Title: One stage man
AN: This is a little dark and probably OC so warnings for a lot of angst and some dark!Chuck.
Timeline: Post season 5.
Summary: Hope is still there, but the bitter taste of a familiar situation keeps it blurry, makes me doubt. Doubt myself and everything that made me up to this moment and yet I never doubt what we had. Never doubt that we were above it all, that it was us against the world.
-ll-
Dim lights around me, music low, life flows.
Under all that I stand, in the center of it all, taking it in. How does it feel to be in a right place at the right time? Of course, it is not me who is, no it is a happy couple just across from me. Lost in each other, in their love. Me, I'm not touched by it all. As people like to say, I'm just going through the motions.
What possessed me to come to this place, where we had our first date? Fake date, doesn't matter, it's all the same now that she is gone. Morgan's idea didn't work and life took its turn to take her away from me.
She wanted familiar, but her concept of that and mine are two completely different things. Mine, a relaxing day with the woman I love, catering to her every need. Hers, a spy life. So it happened as I expected it (not hoped) and she was gone.
-ll-
Hope is still there, but the bitter taste of a familiar situation keeps it blurry, makes me doubt. Doubt myself and everything that made me up to this moment and yet I never doubt what we had. Never doubt that we were above it all, that it was us against the world.
The drink that keeps me occupied is heavy and a friend. To think it would end like this - I would've never guessed. I would've tried harder.
The grip on the glass makes it tremble with force, like the force of the world against us. It just kept tightening around us, one obstacle after another... until.
Sharp pain shots trough my hand as the glass shatters in my hand. Yes, until we shattered.
A trail of blood follows and I finally sigh, feeling something other than the unbearable numbness that has haunted me since that day. God, the relief that there is something else makes me smile as I watch enticed by its dark color.
And yet, there's nothing else. She may come back someday, yes. She may come. No matter how many times I repeat it, it doesn't bring comfort, nor hope.
Because at the end of it all by the time she comes I will disappear, get swallowed by my sorrow, the numbness and my friend will take me away. It will take and take until there's no more left.
The self-deprecating smile makes its way on my face. Then she will come. Radiant, full of self-assurance and self-awareness. Finally be ready to come back home. But when she comes I won't be here, the shell of a man is all that could great her in that moment.
So as my blood drips slowly on the table, like a clock running out, the silence getting more overwhelming by the second, the anguish and loneliness streak trough. There's nothing but silence, blood rushing through my veins, heart beating faster and faster.
Here in our place, the energy of people around me doesn't touch me. I'm ticking away... and away, yet the hope still comes with a thought.
Please, come back home Sarah. Please, or soon there'll be nothing left.
-II-
AN: Depressing, I know. But this was my way of dealing with the finale of season 5 so yeah… I was thinking how Chuck was acting after breaking up with Jill so losing Sarah would have been a million times worse…