I know, I know, I really don't need to be starting another random project that will probably never get done, but hey, at least I'm still up to date with my trilogy, ne? This story is different than all of my other stories, though, because this one was written by a bunch of my friends during school when we were really bored and I was stumped on the trilogy.
So I'd like to thank all of my friends who helped me finally get to fifty one ways on this chapter, because you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find fifty ways to annoy Kurotsuchi-taicho. Ha! (Although, while I was typing this, I'm sure I came up with a bunch more for him, so it is over fifty one now.)
Disclaimer: Kouzumi93 does not own Bleach or The Smurfs.
Warning: Do not attempt. You just might be turned to dust in one of Kurotsuchi-taicho's experiments.
Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters
By Kouzumi93
Chapter One: Kurotsuchi Mayuri
- Tell him that Nemu has gotten involved with his third seat.
- Ask him if he made Nemu to relieve himself of his sexual desires.
- Call him a freak.
- While you are around him, hum The Smurfs' theme song backwards, since he is like an inverted Smurf; blue hair instead of blue skin, white skin instead of the white hat.
- Sneak into the twelfth division and try to play the piano on his computer keyboard.
- Ask him if he used to work as a clown in the circus.
- Ask him if he wears that purple thing around his neck so that he can sleep whenever no one is looking at him.
- Pretend to be a member of the twelfth division and roam around the labs while mixing random chemicals and pushing all the buttons that you see.
- When you blow something up from doing the above, blame it on someone who is randomly standing around you and run away as fast as you possibly can.
- Ask him if he thinks he is a woman, since he wears so much damn makeup.
- While he is in the shower, take his clothes and hide them.
- Get a camera and take pictures of him naked, and then post them on the Internet.
- Then blame it on Kenpachi.
- Then, blame it on Hitsugaya, since Kurotsuchi-taicho pointed out that Kenpachi wouldn't be able to figure out how a computer even worked.
- Make all of the doors in the entire division only big enough for Yachiru or Hitsugaya-taicho to fit through.
- Laugh as he tries as hard as he can to get through the doors.
- Run away when he just makes a hole in the wall to go through.
- Give him implants.
- Replace all of his books with highly religious books that frown upon experiments and technology.
- Hide all of his computer data and replace it with gay porn.
- Tell Yachiru that the gold things on Kurotsuchi-taicho's face are filled with chocolate.
- When he is about to kill her, get Kenpachi and pit the two captains against each other.
- Replace his shampoo with pink hair dye.
- Then tell Yachiru that she now has a giant twin.
- Find a strand of Yamamoto-soutaicho's hair, cut it and tell Kurotsuchi-taicho that it belongs to Hitsugaya-taicho.
- Laugh as he freaks out because he has accidentally made a clone of Yamamoto-soutaicho.
- Then laugh even harder as the Yamamoto-soutaicho clone begins declaring its love for porn.
- When you are finally able o manage a straight face, knock on the door and tell Kurotsuchi-taicho that Yamamoto-soutaicho will be there in about an hour to inspect the division.
- Laugh as Kurotsuchi-taicho tries desperately to find a hiding place for the clone.
- Push all of the big red buttons that you can find.
- Place a chip in Nemu that keeps her from obeying anything that Kurotsuchi-taicho tells her to do.
- If he should ask you what is going on, yell "I didn't do it!" and run away screaming.
- If he gives chase, go into the human world and hid in the Urahara Shouten.
- Ask him why Nemu sits in a chair next to him while he is showering.
- Ask him if he sits in that chair while she is showering.
- Ask him about a bunch of chemicals, then mix the ones that he tells you not to mix.
- When something blows up and he yells at you, tell him that it's not opposite day.
- Laugh if he doesn't get it.
- Give Yachiru a ton of Pixy Stix and let her loose in his lab.
- Laugh when she walks in on him while he is in the shower.
- Laugh even harder when she asks him why he is different from her.
- Ask him if he has modified every part of his anatomy.
- Tell him that you hope he wants grandchildren, because Nemu is going to be giving him some soon.
- Ask him if Szayel Aporro Grantz is Nemu's son, since he recreated himself inside of her and was reborn.
- Tell him that Yamamoto-soutaicho might look down upon him even more because of this new relationship.
- Ask him if he is related to Michael Jackson, since he is neither black nor white.
- Tell him that the only reason he got to be in charge of the twelfth division was because Urahara was exiled.
- Ask him what he would do if Hiyori was still the lieutenant of twelfth division.
- Tell him that Hitsugaya-taicho is smarter than him.
- To infuriate him further, tell him that only and idiot like him would kill and harm his allies in the midst of a battle just for the sake of winning it.
- Ask him if he had secretly worked with Aizen to turn Shinji and company into hollows just so that he could get Urahara exiled.
- Dress up like him for Halloween, then run around in the twelfth division acting like him and bossing everyone around.
- Meddle with some of his experiments so that they don't turn out as planned.
- Then blame it on someone else.
Alright, that's all I've got for this one, but if you have any ideas for anyone else, please let me know in a review. The next chapter will depend on which character I finish first, so leave reviews and ideas for any character so I can decide on someone and get it done sooner. Ja ne!