Title: Inevitability
Genre: Romance, Tragedy
Pairings: Thane/Shep
Rating: T
Summary: Shepard knew that Thane was going to die. She knew that going into the relationship. But holding his hand, the sun beating down on their backs, the inevitability of it struck her hard.
Inevitability
He was so real. The gentle fall of his chest, the rough texture of his green scales against her soft flesh, those every blinking eyes, the low rumble of his enticing voice: all of it so real. Like a Drell memory, she could simply slip into his embrace anytime she wanted. He was there and soon he would be gone. It seemed so fake. There was no way it could happen. How could a person be living, breathing, loving and then disappear? Just disappear?
Thane was awake. She knew that now. For the longest time, the past four months, she'd been fooled, talking to herself aloud while he pretended to be asleep. But he wasn't right now. His breath was too shallow to be relaxed, eyes blinking even while they were closed. Thane had taught her so much. He had offered her love and companionship even after Kaidan had left her to a second death. Thane had been there. Even while he pretended to sleep, he struggled with breath. Suddenly, twelve months seemed far too short.
What was the planet called? She sheilded her eyes and stared at it. The sun was a strange color, nearly red and so bulbous that it nearly eclipsed the planet. After so long a time in the ship, the cold metal ship, Ava had wanted to visit a warm planet. Thane had always wanted to see a desert, and so they'd gone. To a planet she couldn't remember the name of. That great sun had certainly warmed her up. It reflected off of Thane's skin in such a beautiful way. She hugged him closer and felt those fingers close on her naked shoulders.
To say that they had been a little overzealous upon seeing the strange, exotic sunlight was a bit of an understatement. Rather than glance at the horizon, Thane had quickly divested her of clothing and ordered her to take a swim with him. After that, they'd made love upon the beach. Bones feeling like a sort of pliable jelly, Ava hardly wanted to leave even as the sun began to sink below the blue ocean horizon. She could understand why so many of her crew thought of furlough with such longing. Being with Thane was better than working. Before, she'd scoffed at their laziness. Now she could understand. Even with Kaiden Alenko, she'd never felt like this. Never so at peace but so sad at the same time.
"How many more days do you think we'll have like this?" she asked him, propping herself up on her elbow, the hard granuals of sand digging into her bone. She had sand in a lot of very unpleasant places, but Thane would no doubt help her take a shower.
"I would rather not count the days, Siha. Simply enjoy them until they run out," he murmured, stretching. Her assassin. She'd die again and again for the chance at a love like this. She understood why people would want to get married, to bind themselves to another person forever, to have children. Thane and Ava could never have children.
"I guess it was pretty masochistic of us to enter this relationship, huh?" she said, biting her lip and turning away. The sunlight was making her eyes water.
His hand came up to touch her pale cheek. He loved the way the light touched her eyes, glittering off of the tiny beads of water welling up in the glacial orbs. Her skin was lovely in the sunlight. "I do not regret it," he said. One of his arms beckoned her to lay on his chest. She hesitated, fearing that it might restrict his breathing. He tugged lightly at her hair and she snuggled close to him. If he had to die, it would be bliss to die by her side.
Thane's skin was warm, his heart loud and comforting. His lungs were the problem. They worked themselves too hard. Eventually, he would suffocate. Thane would cease to be, and she would lose the love of her life again.
"I don't know what I'll do when you're gone," she whispered, tears finally beginning to fall. Ava had tried to control herself. As time ticked by and they slowly ran out of time, though, she couldn't postpone the tears any longer. She smothered them into her arm.
"Live, Siha. Continue to protect the things you love ferociously. Stop the Reapers and live," he caressed her cheek. She kissed him.
"I wish I could marry you," she said, laughing sadly. "You always know what to say, when to say it."
His eyes bore into hers. "If I asked, you would accept?"
The question startled her. "Yes, Thane, of course. But...with your condition, it would be of little point, wouldn't it? And Kolyat wouldn't approve. He doesn't like me much."
Thane rolled on top of her, poised above her naked body. Hot sand pressed into her back. The makeup she usually wore had been washed away in the lazy waves of the ocean. Black eyeshadow and eyeliner smeared across her eyes gave her a sleep-deprived look, one that was well earned. His Siha would have a sunburn in the morning with her pale skin.
"I loved Kolyat's mother, but I would hope he would understand that I have moved on. Irikah would. You and Kolyat are what I want to spend the rest of my short life loving. If we were to get married, even for a short time, it would still matter. To have you as my wife," he smiled and kissed her, tongue passing through her plump lips. She moaned and arched into the touch, arms coming up to lace around his neck. Somewhere in her clothes not too far away, her communicator beeped and Joker's voice ruined the romance.
"Uh, Commander? Sun's going down in about ten minutes. I don't know if you heard, but it's not such a paradise after dark. Monsters come out. They eat people. It's not pretty. Might want to head back towards the Normandy."
Ava groaned and kept her arm looped around Thane's neck even as he tried to pull away, kissing him feverishly. Her other hand lashed out at the communicating device. Thane finally broke away, smiling, grabbing her hand and pulling the poor communicator out of danger.
He hooked it to her ear and tucked a strand of hair behind it.
"We should get back," he said reluctantly.
She nodded, and they both got up to find their clothes on the beach, dusting sand from every patch of skin. Once dressed, Thane held out his hand. She smiled. So they were to go back to the Normandy holding hands? She slipped her tiny fingers into his much larger one and paused. Looking straight into his eyes, she said, "I love you, Thane. You know that right?"
"Yes, Siha. I do. The feeling is mutual." Drawing her close for one final kiss before the Normandy descended right on top of them, he whispered the equivalent of 'I love you' in his language. The sound of it sent chills up her spine.
He would die soon. That was a thought that lurked in her mind as he grew sicker and sicker in the months to come. He would die soon. The unfairness of it all had her screaming and ripping up pillows at night when he couldn't see her. Couldn't see what his love did to her, because then he would have stopped it. Would have pulled away and refused her company while he died. She'd lost Kaiden because she had died; she would lose Thane because she was incompetent. She couldn't find a cure for his sickness in time. And at his funeral, she stood there with dry eyes because though the inevitability of it had nearly killed her, it had prepared her in the long run.
Still no sleep. Day five. D: I need professional help. How long can you go before insomnia kills you? O.o Oh, um, R&R