Watching Over You

[Author's Note: contains some spoilers from Mari-mite ep. 11 up to Mari-mite Haru ep. 4]

I watched her back retreating away from me, as she broke from a trot into a full-fledged run, heading for the Rose Mansion and her beloved onee-sama, who also happens to be my cherished imouto. That is the bond between the eldest Red Rose and the youngest – this concern we both hold for Sachiko. I smiled as I observed Yumi hasten to the mansion that has practically been my second home in the years I have been at Lillian. Where I have blossomed from a bud into Rosa Chinensis, and where I have shared some rather interesting times with even more interesting people.

In particular, one who has fascinated me for almost about as long as I have known her.

There is something so endearing in one whose vulnerability is so well hidden such that it becomes known only to those who know the person well. Eriko has a weakness for the unusual; I am drawn to those who are not exactly what they seem on the surface. Perhaps that is why I selected Sachiko as my petite soeur. I knew as soon as I met her that underneath that seemingly perfect lady is a person who was inwardly struggling with meeting all the expectations that had been heaped upon her while putting up a polite, impassive front. Upon getting to know her better, I found a way to get her to speak her mind – being spoken to bluntly, it seems, has its merits for one such as her. And her meeting Yumi was something I could not have planned better had I tried to. Yumi gave Sachiko someone to care for, and through her Sachiko saw her face reflected in admiration in the eyes of one who cares for her deeply. There is still a slight awkwardness surrounding their relationship, a fumbling nervousness that both try to disguise but often not too well, but I have no doubt they will overcome it as they learn to grow together.

Indeed, awkwardness is something I have had to overcome in my relationship with someone else as well.

There was always an air of inquietude about Sei, an undercurrent of restiveness even when she smiled. Back then, before we became Roses, Sei had not been unfriendly, but she had not been the type to explicitly reach out to others, either. She was rather popular among the students, partly because she was Rosa Gigantea en bouton, partly because she had exuded an air of disinterest, which made her seem somewhat mysterious. I liked that about her, and though I yearned to be closer to her, to learn more about the person who seemed so self-assured and lost at the same time, from watching her interact with her onee-sama, I discerned that the easiest way to lose Sei was to dictate to her or try to lecture her. She was also such a rebel in that sense.

I saw less of her as she became absorbed with Shiori, something that stabbed my heart but I nonetheless refused to outwardly show any signs of, least of all to Sei. There was something about Shiori that made Sei almost fanatically protective, and I have heard the rumors spoken about the campus in hushed tones, about Sei's unusually close attachment to a student one year her junior who was not even her petite soeur. I understood at some level why Sei refused to make her her soeur – theirs was a love that went beyond the bounds of sisterhood; a love I coveted, but somehow knew Sei would not reciprocate. Not while she had Shiori. Perhaps not ever.

And so partly in my desire to protect Sei though she did not desire that protection, and partly to assuage my own curiosity about the girl who had captured Sei's heart, I made certain inquiries about her from the petite soeurs. Sachiko and Rei proved to be helpful in this aspect, since they knew Shiori a little better, being on the same year level. Through them, I learned more about Shiori – how there was a sense of inward calmness about her, a resigned air that spoke of a person who had accepted her fate. Not entirely comfortably perhaps, but someone who had decided what path in life she was to lead. It was precisely for this reason, I knew, that Sei was attracted to her. Shiori was the anchor that provided steadfast support for Sei's turbulent soul; yet it broke my heart to learn that Shiori would eventually become a nun, and that their interlude was to be nothing but a temporary refuge in Sei's life.

As I knew she would be, Sei became irritable when I tried to tell her about Shiori's desire to devote herself to God. Yet I knew I had to at least try to warn her. Some part of me desperately wanted them to part, to give myself the chance to fill the void she would leave in Sei's life. Yet a stronger part of me wanted them to stay together, if that was what would make my friend happy. But she at least deserved to know the truth.

"Time for another sermon?" Sei's tone revealed her irritability. I could tell she wanted nothing better than to leave and see Shiori.

"I don't think you should become too deeply involved with her," I replied, dreading the inevitable conclusion to this conversation.

"Why are you telling me this?" Sei demanded, half-puzzled and half-outraged.

