The Catalyst
The Kiss – Would it bring them together, or drive them apart? SamJack
Sam hadn't meant for this to happen, but here she was -- in the arms of a man she had cared about for so long. She stroked the nape of his neck as their lips came together...first tentatively, then more fully. The loneliness she had felt for years seemed to dissolve. Perhaps the happiness that had eluded her all this time was now in reach, perhaps this was the start of another chapter in her life. Perhaps...then she stopped her mental meanderings and concentrated on just how good it felt to be held.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
When she saw Jack in the cafeteria he was eating alone, almost finished with his lunch. He seemed preoccupied.
"How you doing, sir?" she asked, settling in. She was hungry.
"Not too good right now, Carter." He was looking down, taking stabs at his carrot cake. An ominous silence built. Then, "Having fun playing doctor with 'Doctor'?" he asked, his voice edged with sarcasm.
That hit her hard. He had seen. The one time she and Daniel had kissed, Jack had seen. Sam colored up. What little she had eaten seemed to be at the top of her throat. "What do you mean?" she asked, trying to control the quaver in her voice.
Instead of answering, he stabbed the square one more time, leaving the plastic fork embedded in the cream cheese frosting, and pushed away from the table.
She followed him down the hall, trying to keep up with his determined stride, trying to ignore quizzical looks from the others. He punched the elevator button, got in. She followed.
"What do you mean?" she repeated, when the door closed and they were alone. She wondered why she was asking, since she knew the answer.
"Oh, come on, Carter. The next time you play tonsil-hockey with Daniel, try closing the door first. What the hell do you think you're doing? The poor guy's only got half a brain right about now. You trying to fry the rest of it?" Jack wasn't too happy with Daniel, either, at the moment, but that was another story.
She felt defensive and hated it. Tears filled her eyes and she hated that, too. Just where do you get off telling me what to do? "Sir...Jack, damn it! What right do you have to tell me how to run my personal life?
"I'm your commanding officer Carter! Ever hear of the term fraternization?"
"Yeah, but Daniel's civilian, not military."
"Doesn't matter -- The team needs to be a cohesive unit. Feelings mess that up." Arriving at his destination, Jack started to leave. Sam blocked his exit and pushed the "Close Door" button.
"Oh, they do?" Her blue eyes flashed. "How about these past few years – you and me and the team. What about all the times we kicked ass, saved the world? And we have –had, whatever – feelings for each other!"
"Yeah, we did," he said, reaching for the "Open Door" button. She didn't stand in his way this time.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Each avoided the other as much as possible for the next few weeks. When they had to be together, things were strained and formal. It was a good thing that Daniel was very busy with a special project, because she knew they had to talk. The problem was, she didn't know what to say. The words of her father kept revolving inside her head – she did deserve to be happy, didn't she? Then she remembered those horrible, gut-wrenching, end-of-the-world feelings that had consumed her the times she had thought Jack dead. And, especially, she thought of that long-ago incident, when Jack admitted that he cared, cared much more than he was "supposed to." She felt frustrated, torn and disheartened. She wrapped herself up in her work, the only balm available to her.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"Colonel, Major, please be seated," said General Hammond. "You may be wondering why I called you here to my office."
They were and they weren't.
"I have discerned considerable tension among certain members of your team," stated the General. "I believe you know who they are. Any time there is disunity in a team, it will not work as a solid unit. This can lead to botched missions, injury, and even death. Thankfully, duty has been light these last few weeks." The General paused a moment. Then, "I am ordering this to be worked out, once and for all, right now."
"Thank you, sir, for your patience," said Jack. Sam nodded her thanks as well. The General had bent the rules more than a few times for SG-1.
"I have to attend to matters elsewhere for the next 30 minutes. Use that time wisely," the General advised.
"We'll take care of it," promised Jack.
"Do it," said General Hammond, and left.
Sam looked down at her fingers, picking off the last remaining bits of nail polish.
Jack cleared his throat, once...twice. "Carter... Sam... I want to say I'm sorry. You have every right to make your own decisions about your personal life, and I was wrong to suggest otherwise. Daniel's a good man." He thought of that haunting moment when he saw them together, but quickly pushed it out of his mind. He paused, then looked into her eyes. "I want you to be happy," he said softly.
Sam looked away and starting playing with her pencil. "Do you?" she asked quietly.
"I just said I did. And I think...hope...that you two will be happy together. I mean, I wish you all the best."
"And what if I told you that it's not really Daniel that I want?"
Jack scratched his head for a moment. "You know, I could very well need glasses, but I thought I saw..."
