Just a holiday story. My sincere thanks to Cycworker, who has patiently read and reread, and is a terrific sounding board.
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We Need a Little Christmas
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Arizona hurried out the door, humming 'Deck the halls...,' passing all sorts of uplifting holiday decorations along her trek to the hospital parking lot. Her favorite was the life size image of Olaf hanging by the entrance to Pediatrics, displaying the quote: "I like warm hugs!" Every time she saw the snowman's goofy smile, she smiled. He was just too cute.
A hospital could be such a dreary place, rife with illness - and sadly, sometimes even death - within its walls. But miracles happened here, too. Her own daughter was testament to that. The uplifting seasonal decor inspired one to believe anything was possible, even beyond Santa's feats. She appreciated the encouragement by hospital admin to make the space more cheery for staff and patients alike. The colorful garnishments added a spring to her step, putting her in an even more festive mood.
It was Friday night, two weeks before Christmas. She was on her way to pick up Sofia. This was her weekend with her beloved daughter. And it was not just any weekend. This was the much anticipated weekend when she would take Sofia to see Santa Claus.
When it came to Sofia, there were very few areas Callie and Arizona did not agree on. As the two mothers coordinated their schedules, divvying up the holidays and shared time, they decided whoever had Sofia for Christmas morning would be the person to take Sofia to see Santa. It was in this mother's home where Santa would visit. It would be this mother who would act as the benevolent, jolly old elf, purchasing the items requested on their daughter's wish list. Callie, in particular, having grown up so privileged, was careful to ensure their daughter was not lavished with excessive gifts. Between the items from Carlos and Arizona's parents, friends and even from each mother, two visits from Santa to two houses were unnecessary. Both mothers easily agreed to this plan.
The plan for the Christmas holidays was shaping up rather nicely. Meredith Grey, anxious to add some much needed holiday cheer to her children's lives, invited friends, family and co-workers for a Christmas Eve open house. Sofia would spend the day with Callie, and then Callie would bring Sofia to the party. Once Arizona got out of work, she would meet Sofia at the Grey gathering.
The venue was an ideal trade-off location. No one would be left standing alone in a deserted parking lot or subjected to an awkward goodbye in front of her ex's new home. Sofia would arrive with Callie and go home with Arizona, setting the stage for Arizona's own personal Christmas gift. It was a gift one year in the making.
On Christmas morning, Arizona would experience firsthand the rare thrill of her child's innocent, unbridled excitement of Santa's arrival. Even though she wouldn't get the entire day with her cherub, it was enough. Arizona would drop Sofia off with Callie by three, so Callie could be part of Sofia's holiday celebration as well. It was a fair arrangement. It worked so well last year, both mothers readily agreed to continue the tradition, though with the roles reversed.
Arizona was bursting at the seams with childlike anticipation at being able to play Santa this year. It was the perfect age when a simple visit from St. Nick could make all right in her little girl's five year old world. Truth be told, she was in need of a little Christmas magic to jumpstart her stagnant life. Arizona convinced herself if she believed, she too would find some happiness under the Christmas tree.
After hearing horror stories of stinky Santas with droopy beards, slippery toupees, and displaced pillows, Arizona made a point to check with all the nurses who were moms in the know, finding out which place had the most realistic Santa Claus. She wanted her daughter to believe in the magic of Christmas, unwilling to let the reality of life pop the joyous, idyllic bubble of the beloved childhood fantasy until it was sadly unavoidable. She prayed that reality check would arrive closer to age nine than seven, giving her one more time with the thrill after this year.
Already she knew how adorable her daughter would look in her photo with Santa Claus as those beautiful brown eyes stared in awe at the man in red. Arizona would definitely get Callie a copy of Sofia's picture with the cherished icon, helping her daughter wrap the framed photo as a gift for Callie and placing it under the tree so it could wait impatiently to be opened. Callie had done the same for her last year.
Arizona listened to the traditional holidays tunes on the car radio as she drove through the slushy streets to the after school daycare program where Sofia would be playing with her friends. Regardless of when she showed up, it was always too early. Her daughter was a kindhearted social butterfly, flitting about the room, befriending many of her classmates who joined her in the childcare program.
She pulled in close to 6:00pm, parking her SUV close to the entrance. Entering the play space, Arizona observed most kids had left for the day. She easily spied Sofia playing Jenga with another boy. "Hi Sofia," Arizona called out. "I'm here."
Just then the structure tumbled, "Mama! You distracted me," the young girl pouted. The moment was short-lived, Sofia ran to her mother, wrapping her arms around her. "Ready?"
Savoring the closeness an extra second, she finally released her daughter from her embrace. "Yes, but go clean up first and get your things," Arizona cheerily replied.
The ride home was a jumble of stories of what happened in school. Arizona almost had all the names straight of the classmates, but Sofia spoke so quickly at times. It was confusing. Arizona smiled as her daughter rambled on, happy Sofia loved school. Her teacher, Miss Marvel, made it such a positive experience and both mothers were thankful that amidst the changes poor Sofia had been subjected to over the last few years, starting school was not all that traumatic. Without even pausing, the little girl asked, "Pizza night, right?"
"It is," Arizona beamed. "Look in my bag. I got us a few new Christmas movies to watch this weekend."
Sofia pulled her mother's bag toward her, "But we are still going to see Santa tomorrow, right? Mami let me bring my green sparkly dress!"
Sofia's enthusiasm was contagious. Arizona giggled. "Of course we are seeing Santa tomorrow, Silly!"
"Will Dr. D be home tonight? He's fun."
