Disclaimer: I own neither Star Trek: Deep Space Nine nor Duck Hunt.
Duck and Cover
Jake hefted the odd-looking phaser and pointed it at Kira.
"What is that?" Kira asked, unsure of Jake's intentions.
"It's part of a new holosuite program I borrowed from an ensign stationed on one of the starships docked here. He says this game is all the rage back on Earth. Something about 'getting back to our roots.'"
"What do you do with it?" Kira asked, skeptical about the effectiveness of the blocky, gray weapon.
"You start the program and shoot as many ducks as you can. You have limited shots and lose the game if you don't hit enough targets," Jake explained.
"Ducks?"
"An Earth animal with feathers, a beak, and webbed feet."
"Why are we shooting them?"
"It's implied in the title. The game wouldn't be called 'Duck Hunt' if you weren't supposed to hunt ducks."
"Why did I let you talk me into this?" Kira asked, hands on her hips.
"Because you want to thank me for distracting Morn in Quark's when he was about to launch into the joke about the Lurian freighter captain and the Orion slave girl for the millionth time," Jake said.
"I knew I shouldn't have gone into Quark's, but I'd heard a rumor about…a matter of station security. No, Jake, I'm not going to tell you any more. So how does this work?" Kira asked, gesturing at the phaser.
"You hold it like this," Jake explained, showing Kira the grips. "The trigger is here, and you aim it like you would a phaser rifle. A duck will fly up from behind the simulated grass, and you simply aim and fire. Watch me first."
"Computer, begin program," Jake said.
The holosuite became a pixilated, cartoonish glen of grass and trees set against a blue sky. A lumbering, four-legged creature with brown fur and a black head trotted in front of the grass and then jumped into the pixel thicket, disappearing. Without warning, a cartoonish creature flew up from the grass. Jake lifted the phaser and fired—or at least she saw him pull the trigger. She heard a sound that resembled phaser fire and saw the animal fall back down to the grass. The four-legged creature stood up on his hind legs and grasped the winged creature in one paw. Jake repeated the motions every time a new creature broke the cover of the glen, and shot the appropriate number of animals.
"Now you try," Jake said, handing Kira the phaser.
She tried to position the phaser naturally, but it was different from the Bajoran hand phaser to which she was accustomed. It wasn't as large as a Starfleet phaser rifle; of the weapons with which she was accustomed, it most closely resembled a Klingon disruptor. Kira nodded curtly at Jake, determined to show him the versatility and skill of a former Bajoran resistance fighter.
"Computer, repeat level one," Jake said.
The odd, feathered creature flew up, and Kira immediately raised her phaser-like weapon and fired. The creature screeched derisively at her and flew away, earning a glare that would have made a Cardassian tremble in fear. Kira scowled as the dog once again stood on his hind legs, shaking with laughter at her expense. Several more creatures took to the sky, and Kira missed them all.
"I think this phaser is broken," Kira said, scowling at the weapon.
"Some of my Earth friends claim to have experienced similar difficulties," Jake said, failing to keep the smugness out of his voice.
Another animal appeared, and this time, Kira shot it. She grinned fiercely at Jake as the ungainly creature fell towards the ground.
"These…ducks are stranger looking than I thought they would be," Kira said.
"Ducks don't really look like that," Jake explained. "The original creators used crude, primitive technology to make this game several hundred years ago; the holo-programmers decided that the game's dated appearance was part of its charm."
Kira grunted and shot another duck, finally figuring out the weapon in her hands. She got into a rhythm, shooting ducks with frightening precision. In spite of her mastery, she could tell that she had failed to shoot enough ducks. Kira lowered her phaser, only to swiftly raise it again when the four-legged, brown creature appeared out of the grass. This creature again stood on its hind legs, placed a large paw on its toothy snout, and once again shook with laughter. Kira swiftly fired several shots at the laughing creature and stared in mute satisfaction as it fell to the ground and lay still.
"You shot the dog!" Jake squeaked, walking up to where the creature was sprawled out and staring at it in disbelief. "None of my friends has ever shot the dog. He just stands there, laughing at you, impervious to any attempts of destruction."
"Your friends can shoot small targets flying through the sky but they can't shoot a stationary target standing right in front of them?" Kira asked, her Bajoran nose wrinkling more than usual in puzzlement.
"You're not supposed to be able to shoot the dog," Jake muttered, taking the gun from Kira and walking toward the holosuite exit. "Computer, end program."
"Holosuites are such a waste of time," Kira said under her breath, glancing back to the spot where the large creature had been seconds ago. "Weird Earth kids…."