Footprints

I still don't know why they let me hangout with them. I mean they're each cool and unique and I just don't fit in. I try though, sometimes I think I am one of them, when they laugh at something I've said or when James slaps me on the back and exclaims, "Now that's actually not a bad idea!" but am I really one of his mates or just a "tag along"? I don't know anymore.

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Everything started on my very first train ride to Hogwarts. I don't remember ever being more nervous than I had been on that day, looking for somewhere to sit. I slid open a random door hoping the room would be empty but then I saw that it was not, a boy sat with his legs stretched across the whole seat. He must be saving it for somebody, I thought. I nearly turned to go when I heard my mother's voice in my mind, "Everything will be all right if you be nice and try to make friends." Easier said than done.

"Um, can I sit here?" I finally blurted out, looking at the boy's shoes. They moved, and the boy was sitting normally with his feet on the floor, "Sure, no problem." He said. I smiled and immediately began struggling with my bag as I attempted to force the bag to go in the overhead compartment.

"Do you need help there?"

"No, no I can manage." I answered hastily.

"You sure?"

"Yes." I panted as the bag at last slid in and I was able to sit down across from him.

"So what's your name?" I finally asked as casually as I could, usually I didn't initiate conversations.

"Potter." He cocked one eyebrow and crossed his arms, "James Potter."

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Peter Pettigrew," I stammered holding out my hand. He took it and shook firmly then sighed,

"You haven't seen any Bond films have you?"

"No, I haven't."

"Then, well, never mind." He murmured and then he pulled out a magazine from the bag at his feet, a Quidditch magazine where wizards were flying around on broomsticks on the cover, I gasped. He noticed and grinned. "I got this today isn't it great!"

I nodded in agreement and he quickly came to sit by me so we could both share the magazine. He pointed out the top players and told me information about different teams; I couldn't believe how much he already knew!

Suddenly the door burst open and a person with long dark hair threw himself in, "Hide me!" He begged, with his back to us while he closed the door and crouched down. We watched quietly as the sound of feet went rushing by and he let out a breath.
"Those witches were trying to kill me." The boy explained standing up and brushing hair out of his eyes. I'd never seen a boy with such long hair before but somehow it suited him.

"Mind if I join you all, my compartment . . . is no longer safe." He sat in the opposite seat, neither of us had said anything and he just sat. James smiled.

"Don't worry, we don't bite, do we Peter?"

"No." I answered.

"I'm Sirius." I noted the lack of a last name but James didn't seem to mind.

"James." He responded and they both looked at me.

"Peter."

"So, are you all here because you want to be or did mommy send you?" Sirius drawled.

"What kind of a question is that?" James asked.

"My kind of question." He retorted.

"Of course I want to be here, I've been wanting to go to Hogwarts since forever!"

"Me too." I supplied, I wasn't actually too thrilled with the idea of boarding school but I wanted to try sounding positive.

"I don't, but then again getting away from my parents is always a good thing." Sirius mused.

"Do you have room for one more?" The door had opened again revealing a boy with light brown hair and dark brown eyes a bit like hot chocolate fudge, my stomach growled loudly.

Sirius glanced up, "Yeah, make yourself at home." He said good-naturedly.

The last boy seemed kind of shy, like me, I was relieved and I stupidly waved at him. Surprisingly he waved back . . . maybe making new friends wouldn't be so hard after all I happily concluded looking around at everyone.

The train took off and James began talking again with boyish wonder and glee, which soon rubbed off on Sirius and Remus, and even me.

####

At that time it seemed like the beginning of something great and it was . . . to an extent. However slowly things began to change. There's only so many fat jokes one can take before you start wanting to curse something or Sirius, mainly Sirius. Everyday he would come up with a new name for me. Tubby, Chubby Cheeks, Troll Face, Pudge Ball, Butterbelly, Fatty Ratty and so many others. I laughed because it was expected of me, but it really wasn't funny at all.

James pulled me aside; he was the only one who could tell when I was upset or moody.

"Sirius doesn't mean anything by it, you know." He began, wrapping an arm over my shoulder and leading me toward our next class.