"I don't know. He might be working. He did say he would help us get the tree tomorrow morning," Arizona answered. Dr. Deluca turned out to be a pretty good guy. He always seemed to be working or going out when Sofia was visiting, giving Arizona lots of uninterrupted time with her daughter. She checked the resident schedule once and realized he wasn't even on call, he was just considerate. A few times Arizona insisted he stay for dinner and eat with them. He was so great with Sofia, always taking the time to pay extra attention to her or even play a quick round of Candyland. As different as they were, it turned out they were compatible roommates.
"Did you get the ornaments from Mami?"
Just like that the wind left her sail. The ornaments. Their ornaments. Each one with a history, representing a different memory. She insisted Callie keep everything, all the Christmas decorations except a few from Arizona's childhood, which her mother passed down. Arizona felt largely responsible for their demise, so Callie deserved everything. Arizona wanted no reminders of what was good and special in their lives together because all those feel good moments depressed her. She had no idea if Callie even used any of them or if she just wanted to block out those times, too. Just because Arizona was finally moving on, it didn't mean she didn't miss her former life. She missed it every single day. Each ornament was a reminder of a story she didn't want to recall. "Actually, I have a few ornaments, special ones from when I was a little girl. I thought we could do some shopping, and buy a few new ones." Sofia did not seem all that interested in new ornaments. "We can buy the lights for the Christmas tree that flicker with the music, too," Arizona offered as an additional concession.
"Really?"
"Really," Arizona answered, relieved.
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Saturday morning Sofia sat enjoying her third chocolate chip pancake, when Dr. Deluca joined her at the breakfast bar. "How's my favorite princess?" he asked.
"Dr. D, you're here!" she exclaimed. "Are you ready to get the Merry Christmas tree?"
"Uhhh," he stumbled. Arizona had asked him weeks ago to help her get the tree. After listening to her spiel about how much she was looking forward to this Christmas, he couldn't say no. He needed a cup of coffee and some food first, though he was ready to pass on that and leave immediately, finding it hard to resist those pleading brown eyes.
Arizona interceded, "How about we let Dr. D eat some pancakes? He needs his strength if he is going chop down the huge tree you want and carry it up the stairs to our apartment, right?" As she spoke, she placed a cup of coffee just the way he liked it in front of him as if they had lived together for years.
"Okay," Sofia shrugged. "Can I watch TV while I wait?"
Arizona nodded, "Go."
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The trio traipsed through the tree farm for a half an hour, searching for just the right tree in the eyes of the five year old. There were just too many choices. Arizona and Andrew talked her out of the ten foot pines. They were now deciding between the six footers, which would still be hitting the ceiling once in the stand. Sofia was debating between two robust Scottish Pines. It was starting to get chilly and wet with more and more snowflakes swirling about, yet Arizona refused to hurry the process. She wouldn't be doing this for another year. This moment needed to carry her through until next December.
Seeing Sofia battle with indecision, Arizona finally suggested, "How about you do Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe?"
Sofia looked at her mother perplexed. After a moment or two of processing the suggestion, she answered, "Okay," as if it was the most logical way to choose a tree. Arizona asked a passerby to take a picture of the three of them standing in front of their selection before Andrew took a saw to it.
Andrew Deluca lay on his belly, on the cold, hard, damp ground. His head was invisible, tucked under the branches, as he sawed away. Arizona snapped a couple more pictures on her phone, one particularly cute one of Sofia squatting, trying to watch Andrew maneuver the saw through the feisty tree trunk while he muttered some indistinguishable sounds. Arizona held the tree straight, so it wouldn't topple upon him or her daughter. Sofia skipped about, mesmerized by other people trying to choose their holiday tree. Once the chosen tree was cut and hauled away by the John Deere tractor, it was run through a machine, bundling it with a netting to make it more compact for transporting. Andrew and one of the tree farm workers plopped it on top of Arizona's SUV. Andrew tied it securely to the rooftop with more rope than was needed.
They selected a corner of the apartment to set up the tree. Poor Deluca. He needed to move the couch and chairs so everything fit just right, creating the perfect Christmas scene. Sofia was enjoying every moment of organizing the setup. Arizona found it endearing when she heard Andrew grumble, "She's just like her mothers."
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After lunch it was time for the BIG field trip to see Santa. The best Santa was at a children's boutique located downtown. He was only there on weekends. Arizona even needed to make an appointment for their visit. After eating their grill cheese sandwiches and drinking hot chocolate topped with marshmallows, Arizona dressed Sofia in her green sparkly dress with red tights and black patent leather shoes. Arizona threw on her colorful Christmas sweater at the insistence of Sofia who wanted her mother to look 'Christmassy'. Hand in hand, the two made their way to the store.
"Have you decided on what you are asking Santa to bring you this year?" Arizona asked her daughter.
"Of course, Mama."
Arizona waited a few moments, but only silence was shared. "Well, aren't you going to tell me?"
Sofia frowned, "Why?" She didn't want her list waylaid by her mother.
"Well, I think you should practice. And remember, you can only ask for a few things, right?"
""I know," the little girl replied, annoyed by the reminder. "Mami already told me."
Arizona wanted to be upset with Callie, but she probably would have said the same thing to Sofia. She was planning on purchasing everything on the list and Arizona thought she knew most of the items her daughter desired, but a capricious request was known to be wished for every now and then, endangering Santa's credibility if it didn't make it under the tree. "Good girl, so let's practice," she encouraged Sofia.