"Because I don't want to see you get hurt," I stated imploringly. A note of bitterness crept into my voice as well. "What would you do if she went away?"

"Shiori...is...going away?" Sei said in confusion, her eyes widening. I detected a quiver of fear in her tone as well.

"You didn't know?" I sighed, but steeled myself to go on. "After Shiori-san graduates, she's going to enter a convent. She's...going to become a nun."

"That's a lie," Sei began to back away, unbelieving. Yet perhaps some part of her heard the echoes of truth in my words. Which terrified her of the possibility all the more. I could only shake my head and watch as she began to ran away. I wanted to run after her, to stop her, to hold her. But those were things I could not do. Sei had to discover the truth herself, from the one person she has come to love the most.

I stood up and began to walk away, only to find Rosa Gigantea waiting for me not too far away from where Sei and I had our conversation. I wondered how much she heard, but something about her resigned hair prompted me to think she probably know more about this affair than I did. She waited until I came abreast with her before putting her arms around me with a sigh. There was something so like Sei in her onee-sama, the same undercurrent of restiveness, but something that seems to have been tempered with what only age and maturity can bring. I wondered then if she had experienced something like what was Sei was going through. And how much she knew of what I felt about Sei.

"I hope you'll forgive my wayward imouto," she began, her tone calm but resigned. "She is somewhat stubborn, as you very well know, but she has a good heart, and her only fault perhaps is to have found the wrong person to give it to."

"Rosa Gigantea," I said softly, "what will happen to Sei? She is stubborn, as you say, but from here on, I do not know how she will react. She feels...rather deeply for Shiori-san."

"That she does," the then-Rosa Gigantea replied, nodding knowingly, "and it may be good for her to learn that loving someone is like holding the rose she is to become – great beauty may come at the price of great pain. In this, I think, there is no way to avoid being wounded by the thorns."

"What...can I do?" I wondered aloud, then cast my eyes downward. I felt I had revealed too much of myself to this wise woman as it was.

"Leave it to me," she said, and I could detect the humor in her voice. "I am good at dealing with her, Youko, and not just because I am rather fond of her pretty face." She chuckled as we began to walk to the gate. "I have some idea of what she might have planned...we'll see how this plays out. I have a feeling that I may need your help when the conclusion plays out."

"Do you think Sei will bother coming to the Christmas party?" I asked. It seemed such a trivial concern, yet her attendance would mean her continued solidarity with the Yamayurikai. I desperately desired to maintain some sort of relationship with Sei – at least keep our friendship intact at this point.

"Invite her, Youko," Rosa Gigantea said, smiling. "Who knows – the festivities may be what she needs to get over Shiori. Still, there may be more to come before all this is over. We'll see."

In the events that unfolded, I wondered whether Sei's onee-sama had some sort of prophetic vision, or if as she said she simply knew how to deal with Sei a lot better than she actually let on. I got a call from her on Christmas Eve to meet her at the train station after the party. As an afterthought, I brought some of Rei-chan's cookies with me. Somehow, it seemed fitting that if we found Sei, she should share something of the Yamayurakai even if she had not been present at the party, as I already somewhat expected.

I found Rosa Gigantea standing at the entrance of the station we had agreed to meet at, her face thoughtful and somewhat melancholy. When she saw me, she gave a thin smile and looked down the stairs. My heart began to beat a little faster. I know we would find Sei at this station, and hazarded a guess as to why she would be here. She was probably going to meet Shiori. Were we in time to stop them from going away? Could we stop them if they proved so determined at all?

"Rosa Gigantea..." I began, but she placed a finger over her lips to motion me to silence. Questions whirled about my head, but I decided to trust this woman. And hope that Sei was not yet beyond our reach.

"I met Shiori at the station earlier, and well..." she said quietly, her voice trailing off in a soft sigh. Then she met my eyes, and understanding passed between us. "Let me speak to her first, Youko, then come down and meet us. Sei needs the reassurance of your friendship more than anything now."

I nodded and watched her descend the steps into the station. Where I could detect a dejected-looking girl dressed in a brown long coat sitting on a chair with her head buried in her hands, her face obscured by her long light brown hair. I yearned to rush down those steps and hold her, but restrained myself. Rosa Gigantea would know how to deal with and comfort her imouto. And she had said that Sei would need my friendship when she was most ready to accept it.

