Of Late Night Promises
He wakes up to find the bed empty. Again. Post 5x01.
She was being crushed. Kate opened her eyes, the sting of the light from the alarm clock stinging at her eyes. She was smashed into the mattress under Castle, his even breathing permeating the relative quiet.
Kate carefully slid herself out from underneath him, careful not to wake him, before padding quietly into the kitchen for a glass of water. She crossed the cold tile floors, before making it to the cabinet that she was fairly certain held glasses. Bowls. Damn. She side stepped and opened the adjacent cabinet, finally finding the tall glasses that they had drank from a few hours previously during a dinner that sought to unwind the stress from her encounter with the senator.
She filled her glass with water from the tap and sipped softly, the only sound in the apartment being her swallow. Once she had finished, she set the glass on the tile and started back towards the bedroom.
"Kate," she heard from the doorway to the Castle's office.
"Hey, Castle," she whispered through the darkness, "I didn't mean to wake you up."
She crossed the floor to step in front of him, settling her hands at his sides and resting her face against his chest. She felt his arms come up around her shoulders and hold on tight.
"I woke up and the bed was empty," he said, his voice filled with a sleepy rasp, "The bed was empty again."
Kate felt her heart squeeze because as much as she hadn't wanted to hurt him by leaving without telling him the morning before, she had. She sighed and started to slowly walk them backwards. Castle, still half asleep, complied with her move, shuffling backward clumsily as Kate planted soft kisses against the warm skin of his neck.
They made it through the bedroom door and to the side of the bed where Castle rolled back onto his side of the bed, dragging Kate along with him. They lay shoulder to shoulder in the big bed, as she battled with whether to address with issue more or not.
"Castle," she whispered into the darkness.
He grumbled a response to prove that he was listening.
Kate rolled herself over onto her stomach so that she was lying halfway on his chest and slid a leg between his two. Castle's eyes opened, suddenly aware of what was happening.
"Castle," she breathed into the silence as she traced small lines with her thumb under his right eye, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm no good at any of this."
"I didn't know where you were," Castle rasped, "I woke up and you were just gone."
She rested her forehead against his chin, breathing deeply for a few moments, the sluggish darkness of the night seeping into her mind, making it hard to force out more words.
"I want to promise you that I'll never do it again," she started.
"But you can't," he finished.
She lifted her head from his chin, scooting up his body until she was at eye level with him. He eyes stared intently back at her, waiting her out, always waiting for her.
"Sometimes I make stupid choices," she whispered.
"I do too," he replied.
She smiled slightly at that, "I can't promise that I won't get up and run in the middle of night-whether it's towards something else, or it's away from you."
Castle's eyes dropped a second, losing her gaze. She swiped her thumb under his eye again, silently imploring him to come back to the conversation because she definitely wasn't finished yet. She waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to accept what she'd said, waited because it was what he'd done of her for four years. A few seconds paled in comparison to years of waiting. She could do this.
Finally Castle's eyes lifted up to meet hers, locking onto hers, ready.
"I can't promise you that I won't leave," she whispered, lifting her hand to card through his hair gently, "But I promise you that I'll keep trying to get better at not leaving."
He looked at her intently, weighing her words to discern the truth.
"I promise that I'll do my best to tell you what I'm thinking, and I'll do the dishes when you make me breakfast, and I'll laugh at some of your jokes, and I'll tell when to stop smothering Alexis, and-"
He cut her off by pressing an insistent on her mouth. He flipped them over so that he was laying on top her, his weight balanced on his elbows, her hair splayed out on the pillow.
He kissed her softly for minutes, hours, neither knew. When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers, their breath mingling in the small space between them.
"You didn't let me finish," she whispered.
He pulled his head back to look into her eyes again, waiting. She rolled them so that his weight wasn't bared on his elbows, but rather they were curled on their sides, face to face, a whisper apart from each other. He rested his hand on her cheek, scraping his thumb gently along the soft skin, tucking a stray curl back behind her ear.
"Castle," she started, "I promise that if you ever wake up to find an empty bed, I'll come back."
She closed her eyes to stop the onslaught of emotion and the magnitude of what she'd just said. When she opened them again, she found his eyes shining back at her.
"I promise I'll always come back to you," she said, "Always."
She slid his arm from between them and under her hip, tipping her forward into his chest, recreating their initial position. She curled her hand over his heart and traced small patterns there as he dropped occasional kisses into her hair.
Her eyes started to get heavy as his arms wound her back, keeping her place. She was just about to slip under into sleep when his quiet whisper broke through the silence.
"I love you," he whispered into the night.
She pressed a kiss into the fabric of his shirt, I love you too. I'll always come home to you.