"I would like a pink bike with the streamers...please. Ummmm, a new dress with the cowboy boots like Chloe's. And the Barbie Dream House. Can I ask for one more thing?"
"I think that's enough, don't you?" Arizona urged.
"I guess so," the little girl moped.
"Hey, let's wipe that frown off your beautiful face. Remember, you get lots of presents. Grammy and Grampy send you gifts. Abuelo, too. There's only so much Santa can bring to each little boy and girl. I think four things are good."
Sofia smiled, thinking about her grandparents. "Are Grammy and Grampy coming this year?" she asked hopefully.
Arizona shook her head, "They can't. Grammy broke her foot so it's too hard for her to travel. And I don't have much time off. We are going to visit them in January."
Sofia nodded. "Will I be able to sign her cast? Tommy broke his foot and we all got to sign his cast."
"If she still has one, I'm sure you can sign it...Let's go inside."
It was just about Sofia's scheduled time with Santa. She was hopping up and down on each foot as she watched the toy train go round and round the track. Looking at the youngster, one would assume she needed to go to the bathroom. But Arizona had already taken her - twice. Sofia was nervous and excited all wrapped up in her shimmery dress. Studying the old elf with his authentic beard and hair, watching his very own jolly stomach jiggle as he laughed only made the little girl even more excited. The setting was an impressive replica of Santa's workshop. Arizona was amazed. The nurses were right, this was a terrific Santa.
"Sofia, are you ready for your visit with Santa?" asked the helper. "He's so excited you could visit him today!"
Sofia was speechless. Santa's elf knew her name. Santa was excited to see her? The little girl smiled broadly. The question left her speechless. With the advance scheduling, which even included selecting the picture package, Arizona did not need to say a word.
"Mama, it's my turn!" she yelped. Sofia gingerly climbed up on Santa's lap, in awe. It was as if she had never met the man before. Arizona knew Callie took her last year, but was overjoyed her daughter was entirely star-struck by this visit. It would only take a few more years before this trip would be passé.
"Sofia," Santa said in his kindly voice. "I know you've been a very good little girl this year. Miss Marvel tells me you are a wonderful friend in kindergarten. You always pick up your toys." Arizona smirked. She had to fill out a brief bio so Santa would be sure to know if a child was naughty or nice. Very shrewd.
His words left Sofia gaping. She bobbed her head in amazement. "What would you like for Christmas this year?"
The little girl showed four fingers, pointing to each one as she spoke, "A pink bike," she said as she touched her pointer finger.
Santa bellowed, "Ahhh, a two-wheeler! I bet you want one with streamers," he confirmed.
Sofia beamed, "Yes, please. And a dress with the fringe and cowboys boots just like Chloe," she said as she pointed to her middle and ring fingers. "And a Barbie Dream House, for my Barbies to live in," she added as she touched her pinky. She saw her mother raise her eyebrows and mouth 'Please'. "Please, Santa," she quickly blurted.
"Well, I will see what I can do for such a nice girl like you. Now, let's take a family picture of you with your Mama, shall we? I know you've been a very good girl for her this year," the jolly man noted. The photographer had ready snapped a number of adorable candid shots of Sofia with Santa.
"No thank you," Sofia said nonchalantly as she gingerly climbed off the old man.
Arizona stood speechless. She didn't understand. Did her child just deny Santa Claus two weeks before Christmas?
Arizona already paid for the package that included the candid pictures of her child with Santa as well as a family photo. "Hold on Sofia," Santa's helper quickly said. "Look at your mother in that pretty Christmas sweater. I'm sure she'd love a family picture of the two of you with Santa."
Sofia shook her head, "I can't. My family is not all here. It would make Mami sad if she wasn't in the family picture. Thank you, Mr. Claus," she said matter of factly as she walked away. She suddenly turned around, asking, "Santa, what's your favorite cookie?"
"Chocolate chip," he answered, not sure what to make of the unusual young girl.
A punch to the gut would have hurt less. Arizona had finally adjusted to their new arrangement. She was putting herself out there, going on an occasional date or two. Callie, too. She found a Penny and picked it up, and all the day she had good luck - or so Arizona jealously assumed. She figured Sofia had adjusted to the new family unit as well. She figured wrong. There was nothing she could do about it. This was their life now.
"Ready to go now?" Arizona distractedly asked as she collected the individual photographs of Sofia with Santa Claus from the sales clerk and tucked them safely in her bag.
"Yes," the cherubic face said. "Can we buy the special lights and some ornaments now?"
If Sofia had asked for a puppy or even a pony, Arizona's guilt would have said yes at the moment.
"Sure. Let's find Mami a special frame to put your picture with Santa Claus in, okay?" Arizona offered.
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They returned to the apartment to find Dr. D sprawled out on the couch, watching some college football games. "Hey, I'm glad you're still here. We might need some help putting these lights on," Arizona sweetly said.
He cocked his eyebrows, having already done a day's worth of heavy lifting. "I'll make dinner for you this week," she proffered.
"You don't cook," he retorted.
"But I do a great takeout," she smugly replied. "There's a new Indian place down the road. I think you'd like it. I'll even throw in a six pack. You'll be all set for next week's games."
Andrew smiled. He was going to put the lights on no matter what, but he'd take the extra bonus if Arizona was offering.
It took a bit, but soon the lights were magically twinkling along to the music. Sofia was having a great time playing with the controls, switching songs and watching the lights adjust to the beat. Arizona sat down on the couch, admiring her daughter as she sat by the Christmas tree, feeling the magic of the holiday fill her with love. This moment reminded her of how much she loved being a mother.
