A/N: So, does anyone else remember Mewtwo's "Who's That Pokémon?" segment way back in Season 3 or 4-I don't recall which, but it was very early on in Johto and I think I last watched it a decade ago-that was literally just Dan Green saying "Mewtwo" in the most bored, deadpan tone imaginable? Because I do, and it still cracks me up, and that's possibly the thinnest basis for a fanfic ever, but hey. Enjoy!
"I do appreciate you helping me out with this, Mewtwo," said Oak, switching off the scanner. "Of course, I was able to get quite a lot of data from Ash's Pokédex, but there's less possibility of error in person."
Of course, Professor, Mewtwo said politely, circling behind Oak to look over his shoulder at the scanner's display. You'll understand that I've never exactly been a fan of scientists, but I am more than happy to assist anyone who wishes to further the understanding between humans and Pokémon. Though I admit I wasn't expecting you to ask my help with your catalogue project.
"Oh, nonsense," Oak said good-naturedly, sending the data over to his computer and crossing the lab to his desk, settling into the chair with a soft sound of relief. "You're not any less a Pokémon due to your origins. It's only natural I'd want to add an entry on you to the Pokédex…though I think I'll make it a strictly unlockable entry in standard Trainers' Dexes. Dexi?" He frowned for a moment, looking up at the ceiling, before shaking his head. "Dexes."
Yes…that would probably be for the best, Mewtwo agreed. I've noticed people, humans and Pokémon alike, tend to have a bit of a thing about genetic engineering.
Oak sighed as he worked at the keyboard. "Given how fluid the genetic structures of most Pokémon are, I can't say I blame them. I'm afraid most experiments in that field end quite tragically. We simply don't yet have a sufficient understanding of Pokémon genetics for the benefits to outweigh the risks. Hm…I think a note advising Trainers not to try to capture you wouldn't be out of order, wouldn't you say?"
I would appreciate that.
"Done. Now, let's see…" Oak peered at the computer screen, clicking through the different tabs of Mewtwo's soon-to-be Pokédex entry. "Measurements, battle statistics, typing, known moves, area –non-applicable, footprint, several images—"
I don't recognise that one, Mewtwo said suddenly, pointing at the screen with a paw.
"Hm? Oh, I suppose you wouldn't," Oak said with a laugh. "Some time ago I commissioned a young photographer to capture as many Kanto Pokémon on film as he could find—most of the other Pokédex images are his work, he's quite talented. Anyway, he found a blocked river-access route to Cerulean Cave and apparently caught this image quite by accident. He didn't even know what he'd found!"
Mewtwo looked faintly embarrassed. I didn't notice a human passing through Cerulean Cave…
"Oh, don't blame yourself. Todd's gotten much stealthier over the course of his career. He prefers candid shots, you see."
I'm psychic, was Mewtwo's rather plaintive response. Oak hid a smile.
"I suppose we all have our off days."
So how did you explain…that to him? Mewtwo gestured vaguely at the dark, blurry image on the screen. Only a faint blue aura in the air—psychic power at work—made the Genetic Pokémon's shape discernible from the shadows around him.
"Er…" Oak rubbed the back of his neck. "To be perfectly honest, I didn't. As a matter of fact, I'm afraid I lied to the boy outright. Told him there wasn't a Pokémon in the frame and suggested his camera was malfunctioning. I believe I also chastised him for submitting the photo to me at all."
You aren't very good at lying, are you?
"Ah. So I did overdo it, then." Oak looked slightly crestfallen.
Just a little, Mewtwo said, deadpan.
"I felt very bad about it, you know. And he worked so hard to make up for it—do you know, he got pictures of all three Legendary Birds and Mew? It was really quite impressive work. So I thought it was only fair to try and make it up to him by including that shot, even if it isn't the most useful. Besides," and here he gave a rather impish little smile, "how many people can say they were able to take a candid photograph of the world's most powerful Pokémon, hm?"
Mewtwo still looked somewhat disgruntled, but Oak thought he perceived a quiet mental 'sound' not unlike a chuckle. Fair enough…I suppose.
