This is one of the first fanfic's I wrote, so please be nice.
Also, English isn't my first language and I don't have a Beta. All mistakes are stupid and mine. This story is also posted on my AO3 account.
Disclaim: I don't own spn
Warning: past rape/non-con
If you would ask Castiel Novak where the inspiration for his books comes from. He'll probably laugh you off and tell you that the inspiration comes to him in his dreams. This is, of course, a lie. Dean Winchester, Castiel's husband knows this all too well. The "Winchester Gospels" are inspired by his cases. Castiel just gave it a more supernatural twist to make them more interesting.
In the books everything always ends well, but unfortunately this is not one of Castiel's books.
"Cas, I'm home!" FBI agent Dean Winchester yelled. He closed the door behind him.
"Cas?" He yelled again. He took off his coat and hung it on the coat rack. Dean walked into the kitchen and saw a yellow post-it.
'Out for inspiration. Pie in the oven.'
Dean looked in the oven and smiled. There was a pecan pie in the oven, it was still warm. Dean took it out of the oven and leaned against the kitchen counter. Dean laughed softly and grabbed a fork. Pocking around in the pie, until there was enough on his fork and put it in his mouth.
"Oh, yeah." Dean moaned, his mouth full of pie. The front door went open and was slammed shut again.
"Cas, baby. You make the best pie!" Dean yelled in the direction of the front door.
"I'm glad it pleases you, Dean." Castiel's rough voice sounded sad. Dean turned around, looking at his husband's sad face.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Dean asked.
"Nothing." Cas said and walked closer to Dean. "I'm just glad your home on time for once."
"Me too." Dean sighed. "You want pizza tonight?"
"Yeah, sure." Cas answered. "I'm gonna take a shower." And he went upstairs. Dean felt sadness. His job caused him to have almost no time for his family and friends. Cas couldn't put "Castiel Winchester" on his books, 'cause that could endanger them all.
Dean ordered pizza over the phone and listened to the sound of the shower upstairs. He loosened his tie and took of his jacket. Then the doorbell rang. Dean looked up. It was too soon to be the pizza.
Dean opened the door and in front of him stood his 6'4" moose of a brother.
"Hey!" Dean said. "Shouldn't you be home?"
Sam snorted. "Shouldn't you be having crazy 'I'm afraid' sex on the couch with Cas?"
Dean made room for Sam and made a hand gesture for him to come in.
"I haven't exactly told Cas yet." Dean told Sam.
"You haven't told Cas that a guy, who swore that he would get his revenge on you?" Sam sighed. Dean looked at his shoes.
"I don't want Cas involved in this."
"So what, Dean? You're just not gonna tell him?" Sam asked skeptical.
The sound of running water stopped. Dean guided Sam to the living room and sat down on the ugly brown sofa.
"I don't know, man." Dean answered. He put his head in his hands.
"Hello, Sam." Cas said, standing in the door opening of the living room. He was wearing pj's and his hair was wet.
"Will you be joining us for dinner? We're having pizza." Cas asked.
"Yeah, sure." Sam answered. "Let me just take off my coat." Sam stood up and walked to the hall, while Cas sat down next to Dean. He almost sat on Dean's lap and kissed him softly on the lips.
"What kind of pizza did you order?" Cas asked and kissed Dean's neck and moved on Dean's lap.
"Pepperoni and margarita." Dean answered and moaned.
"Cas, baby, Sam will be coming back soon." Dean moaned again. The doorbell rang.
"I've got it!" Sam yelled from the hall.
"Must be the pizza." Dean said and Cas stopped kissing Dean's neck and moved from Dean's lap.
"Great now I have a boner." Dean sighed.
"I know ways to remedy that." Cas said. On that exact moment Sam came in with the pizza.
"You shouldn't be paying for that, Sam" Cas said.
"Nah, I've got it." Sam said. "Besides, it looked like you two were very busy."
Cas blushed and Dean smirked.
"Shut up, bitch." Dean said.
"Jerk."
When Sam was finally gone, Cas started to kiss Dean again. Dean turned his head away.
"Dean, what's wrong?" Cas asked and backed away.
"Do you remember Alastair?" Dean asked. Cas frowned.
"Off course. He's hardly someone you could forget."