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Sunday morning, after breakfast, Arizona suggested Sofia wrap the frame holding the picture of her and Santa. Sofia picked out a red Hallmark holiday frame which merely said Christmas 2015. She neatly scribed the name "Mami" on the tag and placed it under the tree. Another frame was wrapped for Carlos and a third to be sent to her parents. Arizona's picture was already sitting proudly on the mantle, above three stockings, 'Mama', 'Sofia' and 'Andrew', which were hanging below.
"There. Our tree looks better with presents under it," Sofia said satisfyingly as she placed the last gift under the tree. "Can we get Dr. D something?"
Arizona smiled in amusement. Sofia might have a slight crush on the man. "Of course, what do you think he'll like?"
"I think we should give him a picture of us getting the tree. That was fun!" Sofia suggested.
"Okay, good idea." She'd throw in a gift card to his favorite takeout place, too.
The balance of the day was spent watch holiday movies and baking chocolate chip cookies, storing some in the freezer for Santa. They ate a few, saved a few for Sofia's lunch and made sure they left a plate for Andrew. Monday morning came all too quickly. Arizona dropped her daughter off at school. It was a wonderful weekend, even with Sofia's innocent refusal to have a family picture taken. It still bothered Arizona. She probably should talk to Callie about it, but it was a conversation she wasn't ready to have with all these sentimental emotions running amuck. Callie probably didn't want to talk about it either. They were both moving on. She'd bring it up after the holidays, when things were back to normal.
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"So, how'd the visit with Santa go?" Callie asked as the two casually walked to the board meeting together. It wasn't uncommon to see the two women side by side, en route to one meeting or another. The hallways were like Switzerland, neutral and safe. In the public space, the conversation was mostly appropriate and easy.
A fake smile planted itself on Arizona's face, "Great! Hey, do you know who's this Chloe is? Sofia wants some dress and cowboy boots like this girl's."
Callie laughed, "She goes to after school program with Sofia. I guess her family is totally into the country music scene. One day I picked her up and Sofia made sure I saw the cowgirl outfit. I'll see if I can find a picture of it online and send it to you."
"Great. Thanks."
Callie placed her hands in her lab coat and inquired, "So, what else was on the list, any surprises?" Callie started to ramble. "I know it's your year, but I...you know my dad...He always wants to go overboard. I'm not going to let him, of course. I just want to make sure he doesn't buy what Santa is going to get."
Arizona raised her eyebrows, disbelieving her ex-wife's reasoning.
"What?...Fine, I'm curious," Callie confessed, trying not to let on how sad she was not to have been part of the weekend's expedition.
Arizona smiled, "Well, you know about the pink bicycle. She wants a Barbie Dream House for her Barbies to all live in. I'll also get a helmet and some accessories for the house."
"If you need any help, let me know. I can-"
"-Callie, I got this. With this new leg," Arizona said, as she rapped on it with her knuckles, "I feel like the bionic woman. If I need a hand, I can always ask Deluca. He's been great. He helped us cut down the tree on Saturday. Check this out. It's my favorite!" She pulled out her phone and pulled up Saturday's tree farm pictures.
Callie smirked, "Hmmm, nice butt!"
Arizona playfully elbowed Callie, "Uhhm, you need to stop perving on my roommate. I'm not sure your girlfriend would appreciate that," she chided.
"I'm only looking. Don't tell me you don't check out a nice ass when one passes by?" Callie challenged.
"Now I do. But I didn't when it was your ass I got see night and day." Arizona confessed without thinking. The intimate verbal sparring ended just like that, having touched on a nerve still raw and tender. "Well, I guess I'll talk to you later," Arizona said as she took her seat at the table.
Callie nodded, wishing she could turn back the hands of time to a point when she could look at Arizona's ass instead and not feel like an ass. She had ended their marriage essentially on a whim that day in counseling in search of feeling free. It turned out feeling free was more of a free-fall. She wasn't sure who was there to catch her this time.
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It was finally Christmas Eve. There was excitement in the air. At every corner, holiday music could be heard in the background; people were even humming along. Outside it was cold and frosty. Snow flurries teased all day, enough to enhance the aura of Christmas, but not enough to fill the ER with car wreck victims.
Arizona had an extra bounce in her step. She said 'Merry Christmas' to everyone she passed by, sang Christmas carols to the kiddos in the Pediatric ward and left a platter of donuts in the residents' lounge. Everyone noticed. Tonight, Santa was coming to her house.
Deluca already told her he wouldn't be home. He offered his room to Sofia, knowing Arizona had stashed the gifts in her room. She wasn't sure where he would spend the night; she guessed with Maggie. She was relieved. She still needed to finish putting the bike together and was glad to not worry about Sofia seeing any gifts prematurely.
But it was more than just being able to keep the gifts hidden. Alone with her daughter, she could be as silly and as comfortable as she wanted in her apartment. She knew by the time they returned from Meredith's party and she tucked one excited Sofia into bed, pulled out the gifts, added the finishing touches, wrapped a few last minute items and placed them under the tree, she'd need to take off her prosthetic, letting her limb breathe. Arizona still wasn't all that comfortable going au naturel with Deluca. After living together, he had seen her in all modes of dress, but she never felt more naked than without her leg on.
Callie wasn't working Christmas Eve. Arizona wasn't sure what her plans were with Sofia. Arizona didn't ask. It wasn't her business and it would just make her sad, especially if Penny was joining them. She would meet up with Sofia at Zola's by 8pm, hopefully earlier.
