Summary: Two years after Kurt left Sebastian, Kurt is still in love with Sebastian even though he's getting married to someone else. Kurt doesn't know how to deal with the lingering feelings for his best friend and figures out an escape.
A/N: this is the product of a sleepless night and my wonderful co-writer and beta Flo, so be nice! hahaha we hope you like it.
Kurt is sprawled on top of his bed, arms stretched out toward the ceiling, twisting and turning his wrists. His head was turned to the side, facing the wall opposite of the window. He watched as the shadows of his arms moved along the day's last drops of light that caught languidly through the beaded crystals that hung from where the curtains should be. The window was slid wide open so the light breeze drifted into the warm room and spun some of the sun-catchers around.
Music plays in the background of some woman making incoherent vocals to the sound of loud drums which just furthers Kurt's high. He doesn't remember pressing play on the small remote tossed away by his pillow.
He drops his arms and folds his hands on his abdomen and hums along to the music, letting his eyes slide close. Kurt doesn't feel like him—not anymore. He's falling deeper and deeper into a dream; a dream which everything around him seems to disappear; a dream in which you're not yourself. He raises the joint between his fingers towards his lips again and takes another deep drag.
He holds the smoke in his lungs and relaxes, letting the drug kidnap the worries that were left lingered in his mind. No regrets, no pain, no nothing. He feels…infinite.
A loud sound rings through the apartment just as Kurt releases the air from his lungs. Someone calls for him in the distance. Kurt rolls over and opens a drawer of his bedside table. He reaches in and takes out a small baggie containing several small, white tablets. He takes one out and lays it on his tongue, swallowing it after taking another hit.
Kurt lays his head on the pillows and closes his eyes again, the noise down the hall getting louder. "Kurt! Kurt, where are you? Your dad called telling me you're not picking up your phone and when I tried—Kurt, why the fuck is your telephone in the fish tank?"
The door of his bedroom is swung open; Kurt doesn't turn his attention to it. He only smiles and lolls his head to the side. "Kurt," the voice is softer now, more as an observation than a whine. Even with his eyes closed, Kurt can tell the newcomer is taking in the room, clothes strewn lazily around—definitely something that would never happen if he were sober, books and CDs in piles on the floor, even old pictures taken out of photo albums and frames were littered around. "Kurt," the voice repeats.
Lips curling to a smile, he opened his mouth, "You want to hear a joke? How do you make Holy water?" Kurt doesn't wait for a response and jumps into the punch line, "You burn the Hell out of it." He started giggling, "Get it?"
Kurt feels two warm hands take his face. He slowly opens his glossy eyes, meeting a clear green pair. His smile widens, "'Bastian!" Kurt reaches up and runs his hand down his friend's face, trailing his fingers at the collar of his shirt. He's mesmerized again and his gaze is transfixed at the material his fingers curve around. His smile falters a bit and he sighs in awe.
"Damn it. Kurt, are you high?" It was more of a rhetorical question. Of course he was high. Anyone who saw him at this moment would have guessed he was high. Kurt closed his eyes again, as if trying not to look at Sebastian anymore. He takes a deep breath and turns onto his side. He can't face his best friend; no amount of drugs can make him face Sebastian. He focused on the song instead—the tempo slower with each note melting into the next.
He felt the bed dip down and strong arms encircle his waist to pull him closer. Kurt sighed into the comfort of Sebastian as they rolled over, and the motion of his friend tugging at him to sit up. He opened his eyes slightly to find himself reclined against Sebastian, the other boy's legs on either side of him. He tilted his head back onto his shoulder, feeling lax.
He took the joint out from between Kurt's fingers and stubbed it out on the bedside table. Sebastian held Kurt's hand in his own, thumb stroking over his knuckles. To his surprise they were all scabbed up, probably from that one time Kurt involuntarily punched at the wall. "Kurt, what happened?" his voice was more tender, not like when he was yelling around the apartment looking for him. It was more like he was soothing a child.
It was too much for Kurt to handle. Being with Sebastian in that moment—with his best friend—he felt too vulnerable. The way they were on the bed reminded Kurt of when they were together, when there was no one else to ruin the moment. They used to lie just like this in the summer heat, or when it was pouring rain outside, murmuring promises and 'I love yous' to each other. Coaxing each other to just forget the world.
Kurt let out a broken sob. There was so much he wanted to say to Sebastian, so many feelings that he just can't express. He doesn't have the courage to say what he wants the say, let alone the capability. His whole body feels anaesthetized as he cries into his own palms. Sebastian just holds him closer to his chest and places his cheek on Kurt's shoulder.
