"Cause I lost it all
Dead and broken
My back's against the wall
Cut me open
I'm just trying to breathe"
~ Black Veil Brides – Lost it all
See the man with the hooded eyes, see the man who tries not to cry. In for a penny, in for a pound. Risked it all and then fell down.
Prologue
October 31st 1981 – Godric's Hollow
Severus dropped to his knees in the middle of the room. His sister and the love of his life were gone. He had lost it all in one fell swoop and dear god if it wasn't tearing him apart at the seams. His heart felt like it had been torn into pieces as he looked at the broken body of his sister, her head rested on her outstretched arm, hand reaching even in death towards the now empty crib. His gaze flickered from her to the scorched area on the cream carpet and he felt his heart splinter even more as he faced the evidence that was staring at him, his husband was dead, gone never to return, and he lost it then. The cry of agony tore from his throat, filling the night with its anguish.
It was too late; he had failed in more ways than one. His family was gone, all but one member remained and he too had been taken, carried away into the night. He had thought he could pull him back away from the abyss that he was standing on, but he couldn't, he had raced to their home in a last attempt to save them but in the end it had all been for naught. He had lost more than he had set out to achieve and he would carry the weight of their deaths on his shoulders for all of his days. Redemption was near impossible and he wasn't sure he would be worthy of it. His sister and her husband were gone, perished at the hands of the man he had loved so fiercely, the man he had joined out of naivety and foolishness. Instead of giving up and turning his back to try and help save his family, he had tried to save them all and in his folly had lost all he held dear.
Slumped against the wall, he stared at her lifeless body, eyes glazed over in death, dull and empty. The air smelled of smoke and death, the air tense and stuffy. How long he stayed he did not know, time no longer mattered. Eventually he heard movement below and even if he had wanted he didn't move. He had lost it all and right now he cared not if he followed them through the veil.
With a weary heart Albus Dumbledore ascended the stairs, the aurors collecting the body of his fallen friend and comrade below and waiting to question the one he sought in the room above. He entered what was once a cheerful nursery and his heart grew if possible even heavier as he took in the sight of the lifeless body of yet another friend, no daughter, this one was like a daughter to him. He heard the ragged breathing and turned to the young man slumped against the wall, looking broken and distraught. This young man was like a son to him, he had tried to take him under his wing, had tried to steer him from the dark. He had failed him too, in more ways than imaginable, for his son had married the darkness and tried to redeem him and he had fallen from grace in the process, but he was not here to tell his son how wrong he had been, no he was here to collect his son and take him to safety, to help him heal the shattered pieces of his heart and hopefully in time he would be alright again. He knelt down in front of him and spoke softly, "Severus, my boy, come I need you to give a quick statement and then we can go." He felt his heart splinter some more as his son turned his dull gaze towards him, his voice raspy as he spoke "Let them take me, I deserve it, I... I failed her Father…. I failed them all" his voice trailed off to end on a broken sob as the man who prided himself on keeping his emotions hidden in public broke down and sobbed, heart wrenching sobs that shook his shoulders and tears streamed down his cheeks. He looked in that moment so much like the broken child that had mourned his mother's death at the hands of his muggle father. Albus moved forward them and in a display of strength that belied the look he held, he pulled his son up into his arms and held him tight as he let him sob on his shoulder. He turned to the auror stood in the doorway "Do you really need a statement, you heard what he said, surely your memory of this is enough?"
The Head of the Auror department nodded, "There will be a trial, but I trust he will be fine in your care until this all sorted out." Albus sighed and nodded, before he tightened his hold on the man in his arms and apparated away from the ruins of the once beautiful two-story cottage.
It would take several months to sort out the trials of the many Death Eaters that would pled they had been scared or forced into joining. The most high profile ones had been Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy who had in a closed court with only the most trusted told their tale of how they had been spying for The Order and passing information to Dumbledore in the hopes of saving lives. This was of course backed by pensieve memories and testimony from Dumbledore and other high ranking order members. They had been cleared of any wrong doing and released much to Dumbledore's relief. Now his boys could begin the process of rebuilding their lives. The threat was still out there and they would need to be careful in their actions but Severus's sorrow at the loss of both his husband and his sibling, well no one really need be aware it was also Lily, James and young Harry he was mourning not that it should matter too much, what with Lily being a Half-Blood. It had been the hardest thing he had ever done, to leave young Harry Potter with his muggle Aunt and Uncle in Privet Drive, but Severus was in no shape and would be under suspicion at the time and he had needed to act fast. Still he thought, he was keeping check and he would remove Harry at the first sign all was not as it should be.