At 6pm, Arizona was finishing her charting, leaving last minute directions for the residents who were working the Christmas Eve shift when she felt her pager buzz. "Shit," she whispered.
She went to the ER and found her patient, a woman pregnant with twins in a bay waiting for her. Arizona had performed surgery on her months before, saving the life of one of the twins in utero. The babies weren't due for another few weeks. Everything had been going so smoothly for the woman. Arizona used the high-tech ultrasound to check out her patient, a first time mom. It was plainly obvious the complications she hoped to avoid had resurfaced.
Before her was an urgent and lengthy procedure. She spoke with the nervous husband, "Looks like Santa is delivering some special presents to your house this year," she said cheerily, wanting the man to remain calm. "Your wife and the babies need surgery. We'll need to deliver them now and then do immediate surgery on one of the twins. I'll have someone keep you up to date," she professionally explained. Her voice never quavered or her disappointment evident.
Arizona hurried to the operating room, trying to keep the tears at bay. She wasn't going to make it to the party. But that was not even the worst of it. She might not be done before one or two a.m.. Sofia wasn't going to wake up at her home this year. She pulled out her phone, asking the switchboard to page Dr. Deluca to the OR.
Arizona cleared her mind as she washed her hands thoroughly in the sink. She was a doctor. This was the job. Callie knew the patient was the priority and would surely step up, readily keeping Sofia. Arizona processed how to salvage her Christmas. Santa was coming to her home, not Callie's. Her five year old would just need to understand that Santa didn't know about the last minute change. It wasn't like Callie could pick up the gifts and bring them to her house. A bike and a Barbie Dream house - they filled her car with all the seats down. That wouldn't work with Sofia in the car. It was too late to make other arrangements.
She still needed to put the bike together; the wheels were under her bed. God, how she wanted to be there when Sofia saw her gifts. Sofia's presents from Santa would need to wait to be opened until later. Would that work? It had to, what other choice was there? Sofia would be disappointed. Arizona was disappointed. She would call Callie in the morning and make a plan. She'd offer to pick up Sofia first thing and bring her back to her apartment. It would still be special, she justified. She couldn't call Callie now. If she heard Callie's voice right now, she'd burst into tears. She couldn't do that. Deluca would need to relay the message.
"Dr. Robbins?" he inquired as he entered the scrub room. At home he used 'Arizona'. At work it was all business.
"Andrew, I need a favor." Tears pricked at her eyes as she spoke. "I need to go into emergency surgery. It's going to take hours. I won't be done until after midnight sometime. I'm not even sure when I'll be able to leave. Can you ask Callie to keep Sofia? Tell her in private, I don't want Sofia to hear. I'm sure Callie will be fine with it even though I'm surely screwing up Callie's plans with Blake. Tell Callie I'll call her in the morning to make arrangements to pick Sofia up. Please."
"Is there something I can do?" he offered, knowing how special this Christmas was to Arizona.
"Well, you can't do this surgery. No one in this hospital can. So no," she bitingly replied, regretting the words the minute she spoke them. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for," Arizona apologized. "All she wanted was that pink bike, the house and the cowboy outfit. Actually, she wanted the family picture, but in Sofia's eyes that meant including both mothers and we're not a family anymore because I screwed that up."
He looked at her perplexed, unsure where this conversation was going or what it meant.
"The universe has decided I haven't done enough penance, so it's screwed me over once again. Well, technically I screwed myself over because now I'm unhappily single and in this mess. If I was married still, this problem would not be a problem and we'd have the family picture," she lamented.
"Are you talking about Christmas? I'm confused," Andrew asked.
Arizona closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm just venting. I'm sorry. I wanted Sofia to have the perfect Christmas this year and it's not going to happen. She's a kid, she'll be fine. Really. I'm the one who was in need of a little Christmas magic. Can you just ask Callie to keep Sofia tonight? If I hear Callie's voice, I'll cry and I don't want her to hear me sounding pathetic on Christmas Eve. Callie's dad will have sent enough gifts to keep Sofia content until I pick her up. Tell Callie I'll call in the morning….Thanks for listening, Andrew...Have a Merry Christmas."
He nodded, "Thank you. No worries, I'll talk to Dr. Torres."
The conversation left Arizona deflated, but relieved. She knew when it was all said and done, Sofia would be just fine. She's the one who might not bounce back as quickly. In two years, she would try again. Hopefully, the magic would still be there.
§
Andrew arrived at Meredith's close to 8pm. Maggie quickly spotted him. Having already consumed a few glasses of spiked eggnog, her inhibitions were low. She dragged him over to the mistletoe and planted a long, luscious kiss right on him, not caring who saw.
She was not pleased with his distraction. "What's wrong with you tonight?" she questioned as she noticed him looking around and leaving her with a mediocre kiss.
He answered, "I need to find Dr. Torres. But I don't want to talk to her in front of Sofia. I can't find her. Is she here?"
"Callie's in the playroom with the kids," she said, trying to kiss him again.
"Is Blake with her?" he asked in between Maggie's smooches.
"No, fortunately," Maggie smirked. "It's their holiday gift to us."
Andrew questioned, "What?"
Maggie looked at him seriously, "You don't know?...Callie and Penny aren't dating anymore. Depending on who you talk to it was either something about Penny using Callie or Callie not being over Arizona. I just think they weren't right for each other. They seemed uncomfortable together. It was awkward." She tried to drag Andrew back under the mistletoe, "Hey, I'm not done with you yet."