"Shh," Kurt feels a hand run through his hair, light strokes and fingers pressing into pressure points on his neck. It's all too familiar…and there was that ache again. A wave of panic rushed over him and Kurt suddenly felt pathetic. He needed the smoke in his lungs, the high in his system.
He cursed himself for crying. It caused him to sober slightly, and Sebastian's presence pulled him out of that cloudy haze Kurt had grown to love. The room was now silent, the music turned off by Sebastian. Instead, Sebastian started singing in a low voice that was almost a whisper and just let Kurt cry it out.
He doesn't remember when he drifted off to sleep, but when he woke up, the room was tinted the dark blue of the night. Kurt was lying on his side, his duvet pulled over his body. He sniffed and shifted, only to be met by another it wasn't a dream.
Sebastian's breath ghosted on the back of Kurt's neck, in even puffs. Kurt wishes they could stay like this forever, that he can forget about everything else, forget the fact that Sebastian is someone else's. He cringes and shuts his eyes forcefully at the thought. Sebastian isn't Kurt's anymore.
A scratch of the skin and he's talking, "Are you okay?"
"No." Kurt says blatantly, "I have never been okay. Not since…" He trailed off, "I'm not high anymore, if that's what you meant." He doesn't dare turn to meet his face. He can't look at Sebastian while he's like this. It's not his job to take care of Kurt anymore, so he doesn't even know why Sebastian bothered to show up in the first place.
"Your dad's been worried." He said.
Kurt turned to look at him, "And what about you? You're my best friend. Like you said, I haven't been answering my phone—I haven't for days. And my goddamn father the only one worried? What about my other friends? Or Carole?"
"Who says I haven't?" Sebastian asks in defense.
He sat up, hugging his knees, not wanting to see him. "Well you only say 'your dad' and never 'I' or 'me'." His eyes welled up with tears again, "I know we're not together anymore and I'm sorry I left, but need my best friend."
Kurt felt Sebastian sit up slowly, not reaching out to touch him this time. "It's not easy for me to see you like this, Kurt. I don't want you to disappear on me. Not again, and not to your dad. The way you're acting, i-it's like you hate yourself. I just-I just want to know why." Sebastian's voice had a hint of pain—it was the same tone Kurt heard over the phone after he left.
Kurt never thought of Sebastian as the kind of person to settle down. To Kurt, their relationship had always been about what is happening now and not about what would happen in the future. Ever since Kurt and Blaine broke up—a relationship which he practically planned their whole lives together—he stopped caring what would happen to them tomorrow.
So when Sebastian proposed, he couldn't help but run.
He couldn't help but think that sometime later down the road Sebastian would change his mind like Blaine did. Kurt said, Give me a few days. And he was gone for a week. He only came back to get his stuff from Sebastian's apartment while he was at work. Then, he disappeared for another few days.
But Sebastian knew it was over. He'd known when Kurt hesitated in answering. And he was crushed. Kurt called him when he was back in town, having thought about it the time he was gone. I'm sorry, he said.
I'm not Blaine, Sebastian said.
I can't.
Why? And Kurt hung up.
A few months later and they were finally on good terms again. It wasn't like old times, but it was good enough that Kurt had his best friend again. They even dated other people, much to Sebastian's dismay.
But now, Sebastian wants answers again and Kurt can't give it to him. Because it's selfish. Kurt isn't going to steal Sebastian's happiness because Kurt wanted his comfort. Kurt wanted him back. But Sebastian's not his to have.
"Kurt," the other boy breathed.
"No."
"Kurt," he tried again.
"Just drop it!" Kurt yelled sharply. Sebastian stared at him with confused eyes. "I'm left to my own devices. I have been for a long time. And I need you to know that you can't do this. It's been two years, Bas. You can't come over and take care of me like you used to." He just wanted him to go. He wanted Sebastian to go the fuck away and be fucking happy with his fucking life.
But Sebastian opens his mouth, "Why can't I?" Kurt thrashes and balls up his fists to hit his own legs. Sebastian grabs at his hands to stop Kurt from scratching at himself. "Kurt."
"Because you're getting married!" he bursts out. "Because next month, you and Andrew are going to be husbands and you just can't drop everything and take care of me, Sebastian. It's not fair to Andrew and it's not fair to you." His best friend just stayed silent next to him. "I'm being stupid. And I know you're not going to leave him for me, even though for some reason I think you still love me. Because I still love you." Kurt wiped at his nose, "There I said it. I left you and now I want you back."