Dean sighed. "He escaped."
Cas looked shocked. "What?"
"Alastair escaped yesterday." Dean didn't look Cas in the eyes, but still Cas could see clearly that Dean was scared.
"It's going to be okay." Cas said and he put his hands on Dean's shoulders.
"Dean look at me." Dean looked up and looked Cas into the eyes.
"It's going to be all right." Cas said slowly. "He's not going to get you. Not again."
Dean hugged Cas tightly and hid his face in Cas' shoulder.
"That's not what I'm afraid for. What if he gets you or Sam?"
"He is not going to get us. He's not."
Later that night in bed, Cas had wrapped himself completely around Dean, causing Dean to be the little spoon. It had something protective and a bit possessive. Dean couldn't sleep. He was afraid. Afraid that the nightmares would return, afraid that Alastair would get Sam or Cas, afraid that he would hurt them. Dean felt Cas shift behind him.
"It's going to be all right." Dean whispered, "It's going to be okay."
"Good morning." Dean said to Cas the following morning.
"No." Cas moaned, turned around and hid his face in a pillow.
"Come on, Cas." Dean whined.
"No, I'm sleeping."
Dean sighed and stepped out of bed, into the shower. After five minutes Cas joined him.
"I thought you were sleeping?" Dean asked, turning around facing the smaller man.
"I was, but then some assbutt decided to wake me up." Cas yarned.
"That guy sounds like a douchebag." Dean said and he kissed Cas softly on the lips.
"He really is," Cas said and kissed back, "But he's my douchebag and I love him."
"The douchebag loves you too." And Dean kissed Cas with more passion.
"Come on, I've got to go to work." Dean said and he turned the shower off. They got dressed and walked downstairs. During breakfast the doorbell rang. Dean opened the door.
"Benny!" He laughed.
"Hey brother!" Benny laughed.
"What are you doing here?" Dean asked and slapped Benny on the back.
"Castiel!" Benny said, when he saw Castiel. "How is the book business?"
"It's fine, Benny." Cas said and he smiled softly.
"Really? Even after you decided to kill me off?" Ben asked.
"Even then."
"I would invite you in, man. But I gotta go to work." Dean said.
"That's why I'm here." Benny said sadly. Dean looked confused.
"As you know Alastair escaped, so Singer sent me over to protect your spouse. Y'know he thought Alastair might go after him."
"We thought exactly the same." Dean said. He looked at his watch.
"I've got to go." Dean said. He kissed Cas on the cheek. "Bye, angel."
"Goodbye, Dean. Do not forget your suitcase."
"I won't, bye."
"Bye, brother."
"Okay everybody, listen up." Chief Singer said. "As you all know Alastair Berdella escaped two days ago from a max security cell."
Bobby walked around the room and pasted a picture of Alastair on the board.
"Alastair Berdella convicted with murder, rape, assault, kidnapping, armed robbery, selling and possessing cocaine. He was sentenced to life in prison. These were just some of his victims."
Bobby putted some other pictures on the board, while naming them.
"Alfie Howel, died of asphyxiation after 72 hours of captivity. He was sexually assaulted.
"Annael Wallace, Wallace died of a combination of a lack of oxygen and injected drugs. She was also sexually assaulted."
Some agents shrugged.
"These are just two of his many victims. Do not underestimate this man."
Bobby sighed. "As you all know Alastair was not that happy when we caught him. That's why bodyguards are sent to your house to protect your family. Now get to work princesses!"
Sam looked at Dean with worry.
"You told Cas yet?" Sam asked when Bobby walked back to his office.
"Last night." Dean answered.
"And?"
"And what?"
"How did he react?"
"We didn't have crazy 'I'm so scared' sex, if that's what you are talking about. We just talked."
Sam huffed. "And he was okay with you going on the case?"
"He doesn't like it, but he understands."
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Sam asked.
"What, like my feelings?" Dean said disgusted.
"If that's what you want to talk about sure."
"You know what, why don't you get some herbal thee, we find some cowboy hippies,"
Sam stopped listening and started walking away, but Dean continued: "And we just talk it out!" he yelled to his brother.
"Good talk." He mumbled. Garth knocked on Dean's office door.
"What?" Dean asked.
