Oh why hello there lovely readers! At the behest of this beautifully well aged fandom, I've decided to give it its proper, due attention. :) As a huge TOS fan and biology major, I have to say that I've always found the idea of Pon Farr interesting, and I really wanted to explore the psychological aspect of it. I'll admit I'm just playing around here, nothing to be taken too seriously. I don't want you guys to start getting agitated and leave comments like "OMG, so out of character!" or "That's not how that would work."
So I guess to be on the safe side, this is an AU?
Just enjoy this bit of inner personal battles and the testing of relationships. This is will contain Jim/Spock sooooo...ya, ya'll know where this is going. :) Enjoy!
There was panic coupled with the ancient drives and Spock cursed the churning emotions in his body as he tried to will away the monster that began to claw against his mind again, ignoring the mantras and unwilling to be placated with meditation, its teeth and fangs gnashing, chest heaving, and the hot lust like liquid lava in his eyes.
"You thought I wouldn't emerge?" The dark voice was staccato and reverberated with a growl, as if he was spitting bitterly at the weak, trembling, human part of himself. "You hoped that you would be spared?" Spock shook his head gently, almost as if to cast the gruff tone from his cobwebbed brain.
"Hope is a…."he drew in a deep, gasping breath, exhaling too soon as the primal hand grabbed at him again and chocked hard.
"Yes, I know, it is a human emotion, but let us be honest. You have been waiting for this."
"No." Spock straightened his back, hands fumbling blindly on the sink's lip, arms shaking with the weight of the inner battle. "I never wanted this." But his eye lids were heavy as he fought to take control of his rebelling body. "I am stronger than you."
The laughter in his mind echoed like melting chocolate, hot and sweet, dark and deep. It touched a hollow part of him and lit another spark, scratching at his thoughts.
"Liar! You know I will defeat you, you've calculated the outcomes!" The beast shook in his chains and bared his glistening teeth, canines peeking obscenely from his curled lips. "That's why you reek of fear, there's no strength in your training fortified enough to withstand me! You will let me out! You will submit to this!" Spock could practically feel the ache of the chains as they strained against the embodied lust and power and he braced his body against the hot blooded spike that ravaged his body.
But the monster calmed precipitously then, his pupils darkening as he knit his eye brows and loosened his claws from Spock's body, leaving just a swell of warmth in his veins, like they were expanding, blocked, no release in sight until permission was given. The only sounds between the two were Spock's ragged breaths and a low, keening moan, almost like he was begging to be brought off now that the beast had been riled up this far. His brain felt raw and tender, fevered to the touch and he was almost afraid to reach into the depths of his being to question the sudden quell of his ancestral enemy.
"This will kill you, you do understand." The voice was wistful, confident and snidely soft as it whispered in Spock's ear. "These are older passions; this is a power beyond your logical comprehension. This isn't something your brain can simply block out or suppress with mantras and incense. In fact..." His pause was baited, playful, and each beat of silence throbbed painfully behind Spock's eyes. "This is all your brain wants." The truth had been beating against his mind like a sledge hammer, splitting him open, but now that it had been voiced, he was shaken scared, no, this was past normal fear, as the inner drive recognized a crack in his psyche and began flooding the open wound like a saline solution.
"What do you want?" Spock finally asked in a breathy, delirious attempt at control, stressed, drained, and close to shattering, his knees locked now as he fought to stand, swallowing dryly as he fought against retching up his twisted innards.
"Him." The vice stroked against the tender bond that was crackling to life at the very memory of his golden Captain. "I want him."
"No." His nails dug into his clammy palms, the pain nulling nothing. "Do not ask that of me." Spock begged, understanding the awful turn of the tide in him as he felt his heart beat begin to race.
"Please, just a taste. I want him beneath me, want him pressed hot and tight, writhing in submission. I will take him, will have him. Do not deny me. Do not deny yourself."
"I can't." Spock bit his lip against the indulgent moan that was lingering in his throat at the flash of images that burned behind his eyelids, pictures of his Captain throwing his head back in ecstasy; cheeks flushed red as cherries, skin hot, steaming almost around him with sweat and the heavy scents of mixing pheromones.
"Yes, you can." A breath caught in his throat as he tried to reign in the lust that was tightening his jeans, making him ache in ways that a million years of evolution couldn't dull. He wanted Jim so bad it pained him, but twined in the strong fibers of need was the shuddering cries of fear and a breaking human heart.
"You'll kill him, its mutiny, please do not, you must take control, breath, think about the consequences, his trust, your loyalty-" The litany of the soft voice was bleeding and whispery, thinly veiled like smoke clouding Spock's eyes as he then felt the beast's not breath blow the human worrying away, a stark cold cruelty almost tangible in the hard ice of his eyes.
"If you can't take him, I will." The voice tried to soothe. "Give me the control. Trust me to love your mate and I swear to be gentle, I will, I promise, please." The whine crackled low in his throat, almost like a wounded animal, and Spock felt something in him completely shatter like a star going supernova, like being shred to pieces, almost like dying and seeing the light.
"Good, good." Purred the warm hands cupping his mind, a scorching pair of lips smiling curled against his forehead as the beast kissed him to sleep. And Spock was suddenly drowsy, so much that he fought to keep is eyes open, or his legs to sand, and he soon let himself be covered with the peace of letting down his guard and unlocking the animal from its chains.
But as his eyes blinked uncoordinatedly one last time, he felt a breath leave him as the voice whispered "There's no rest for the wicked." And then he tumbled headfirst and backwards into the darkness of his sanity.
How was that? Hope the inner battle was believable. Our dear Commander doesn't have multiple personalities or schizophrenia, its more of a battle of the conscious. That nature vs nurture, civilization vs the primal idea.
:) Are you waiting to see what happens next?
Comment on what you wish to see in the next chapters to come and what you hope will take place! I don't want this to be just another 'I need hard lovin' or I die, take me now.' fic. I want this to be a deeper, more complicated story, so stick around! And of course, there will be a few scenes with some frisky content. But really, did you expect any less from a K/S story? :)
Your writer who only wishes to please,
Castion and Clockwork