The store looked like it had been abandoned years ago. Yang could barely see through the shop window because apparently no one had cleaned it for at least a decade, only silhouettes of vases and chandeliers pressing against the dirty glass. "What the hell do you want in there?" she asked.
"Well, you see a rundown pile of trash," Coco said, taking her sunglasses off. "I see a goldmine. That store owner probably has no idea how to sell the few good things that are definitely hiding in there, and no one who is looking for what I'm looking for would ever set a foot in there. Which means that I'm going to be the first to discover some real vintage treasures."
Yang sighed. The shopping trip had tired her out already, she hadn't had lunch yet and the store looked like it was going to change her body's mind about dust allergies. "Do we really have to go in there?"
"Do you want to wait outside?"
"No, it will probably start to rain any minute. But please make it a quick one."
"I promise it will be worth it. Maybe I'll find a birthday present for you."
The store looked even worse inside. It was dark and cramped, shelves full of old stuff that had no particular order. The dust told her that most items hadn't been moved in years. Behind the counter sat an old man with grey hair, staring at them for a second before he continued to read his newspaper.
"Look at this," Coco said, pointing at one of the shelves. Someone had spread necklaces on it, but it looked like the remains of a bargain table after Black Friday, as if many hands had moved the necklaces around, entangled them with each other and left them for someone else to clean up the mess. "I'm sure there's a real treasure in here."
"Rather looks like –" She stopped when one of the necklaces caught her eye. It was a small golden pendant with a yellow stone in the middle, attached to a thin golden chain. Suddenly she had forgotten what she had wanted to say. Something about it seemed so familiar it hurt, like something she had always known but just forgotten about for a while.
"Like what?" Coco asked.
Yang stretched out her hand as if someone might take the necklace away from her forever if she didn't touch it immediately. Her heart was pounding fast and she almost thought she wouldn't make it, but then her fingers –
"No, stop it." She laughs and I can't stop looking at her. The way her hair falls spreads on the bed like black silk, the pale skin of her bare legs, the way my sweater is way too big on her. I want to capture that moment forever because sometimes I'm scared it might slip through my fingers and be gone before I got a chance to truly realise how much I love her.
"Wanna see?" I ask and sit down on the bed next to her. She takes the camera out of my hand and clicks through the pictures.
"I look horrible," she says.
"You mean gorgeous and beautiful." I try not to pull her hair when I lean over her and brace myself on my hands on the bed next to her head.
She blushes and puts the camera down before she looks at me. "I didn't even brush my hair yet."
"Unbelievably beautiful," I say and lean in closer. Her body pressing close against mine fills me with a warmth I can't imagine living without anymore, her fingers are soft against my cheek and when I kiss her it feels like the warmth turns into an all-consuming fire deep inside of me that threatens to burn every bit of me, but I'm alright with that.
"Amber, good choice."
Yang looked up. For a moment it was hard to remember where she was and a rest of the warmth still lingered in her, even after she found herself back in the store. It felt like for a second she had forgotten about everything. "What?"
"The necklace." Coco carefully detangled the necklace from the others, Yang hadn't even realised she had pulled her hand back. "It's pretty. I told you you'd find a treasure in here. Do you want to buy it?"
She nodded before she could even think about what had just happened. Looking at the necklace felt almost painful for a reason she couldn't quite grasp, but she also knew that she just couldn't leave it behind. She was scared to touch it when let Coco give it back to her, but nothing happened except the metal being cold against her skin.
She laid the necklace on the counter in front of the shopkeeper and was already fumbling for her purse with shaking hands before he had even put down his newspaper. "A hundred and twenty dollars," the man said.
She opened her purse and pulled out two ten dollar notes. "I don't have –"
"Oh, you're not going to just pay that," Coco said behind her. "A hundred and twenty dollars? Are you kidding me? This isn't even real gold, and if it was it wouldn't be worth more than fifty dollars."
"A hundred and twenty dollars or leave without it," the man said.
"Do you accept credit cards?" Yang asked.
"Oh, come on. No way anyone is gonna buy it for that price in this store. How long has it been here yet? The necklace lying around here won't pay your rent, but fifty dollars today will."
