Title: Of Mayhem and Babies

Description: A collection of one-shots (or two-shots) that I wish I could include in Destiny's Crossroads, but can't. Hint on the first chapter is in the title. :p

Disclaimer: *grumbles to lawyer about doing this every freaking time!* I, the person known only as mike50333, also known as the Madd_0x, hereby declare that I possess absolutely no ownership of the animated series entitled Avatar: the Last Airbender, or any elements therein, including characters, environments, item titles, fireflakes, that freaky awesome serpent thing with the green scales that Zuko killed in the pilot, etc.

I only own Zhàn and Mushi.

Chapter One: Baby Hijinks – Part 1

Zhàn lay in his cozy divan, drinking in the afternoon sun as it fell in through the window and graced his skin with its renewing warmth. The soldier was taking a brief rest after sparring with Ty Lee. It was a long and exhausting bout of exercise, and he fought valiantly without his bending (Ty made him promise not to firebend at her), but alas the lack of fire shooting from his fists proved to be the ultimate handicap, and his efforts was simply a belaboring of the finger-jabbing, chi-blocking inevitable.

After such exercises, he enjoyed to rest in the open sun; the heat from that giant star would rejuvenate his energy and help him refresh. On the exotic cay of Ember Island, he could've easily accomplished this at the beach; nobody outside of the Gaang would see him, and the sand was always nice and comfy. However, his bed in the Fire Lord's summer home was much more comfy.

I wonder if I can buy this house once the war's over…

Snuggled comfortably under the covers, he was almost asleep when he was interrupted by a cheerful voice.

"Wake up sleepyhead!"

Zhàn groaned and looked up to see Ty Lee standing in the doorway. Despite his annoyance at having his sleep disrupted, he still smiled. What was it about this girl that made her shine like a beacon of flame whenever he saw her? Taking another look at his friend, he noticed that she was wearing a new ensemble.

Replacing her circus garbs was a casual-looking dress. It was a two-piece, like her former wear, with a top and a skirt. The skirt was muddy brown in color; it reached down to her ankles and was pinched into an elegant ruffled slit up the front. A pointed crimson loincloth covered anything that might've been exposed, and the skirt was tied off by a thin, equally crimson sash. Her top matched the skirt in color and was accented by the crimson bows that also served to keep it tied together at the front.

"Well this is new. Where'd you get that outfit?" Zhàn asked.

"It's not really that new, I've worn this before," Ty clarified.

"Really?" Zhàn asked. "When?"

"About two months ago, back during the Summer Solstice."

"Aww, yeah. You mentioned that being the last time you came to Ember Island, right? When you, Mai and the royal siblings burned down that jerk's house?"

Ty nodded. Zhàn smirked.

"Have I ever said that y'all are nuts?"

"Don't judge us," Mai chastised dryly as she drifted past the door.

Zhàn stared briefly before continuing. "…Well, needless to say, it looks very nice on you," he complemented, to which Ty Lee smiled gratefully. "So, whaddaya need, hun?"

"I was wondering if you could go with me to buy a hair clip?"

Zhàn pondered this briefly as he sat up in the bed. "…You're gonna make me go regardless, aren't you?"

"Yup!" the acrobat chirped.

"Fine," Zhàn sighed. "But you're paying. I spent waaay too much on my outfit, and I'm low on gold coins."

Ty Lee's face scrunched in confusion. "But, I thought you said the other day that you'd spent four hours convincing the shop owner to lower the cost."

"Yeah, but I didn't say he actually did drop the price."

"Well whose idea was it to buy something so pricey, anyway?"

"Sokka," Zhàn confessed immediately and sincerely. "He said he could tell you were into pricey, elite-y stuff."

Ty Lee made no efforts to constrain her laughter. "You actually listened to Sokka? The same guy who kept pissing off Suki during the play?"

"I didn't have a choice; I made him a bet that if Katara could beat Toph in a bending match, he had to follow all of my dating advice."

"You should know by now not to bet against Toph," Ty Lee reminded with a smirk. "The girl can even beat me and you know that's no easy feat."

Zhàn rubbed the side of his head. "Yeah, I'm still sore from that roundhouse kick. I still say that was cheating; using a martial art that I didn't know anything about."

"It's not my fault you don't know Tessenjutsu, and it's not cheating that Suki's training me in that, either," Ty scoffed.

"But if Tessenjutsu deals with using an opponent's force against them, then what was the roundhouse kick about?"