"Bobby wants you to check traffic camera's around the prison area." he said.
"I'll do it in just a sec." Dean answered.
"So," Garth looked at his shoes, "how are you doing."
Dean snorted. He was getting really sick of all these people asking how he was doing. Off course he wasn't fucking okay! A guy, who ruined some good years of his life, was not only out of prison, but also after him and maybe even the people he loved and cared about.
"If one more person asks how I'm doing, I'm gonna start throwing punches."
"Okay then." Garth said softly and walked away.
They made slow progress on the case. Alastair was careful. There was only one thing they were sure about and that was that Alastair was still in the country.
"He's going to his revenge first. I'm sure of it." Bobby had said. When Dean was almost at the end of his shift his phone rang. It was his home number, so he assumed it was Cas.
"Hey, Cas. How are you doing? Benny's not annoying you too much I hope."
"Hello Dean." Cas' voice said from the other side of the line.
"I'm doing fine, thank you. Benny is not more annoying than normal."
"Shut up! I'm lovely company!" Dean heard Benny shout from the phone.
"How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, Cas. Alastair is hiding well, but we are going to get him. We caught him before."
"Are going to be home on time?"
Dean looked around. "Yes, I think so."
"Good, Benny made gumbo."
"Tell him I love him." Dean joked.
"I will. Be home soon."
"Be safe. Goodbye, Cas." Dean ended the phone call en went back to checking traffic camera's. Dean almost gave up, but then he saw something that vaguely looked like Alastair. Dean zoomed in and he knew for sure that it was Alastair.
"Chief Singer!" Dean yelled. "I found him! I found Alastair!"
Bobby looked at the footage.
"That's him!" Bobby yelled.
"Agent Sam Winchester and agent Hendrikson go out and investigate! Ask around if they saw him and if they know what way he's going."
Sam and Victor nodded. Sam may not like Victor, but he really wanted to catch Alastair so he didn't complain.
"Would should I do?" Dean asked Bobby.
"Nothing." Bobby answered. "Go home, go to Cas. He must hate it to be home alone with nothing to do and Benny on his tail.
Dean wanted to protest, but he changed his mind and started packing his suitcase. The drive home was too fucking long. Alastair was in the neighborhood and Dean knew for sure that Alastair was coming for him.
Dean opened the front door and listened for any sign that something was odd or not normal. But the voices of Cas and Benny eased his mind. Dean took of his coat and walked to the living room, where Benny and Cas were sitting on the couch and talking.
"Hey, angel." Dean greeted his husband and kissed him on the cheek. Benny stood up.
"Hey, brother." Benny greeted Dean and then started to walk to the hall.
"Where're you going?" Dean asked him. He didn't understand why Benny would first make food and then leave.
"Gotta go home. I've got someone waiting for me." Benny said and he was gone.
"Weird." Dean mumbled and sat down next to Cas.
"How was your day?" Dean asked.
"Fine, a bit boring, but fine." Cas answered.
"You wrote anything?" Cas shook his head.
"No, I've got a writer's block." Cas sighed. "How was your day?"
"We found Alastair." He said. Cas looked him in the eyes.
"What?" He whispered.
"Well, he didn't find find him, but we know in what direction he's going. So that's some good news."
"He's heading this way, isn't he?" Cas asked.
"I think so, yes." Dean answered softly.
"What are we going to do? Should we leave town?"
"No, it's for the best if we stay here."
"And wait for Alastair to get us?"
"If we leave now, there'll be more chance that he'll get us off guard."
Dean smiled. "And besides, we can't have sex in a motel room. We would break the bed!"
Cas laughed softly.
"That's better." Dean said and he kissed Cas on his temple. Cas leaned in and wiggled himself in Dean's arms.
"I love you." Cas said.
"I love you too."
Castiel sat in the study behind his laptop. He tried to write, but every time he had put something on paper it sounded stupid and he deleted it again.
He just didn't know how to continue. Cas groaned and massaged his temples.
"You okay, brother?" Benny asked.
"Yes," Cas answered shortly, "I just have a very big writer's block that just won't go away."
"Maybe you need to eat something." Benny said, "Come down stairs. I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."
"You know," Cas stood up, "You shouldn't be doing this."
