Korra POV
All I do know is sit at the sidelines and look, Mako and Asami doing their daily boyfriend girlfriend thing, I used to have hope, try and get him to like me just that tiny bit but after that night I just... gave up.
flashback...
It has been a few weeks since i have recovered from the terrible Tarrlok incident, i was practicing my air bending drills when i heard yelling. I followed the sound until i stopped at Asami's door to her room which was currently closed
"Mako I know about the kiss, and i know you have feelings for Korra, why don't you just admit that?" Asami said close to tears
"No, half of that isn't even true Asami, first of all she kissed me and that was meant nothing to me!" Mako paused
'Wha-what that didn't mean anything to him' I though while feeling my heart braking more and more as the fight went on
"and I don't at all have feelings for korra, she will never be as beautiful as you!" Mako yelled
"but what about when she was missing, you went crazy about finding her" Asami asked
'yeh, he can't just think of me as a friend if he went overboard just to find me' I thought, still eavesdropping
"no, i just freaked out thats all, she my friend and I would do anything for a friend, i'm just over protective thats all" Mako explained more
I could feel the tears running down her cheeks and finding it hard to keep quiet.
"and I have no idea why you would ever think any of this stuff Asami, she means nothing to me" mako then let a breathe out, relieved he had talked out all of his anger
I had heard enough and ran silently to my room and started crying, I eventually fell asleep but all I had was nightmares.
flashback over
Those nightmares still haunt me, it's half about Amon and I have no one to help me or no where to hide or Mako hurting me, over and over some nights I just can't take it and I end up having long jagged lines on my arms. Yes that means I started cutting myself, I know I should be the one being the example to the world, as I am the Avatar but this feels like the only way I let my feelings just wash away is by cutting. No one knows, and honestly, I don't want anyone to know, I just have to deal with all this avatar and boy problems stuff by myself.
"KORRA, DINNER IS ON THE TABLE!" Pema yelled across the open field where I was practicing, I nodded and went straight inside.
everyone was talking, laughing and having fun, but I just sat there looking at my food. I didn't want to eat especially with Asami and Mako in front of me whispering and Asami giggling and hugging each other.
"Tenzin im going for a walk" I said and left, as I did I saw Mako give me a strange look but went back to talking to Asami. 'why would he care about me anymore' I thought and kept walking.
I needed to cut, I found a cliff side, sat down and took out my knive. I took my arm bands off and counted how many I did, I got up to 8 when...
"Korra?" 'oh crap no', I thought, 'it was Mako how the hell did me find me?'. "Korra why did you leave dinner, what are y-" he was cut off when he saw blood. "k-korra what are you doing?" Mako asked worried
"um, ahem nothing, i'm fine, just go back and eat with Asami and the others" i said with a shaky voice.
"no, seriously I see blood" Mako said a bit angrily
"it's non of your business Mako" I said through clenched teeth
"it is my business if someone I care about is hurting themselves!" He yelled
"NO IT'S NOT CONSIDERING YOU DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT ME NOW GET LOST!" I screamed and got up, walking away
"OF COURSE I CARE KORRA WHY WOULDN'T YOU THINK I CARE" Mako yelled back and grabbed her sholder spinning her back around.
I let out a breath "since i heard the fight you had with Asami, she means way more to you then I ever could, i'm the avatar and i need to get used to seeing couples while i sit on the sidelines alone, I have a duty to the world and that always comes first and I have no room for myself to feel love for one single person anymore, considering they dont feel the same back" Korra half whispered with tears already spilling
Mako just stood shocked, 'she heard the fight, b-but i didn't actually mean al-' his thoughts were cut short when Korra started talking again
"Asami is ten thousand times a girlfriend i could ever be and i can see thats why you chose her, and there actually wasn't really a choice either it was just her. I gave up straight after i heard that fight, and i guess you should be relieved, i won't be annoying you anymore and you can a quiet and happy life, and i am doing you a huge favor by keeping myself out of it as much as possible" Korra said chocking on the last word
"n-no Korra... I-I didn't mean" Mako was stopped again
"yeh you did mean it Mako, and i know this doesn't mean anything to you but im still in Love with you" Korra said and walked off.