I heard snatches of their conversation, and through it got a gist of what had transpired that night. Sei had been planning to run away with Shiori, which was an audacious plan, though hardly surprising, given how intense and decisive Sei could be when she put her mind to it. What was surprising was that Shiori-san chose not to come with Sei at the last minute and instead would move away where Sei could not find her. She had given Rosa Gigantea a letter to give to Sei, explaining why she had chosen to leave. I felt a pang of regret, for I knew Sei would be hurt by this, even if in the end, this outcome may turn out to be the only plausible conclusion for their star-crossed affair.

I descended the stairs to find Sei in the arms of her onee-sama, her slate-black eyes glistening with unshed tears that yet threatened to stain her cheeks. I saw in those same eyes a look of astonishment, almost, and something akin to gratitude as well. I chuckled to myself, marveling at how Sei could not believe that so many people would be so concerned for her welfare. Then again, she had kept herself distant, a reluctant member of the Yamayurikai, but on this night, I was grateful that we could offer her a bit of support. It was unsatisfactory salve for her pain, I knew, but it was all the solace we could hope to offer her this moment.

"Sorry for making you worry," she mumbled softly.

"You really do," I affirmed, and took out the cookies from my pocket. "It's one of Rei-chan's cookies." I extended one to Sei, who took a bite out of it. I suppose she hadn't eaten at all during the time she eagerly awaited Shiori's arrival.

"It's warm," she replied, and the tears that she had been holding back fell freely down her cheek. In that, I think, my plaintive friend found some sort of release.

We walked out of the station with Rosa Gigantea holding us both with her arms about our shoulders, like a mother caring for two children. Our presence and some cookies – surely they are poor substitutes for Shiori-san. Yet Sei was finally back among us once again, and on the eve of her birthday, no less. I believe that Sei had grown more on that day than one who did not have to go through such heartbreak could hope to grow in a year. On the onset of midnight, we were all changed people to some degree, having gone through this cycle of love and loss, Sei most of all.

I strode to the third floor classrooms, a nostalgic part of me wanting to walk through the deserted halls one last time. To my surprise, I saw Sei exit her homeroom, one hand against her cheek, looking slightly dazed and pensive. She gave a slight start when she saw me approaching, but gave me an openhearted grin. I smiled back, eyes twinkling in amusement. That was another change that had come upon her in the past year, after realizing that she indeed had friends to rely on, finally having an imouto to care for, and seemingly absorbing the effervescent atmosphere that Yumi-chan's presence had contributed to the Yamayurikai.

"You certainly looked pleased with yourself," I remarked, cocking my head to one side, my lips curving into a slight smirk.

"Anytime I can get a kiss from a pretty girl is reason to celebrate, ne?" Sei replied, chuckling. "Especially if that girl is Yumi-can."

"Ara, you actually got her to do that?"I began to chuckle with her. "You do have quite an effect on her, Sei. I tried to hug her today, you know, but she didn't quite scream like a little dinosaur like you told me she does when you try the same thing."

"Why, Youko, I didn't know you had it in you," she said in mock surprise. Then her face took on a slightly serious cast. "I must have matured somewhere along the way, but I'm glad we're leaving the Yamayurikai in capable hands. Rei, Sachiko and Shimako should do a good job as the new Roses. Yumi-chan and Yoshino-chan will also help them out a lot."

I nodded in agreement, and we proceeded to walk down the empty hallway in companionable silence. I glanced at the classrooms once in a while, which had once been teeming with people but were now simply vacant, a shell of the lively learning venues they had been in our last year here. Perhaps I was getting wiser as I grew older, I mused, and have matured somewhere along the way as well. Even the thought of not seeing Sei often again could not dampen the excitement I felt about the possibility of moving on and exploring what university life might bring. A new love, conceivably, to fill the void that will be left by my friend's departure, would certainly be welcome. But there was one thing still left unsaid, and it hung in the air between us. Sei had revealed an unusually perceptive side over the past year, and I had the feeling she was reluctant to bring the matter up as well.