Benny ignored Cas and went downstairs again. Cas followed soon after.
"Benny?" Cas didn't hear anything. He felt something was wrong. Cas walked slowly and very careful. He entered the kitchen. On the ground lay Benny, unconscious. Castiel sank down to one knee and checked Benny's pulse. Benny was still alive. 'I need to call Dean' Cas toughed quickly. He checked his pockets for his cell phone, which he, of course, left upstairs in his room. Cas grabbed a kitchen knife and he sneaked into the living room and grabbed the house phone.
"Pick up, Dean. Please pick up." Castiel whispered.
"Heya, Cas." Dean said trough the phone.
"Dean," Cas whispered, "I think Alastair is here."
"What?"
"Benny is lying unconscious in the kitchen."
"Don't worry we're coming."
"Dean, please-"
Suddenly there was a hand over Castiel's mouth and he dropped the phone. With his other hand Castiel tried to stab the hand over his mouth. Cas started to feel tired and sleepy. The knife hit the hand. The man yelled, but he didn't remove his hand.
"You little bitch!" The man spat, "You're going to pay for that later!"
And then everything went black.
"Cas! Cas!" Dean yelled into the phone. Then Dean heard a scream and a voice, a voice that sent the chills down his spine.
"You little bitch! You're going to pay for that later!" Someone picked the phone.
"Hello Dean." A horrible voice said.
"Alastair." Dean spat.
"Yes, it is I." Alastair said and Dean could almost hear Alastair's cruel smile. "Nice little bitch you have at home." Alastair said.
"If you hurt him I swear I will kill you."
Sam came into his office, worry on his face.
"Me hurting him?" Alastair said innocently, "Your boy toy just hurt me, but don't worry about that I'll be happy to repay him later."
"What's going on?" Sam asked. Dean ignored him.
"What do you want, Alastair?" Dean asked angry.
"Alastair?" Sam said and he immediately walked to Bobby's office.
"I want you to come to me. Join me again!"
"Never!" Dean said.
"Fine. I don't want to do this the hard way, but I guess I have to."
There was a long silence and then Dean's cell phone went off. Dean looked on it. An anonymous number had texted him a picture. It was a picture of Castiel tied to chair and gagged.
"Every halve hour I will cut of one of your dear husbands fingers, unless you come to me." Alastair said, "And you will come alone. Otherwise I will kill sweet little Castiel."
The connection was cut off. Dean immediately grabbed his coat.
"Where're you going?" Bobby asked.
"Alastair has Cas." Dean said angry.
"So you're just going to storm in and give Alastair what he wants?"
"If I don't come alone he'll kill him." Tears welt up in Dean's eyes.
"We need a plan." Sam said.
"We don't have time for that!" Dean yelled. "Alastair could be torturing Cas as we speak!"
"Which exactly why we need a plan!" Sam yelled back, "Listen, Alastair wants you and we don't know for sure if he's gonna let Cas go after he's got you. "
"Sam's got a point." Bobby agreed, "Hell, if I were Alastair I would torture that boy right in front of you, just to break you."
"That isn't helping." Dean said.
"I'll call a SWAT team." Bobby said, "They will arrest Alastair."
"A SWAT team can take 30 minutes to be on spot." Dean said, "Alastair could have killed Cas by then."
Dean walked away again.
"I'll keep him busy." He yelled over his shoulder, "Make sure The SWAT Team gets there."
The drive home was nerve-racking and Dean may or may not have broken a couple speed limits, but if that meant he could save Cas, so fucking be it. Dean stumbled through the door.
"Cas!" He yelled. There in the living room, tied to a chair and gagged, was Castiel. Dean ran to Cas and kneeled to untie him.
"It's gonna be okay, Cas. I promise." Dean untied the gag.
"Dean," Cas said, "Alastair, he's still here."
"I need to get you first."
"No," Cas said and shook his head, "Leave, Dean. Before he gets you."
"Yes, Dean leave." A mocking voice said. Dean stiffened and then turned around slowly. Alastair still looked the same as before, only now he was a bit thinner and he had a towel wrapped around his right hand. In that same hand he held a gun.
"Move." Alastair said and motioned with his gun to the couch, "Sit."
Dean sat down, his eyes didn't leave Castiel. Alastair tied the gag back up.
