I seriously need to stop this. This was supposed to be a dark fic, but it kinda went crazy after the ninth paragraph. Sorry about that...but, it was kinda funny. One of my better fics.
Le Warning: Sexual Innuendos (The crazy part), how I think 2P!Italy should act, and Germany and Italy switching personalities
"You must be kidding..." Luciano grit his teeth together.
Of course, out of all of the countries for his 1P to choose, it was that stupid potato! Poor Luciano had to witness Feliciano glomp Ludwig out of pure happiness. And they kissed. THEY F*CKING KISSED. Luciano was angry, annoyed, and overall, quite jealous.
The dark Italian swiftly picked up a knife and aimed at a picture. With precision, he threw it at the photo. Now littered with holes, the framed photo of Germany fell to the ground in a heap, along with multiple knives and bullets.
With a quiet cackle, Luciano lifted one of the knives and attached it to his belt.
It was time to pay his first player's boyfriend a visit.
Feliciano giggled joyfully. "Ve~, Luddy, is it alright if we go to park later? I want to go watch the sunset with you." He said with mirth while carefully picking up a basket. The basket was laden with various foods, which included: pasta, wurst, pizza, wurst, a bottle of wine, and more wurst.
Groaning playfully, Ludwig pat Italy's head. "Ja, we can go. Prussia is being chased by Hungary today, so our afternoon is-gah!" The German yelped when Italy hugged him tightly.
"Yay! I better check which park we should go to...I don't want to run into him again."
Confused, Germany stared after his now slightly serious lover.
Luciano studied the couple as they walked down the walkway.
Italy was chattering about Romano and Seborga, retelling stories from their childhood. Meanwhile, Germany was trying his best to pay attention, but let's say a story may get old if it's told more than fifty times.
Italy tightly held on to Germany's hand while he dragged him over to a clearing guarded by trees.
It was now around sunset, the sky was the color of pink lemonade, and the clouds were cubes of ice. Germany peered up at the sky, before looking back at Italy. "It might rain, we should wait for another day." He stated.
Italy frowned and opened his amber eyes. He also looked up at the sky, then sighed and closed his eyes.
"Well, do you think we could stay here for a moment? I want to ask you something important." Feliciano asked, now impatient.
Germany readily agreed, so they both sat down and leaned back against the course grass. Ludwig grumbled about not getting dirt on his uniform, to which Italy giggled.
Luciano facepalmed. Was he seriously about to ruin this fluff? Yeah, the German potato was annoying and weird, but his first player must think he's alright. Especially if they're dating! But...Luciano wanted Feliciano.
Luciano almost tore out his dark auburn hair in frustration. So, he pulled out his list and ran over the plan.
One: Kill Germany.
Two: Strip Italy.
Three: Have fun.
The Second Player nodded. It seemed to be a good plan. But, what if he missed the shot that would kill the macho potato? With another hair-tearing moment, Luciano pulled out another list.
One: Throw bomb at Germany.
Two: Strip Italy.
Three: Have fun.
Four: Buy a new scarf. :3 Then give fratello lots of hugs! Cause he's the best big brother ever!
Wait, a new scarf? Hug Flavio? Best brother? Luciano nearly yelled out in anger, but remembered who he was stalking. He stuffed both of the lists back into his jacket pocket, and turned back to the sugar-filled scene. It almost made the Italian want to barf rainbows.
But that was a bad choice. Right in front of Luciano was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen.
One, Italy had a bazooka.
Two, Germany was cowering behind Italy.
Luciano tried to mask his surprise by flipping Feliciano off. "Ciao b*stards. Anything sexy happen yet? Heard that your 1P Hungary ships it like how my Hungary hugs my Prussia." He nonchalantly added the last bit.
Feliciano growled out,"Why are you here?"
"Well," the sarcastic Italian began,"To put it simply, I was going to murder Mr. Potato Head over there, then have sexy times with your cute little butt, but this works as well, I suppose."
Germany was overly creeped out and annoyed. He and his boyfriend have been being stalked for who knows how long. And the stalker wanted to do the nasty with Italy! Also, what was with Italians calling him Potato-something? Did he smell like them? Tentatively, Germany sniffed his collar.
Luciano chuckled. "Looks like your Potato-machine has insecurities. Hey, if you want to check for the smell of potatoes, smell your crotch!"
Germany began to lean down, before Italy stopped him.
"Doitsu, please sit down...and don't smell your crotch." Italy commanded with annoyance.
Okay, so Luciano was freaking out. Italy and Germany had changed personalities.
"How did in the f*ck does that work?!" Luciano screamed. He was about to cross the line between 'Do not kill counterpart' and 'Do kill counterpart'.
Feliciano reverted back into his old personality. "Ve~! Big brother France told me! So, first you kiss her hand, then up her arm and neck-"
"No no no, not that. I know how that works. But up the arm? Interesting tactic. I'll have to use that sometime."
"You should, I've used it many times on Doitsu!"
"Huh, maybe I should use it on Lutz."
"You should!"
"Hm...now I need to make another list."
Luciano was about to pull out another piece of paper, before a loud boom exploded next to him.
"What the crapola?! I thought we had a silent truce!"
Feliciano flipped his hair dramatically, hoping to instill fear into his Second Player's heart, but instead began to tear up.
"I'm sorry, did we have a truce? I really didn't mean too! Oh! Here's some apology pasta! Technically it's ziti with alfredo sauce- hey, did you know that America's name is Alfred, but in Italian it's Alfredo? Isn't that funny? Aw, the pasta got cold. I have some pizza left- that's cold too! Did you know that Romano likes pizza? He helped to invent it! I think...oh, you still want food. I might have some wurst. Luddy, do we have any wurst left? No! Stop trying to sniff your pants! Bad Doitsu!"
By that point, Luciano walked away. He knew, for a fact, that he would never get to attack Germany. Guess it was time to wash and iron out the Prussia cosplay.
Romano and Flavio watched the whole scene through the bushes.
"Man, that b*stard is really dumb."
"I don't think that's true~ Wait! I have an idea! Let's go back to my house and up to my bedroom, then-"
"Woah! Hold up you f*cking scarf b*stard! I'm not going anywhere near your room!"
"But I just got these fancy new loafers!"
"Hn...alright. But I'm only going because I need a new pair of shoes!"
Two days later, Luciano was found buried in a pile of expensive scarfs and pasta, along with a whole bucket of wurst.
Feliciano and Flavio were both suspects in the case. A reporter went up to them and asked if they did it. Of course, they both acted as sketchy as possible without admitting it.
Feliciano giggled, then clung onto a blushing Ludwig.
Flavio gave a flashing smile before clinging onto a facepalming James.