"Look, I need a few minutes," he replied as he pulled away. Maggie was unhappy to be rebuffed again. "But, I'll be back...I'll make it worth your while, I promise."
It took some time before he spotted Callie. She was standing in the corner, alone, watching Sofia play intently with Zola.. "Umm, Dr. Torres?"
"We're not at the hospital Deluca. Don't make this weird, call me Callie," she instructed.
"Okay...Callie….so uhhh, Dr. Robbins asked me to ask you for a favor."
Andrew explained Arizona's predicament.
Callie answered, "Absolutely."
§
Arizona finished the surgery by 1 am and stayed around an extra hour to make sure the vitals were stable on both twins. She really needed to get home and get her leg off. The chafing was painful. She worried she might even be bleeding. In her head, she processed what needed to get done. It was just the wheels, which were hiding under her bed, which needed to be popped on the bike. It shouldn't take too long. The frame was tucked away in her closet, along with the doll house. The Dream House needed wrapping. Fortunately, she had already wrapped the dress - complete with a cowboy hat and the boots - as well as a very cool bike helmet and some stylish furniture for the Barbie's.
She was exhausted. She painstakingly trudged up the stairs to her apartment. It was just as well Sofia wasn't there. Arizona knew she wouldn't be able to do anything until the morning. She was just too tired.
She heard music coming from her apartment as she placed the key in the door. She shook her head in playful dismay. Would Andrew ever learn? He was always leaving the TV or the lights on, regardless of how many times she reminded him to shut them off. She wasn't even going to get started on the dirty socks she found lying about. As she pushed the door open, she was greeted by the fresh pine scent of her tree and her eyes were immediately drawn to the sparkling lights that gave the appearance of waltzing to Silent Night. She couldn't help but smile at the simplicity of the moment and how it filled her with such joy.
She pushed forward, limping into the apartment, dropping her keys onto the table by the door. She walked to the tree, ready to shut off the energetic lights for the night when she stared in amazement. Sitting right by the tree was a huge, filled gift bag with a big red bow sitting on top. It was the gift bag she purchased specifically to hold a child's bicycle. The bike appeared to be completely put together. She touched where she thought the handlebars were and even felt the streamers through the plastic wrapping. Next to it was an extra-large box, presumably the Barbie Dream House, wrapped in colorful candy cane paper with a large green bow placed atop. All the other gifts were scattered below the tree. She could kiss Andrew right now. She turned to grab the tree controls that were on the end table by the couch when she shrieked in surprise.
"I'm awake, I'm totally awake," Callie yelped upon hearing Arizona's screech, as she popped up from the couch, throwing the blanket off her.
Once composed, Arizona giggled at Callie's reaction. "No donuts or lingerie this time?" she teased.
Callie arched her eyebrows, realizing her déjà vu phrasing, and joked, "That can be arranged."
"Seriously, Callie. What are you doing here? I mean this is great. Awesome. I thought Sofia was going miss out on waking up Christmas morning to her Santa gifts, but….. " Arizona stopped speaking.
"What? You asked me to bring Sofia here and stay since you were working late." Callie noticed Arizona's continued confusion. "So Sofia wouldn't be disappointed in the morning. Isn't that why you asked Andrew to have me come here?"
Arizona hung her head in shame, "It's not what I asked him. I didn't mean to take you from your plans. I'm sorry Callie."
Callie looked wounded. "Why wouldn't you ask? Arizona, we're friends, aren't we? We want what's best for Sofia, don't we?"
"We are friends, but...I didn't ask was because it didn't seem right. You have a girlfriend. I certainly didn't want Penny here. God, I'd be a green-eyed Santa Claus - and that would be just wrong on Christmas Eve," she divulged. "As much I don't care for your girlfriend, I didn't want to take you from her either." Arizona stared at Callie earnestly. "You didn't have Sofia tonight, so I just assumed you'd be spending Christmas Eve with her."
"Arizona," Callie softly said, "Penny and I are not together anymore."
"What? When? Why didn't you say anything earlier?" Before Callie could even answer, Arizona made a realization. "Wait, you were going to spend Christmas morning alone?...You should have said something. You're always welcome here," Arizona exclaimed as she wobbled in front of Callie.
Callie shrugged. "You seemed so happy lately. I didn't want to come across as pathetic, having you think I was just using you, fishing for an invitation so I wouldn't be alone on Christmas." Callie patted the couch, "Sit down, you need to get that leg off. Let me get your pajama bottoms. I heard all about the matching Christmas PJs. I'm feeling a little left out," Callie dramatically pouted.
Arizona smiled. She and Sofia were wearing mother-daughter snowman pajamas. Without a second thought, she slid off her jeans and plopped onto the couch. Callie returned with the flannel bottoms and squatted down, instinctively removing the prosthetic as she had done many times in the past. "Oh, Arizona, this looks sore. I need to put some cream on this. Do you still keep it on your bed stand?"
After retrieving the therapeutic cream, Callie massaged the area gently. "I hope you don't need to go in tomorrow, your limb needs a break from the prosthetic. You've been overdoing it," Callie said, arching her eyebrows for emphasis.
"As long as the babies stay stable, I won't need to go in until later in the day...Look, Andrew wasn't honest with you. He was supposed to ask you to take Sofia to your house. I figured at least one of us should enjoy Sofia on Christmas morning. I didn't know what else to do. I mean the bike wasn't even put together... I didn't want to make this uncomfortable for you. I didn't mean for you to come here."