"So, Dean. Are you going to join me? Oh, and don't try anything with that little gun of yours?"
Dean groaned and laid his gun on the table. "You'll have to kill me first." Dean said.
Alastair looked hurt and put a hand on his chest. "Dean-y boy, you're hurting my feelings."
Alastair walked towards Cas, whose face was like stone. The only thing that give his fear away were his eyes.
"Maybe I have to convince you first." Alastair had brought his own tools.
"With which one should we start?" Alastair asked Dean. Dean tensed and started to get up.
"Ah ah ah." Alastair laughed and put the gun against Cas' head. "You move one finger and I will blow the bitch's brains out."
Alastair grabbed a small knife from the coffee table.
"I wonder," Alastair said and put the knife against Cas' cheek, "Does he know all the things you have done just to get me?"
"Yes." Dean said shortly.
"Really?" Alastair made a small cut across Cas' cheek. Cas groaned trough his gag.
"But do you know all the things he has done?" Alastair asked. Dean looked confused.
"Don't you ever wonder, why you've never met Castiel's family?"
Dean had never thought about that. He knew that Cas didn't like to talk about his family. The only thing Dean really knew was that Cas had a lot of brothers, which made Cas always feel a bit left out. Cas shook his again. Now his face showed fear.
"Do you know about Cassie's little screwed up family? With his fuck up of a dad and his psycho brother?" Alastair laughed.
"What are you talking about?" Dean asked.
Cas tried to say something trough the gag.
"Mommy left after Cassie was born and Dad often enjoyed a drink after that. The big brothers always fought." Alastair laughed again and made another cut.
"There was one brother that paid attention to Cassie. Big brother Gabriel, the trickster, but even he got tired of taken care of Castiel and he bailed."
Tears started to form in Castiel's eyes.
"The oldest, Lucifer, saw this as an opportunity. With Gabriel gone and father dear drunk all the time, there was no one to protect Castiel from what was about to happen."
Cas tried to talk again and it sounded an awful lot like: "Please, don't."
"Lucifer sold Castiel for a long time." Alastair laughed, as tears started to roll down Cas' face.
"First it were just dates, but then when Castiel turned fifteen and Lucifer wanted more money."
"Cas?" Dean looked at Cas. Cas didn't cry often, but now he cried harder than Dean had ever seen and Alastair laughed.
"It took me a long time to find out, but when I met Lucifer Novak, he told me everything. You see Dean, you don't need to hurt someone to torture them."
Alastair put the knife down and Dean wanted nothing more than to grab it and stick it in Alastair's throat. 'Come on, Sam' Dean thought, 'Where the fuck are you?'
"Do you wander how many guys he fucked, huh?" Alastair asked, "Let's ask him." Alastair untied the gag and grabbed Cas' chin.
"How many guys did you fuck for money? Or did they fuck you?"
"Never willingly." Cas spat, "I always fought, just like I fought you!"
Cas started struggling against the ropes.
"Okay, I'm done here." Alastair said and grabbed a large knife. He put the point of the knife against Cas' throat.
"Stop it!" Dean finally made a sound again.
"No, Dean." Cas said, knowing what Dean was about to do.
"I'll join you." Dean looked at Cas again, "Just let him live."
Alastair laughed and put the knife down.
"That's my boy." And on that exact moment the front got kicked down. Panic was shown on Alastiar's face.
"No don't!" Dean yelled as Alastair shoved the knife trough Cas' stomach.
Everything after that happened in a blur. Dean remembered how the SWAT team grabbed Alastair. He remembered how the paramedics and Sam needed to pull him away from Cas. Now Dean sat in the waiting room of the hospital, hoping for good news. People looked at the bloodstains on his shirt, but Dean didn't give a shit what people thought. Sam was sitting right next to him, saying thing to him like: "He's going to be okay, you'll see."
But Dean didn't want Sam's promising words. Dean wanted someone to tell him if Cas was going to be okay.
"Mr. Winchester." Someone finally said. Dean and Sam both stood up.
"How is he?" Dean asked.
"He lost a lot of blood." The male doctor said, "He's lucky that it was a small knife. If the knife would have been bigger, he would have died for sure."
"He'll live?" Dean asked.