Sam cut him off. "It just happened!" She knew that wasn't really true. They were both needy and their need had drawn them together. The more she thought about the incident, the more embarrassed she'd become. "He's a wonderful man and a dear friend, but...I don't love him." Her lips tried to form the words that needed to be said, plainly, but failed for the moment.
"And..."
"You don't know? After all these months and years?" Sam felt the tears starting, as well as long-suppressed irritation surging. A bad combination. She tried to find solid emotional ground, but couldn't.
"Sam," he murmured placatingly, reaching out to touch her arm.
"'Sam,' nothing!" She drew away. "I make myself vulnerable to you, I wait around, I look for a sign that some kind of progress is being made..."
"Sam, you must know how I feel about you!?"
"Then why don't you do something about it?" she demanded. There. It was out in the open.
Jack sighed. "Because marrying you might effectively end your career with SG-1. First, there's the regs. One of us would have to go. And, once you got pregnant – I know you love children – you just couldn't go through a worm-hole on a regular basis and expect a baby to be okay! Never mind the very real possibility of you getting wounded, or worse!" exclaimed Jack, defensive and exasperated at the same time.
"Jack...you're always praising my brain power. Can't you give me credit for making some good decisions about this, too? And trust our ability to work things out together?"
"Okay...I was trying to do the right thing, but it was obviously the wrong thing, instead. I should've trusted you." He felt emotionally drained. "Just tell me what you want."
"To be married to you," she said, simply.
A smile played at the corner of his lips. "Is that a proposal? If so, the answer is 'yes.'"
Sam was amused, too, but she wasn't going to let go of tradition completely. "Aren't you forgetting something?" she hinted.
"I love you, sweet Sam."
"I love you, too, Jack," she returned.
Jack looked at his watch, then jumped up out of his seat. "Sam, we've got a few minutes until the General gets back. He took her by both hands and raised her to her feet. "He told us to 'Do it.' So, how about it?" he asked, grinning.
Sam's eyes took in the utilitarian nature of everything in that room, the plain indoor-outdoor type carpet, the gray cement walls, the dusty fake ficus in the corner. Nothing plush here, that's for sure! And just a few minutes before the General walks in? "Are you crazy?" she asked, not knowing if he was really serious or not.
"Crazy about you, yeah," replied her husband-to-be.
They settled for a close embrace and a long, drawn-out kiss, full of meaning and promise. One day I might tell him...thought Carter...tell him that I was thinking "Jack" when I should have been thinking "Daniel." One day, but not now...
oooooooooooo
Sam found Daniel in an out-of-the-way storeroom, cataloguing artifacts.
"Hey!" greeted Sam.
"Hey!" Daniel returned.
"Whatcha doin'?" asked Sam.
"Doing what I couldn't do before my memory returned," answered Daniel. "At least, I think it has. Can't remember what there is to remember," he smiled, shaking his head.
"Daniel...I wanted to..."
"Apologize?" He began to color up.
She nodded.
"There's no need to. I rather enjoyed that kiss, myself. And, remember, I kissed you as much as you kissed me."
Sam smiled. That was true.
"Anyway..." he picked up an artifact, looked it over, and then set it down before continuing... "I've been remembering a lot of what you and Jack are all about." He paused. "You belong together, you know."
Sam nodded.
"Whoa! What have we got here?" Daniel had spotted the diamond ring. Her took her hand and examined the "rock."
Sam glowed. "We're getting married two weeks from Saturday, in the gate room."
"You have official permission for that...for your marriage, and everything?" asked Daniel, incredulous.
Sam nodded. "The General pulled some strings and we got a 'special dispensation' from the President. For now, we'll continue with SG-1. And later...well, we'll see. There's several options to consider."
"Well, congratulations are in order, then. He kissed her hand like the gentleman and dear friend that he was. "Jack's a very lucky man."
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"You know, I consider myself a very lucky man," said Jack, examining his golden brew in one hand while holding Sam's hand with the other. It was the night before their wedding, and they were enjoying some quality pre-nuptial time at O'Malley's.
"Luck does have a lot to do with it. Or, perhaps we should call it 'fate.' In Greek mythology, the fates were the personification of destiny..."
"Give it a rest, will you, Danny boy?" Jack begged. "Yecch. Always the scholar."
"Well, really, if it wasn't for your finding Sam and me..." started Daniel.
"Don't get too puffed up, there, fella," advised Jack. "I would've gotten around to proposing to Sam sooner or later.
"It was already 'later,' Jack," Sam reminded him.
"Just one request, Daniel."
"Sure, Jack, whatever," said Daniel. He took his role as best man seriously.
"No 'congratulatory kisses' for the bride, okay?"