Callie looked hurt. "I don't need to stay, Arizona. I know how excited Sofia was about Christmas with you, and how excited you were for this. It's your turn to be Santa," Callie said as she stood to leave, walking to the door. "Just so you know, Andrew came back after Sofia was in bed. I helped him put everything together. He's really a terrific guy."
Arizona shook her head. Did she really just do that? Did she just talk Callie out of staying? Her own private Christmas wish was coming true and now she was sabotaging it. "No. Wait! Please," Arizona yelped. "I'm glad you're here...It feels more like Christmas with you here."
Callie walked back to Arizona, who still sitting on the couch with the picturesque holiday tree in the background. She grinned at the beautiful sight. "It does feel pretty Christmassy."
"It does, doesn't it," Arizona nervously agreed.
"Since we're all here, maybe we can spend Christmas together, as a family, " Callie proposed. "Sofia went to bed thinking I might be here when she wakes up. She was pretty excited about it - I told her I wasn't sure how long I would be here."
Arizona nodded, the family photo debacle still looming large in her mind. "Definitely stay tonight. It's best for Sofia if you're here, right?"
"Right...But I don't want to be here if it's not best for you. This is your year."
"I'd like it if you'd stay, Calliope."
Callie grinned ear to ear. "Okay...So Sofia will be up in just a few hours - you need some sleep. C'mon."
Arizona wrapped her arm around Callie's shoulder and hobbled to her room on one leg. "Where is Sofia?" Arizona asked as they entered her bedroom.
"Deluca told me to have her sleep in his bed, so we could get the presents under the tree without her seeing."
As Arizona sat on the bed, Callie stepped away, saying, "If you need anything, just give me a shout. I'm going to crash back on the couch."
"No, Callie, just sleep in here. I've been told by a few of Deluca's buddies that the couch isn't that great to sleep on. There's plenty of room here," Arizona said as she patted the queen size mattress. "We're two mature adults."
"Speak for yourself," Callie teased.
Arizona's face stiffened.
Callie quickly added, "I'm joking, really."
"Here," Arizona said, as she tossed Callie the matching top to her Christmas bottoms. "We'll both be matching now."Once dressed and ready for sleep, each woman claimed her respective side of the bed, leaving a wide berth down the middle. Arizona shut the lights off. She smiled at the darkness as she pulled the covers up. Even in the dark and with the unconventional sleeping arrangement, all Arizona could think of was all is calm, all is bright.
"Merry Christmas, Calliope."
"Merry Christmas, Arizona," Callie said.
After a couple minutes of silence, Arizona spoke up, "Callie?"
"Yeah?"
"Why'd you break up with Blake? She seemed perfect for you."
"You want to talk about this now?" Callie asked uncomfortably.
"Yeah, can we?"
A few seconds of silence lay between them, then Callie spoke, "It turns out she was not a lot different than George."
"She cheated on you!" Arizona exclaimed.
"No! Thank god. We both were desperately trying to fill a void in our lives. Being with me just wasn't what she expected. Part of me feels a little used. She liked the idea of being in a relationship with an attending. She wanted in this hospital, needing to redeem herself after Derek's death. Once again, I was so needy and gullible. I didn't see the relationship wasn't working. There was no give and take, no honesty. I was just as guilty. I tried to control everything; trying to recreate what I had with...trying to do what I thought was best. When we actually had a conversation about it, we both realized it wasn't working. After the initial thrill faded, there was no chemistry...You and I, Arizona, we always had chemistry, even during the rough patches. You never used me."
"No, I just che-"
"-Don't. We've agreed that's in the past. We both made mistakes. And the cheating, I've forgiven you for that. Life was unfair to you, to both of us. We need to move past that. Please," Callie pleaded.
"I know. You're right. Around the holidays, when I'm alone, it's hard to forget about it…..Thank you," Arizona sadly responded. After another bout of silence, she asked, "Callie, just for tonight, can we just pretend I didn't get on that plane?"
Callie rolled on her side, placing her arm around Arizona's waist and pulled her in tight, erasing any distance between them. In no time both were sound asleep.
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Sofia woke up bright and early. The digital clock in the Dr. Deluca's room said 5:45. The rule was she supposed to wake her Mama before she checked to see if Santa came. She tiptoed into her Mama's bedroom and saw both her mothers sound asleep. The sight made her smile brightly. She carefully crawled in and snuggled next to the free space by her Mama, with her Mami's arm brushing against her. Soon the little girl dozed off.
Two hours later, Andrew Deluca returned to the apartment. Having spent a few nights at home when Sofia was also there, he knew the little girl was an early bird just like her mother. He entered the apartment and was suddenly nervous. It was absolutely quiet. There was no one there. No lights were glimmering on the Christmas tree. No Christmas was music playing. Not one gift was opened. The couch was vacant. Dr. Torres must not have stayed. Maybe Arizona never made it home. Dr. Torres must have taken Sofia back to her house. His plan was a bust.
He entered his vacant bedroom to change his clothes, and then decided to eat something before heading to the hospital for his Christmas Day shift. He noticed the door to Arizona's bedroom was slightly ajar as he passed by. His eyes caught a glimpse of a lump in the bed. He backed up, wanting a second look. He poked his head in and was pleasantly surprised to see three lumps.
Sofia craned her neck upon hearing the noise and saw her friend. She wriggled out from the covers. "I'm hungry," she loudly whispered.
Andrew placed his finger to his mouth to shush the little girl and beckoned her to follow him. He found some Cheerios and poured her a bowl. "Merry Christmas," he said.
"Santa came!" Sofia blurted.
"Did you peek?" he challenged.
"No, Silly. I can see the presents from here!" she excitedly said.