"Cash only." The man picked up his newspaper again. "Seventy dollars."
"I don't have that much cash," Yang said, trying to remember how much money she had left on her bank account for this month. "Can I run and get some money real quick and you don't sell it to anyone before I come back?"
"I'm gonna close soon."
"Don't worry," Coco said, throwing a few dollar notes on the counter next to hers. "I told you I still need a birthday present for you."
"That's too much, I can't –"
"Then it's for your birthday and Christmas."
It took the shopkeeper awfully long to count the dollar bills, sort them into his register and put the necklace into a tiny pouch. Coco took the black velvet before Yang could. "Come on, let's go get lunch," she said before she gave the pouch to Yang with a playful bow. "Happy birthday and merry Christmas."
They got their usual seats by the window. Yang stared at the card for ages even though she knew it by heart already, feeling the warmth from before slowly fade away. What had even happened? It had seemed so real to her, for a moment she had completely forgotten about Coco, the store, everything around her, even herself, and now she couldn't help but to miss a woman that probably didn't even exist.
"Yang, what on earth is wrong with you?"
She looked up. Coco had leaned back in the old armchair she preferred over Yang's because she always said it was more comfortable, running her hand through her short hair. "Nothing, just… I don't know, I…" She didn't know what to say, but Coco would probably just think she was completely crazy. "Headache."
"Do you want to go home?"
"No, it's fine. I just need to eat and drink something and I'll be fine. I'll take the usual, grilled cheese sandwich and iced tea." She closed the menu. "Coco… thanks for the necklace. Really. I love it."
Coco smiled at her. "I'm glad you do. Amber works great with your eyes."
She felt like she was caught in an hour long déjà vu.
Yang's roommate for the new semester was an awkward athlete who was too nice to be true. She had apologised for being absent most of the time due to her training schedule and Yang was convinced Pyrrha was the jackpot of all the roommates she could have ended up with.
The pouch with the necklace was lying on her bedside table between a bag of lemon drops, tissues, the science fiction novel she was currently reading and an unholy amount of hair ties. It felt like as long as she didn't understand what had happened she also didn't know whether to be scared or not.
She still hesitated to look at the necklace again. It had been lying there for two days now, untouched and ignored, while Yang tried to concentrate on her college assignments and not google the symptoms of brain tumours. It was easy when Pyrrha was around, but right now it felt impossible not to stare at the pouch, still waiting to be opened again.
Eventually she sat up and reached for the pouch. She opened it and let the necklace drop on her bed next to her without touching it. It still felt painfully familiar, like an itch deep inside of her that she couldn't quite place. Maybe she had seen a similar necklace before. Maybe her mother had owned one like that and she had seen it during her childhood. She stretched out her hand but hesitated. Nothing had happened the second time she had touched it in the store though. Maybe it was just the stress.
Maybe she was just going crazy. She took a deep breath and reached for the necklace.
"But it won't be a big wedding, promised?" She looks up from the broccoli she is chopping. "I don't need to invite everyone I've ever shared a room with."
"Don't worry. Only people we like and are close with. But those are going to have a hell of a good time." I stretch out on the sofa. Watching her wakes the urge in me to cross the distance between us and hug her, touch her and kiss every inch of her body, but I don't want to distract her right now. We have all the time in the world after all.
"I didn't expect this to be so much work. Rather like a birthday party, just a bit bigger, you know? But then we suddenly need to think about decoration and dresses and… isn't this a bit much for just one day? But what if everyone is disappointed?"
I sit up. The urge to hug her becomes almost unbearable. "I don't care what everyone else thinks. This is our day. If you want to get married in jeans and that ugly Christmas sweater I bought you last year then go for it."
Her lips curl into one of those soft smiles that always drive me crazy, when she smiles even though she doesn't want to. "This is the first time you've ever admitted the sweater is ugly."
"Well, Christmas sweaters being ugly is kinda the point, isn't it?"
She laughs and I can't help it but to get up, to cross the distance between our small living room and the kitchen area. "Don't distract me," she says before I can reach her. "I won't get dinner ready today if you do."