"To knock you down, of course. You're always reminding me to be prepared for the swift and unexpected, and since you were blocking my Kyusho Jutsu moves, I had to try something you wouldn't expect."

Zhàn rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Ms. Ninja."

"Nope, that's me," Mai droned as she passed by the door again.

Zhàn glared in annoyance after Ms. Gloomy, then turned back to Ty.

"Okay Ty, give me about ten minutes to get redressed and fix up my hair, and we'll go."

"Yay!" With her friend now hooked, Ty spun around on a heel and skipped out the room and down the hall.

Zhàn smiled at this, until realization hit him. He was accompanying a girl to a shopping errand. An ominous shiver crept up his spine, accompanied with a short wave of nausea. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm gonna hate this?"

"Thank you, Mr. Mushi!" Ty yelled to the shopkeeper from the store entrance. "I love this sapphire necklace!"

"My pleasure, little lady!" the elderly man cried back. He then chuckled as a second person slowly shuffled past him. "Careful, sonny. Don't wanna drop the lady's wardrobe, do we?"

"No…Sir," a muffled voice strained from behind the wall of apparel.

Outside along the small plaza at the center of the Island's shopping district, Ty Lee cartwheeled over to the fountain. Passing over the thin layer of water jets, she basked in the coolness of the drenching rain as she launched herself into the air, flipped and landed in the fountain's center, providing relief in the squelching heat of the midday sun. Stepping out from under the curtain of water and back into the glaring sunlight, she saw something that made her laugh hysterically.

A distance behind, a giant heap of clothing stalked after her, shivering in exhaustion. "Ty? 'an ei fhese 'it doww?" Before she could even try to respond, the heap capsized, burying Zhàn alive.

The girl waltzed over to the apparel mount, still laughing, and sifted through them until a face appeared.

"I swear…to Agni…I am never shopping…with you…again!" Zhàn gasped with sweat covering his face.

Ty Lee's laughter finally downgraded to a light giggle. "You okay?

"Heck no, I'm not okay!" Zhàn proclaimed scathingly. "How in the world did a simple errand to get a hair clip, turn into this?"

"Hey, if I'm gonna be incognito on Ember Island, I may as well look good while doing it," Ty Lee defended.

"But we haven't even gotten your stupid clip yet!"

"Then we'll keep looking!" Ty's voice spiked in determination. "Hair clips can make or break a look! And I didn't feel pretty enough without one last time. Besides…" Her cheer was back with a smirk. "These are all on sale. The only thing better than finding something you were looking for is finding something you weren't looking for when it's on sale!"

Zhàn could find 100 things wrong with her reasoning, but instead sighed in yield. He knew there was no convincing Ty Lee to give any of this back (not that the lack of a return policy by the clothing merchants would've helped…). "Whatever. Can you just take half the stack so I don't break my back on the way hom-…do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Zhàn dug himself out of the clothing mound and stared down the street.

"Zhàn, what is it?" Ty asked, concerned by his sudden entranced stare.

Not answering her question, the soldier jumped out of the pile of clothes and bolted down the cobblestone street. Ty Lee stared down the street and started to follow when she remembered. "Zhàn, wait! What about my clothes?"

As Zhàn sprinted down the largely vacant shopping plaza, the sound of crying grew louder in his ears. Before long, his eyes locked onto a small wicker basket set upon the doorstep of a small flower boutique. The sound of distress appeared to be coming from it.

"Aww, please don't tell me…"

Stopping at the basket he knelt down. There was something inside the basket, swaddled under what looked like two or three layers of auburn-colored covers. Zhàn motioned a hand peel off the layers of blanket, but then he froze. Normally, to have a baby was considered a great blessing; for someone to abandon a baby in the Fire Nation usually meant that the infant was in some sort of grave condition. A flood of possible reasons and justifications for its abandonment overwhelmed his mind- some plausible, some grim, none truly comforting. Fighting past his fear, the soldier shut his eyes and pulled back the covers…

Squinting open his eyes, his heart burst with relief. Defying all of his worries and gruesome predictions, he saw the most adorable, innocent and healthy looking baby he'd ever seen in his life. He was very small, with large, glowing amber eyes. A small patch of black hair sat upon the crown of his head. The little guy was spellbinding as Zhàn stared helplessly at the small bundle of joy and hope that lay screaming in the basket.

