Medicated (1/1)
Rating: R mostly for language
Summary: takes place post season 3, Veronica's not happy, by any means, and she finds numerous ways to try and make herself feel better
Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Logan, (mentions of others)
Spoilers: entire series
Word Count: 1000
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars or anyone or any item mentioned in this fic.
A/N: Ok, so its been awhile since I've written anything LoVe related, although they are still my OTP. But this came to me and I couldn't help it. Its super angsty but as always, there's a happy ending.
You know you've hit rock bottom when even the self medicating doesn't work.
You've hit the point where there is just a constant air of dismay in your everyday life. Nothing holds thrill anymore, not even the things you used to find so pleasure full, not even the job that fulfilled you for years.
You wake up in the morning spending an hour just trying to get up and when you lay down at night your mind can't let go of your anguish long enough to calm your senses and fall asleep.
You spend your days in a haze, trying to fake it to friends, the ones you still have, and to the other random people you surround yourself with either intentionally or otherwise.
At first it helped.
The alcohol calmed the thoughts, the regret seemed to fade. It didn't hurt quite as much and you felt alive while it had a hold on you.
But then you began to crave it, need it and not just to kill the pain.
Without it the emptiness set in further. You lay awake in near tears trying to figure out where you went wrong. But then that's stupid and you know it because you know damn well where you went wrong and you're the only one to blame.
It's your fault after all. You're the one who left.
Sure, he hurt you….but you didn't even give him a chance.
You ran away, held him to unattainable standards like always even though you'd never expect anyone else to live up to that shit.
It's because you loved him more than anyone or anything and that scared the shit out of you. You couldn't handle it and that's where the problems began.
You stop the self medication cuz it just doesn't make sense to even try anymore. You stop smiling because really, why bother? You're not fooling anyone and that's painfully apparent by the sad looks you keep getting.
You feel alone, helpless and unloved, and you feel like you've lost the spark you know you once had, the one he'd always loved so much.
You've left the self medicating behind and are now doctor medicated Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil and all those other lovely pills are your new best friends.
You feel like you've been given a reprieve, you feel good.
But it doesn't last and soon you feel even worse than before. The levels of emptiness have surpassed anything you've ever experienced, it's like Lilly and Meg's deaths, your mother leaving, being raped, and even the death of that thorn in your side Sheriff, though you refuse to admit it, have all been combined and quadrupled. But then add a heaping pile of losing him multiplied by a thousand and you just know you've hit a cross roads.
You're gonna die like this if you don't find a cure.
It takes you a year of hell before you finally give in and seek the naturopathic method.
You show up at his door and before you even knock a feeling of calm overtakes you that you haven't felt in a long time.
You smile to yourself wondering what took you so long. He's been there the whole time, watching you, wanting you, praying to god that you'd heal, that you'd forgive him. You realize that what you've been going through might have even been worse for him since he couldn't hold you and cure you, and that's all he's ever wanted to do pretty much since that first kiss at the Camelot, you just kept taking that right away from him as punishment. He's respected your boundaries and has just observed you falling apart with sadness and longing in his eyes that now is the equivalent of a knife being slowly turned in your flesh.
You have no alcoholic or medicinal aids now, it's just you. You're clean and level headed but you're not whole yet.
You've forgiven him and hope to god he'll forgive you for putting him through what you have and making him sit front row center as you slowly and nearly killed yourself because of your guilt and stubbornness.
And as your hand makes contact with the door in front of you, you feel lighter and lighter. Every second that passes heals you even more.
When you hear his footsteps coming that healing multiplies tenfold.
When he opens the door he doesn't even hesitate.
The smile is there, the acceptance is there and most of all, the love is there.
You're in his arms before you can even let out a sigh of relief.
He tells you he loves you over and over and for the first time ever you finally tell him that you love him too, more actually. You don't need to look into his eyes to know how much those words mean to him, you can feel it throughout his whole body as he holds you close.
The past is finally the past now, there's no Duncan, no Madison, definitely no Piz or Parker. It's just Veronica and Logan.
The way it was meant to be.
Later as you lie cradled in his arms, your naked bodies entwined you let out a deep sigh. He's the only medication you ever really needed and you're pretty sure that he feels the same way about you.
It's these thoughts that have you turning in his arms, waking him instantly and losing yourselves in each other once again.
You laugh silently as the old saying runs through your mind…take two and call me in the morning. But as he slides into you for the second time that night the words change…take Logan and don't even think about leaving him in the morning.
It doesn't have quite the same ring to it, and it definitely isn't going to catch on, but it's the best prescription you've ever gotten and you'll be damned if you're gonna ignore the directions this time.
Thanks for reading! Review please!
And for those of you still waiting for more of "Home is Where the Heart is," my epically long AU LoVe fic, I'm still hoping to get back to it this summer.