"He's stable." The doctor said. Dean didn't hear the rest of the talk and he didn't really care. Dean didn't think he'd ever been so happy in his life before. He hugged Sam and he said the words: "He'll live. He'll live." Over and over again, until he finally asked: "Can I see him?"
"He'll be a bit woozy, but yes you can."
Dean didn't hesitate and walked straight to Cas' room, but when he stood in the doorway he stopped. Cas was lying in a hospital bed. All kinds of machines beeped around him. Castiel looked small and fragile, something that he was absolutely not. It was so wrong. As soon as dean walked through the door Castiel opened his eyes.
"Dean." He said, then his eyes moved to Sam, "Sam."
Dean and Sam both dragged a chair to each sides of Cas' bed. Dean on the right, Sam on the left. Cas' bed was a bit lifted, so Cas could look them in the eye.
"Hey, Cas." Dean said and grabbed Cas' hand, "How are you feeling?"
"They're giving me enough pain medication to numb the pain." Cas answered, his voice was soft and raspy.
"What happened with Alastair? Is he gone?"
"Bobby is taking care of things." Sam answered.
"And if it depends on him that asshole is never escaping again." Dean added.
"That's good." Cas said and he closed his eyes again.
"These painkillers make me sleepy." He said and he sighed. Sam cleared his throat.
"I'm going to get some coffee." He said. Sam patted Cas softly on the shoulder and walked away, leaving Dean and Cas alone. Cas opened his eyes.
"I think you owe you an explanation." Cas said.
"No, Cas." Dean said, "That can wait."
"No, I'm sure you want to know." Cas moved his body a bit so he could look Dean better into the eye.
"First I want you to know that, I never wanted to do that, but Lucifer he was manipulating me. What Alastair said was true, my mother left after I was born and my father couldn't handle that, so he started drinking."
Cas sighed.
"I have three brothers: the oldest Lucifer, then Michael and Gabriel. Gabriel had always been my favorite and I was his favorite. Gabriel didn't judge me or tried to crush my dreams. He played with me, read me stories, but Gabriel had dreams too. He left when I was twelve."
Cas looked at his hands. "I haven't seen him since."
"Cas, just-" Dean tried to say, but Cas interrupted him: "Dean I need to do this. It's time you know the truth."
Castiel looked Dean in the eye again.
"After Gabriel left, Lucifer started to spend time with me. He said that he cared about me, that he loved me and then the dates started. He told me that we were in dept, but that he found a way to pay for it all. He sent me on dates with older guys."
Dean couldn't imagine what Cas was feeling like right now. Sure, his childhood was shit and John wasn't exactly 1# dad of the year, but none of his family members had ever tried to do that to him.
"In Japan they call it 'compensated dating', only there the girl decides how far the date will go and with me it was Lucifer who decided that. The first time it was more than just dinner or a movie was when I was fourteen.
"My client put his hands all over me and I was too afraid to do anything. I told Lucifer, who thought that this was an opportunity and soon after, almost every client put his hands on me.
"When I became fifteen Lucifer sold my body for the first time. I remember feeling dirty and taking three showers. When I was a eighteen I found out we weren't in dept and as soon as high school ended I left to college and never contacted my family again."
"Cas, that's," Dean stuttered, he didn't know what to say.
"You think I'm disgusting." Cas said and shook Dean's hand off.
"What? No!" Dean said and he sat down on Cas' bed.
"What he did to you, what Lucifer did to you wasn't your fault."
"I could have told anyone, I could have stopped him." Cas said.
"You thought you were doing something right. You thought you were helping your family. It's not wrong to love your family like that. It's wrong that Lucifer used you like that!
"Look at me."
Dean lifted Cas' chin softly.
"I love you." Dean said, "I love you, no matter what happened in the past, 'cause that is the same way you love me. You love me no matter what I did with Alastair. You forgave me, but I have nothing to forgive you for."
"What about lying to you?" Cas said, "I still lied."
"Okay, that hurt me, but I understand why you lied. Hell, I'd lie too."
Dean kissed Cas lightly on the lips.
"No more lies." Dean said and kissed him again, "No more secrets." And he kissed Cas again.
"No more secrets." Cas promised, "I love you."
"I love you too."