But then his heart ached again with sadness. "I don't understand it…why would someone abandon a perfectly healthy baby like this…?"

Picking up the small toddler, he tried to quiet him down by rocking him and stroking his head, but to no avail."

"Zhàn! Zhàn, where are you?" Ty Lee called, sounding both concerned and slightly angered.

"Over here, Ty!" the boy shouted back up the street, knowing better than to hide from a master chi-blocking juggernaut of an acrobat. As he saw her approach he got ready for the earful he was sure to get for leaving her with all those clothes on the ground.

"Zhàn, don't you know how rude it is to leave a lady alone with-" Ty stopped and beamed upon seeing the little one in his arms. "Hey, I didn't know you had a baby brother."

"I don't," Zhàn replied in haste. "Do you know how to make him clam up?"

"Well for one, you don't ask babies to 'clam up," Ty Lee teased while placing something from her shoulder onto the ground beside her. "Hand him to me, I'll take care of him."

Zhàn did as he was told and gave the tike to Ty Lee. She did the exact same thing that Zhàn had done, but in her arms, the infant almost immediately settled. One moment later, he was quietly cooing, his eyes drooping with weariness. The older boy stared in bewilderment.

"Okay…is it a girl thing that you were able to do that just now, or do you just have magic baby-calming powers?"

"No, the little guy was probably feeling uncomfortable 'cause of your aura. Your red was clashing with his dark blue; it was making him even more upset than he already was."

"Does everything with you find its way to involving auras?" Zhàn asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Ty responded with a smile, undaunted by Zhàn's cynicism. "You'd be surprised how often auras and chi tie into everyday life." She then glanced down to the basket that still lay on the entryway of the boutique. "So, you found him in the basket?"

"Uh huh. What I'm scratching my head about is why he's in this basket. He's perfectly healthy – why would anyone just abandon him like this?"

Zhàn was calm while voicing his concerns, but Ty Lee could tell that it struck a nerve with him. "To be honest, I don't know… Hey, I've got an idea!"

Zhàn perked a brow in interest.

"What if we take him back to the summer house with us?"

The soldier stared dubiously at his friend. "I don't know if that's feasible. I mean, it's already hard to feed nine people, and we're nearly down to rations. Sokka might die of malnutrition if we add in another member to our little family. Besides, won't it be hard to raise a kid while we're prepping for the Comet?"

"Silly, I'm not talking about keeping him, just taking care of him until we find either his mom or someone else to care for him." Zhàn still stared with uncertainty. "Oh, come on, Zhàn! You know we can't just leave him out here!"

He let the thought sit on his mind for a brief time, but went ahead and yielded to Ty Lee's command. "Fine, we'll care for him."

Ty beamed in joy. "Yay! Thank you Zhàn, tha-!"

"But we can't let anyone else find out about him. Last thing we need is everyone spazzing out because there's a baby in our camp."

"Aww, Pee-shaw!" Ty dismissed with a wave of her hand, slinging the now sleeping infant against her shoulder. "What's the worst that can happen?"

Zhàn could think of ten things right off the bat, but neglected to voice them; he didn't want to dim her spirits. Then as his eyes drifted down, he spotted a sizable wicker tote, the item she'd placed down earlier. "What's up with the bag?"

Ty followed his eyes till they landed on the same bag. "Oh, Mushi was generous enough to give me one of his carrying bags for free."

Looking back at the bag, Zhan saw a small mound of color bursting from the top. "And of course, your clothes are in here," he commented, hoping she'd actually returned some of those 'on sale' items.

"Yup, every single piece."

Zhàn stared at the bag, then at Ty Lee, and then at the bag again. "You expect me to believe that that mountain of clothes I was lugging across the plaza earlier – you expect me to believe all that is in that bag?"

"Yup," Ty Lee repeated. "Unlike you, I folded my things. Hey, do you mind carrying that for me?"

"What?"

"Thanks!"

With that, Ty Lee bounced along the cobblestone pathway leading out of the plaza. As he knelt down and struggled just to pick up the same bag that she seemed to effortlessly tout on her shoulder, one thought came to mind.

We still never got that stupid hairclip.

Welp, that's all for now, folks. I hope you enjoyed the spasmatics of my brain (I know spasmatic isn't a word, mr. vocabulary/grammar nazi hitler!) Regardless, please hit the little button below that's hovering in the center of the page and say something. Anything. I really don't care what.