"Would it make you happy if I took you back?"
Kurt turned his head toward him, eyes wide. He shook his head, "No. No, you can't. Stop thinking about me and my stupid mistake of letting you go, and just be happy with him. I've seen you with him, and as much as it hurts, it's the happiest I've ever seen you. So-so you're going to get married, and I'm going to deal with it."
"With drugs," Sebastian offered.
"With drugs," Kurt repeated.
It was silent for a moment as the two just looked at each other. He wasn't going to lie to him, not anymore. And there was no physical way Sebastian could monitor Kurt not using drugs. Being high just meant things were easier to take.
"I love you," Sebastian blurted. Kurt raises his eyes to meet his green ones and shook his head. "I never stopped loving you. Not even when you left."
"Don't lie to yourself," he said, eyes watering.
"I'm not lying."
Kurt threw his hands up, "Then lie to me! That would make things so much better. You don't love me." He said more to himself than to Sebastian, "You don't love me, you're in love with Andrew. You're getting married next month—"
"Kurt, look at me," Sebastian took his hand. "Look at me." Kurt meets his gaze again, "I'm not lying to you. Or to myself." He held his hand to his heart. Being there, eyes locked and connected by pulses felt nostalgic. "I love you, Kurt," he said again. Kurt felt the beautiful thumps of Sebastian's heart become faster as he continued to speak. "No one's ever going to make me feel the way you do. Not even Andrew." The words seemed to fly out his mouth without care, making Kurt believe that Sebastian was still in love. Sebastian is still in love with him.
He didn't know who moved in first, but they were pressed to each other now. Their lips slotted together perfectly like Kurt remembered, soft and gentle. Their first kiss in two years.
As their lips continued to move with one another, the kiss became more rushed, deeper and desperate. Sebastian licked into Kurt's mouth, taking the last traces of smoke away. Kurt moaned and gave in willingly to the taste of Sebastian. Heartbeats raced and breaths became pants as they kept kissing, forgetting the world like they used to.
Kurt's hands found their way around Sebastian pulling him closer and trailed down to feel the exposed skin where the back of his shirt rode up. The pain of loneliness was long gone and was replaced by the warmth of Sebastian—Kurt's Sebastian. It felt like home.
Sebastian removed his shirt then, moving to take Kurt's off to run his lips lightly across his bare torso. Skin on skin, lips on lips, heart pressed against heart, made Kurt's head spin like before. Everything is familiar. Almost unreal, like flying—but without being high. A hand ran over his body and tugged at his waist band. There it is.
That wake-up call they should have seen coming.
"Stop," Kurt gasped, pulling away from Sebastian's lips. The other boy gave a small whine and tried to lean up to kiss him. "Please, Sebastian," he said quietly.
Realization washed over Sebastian's face and he was soon shaking his head frantically, "Don't say it. J-just don't," he begged.
"You're going to get married," he got out, "to Andrew. For fucks sake, you're getting married. You—I think you should go home." He got off the bed and started pacing, careful not to step on the items on the ground.
"You are my home," Sebastian replies genuinely. Kurt wanted to forget about the fucking marriage and fuck Sebastian instead, but the words that came out of his mouth just processed through Kurt's head.
He burst out laughing sober for the first time in a long time. "You never used such cheesy lines before, what's wrong with you?" For some reason the words felt natural, like a normal Kurt/Sebastian conversation. Somehow it made Kurt feel better.
"You," Sebastian's lips twisted up to a grin. "Not being with you has made me to this sappy, love sick puppy, that would do anything to get back to you." Now Sebastian was off the bed, cornering Kurt. Their gazes locked again and their chests pressed together. His tongue darted out to lick at his bottom lip before eyeing Kurt's body. "I don't care if you don't want to get married; I just care about you and me," he brought his hands up to bracket around Kurt's frame, leaving him no place to run to, "right now."
He leaned down to press their lips together; softer this time though, as if trying to prove to Kurt that the only thing that mattered was that moment, and that they would have time to worry tomorrow. Just the way Kurt liked it.
Kurt felt happy again. Sebastian was right; in some inexplicable way, Kurt didn't care for anything besides them. Tomorrow promised a billion problems for them to deal with; mainly, Sebastian's engagement. But Kurt didn't care anymore; He's falling deeper and deeper into a dream; a dream which everything around them seems to disappear. Sebastian gave Kurt a high that no drug could.