"Well, turn this way and no more peeking until your moms are awake." He had no idea what transpired last night. His plan may have worked out better than he had even hoped, but he wasn't taking any risks. He was keeping Sofia away from the presents until his roommate was awake.
Without warning, Callie Torres was standing right behind him, whispering in his ear. "Deluca, did you lie to me last night?"
She saw his flushed face and panicked expression. "Well played, by the way," she added as she swatted him on the backside.
He smirked. "Thanks Coach," he ribbed. "Merry Christmas, Dr. To-" Callie's raised her eyebrows in disapproval. "Callie."
Just then Arizona entered the kitchen area. Sofia happily called out to her mother. "Mama! Look who's here!" yelled the youngster as she hugged her Mami. "And Santa came!" she excitedly bellowed.
Arizona walked over, joining the family hug. "I see. It looks like Santa brought all kinds of surprises, didn't he?" She leaned over to Andrew, noting, "I wonder if Santa left some coal in your stocking, Andrew. Santa doesn't usually condone fibbing."
As Deluca was trying to judge his roommate's mood, Arizona turned and hugged him, quietly sharing, "But in this case, I think he'll make an exception. Thank you."
"Well, I need to go," he said, trying to not intrude on the family.
As he headed for the door, Arizona stopped him, "Hold up. Can you take a quick family picture for us?" she asked as she handed him her phone.
Sofia hopped off the stool, "Come on, Mami," she said as she dragged Callie and Arizona in front of the tree.
After the gifts were excitedly opened and breakfast eaten, Callie and Arizona had been abandoned by Sofia in lieu of the new Barbie doll house. Both women sat together on the couch, enjoying their coffee, hypnotized by the twinkling lights synchronized to the music. "What are we doing, Callie?" Arizona queried as she made herself even more comfortable, leaning her head cozily against Callie's shoulder as if the spot was tailor made for her. "Is this a good idea?"
Callie was unconsciously running her fingers through Arizona's hair. Arizona's question caused her to freeze. She replied, "If you are asking me if spending time together, as a family on Christmas with our daughter is a good idea, I can say unequivocally it is. If you are asking me if spending intimate moments with my ex-wife is a good idea, I'd say I don't know."
Arizona was unprepared for Callie's honest answer. It made her sad. She lifted her head from the familiar spot.
Seeing Arizona's reaction, Callie explained, "It's not a good idea if you don't want more than the occasional family moment. I wasn't kidding when I said we had chemistry. We've always had chemistry! It's dangerous unless we both go into this with our eyes wide open. In just a few hours with you, I've been happier than I've been in months. I was giddy last night as I snuggled with you. Selfishly, I want more...I want more time with you. Not just as a family. More alone time."
Arizona nervously looked at Callie, not sure she heard Callie correctly. "You want me to be your new Mark? A friends with benefits arrangement?" she sheepishly asked. Callie and Mark - it was a friendship Arizona always envied. It wasn't until the end that Arizona realized how much she treasured her own unique relationship with Mark Sloan.
Before Arizona could clarify her question, Callie abruptly responded. "First of all, what I had with Mark was more than just sex. We were friends, best friends. And I miss him so much...I always will." Callie hesitated, momentarily contemplating the heartbreaking void in her life left by his untimely death.
Callie's brown, soulful eyes gleamed at Arizona and she reaffirmed, "But you, you could never replace him because you were always more than my best friend. I loved you more than I ever loved anyone. I could never be in a relationship with you just for the sex. Is that what you think I want from this?" Callie demanded, initially insulted by the insinuation. "Don't you get it? We'll never be able to be just friends. You and I, we didn't have sex, we made love. What I've been looking for has been here right along - it's you. It feels like we finally hit the reset button. And we needed to. We were stuck on one channel of toxic reality TV. This time apart has refreshed us. Most of our time together was crazy good and I believe we can get there again."
Was Callie suggesting what Arizona had always secretly wished for? "So you want us?" Arizona cautiously confirmed. She never swayed from her feelings - she would always love Callie. The Latina was it for her. But sadly, she had given up on 'them', deciding she would settle for companionship if she couldn't have love. "You want a relationship with me that involves romance and love and whatever else comes with it?"
"Yes! Of course we'd have to go slow. And I know, not my best quality - I'm impatient. We do need to do a better job communicating. It won't be easy, I know that, too. But, yeah, I want to try again. I want us again," Callie declared confidently. "Don't you?"
Her fears assuaged, Arizona grinned, "Me too." She leaned into Callie, laying her head back to its intimate place on Callie's shoulder. The two stayed like that for a while, lulled by the tree lights dancing to the music. Both women were consumed with peacefulness and joy. But it was more than that. A new energy flowed between them. "Definitely, best Christmas present ever," Arizona commented, as she nestled in, craving more Callie. "Though, I really liked the Cabbage Patch Doll I got when I was five."
Callie smirked. "Are you seriously comparing me to a Cabbage Patch Doll?"
She turned and cupped Arizona's cheeks, pulling her gently in closer. "I'm a much better gift. Could your doll do this?" Callie kissed Arizona with the passion she had stored away for two years.
"Cabbage Patch Dolls were a fad," Arizona noted. "You, Calliope Torres, are no fad. I've missed you."
Tears welled in Callie's eyes. "Arizona, who knew you would give me such an incredible gift for Christmas. After peeking over her shoulder, Callie whispered, "I hope Sofia doesn't mind her Mami kissing Santa Claus," she teased, pulling Arizona toward her once again.
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The End
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