"Now then, where was I…? Images, right. Then there's the brief description and the no-catch advisory, Formes, gender differences—both non-applicable—and…ah. I'm afraid there's one last thing I need from you, Mewtwo," Oak said brightly, smiling serenely up at the Genetic Pokémon in a way Mewtwo just knew was trouble, no psychic powers needed.
Oh? he asked, a hint of trepidation slipping into his telepathic 'voice'.
"Oh, it's nothing strenuous, I assure you. It's just that every Pokédex entry includes a recording of the Pokémon's cry, and I don't seem to have yours on file."
Mewtwo stared at him blankly.
"And I would like to fix that," Oak elaborated, looking up at him expectantly.
But I don't have a cry. A cry is the sound a Pokémon makes when speaking. I communicate exclusively through telepathy, Mewtwo pointed out.
"Do you think you could make an exception?" Oak asked.
No, Mewtwo said sullenly.
"Just this once?" the professor wheedled.
Do you see my neck? Mewtwo demanded. It's so small I needed a separate appendage to house my spinal cord! What passes for my larynx can barely produce noise, let alone speech! I'm lucky I can breathe!
Oak's eyebrows rose, lips parting a little in surprise. "I'm very sorry, Mewtwo. I thought your use of telepathy was a preference, not a necessity. It was rude of me to assume."
Mewtwo calmed, not meeting the professor's eyes. I must apologise as well. It seems I have yet to entirely master my temper.
Pokémon and Professor were quite for a moment, though the latter appeared to be considering something.
"You're telekinetic as well as telepathic, yes?"
You are correct.
"So, hypothetically," Oak said slowly, "you could shift the air in such a way as to create sound waves and generate audible speech?"
Mewtwo's shoulder's slumped. You're not letting this go, are you?
"I'm a stickler for completeness," Oak replied, placid, and handed Mewtwo a microphone out of one of the top drawers. The Genetic Pokémon took it gingerly, eyeing it with no small amount of scepticism and dismay.
Audibility aside, he said hesitantly, I still don't have a cry. What am I supposed to say, 'hello'?
"If you'll recall, most Pokémon speak using the syllables of their own names. That's what most of the cries on record are," Oak reminded him pleasantly.
You must be joking.
Oak just kept looking at him with that friendly-yet-eerie smile.
Oh Arceus.
"I wouldn't have taken you for the religious type."
I suppose we've both learned something new about me today… Mewtwo closed his eyes and let out a very audible sigh. Then, in a tone so utterly serious it was almost surly, a perfectly enunciated: "Mewtwo." Now am I done? Please tell me I'm done.
Oak couldn't suppress a quiet laugh as he took the microphone back. "Yes, you're done. Thank you very much."
You're welcome. I think. Mewtwo shook his head wonderingly.
Oak stood up and stretched. "Well, with that settled, would you care to join me for tea? Tracey is visiting relatives in Johto at the moment, but I believe Delia was planning on coming by. We'd be thrilled to have your company."
Mewtwo's eyes widened slightly. …If you wouldn't mind having me, then…yes, I believe I would enjoy that. If nothing else, he added after a moment, meeting Mrs. Ketchum should be an…experience.
"Oh, she and Ash are cut from the same cloth," Oak said with a smile, leading the way out of the lab. "You'll like her. Now tell me, is there a type of tea you'd prefer…?"
A/N: The Todd Snap anecdote is based on a true story: one of the most vivid memories of my childhood is 'helping' my big brother play Pokémon Snap. He'd occasionally hit the shutter button on accident, so there'd usually be a few photos that were just empty shots. Except one of them had a glowing outline of Mewtwo perfectly framed in the center of the shot. We very maturely freaked the f*ck out and tried to present the photo to Oak...who wouldn't accept it. The subsequent freak-out was less mature, and primarily involved my brother hammering the A button repeatedly and demanding to know "Why can't I show it to Oakeeeeey~?!" So Now You Know.