"I know." I said softly looking down at the floor, I could not see my toes over my own stomach and I frowned.

"He just has a funny way of showing affection, he really does care about you, about all of us marauders." He continued as if I never interrupted.

"All right. All right." I sighed, shaking off his arm and presenting him with a weak smile. I would try not to get angry with Sirius. Even if I was a little mad at him and James too for that matter. Of course James would side with him, he loved Sirius almost as much as Sirius loved Remus!

Yes, it's true, Sirius and Remus began dating in third year and to be frank it kind of grossed me out at first. Two guys holding hands and giving each other looks, and stuff- nearly made me lose my lunch. After awhile I got used to it and it didn't bother me. I think what frightened me the most when I found out about them was what would it do to our friendship? It could change everything, we were all like family, like brothers, and then I happened to see them kissing and it felt like an explosion had gone off, as if a million cauldrons had just exploded and deadly green goo was spreading everywhere and we were all going to die. I ran to find James. He already knew. Of course I was the last one to know, as always.

####

I hate my life. It's my second to last year at Hogwarts School, and I wish it were my last. How am I supposed to feel when I just realized that I have no friends and that I never did? Here I am writing in my journal in the freaking infirmary since I spent the entirety of last night and this morning puking my guts out. Yesterday afternoon, well before dinner, I went to the infirmary because I was feeling a little under the weather, only as soon as I got there I had to ask to use the loo or else I would have vomited all over the floor. I made it to a toilet just in time. Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, came in to check on me from time to time and even she grew concerned at the number of times I had to spew. After a while she asked if I would like to owl my parents then later she told me that if I did not stop in a few more hours that she would take me to St. Mungo's Hospital. I didn't want to go. I didn't want my mum to know either; she worries enough as it is. That's why when Madam Pomfrey came in to check on me again, I was standing on my feet near the toilet. She smiled at me and seemed to think I was doing well enough. As soon as she left I sank to my knees, gripping the sides of the toilet and waited for another wave of sickness.

I woke up in a bed, I don't know how I managed to walk from the bathroom to a bed, but I made it. My mouth tasted awful and I was covered in sweat, but at least I didn't feel like throwing up anymore. I smiled and looked around the empty room, at my book bag slumped on the neighboring bed, at the sunlight coming through the windows, and how no one, not even the nurse was around. Not one person had come to visit me. Not Remus, not Sirius, not James. They knew exactly where I was! If Sirius were in the infirmary Remus and James would have sneaked in under the invisibility cloak, I no longer could fit under it with them. If James were in the infirmary we wouldn't even bother with the cloak we would all be too busy breaking down the doors or flying in through the windows. And Remus has been in the infirmary enough times to know that we would all get in to see him somehow. But with me, no one cared.

####

It's my last year at Hogwarts and I am quite pleased with myself. I've made more friends so I no longer rely as heavily on James. Which is a good thing too since he has found his "soulmate" in Lily Evans and has less and less time for us. I hate Lily, I really do. I don't know what he sees in her. She's stuck up and rude especially when he asks her out and she just turns him down as if he were worse than bubotuber pus. She's conceited and bossy and I don't care how beautiful James thinks she is or how kind Remus thinks she is or how fun Sirius thinks she is, she will never be one of us. I wish she would drop dead and give us all some peace.

####

Remember when I said I've made some new friends? One is Severus Snape (of all people) who has actually been extremely helpful with meeting even more people . . . but I'm starting to get scared. Everyone's been whispering about someone and dark things and Severus showed me his tattoo . . . will I have to get one too? What else will I have to do?

####

James Potter is dead. I didn't mean for it to happen! I even asked the Dark Lord about his plans and he told me he was only after the child of prophecy, no one else mattered. I was so grateful and relieved. I didn't care about the baby one way or another and I didn't care about Lily. . . all that much. . . but James. This wasn't supposed to happen. Poor, brave, James. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. The marauders are finished.

AN: I wrote this because there are so many stories where Peter is neglected or not mentioned at all. . . in one of my own stories too! lol I just wanted to try to see things through his eyes. Also the views and opinions of this Peter do not match my own I love Lily and the rest~