me that sweet smile one last times. I forgot about the dimples. I took me all my effort to not touch them and instead let my fingers tuck away a strand of my own hair.
'Bye.' I said.
'Bye.' He said.
He closed the door and disappeared behind the two inches of solid wood. I stood there for a little while longer. Imagined how he would walk back to the couch. Just right. Not too sissy and not too cocky. Would he crash down on the couch or was he the kind that would do the dishes first? And then what? Would he read a book or watch tv? Or perhaps he had some work he had to finish first..

I fluttered down the staircases, almost skipping. I made a new friend to add to my short list of nice people. There weren't many, mostly due to my lack of social contact capabilities. But Sirius seemed easy going. He seemed to understand I just wasn't always able to pay attention but that didn't mean I didn't want to. And that was the way I liked my friends to be.

There. The first chapter. Please let me know if you want more!
A little question for you guys; if Remus would already be in a relationship. With whom would it be?