There is something to be said about throwing caution to the wind, and at this time I seized the moment I knew would come once again no more.

I turned toward her, and in a split-second, Sei was facing me as well. I grasped her face with both hands, tiptoed slightly and planted a kiss on her lips. Then I let go of her even as I searched her eyes for any reaction. Those splendid gray eyes were now dark and pensive, revealing nothing. I turned away as if nothing has happened, and continued to walk along the corridor. I heard Sei fall a few steps behind me, her shoes lightly tapping on the floor. I dared not look at her, for if I did, I knew my face would burn in shame, and I would have to elucidate on certain feelings to my friend that I have tried to repress all this time.

Then suddenly she was behind me, and held me in the embrace I had often seen her give Yumi-chan. I felt my breath catch, and quicken slightly, as she rested her cheek against my head, nuzzling against me ever so slightly. There was passion in that embrace, as well as a sense of regret, of leave-taking. Yet it was more than I had hoped for, more affection than I had ever come to expect from one of my dearest friends, and the one I had desperately wanted all along.

"And here I was expecting you to squeal like a dinosaur as well," Sei whispered in my ear, sending a thrill down my spine. "A pity."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm boring, not like Yumi-chan," I replied, "or even Shimako-chan for that matter."

"I'm glad you're not them," Sei stated, tightening her embrace until I felt I would melt at our closeness. It has been such a long time since I'd felt this nearness between us, not since I held her at her onee-sama's house the night Shiori had left her. "And you're not boring. I do love you, Youko."

"Sei..." I began, but she turned me around until I was staring into her eyes once again. This time I could read them openly. There was longing there, and understanding, and sadness. I think she saw the same in my eyes as well.

"You have been my friend even when I thought I had none, even when I seemed to reject you," Sei continued, "but more than that, you have given me reason to believe that I could be complete without Shiori, simply because you had such conviction in me, even when I had none myself.

"That night, after Shiori left, I promised myself I'd get a fresh start. I'd start trying to understand other people better, try to reciprocate the affection that you and onee-sama held for me. I never knew how you really felt about me. I suspected, somehow, but you were my friend, and the last thing I wanted was to lose you as well.

"And now, it seems that I must lose you...for a while. I know you'll do well in law school, Youko. And I...now I must justify the faith you and onee-sama have in me. The belief in myself that being in the Yamarurikai gave me, especially Yumi-chan. I have to show that I can stand on my own, and grow and learn more about life.

"Then someday...if you still feel the way you do for me, we can run away together. And I hope all I get isn't a farewell letter this time."

"Then this is a goodbye present?" I mused, searching her face.

"Hai, for now," she nodded, smiling then let go of me.

As if nothing had happened, we began walking together again, past the empty classrooms, past the Rose Mansion, to the statue of Maria-sama. We lingered there for a while, beneath the impassive gaze that we had grown used to all these years. There was something solid and reassuring about knowing that she will remain standing at this same spot still, watching the travails and sorrows of students who wander Lillian's halls, while also partaking in the triumphs as well. I did not regret my years in Lillian. I did not regret coming to love Sei. I did not even regret that our lives somehow took us down this road. There remained a faint hope that we will be walking down the same path together sometime in the future.

"Do you think Maria-sama did watch over us all these years, Youko?" Sei wondered aloud, staring at the statue as if truly seeing it for the first time. As if now only discovering the depth of Maria-sama's heart – the sapphire sparkle that had guided many a Lillian student over the years.

"Perhaps," I replied, smiling, "but I will be watching over you any way I can, Sei, just as I always have."

There, I finally got done with a "what-if" fic about Youko and Sei, two of my favorite characters in Mari-mite. I couldn't help but notice that they look so cute together that I also couldn't help rooting for them to somehow end up together. There is also something about the way they interact in the anime -- a somewhat ambiguous closeness that lent itself to further examination. ;)

Standard fanfic disclaimers apply. I am also much indebted to the fansubs of Anime-Source, Lililicious and Ayu from which part of the dialogue in this fic has been derived from. I tried to fill in the gaps of what led up to Sei's break-up with Shiori and what had occurred after. As always, comments and feedback much appreciated. Arigato! :)