Authors note - Thank you all for viewing! This is my first fanfic so bare with me. I changed the whole Alecs parents knowing about his relationship with Magnus. That is all I have to say for now, if I have to clarify anything in upcoming chapters it will be at the beginning of that chapter. Enjoy and review!
Its been five days. Only five. Since Magnus and I broke up. Thought I was doing right by doing everything I can to figure out a way to be together forever. That's what I wanted. That's what he wanted.
All I was doing was exploring our options, nothing was set in stone.
I just don't understand.
Now I lie in my bed at the Institute. I can't remember the last time I ate, or got a good night rest. The last time I trained or even walked outside into the sunlight? I don't remember.
I ignored every person that attempted to talk to me, eventually they stopped trying.
Isabelle, my loving sister, and Jace, my parabatai, each knocked on the door a few times individually in hope of talking to me.
Isabelle started out sweet and understanding but got frustrated and kicked at the door when I never responded. Eventually she stopped trying but I'm pretty sure she still left food at the door.
Jace was different, he would come by and comment some smart ass remark about how I keep weeping over a silly warlock; fortunately it made me smile.
Then there Max, my sweet innocent younger brother. Every day, he has sat outside my door and talked about his day; not caring about having no response. Yesterday I sat at my door considering opening it, to see my hopeful brothers face and be reassured everything is okay.
But nothing is okay.
Nothing will ever be okay.
A banging on the door pulled me out of my daze.
"Alec," Isabelle started urgently. "Mom and Dad are on their way. You need to pull it together and get out here. You have thirty minutes tops."
Her footsteps receded.
Great. Now I have no choice. I have to leave my room and face the world.
After several minutes of contemplating ways to get out of leaving, I got up and took a long over-due shower. I took that time to have one last cry, letting the tears trickle down my face and disappear with the water.
Magnus left me. The only words that echoed in my head.
Magnus left me.
Magnus left me.
Magnus.
Magnus.
Magnus.
I keep seeing his cat eyes shine in front of me, I keep replaying our best memories. I keep replaying the last time I saw him.
Isabelle is right. I need to get it together. Especially with my parents coming home. They can't know anything about this, not only was I dating a warlock but I was dating a male warlock. I would be forever shunned by the Clave and lose my runes and be disowned by my mother and father.
I shut the water off, making my tears go with it.
After I dried off I looked in the mirror and nearly jumped.
The boy in the mirror isn't the happy Shadowhunter everyone knows and loves.
It is the ghost of one.
I've gotten thinner, my cheeks are more narrow and lost all color to them; it made my blue eyes pop even more which brought attention to the puffy redness circling them and the dark bags underneath.
I will never be able to explain this to them.
I got dressed in Shadowhunter gear and revisited the mirror, I practiced my best smiles but they looked less like a happy Alec and more like a monster children run from.
With much effort, I opened the door and made way to the kitchen.
There was Isabelle, attempting to make breakfast. I didn't even realize it was early morning until this moment.
"Is Jace around?" I asked in a raspy voice, my throat still raw from crying.
Isabelle jumped and turned to me.
"Alec!" She exclaimed and ran at me for a hug. I realized she abandoned a pancake on the stove. "You need to eat something before they get here." She said suddenly serious. "I'm making pancakes." She turned back to the lonely pancake and flipped it, cursing as she realized it burned.
"No I'm okay. Where's Jace?"
"Training." She said frowning at her cooking.
I went to the training room and found Jace and Clary practicing knife throwing.
Neither of them noticed me until I said, "Jace?"
They both stopped and looked at each other. "Clary did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" She asked innocently.
"Exactly. It's the sound of nothing."
"Very funny guys." I sighed. "Jace I need you to reapply my runes."
"Maybe it's the wind." Jace inquired. Clary smirked.
"Okay seriously Jace, before my parents are back."
"Alright fine." He pulled out his stele and I pulled off my shirt.
Jace looked me up and down, as did Clary who held a sad look on her face.
I suddenly felt self-conscious.
"Alec have you eaten at all?" Clary asked concerned.
"No. But I'm fine. I also wish you would stop looking at me like I lost my only friend." I didn't mean to snap at Clary but judging by her expression she was sorry.
"I'll leave you two then." She said quietly and left the room.
Jace started tracing a rune on my shoulder, I can never get use to the burning sensation it gives.
We were a couple runes in when the silence was deafening.
"Are you going to say something?" I asked.
"What is there to say? I understand locking yourself in your room for a couple days but to let yourself go like this? I don't approve."
"I don't need this from you too jace." I pulled away and turned to him. "I am perfectly fine whether you or anyone else believes it or not."
Jace scowled but said "Fine." and continued tracing.
On my final rune, Clary appeared in the doorway.
"They're here." She stated.