I still reach out for her, wrapping my arms around her from behind, burying my face in her hair. "I love you," I whisper, feeling her laugh vibrate against my chest.
She didn't know how long she had been staring at the necklace in front of her, how long she was back and not standing in the kitchen anymore, if she had ever really been there. No, of course she hadn't. It felt like she was only slowly crawling back into her body, and with her all her memories. Her fingers were still resting on the cold metal of the necklace. She pulled them away and touched it again, but nothing happened.
Was it possible to dream without being asleep? Was it possible to be in love with someone who didn't even exist? Because when she thought about the dark haired woman it was hard not to feel that warmth filling her chest again.
Her phone buzzed. It took a moment before she could bring herself to move and open the message. Library date in an hour? Really gotta finish that essay xxx, Coco wrote and Yang's hands were shaking when she hastily replied before Coco could come up with something better to do. She was probably going completely insane right now, and she at least didn't want to do it all on her own.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," Coco said as they walked up the stairs to the library. "Are you sure you didn't catch a cold? I should have brought you some tea instead of coffee."
"It's fine. I was tired anyway." She clung to her cup, trying to shake off the unsettling feeling that something fundamental had changed. "So we're doing a night shift today?"
"Well, I will. And I will also send you back to bed at some point because you really don't look too well today."
"I could really use a productive night because I'm so done with finishing my assignments last minute." She could also use the distraction, though she knew that she would probably spend most of her time in the library googling schizophrenia.
It was one of those old libraries that always made her feel like she didn't belong here because there was no way she could ever soak up that much knowledge. They sat down at one of the long tables in the middle. When she looked up she could see the milky windows in the ceiling. Sometimes it made her feel like she had fallen down a hole, sometimes it made her feel like she was in the middle of a busy bee stock when she sat here and watched people walk around the different floors above them, or lean against the balustrade and look down at the people studying down here.
She didn't even understand why her eyes were so drawn to her at first. She could only see dark hair falling down the back of someone wearing a black cardigan, standing right next to the balustrade on the second floor. There was nothing sticking out about her but then again there was, she just couldn't put her finger on it. Then she turned around.
Yang froze. It felt like her blood was rushing both ice cold and boiling hot through her veins. There was no doubt that it was her. The woman she had hugged in the kitchen and kissed in their bed, the one she had never seen before and who had suddenly appeared on her mind since she had touched the necklace.
"Yang?" Coco whispered when she got up, but even if Yang had had the time, she wouldn't have had any words to explain why she had to get up and sprint through the hall towards the staircase.
She almost ran over a man with a stack of books. A librarian hissed something when she ran past her all the way to the second floor. Her heart was pounding fast and her lungs were aching when she ran to where she had seen her.
She wasn't there.
"No", she whispered. She couldn't be gone. What if she had made it all up? What if she hadn't really seen anyone and was actually going crazy?
She ran through the aisles, but the woman was nowhere to be seen. When she reached the balustrade again she was out of breath, her heart pounding both from running and fear. She immediately saw her, down on the first floor, heading to the door. She could barely see her face when she walked through the door, but there was no doubt it was her. Deep in her heart there was no doubt.
The librarian grabbed her by her arm when she was about to run back downstairs. "Young girl, you can't run around like that in here."
"It's a matter of life and death," Yang said, trying to free herself from the librarian's grasp. "Please, I need to –"
"Everyone says that. Behave yourself or I will throw you out."
"I will, I promise." She had to force herself to slow down when the librarian finally let her go.
When Yang finally stepped outside she was gone. Yang looked around, the cool autumn air making her shiver, and she felt like screaming or crying or just breaking down.
"Yang, what the hell?"
She let herself sink down on the stairs, burying her face in her hands, trying to catch her breath.
"Really, Yang. What the hell is wrong?" Coco sat down next to her, resting her hand on her shoulder. "You just ran away without an explanation and… what happened?"
Yang took a deep breath. It was probably a stupid idea to talk about it, but if she couldn't trust Coco, who could she trust? And right now she didn't feel like she could even trust herself anymore. "You won't believe me", she said.